"If I could defeat the mind monster, I would lose my sex problem," Colene finished. "It's possible. But you know, that mind predator could destroy me."
"I know," Pussy agreed. "But if you should lose Darius because you can't—"
"It would destroy me too," Colene agreed. "I think you're right. I've got to tackle one or the other, and beat it back, or I'm doomed anyway."
"I believe this is the case."
"I'll think about it. Meanwhile, no need to let Doe suffer. We'd better wake her and tell her, and assign her to Darius."
"Perhaps if he were here—"
"This is something I'd rather handle myself. Seqiro—let her wake."
The horse's mind was always present, though never obtrusive. Burgess brought the concept of the hive, but Seqiro brought the reality of it. The sleeping Caprine woke.
Doe's eyes opened. "Pussy—Colene," she said.
Colene took her hand. "Doe, Cat returned and delivered the Chip to Ddwng. But then Ddwng wanted to torture all of you, thinking there was more to learn. So Cat went to Planet Chains to try to rescue you before that happened. Only the Swine troops were too close behind. They killed everyone but you, because Cat managed to bring you to this Mode to be with us. We know this is a terrible shock for you, and we wish it hadn't happened that way. But there is one saving grace. You can serve Darius, and be with him constantly, and that begins now."
Doe's horror had been building as Colene spoke, but now there was a counterforce. "Darius." They felt the outflowing emotion.
"I know you love him. Now you can serve him in any way he chooses. He likes you, and will be glad to have you with him. Pussy and I will be near too. In fact, I think you should join the hive."
"The hive?"
"This is Burgess' way of conceiving of a group of close friends. Seqiro joins us mentally, and so we can share thoughts and emotions. It's a great comfort, and it will help you. In fact we can merge you now, so that you can adjust before you go on a tour with Darius and Prima."
"I do not understand."
"Seqiro," Colene said.
Seqiro brought the minds of the hive to Doe: Burgess' alien but friendly nature, the two horses, Pussy, and Colene herself. Darius and Prima, who were preparing emotionally for their next tour of joy. Everyone except Cat, who remained unconscious, slowly recovering from the depletion of almost all its body resources. The minds embraced Doe, lending comfort and support. Her anguish was not abolished, but it was made more bearable by its sharing. There was group stability and sanity in the embrace of the hive, apart from the stress Colene's conflicted emotions brought.
"And when you go with Darius, it will be that much better," Colene said. "You will feel his mind in yours, and know that he cares for you. This will give you strength to endure your terrible loss."
"This—this is amazing," Doe said.
"It gets better," Colene said. "Pussy will take you around to meet the others, and see what this Mode is like. It has bright crystals, and pretty colored clouds, and magic—you'll like it."
Doe was not quite reassured. "Darius—he told me not to let him—"
"That's right. But you don't need sex in order to love him, do you?"
"Of course not," Doe agreed, exactly as Pussy would have. "But if he desires—"
"You will do what he tells you. He will tell you to be with him in all other ways but that. You will in due course find a separate boyfriend to make deliriously happy in fifteen-minute doses. Do you have a problem with that?"
Doe smiled. "No."
Colene nodded. "Take her, Pussy. I have to get by myself for a bit and do some heavy thinking."
Pussy obeyed immediately. "Come with me, Doe. You have met several members of the hive mentally. Now you can meet them physically."
Doe followed her, still dazed by the presence of the other minds. Pussy glanced back, to see Colene lying on the bed that Doe had vacated. She did indeed have heavy thinking to do. She had solved everyone's problems except her own.
Doe was properly amazed by everything. Pussy understood, being another female null. She was especially impressed by the horses, having had prior experience only with the Equines of Planet Chains, which were not at all similar. "You're so big!" she breathed, standing before Seqiro.
It's my nature, he thought tolerantly.
"I like you. And Maresy."
Girls do, Maresy thought. We will always be with you.
Pussy felt the emotional reassurance, and knew that it was having significant impact on Doe's bereavement. The hive was replacing her lost trio. It would take time for that process to be complete, but it was happening.
Then Pussy brought her to where Darius sat with Cat. Prima stood near. "Cat saved me!" Doe said. "I was trying to shield Cat, but Cat saved me."
"Cat will recover in time," Darius said. "Its life force is depleted, but we will see that it returns to full strength." He stood. "Come to me, Doe."
She stepped close, and he embraced her. Her pleasure suffused the hive, making everyone feel joyful. "Master, I apologize for my weakness."
Darius glanced at Pussy. She nodded, mentally guiding him in what was appropriate. "Be weak," he said, giving Doe leave.
She dissolved into tears. He held her, gently patting her back, glancing again at Pussy as he sent a thought of appreciation for her role. He understood Doe's situation, having seen what Cat saw, and had been in mental touch with Colene, but was vague on the exact protocol of the moment. He was offering Doe full comfort during her grief.
Pussy looked closely at Cat. She took Cat's hand. The pulse was there. Cat would survive. That was enormously reassuring.
Darius released Doe, and she looked down at Cat. "I lost my neuter. Cat saved me, as Goat would have. May I—"
This was Pussy's prerogative, as the female member of her trio. "We are missing our male. Another null will help."
Doe dropped down, half hugged Cat, and kissed it on the face. Again her emotion spread out: gratitude and need, of the kind that only a null could feel.
Cat stirred. Some of Doe's life force was infusing it, giving it strength for recovery. They were, in an ad hoc fashion, a trio again.
Then Pussy left Doe with Darius and Cat, and returned to be with Colene. Prima went with her, responding to the need within the hive. The girl was lying on her back, her body still, but her mind in turmoil.
"You're right, Pussy. I've got to tackle the mind predator. It may be the death of me, but it's the only way. Only I don't know how to fight it."
"Maybe I could help."
"You're not the one with the sexual hang-up. What can you do?"
"Perhaps I could hold your hand."
Colene laughed. Then she sobered immediately. "No offense, Pussy, but this is wa-ay beyond the hand-holding stage."
Prima spoke. "When all other bearings are gone, the hand of one not under attack may be the best guide. Darius held my hand physically to get me across the Modes and bring me here. There may be a mental component."
Colene looked uncertainly at the woman. "I guess you should know."
"I also know that you are another female multiplier."
Colene laughed. "Oh, I don't think so! I can't even hang on to my own scant measure of joy."
"The power is independent of joy. It can multiply any emotion. Yours multiplies dolor—but it could do the same for rage, or love, or joy, were it not internally conflicted."
"That's me, all right," Colene agreed. "So what do you think I should do?"
"I think you should face the monster—with Pussy's support."
"I was able to shield you a little from it before; maybe I can be of some help," Pussy said. "But of course it is your decision."
"Maybe you're right again. I know that the mind monster overwhelms me. I'm going to be spinning in the wind something awful. If you can steady me, okay."
"I will try."
Colene sat up, then stood. "This terrifies me. So I'd better do it before I lose my nerve."
"But
I wasn't thinking of right now," Pussy protested. "Just that at some time, when it seems right, to do it."
"The time will never seem right."
"One other thing," Prima said. "I suspect that the first thing the predator will do is try to cut you off from the hive. It will want to make you more vulnerable."
"Yeah. It tried before."
"This time you should let it."
Both Colene and Pussy stared at her. "Let it?" Colene asked.
"This is I think a battle you must fight alone, apart from Pussy's limited support. Only then can your victory be complete."
"Or her defeat!" Pussy protested.
"Yes. What is required is total decision, positive or negative. Of course I may be mistaken."
"I don't think so. I've been leaning on the hive too much already. Maybe that's why I haven't done what I need to." Colene walked from the chamber. Pussy followed, troubled. Prima walked behind, having had her say.
They came to where Cat lay, with Darius and Doe sitting near. They were holding hands with each other and with Cat. "I gotta go back on the Virtual Mode," Colene said. "Now."
Darius was surprised and dismayed. He had evidently not followed their separate dialogue. "But the mind predator will still be lurking. And we shut down that Virtual Mode. It no longer exists."
"Fire up a new one. It's the Mode monster I'm looking for."
"It would destroy you."
"Maybe so. But I'm no good to you as I am, Darius. I've got to change, and if I can't change, you're better off rid of me."
He saw that she was serious. "I love you, Colene. In time things will work out."
"I don't think so. Not on their own. I've got to fix them now."
"But if you brace the monster, and are lost, what will I do?"
Colene smiled grimly. "You can love Doe. She knows what loss is like. In fact she knows what rape is like. She'll understand."
Doe looked up. "I wish you would not do this, Colene."
"I have a suicidal nature. This is my greatest death-flirting challenge. If I can take the Mode monster, I can survive life. And sex. And have it all. So I'm going for triple or nothing." She looked at Darius. "Get the Cyng of Pwer to set up another Virtual Mode, just for me. And Pussy. For better or worse."
Darius considered for a moment more. Then he stood, stepped to Colene, embraced her, and kissed her with fierce passion. Pussy knew that he feared for Colene's sanity, perhaps even her life, but that she had also pleased him by deciding to address the problem between them. He turned her loose and left the chamber.
Colene took his chair. "How's Cat doing?"
"Cat is slowly recovering," Doe said. "It is conscious now, and should be ambulant tomorrow." Indeed, Cat's eyes were open.
"I meant what I said," Colene said. "If I don't make it, and I think maybe I won't, you take care of Darius. I want him satisfied. He's got Prima for the tours, but he needs a home life too. You can handle it."
"I will do as directed," the Caprine said. "I do love him."
"And he needs that," Colene said.
Darius returned. "The Cyng of Pwer will do it. It seems he is not surprised. The Virtual Mode will open with you as the prime anchor in a moment."
"Good." Colene hesitated. "Darius, in case I don't make it, I want you to know I do love you, and want you to take Doe for your home life."
He stood, evincing an indecision unusual in him.
"Colene—"
She stood on tiptoe, reached up to catch his head, pulled it down to her level, and kissed him. "But if I do make it back, I'm all yours, Darius. Really all yours. And you'll be mine. All mine."
She disengaged, took Pussy's hand, and looked around. "Where's the anchor?"
"Where you stand," Darius said. "Step through it."
Colene stepped, and Pussy paced her. The chamber remained, but Darius, Doe, and the supine Cat disappeared. They were in the Virtual Mode.
"Monster, where are you?" Colene called, sending out a mental wave of summoning. "Here I am; come get me."
There was no answer. "You're still protected by the hive," Pussy said. "That shields your nature from it, for a while."
"Yeah. Okay, 'bye, hive." Colene concentrated, shutting out the mental connection. It was like throwing off a warm jacket. "Okay, monster: I'm naked now. Are you coming after me, or do I have to go after you?"
Pussy felt the distant pulse, rapidly intensifying. Colene had called it, and made herself vulnerable, and it responded. The monster was indeed coming to get her.
Colene turned to Pussy. "Hang on, Puss," she said. "Hell is on its way." She spoke bravely, but she was terrified, and so was Pussy.
Hell arrived. Suddenly Colene was screaming, and Pussy with her, as the horror of the invading mind encompassed them. It drowned them, burned them, pulled them apart, impacted them, and washed them in a tide of emotional filth. They were carried away on a fierce current of nothing, flailing uselessly. It was a maelstrom of confusion and uncertainty.
Fight it! Pussy thought. Don't let it take you without resistance.
But I'm supposed to go without resistance.
No. Without hive help. To fight it yourself. To beat it yourself.
Colene tried to fight, but her limbs had no purchase. Her eyes had no sight, her ears no sound, and her body no breath. Pussy was stifled too, her life force suspended by the terrible tide. They were utterly helpless before it.
We are lost, Pussy thought despairingly.
Like hell! It was Colene, her resistance solidifying. She oriented on the mind predator. If I'm going down. I'm taking you with me, creep!
That was more like it. Pussy added her faint force. It seemed pathetically inadequate. Yet they felt the swirling forces around them easing. The horror was diminishing slightly, becoming marginally less intense.
Encouraged, they fought harder. Their descent slowed; the vertigo ameliorated. This thing could after all be opposed. Yet they were deeply buried in its awfulness, with no way to escape. The horror still stalked them.
Vague sight returned, and fuzzy hearing. They stood on a shifting mound of slime, surrounded by the smell of carrion. Putrid clouds wafted across, making them gasp and gag. "We're in the belly of the beast," Colene said, wild-eyed. "It's digesting us."
They tried to walk, clinging to each other's hands, but their feet slid without effect. The mound was slowly sinking into a bilious morass. Bubbles forged slowly up through the muddy flow, popping at the surface to release puffs of yellow gas. The fumes intensified. "We can't stay here," Pussy said. "We'll be dissolved."
"But where can we go? There's nowhere."
"That's what it wants you to think! So you can't orient and maybe escape. There must be somewhere."
Colene looked around again. Hideous clouds of roiling vapor surrounded them: "Nowhere I want to go."
"It's all illusion! We haven't really moved. If we step back one or two paces, we'll pass back through the anchor and be out of it."
Colene looked at her. "You may be right. But I came here to beat this monster, or die in the attempt You're not suicidal; you can go back. I won't."
Their environment was awful, but Pussy liked the girl's emerging fighting spirit. "I won't leave you."
"Then we'll go forward." Colene strode, and this time her feet had purchase. They plunged into the noxious cloud before them. "You know, when I act as if I had guts, I almost feel courageous. It's weird."
"You are courageous. You just don't believe it."
They were moving, but there was no indication where. In a moment they emerged from the cloud—and found themselves on the same mound of slime they had thought to leave. It was the cloud that was moving past them, rather than them walking through it.
Colene paused again. "We're getting nowhere fast."
"Maybe we need a destination."
"Maybe we do. But where?"
"Your fear!" Pussy cried with sudden inspiration. "We must find your fear. Or your loathing. Whatever it is that animates this
cesspool we're in."
Colene paused thoughtfully. "I hate it when you tell me things like that. Especially when you're right."
"I'm only responding to your mind. You know where you are going even if I don't."
"Maybe so. Now that I'm here in hell, I'm not nearly as afraid. It's as if I just cut myself, and it stopped the pain."
Pussy was perplexed. "Wouldn't it cause the pain?"
"That's what's weird about it. It makes the mental pain go away for a while."
"So challenging the monster is like cutting, and now you're not hurting?"
"Yeah. But the effect is limited. I have to keep challenging, or it will get me as I try to flee. What's my worst fear?"
"Sex."
"Damn." Colene took a moment to nerve herself. "Then let's go for it before I realize what I'm doing and turn into quivering green jelly." She moved forward again.
This time a wan light showed ahead, guiding them. They advanced through thickening mists until their footing became firm and the light expanded into a large bulb mounted on a bending pole. It illuminated a house.
Colene halted. "Oh, no!"
"You know this place," Pussy said.
"I remember it. I've tried to expunge it from my mind, but it never would go. I don't want to be here." She turned away.
"What is it?"
"You don't want to know." Colene strode back toward the stinking morass.
"I have to know. It looks like an ordinary house in your Mode. What's wrong with it?"
Colene turned on her. "It's the house where I got raped!"
"The rape! That's what you have to conquer."
"I can't conquer it. It's already done. All I can do is try to forget it"
"But you can't forget it," Pussy said. "It remains in your mind, preventing you from being sexual with Darius. You must expunge it."
"Oh, sure, just like that," Colene said witheringly. "It destroyed my whole innocence and made me suicidal, and I have to just get rid of the memory? I want no part of it."
"Doe came to terms with her rape after the rapist was punished. What of yours?"
"We punished them," Colene said grudgingly. "The time before, on Earth. Seqiro made them confess, and they were going to trial. But not for what they did to me. That was lost in the welter of what else they did. I was never really satisfied."