“Smooth,” I replied, shaking my head as I realized she had won. How had I managed to let that happened? I’d made a deal with her though. I couldn’t back out now. “You can find a counselor and make an appointment. Just make sure it’s not some cheap crackerjack therapist out looking to make a buck. And,” I leaned over and picked up the other wrapper, wadding it up. “If I make this shot from here, the foot massage deal is off.” I grinned widely, waiting to see if she’d agree.
“Okay, Mr. QB. Let’s see that great arm of yours.”
I quickly judged the distance and aimed. I threw it with ease, confident in my skill as it sailed through the air directly on target until Brittney suddenly jumped in front of the can and caught it.
“Interception!” She called out doing a victory dance. “You may be able to do that to those silly boys you play against, but this girl here, knows you too well.” She sauntered off toward the kitchen. “I’ll be looking forward to that massage tonight, babe.”
I sat dumbfounded with a big goofy grin on my face, watching her as she left. That was definitely one thing I loved about Brittney—Nikki too, for that matter. They were never afraid to be themselves all the time. It was funny to me how they were both so alike, yet so different, as well.
Reaching for the remote, I settled down farther into the couch and sighed. It looked like I was headed for therapy, but maybe it was a good thing. I always felt better when I did loosen up and talk to Brittney. Maybe someone who was used to dealing with issues like this could help me through it. After all, it wasn’t like I wanted to be unhappy. I just needed a little help getting some focus and choosing what direction to move in.
That seemed like half my battle right there. I was lost. I didn’t know which way was the best way to go. Did I try to get better with the hope that somehow a miracle would happen? Or did I try and find something completely new for my life? And if I did go in a new direction, what direction would that be?
I dug my phone out of my pocket and pushed the speed dial before lifting it to my ear.
“Well, this is a surprise! How’s my boy doing?” Grandpa Warren’s voice came through the phone. Just hearing it made me long for home. I’d give anything to be sitting up in the loft right now, staring out at the view. I sobered instantly when I realized I couldn’t even climb into the loft, right now.
“Hey, Grandpa. I’m okay. Just feeling a bit homesick at the moment.” I missed everything about that place—my room, working with the animals, sitting down by the creek, eating Grandma’s good cooking, family dinners with my mom and Greg, laying on my bed and talking to Turk. I closed my eyes and tried to envision myself there.
“You don’t sound okay. You sound beat down. What’s going on?” I could hear the love and concern in his voice.
I sighed heavily. “I just got back from the doctor. He’s worried that my fracture isn’t properly stabilized; so they’re going back in to do some more surgery on it. I guess they’re gonna add some plates and screws.”
He was silent for a moment before speaking. “I’m sorry to hear that, son. I know you were hoping things weren’t so bad, but at least they’re paying attention to details and trying to get you healed up right. Try not to let it upset you too much.”
“It’s hard not to. I feel like I’m going backward instead of forward. I don’t know—everything is just hanging. I can’t play or work—that’s money we were counting on to survive. We needed that contract. Brittney does all right with her domestic advocacy job, but these medical bills are piling up quick. I have some health insurance that was still covered by the school insurance, but my share is adding up fast. I just don’t like throwing everything into her lap. She’s got enough to worry about right now.”
“Chase, when I was back in the military,” Grandpa began and I couldn’t help the sigh that escaped me, knowing he was going to launch into one of his stories that I fondly referred to as a parable. “We got word that our unit may be called to active duty, soon. This, of course, made me and the other guys feel pretty nervous. True, it’s what we’d been trained for, but training and actually being out in a war zone are two completely different things.
“Everyday we’d fret about it—called our family and friends, wrote letters—anything we could do to make sure all our affairs were in order. Sometime we’d lie around for hours, just watching the clock tick away while we waited for the call, getting antsier with each passing moment. And then, one day it happened.”
In spite of my earlier groaning, I held my breath in anticipation waiting to hear where they would send him. “What did they say?”
“Nothing. They said the orders had been rescinded and we could stand down.”
“Huh?” Now I was confused.
“My point is that we all sat there worrying day in and day out about something we had no control over. We caused ourselves a bunch of unneeded agony.
“Sometimes we just have to sit back and let the chips fall where they will, then do our best to pick them up as we go along. Do you see what I’m saying? There’s no need to create extra hardship on yourself.”
“Brittney thinks I need to go see a shrink,” I said wryly.
“Talking out loud sometimes has a way of helping to sort things out in your head. It’s different when you can give voice to something rather than struggling with it in silence. I think it might help you too. You’ve had a pretty rough row to hoe lately.”
“I know,” I responded quietly. “Thanks for letting me vent.”
“Any time, son. You know I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
“Chase?” he called out before I could hang up.
“Yeah?”
“I know things are tough, but don’t forget to count all the blessings you have in your life right now too.”
Chapter Seven
It seemed strange that I was so nervous walking back into the surgery center the morning of my scheduled procedure. It wasn’t as if I hadn’t already gone through this once before. I knew exactly what to expect this go around.
There was an older woman behind the receptionist desk today. “Hello. May I help you?” she asked, as Brittney and I approached.
“Hi, yes. I’m Chase Walker. I have a surgery on my knee this morning.”
She quickly tapped her computer. “Yes, I see you right here. You’re first in line. I’ll get you checked in and someone will be out shortly to get you.”
“Thank you, ma’am,” I responded politely. “Have a great day.”
Brittney followed me over to the chairs and we sat down together. I leaned my crutches against the wall and slouched in my seat, strumming my fingers anxiously against my thigh.
After several minutes, Brittney reached over and slapped her hand down over mine so I couldn’t move it. “Stop it. You’re making me nervous.”
I glanced at her, surprised by her reaction. Her beautiful face was drained of color, like she’d seen a ghost. “What’s wrong?” I whispered.
“Nothing. Don’t worry about it,” she replied, removing her hand and glancing away from me toward the wall.
“Come on. It’s not ‘nothing’ or you wouldn’t be acting this way. What’s wrong?”
“I’m scared, okay?” She spoke a bit too loudly, causing the receptionist to stare at us. She lowered her voice immediately. “What if something bad happens? They’re putting all these pins and plates in you. What if you never walk right again? I mean, I know we need to try and be positive, but maybe we should be preparing for the worst too, just in case.”
I could clearly see she was starting to crack on me. I needed to do something to help her lighten up. “Babe, you’re stressing more than I am and I’m the one having surgery. What brought all this on?”
She shrugged. “I don’t know. It just hit me all of a sudden how serious things are for you. I wondered if this is what our future would be like, surgery after surgery as we try to get you back to a dream that may not even be attainable. Then, I realized I didn’t care a
bout any of that as long as you could still walk—and all of a sudden I just had the horrible fear of you being crippled for the rest of your life. It would break my heart.”
Her revelation made me sad. All this time I’d been leaning on her for support and she’d needed someone to lean on too. “Everything will be fine, Britt. One way or another.”
She sighed. “I want to believe that. I hope you’re right.”
“I am. You’ll see. Now, you may want to go get a drink and splash some water on your face or something. If your skin gets any whiter, I’ll need to put some sunglasses on,” I said, hoping humor would help diffuse the situation.
She scowled at me. “Not funny.” I knew she was upset, but I still laughed at her as she got up and headed toward the restrooms. She returned a few minutes later looking much better and she poked her tongue out at me as she sat down.
I laughed again. “You need me to teach you what you can do with that tongue?”
“Oh, my. You did not just go there!” she replied in an exasperated tone.
“So what if I did?”
“You’ve already given me that lesson, so thanks. I’ll pass.” She folded her arms in front of her.
“But you know what they say?” I said, leaning in close to her ear. “Practice makes perfect.”
She shifted uncomfortably and I could tell I was getting to her.
“As I recall, you told me I was perfect the last time we were . . . together.”
I slipped my arm around behind her, keeping her close enough to me that she could feel my breath on her neck. “That’s been so long ago, I can’t even remember when it was.”
She snorted. “It’d be too long ago for you, if it happened yesterday.”
“It’d be too long if it happened an hour ago,” I teased. “What do you say to a little pre-surgery action for your husband? I’m sure there’s a closet around here, somewhere, and it would give me something happy to dream about while I’m under the knife.”
She faced me. “Don’t men have anything better to do than think about sex all the time?”
I appeared to ponder this for a moment. “Well, there’s certainly nothing better that I can think of. Why can’t women take that as a compliment?” I grinned as she stuttered for something to say.
“Mr. Walker?” a familiar voice rang out and I turned to see the same Patient Care Coordinator, Selena, who’d helped me before.
“Coming,” I replied, reaching for my crutches, sad that the fun little bantering I’d been having with my wife had to come to an end.
This time, however, Selena was all business. There was no flirting with me whatsoever as she directed Brittney and me to our room. She quickly went about doing everything she needed to and left out the door, telling me the doctor would be in shortly.
I didn’t even have time to resume my conversation with Brittney before Dr. Price appeared in the doorway.
“Well, here we are, again. How are things going?”
I glanced down at my injured leg and back up, causing him to get an awkward smile on his face, as if he realized that might not have been the right thing to ask.
“I guess I’m the best I can be, under the circumstances,” I replied. “Let’s get this over with as fast as we can.”
He nodded. “Understood. The nurse and anesthesiologist will be in shortly to finish getting you ready. We should have you back to surgery in the next thirty minutes. How does that sound?”
True to his word, it wasn’t long before they were ready to roll me back. There was a flurry of people helping as they started to push the gurney out the door. Brittney had such a sad forlorn look on her face.
“Wait,” I said. “I didn’t get to kiss my wife goodbye.”
She brightened and stepped forward, leaning to place a soft short kiss against my lips.
“I love you, Brittney.”
She smiled. “I love you too, Chasers.”
I continued to stare at her until I couldn’t see her anymore and then I closed my eyes. I wanted her image to be the last one, the one that stayed with me.
I started counting when the anesthesiologist prompted me to, my eyes growing heavy. The next thing I knew, I was standing on a football field with my best childhood friend, Ray, next to me in shoulder pads and his game day uniform.
Was I dreaming again?
Confused, I looked up into the stands and saw Nikki sitting next to Brett and Brittney. Further scrutiny revealed my mom and Greg sitting up there and sitting next to them was my real dad. They were all smiling and waving at me.
I couldn’t stop staring at my dad. It had been so long since I’d seen him. I wanted to run to him—hug him—tell him how much I missed him. He stood and gestured for me to come to where he was. The closer I got, the more everyone else faded away, until only he and I were standing there together. I couldn’t help myself, I burst into tears.
“Stop crying, son. I’m proud of you, and the man you’ve become.” He smiled and reached out to stroke my face, pride shining in his eyes. “Always remember to keep your head above your shoulders, no matter where life may take you. You’re my son and you’re a Walker. We always fight until the end. I love you.”
“No! No!” I screamed out as his image began to fade away. The tears flooded my eyes until I couldn’t see anything anymore.
Suddenly, I heard music blaring loudly, the beat thumping hard. I wiped my wet face and glanced toward the sound, finding Nikki sitting in my truck in front of the barn. She was totally jamming out to some girly dance music. I couldn’t help but smile when I saw her there, even though I couldn’t figure out what was going on.
I went over and turned the music down. She whipped around to stare at me and started laughing.
“What’s the matter, Chase? Can’t manage to listen to my techno dance music?”
I couldn’t stop staring at her smile—the one I’d fallen in love with. I was so confused right now. I felt like the tears would never stop. “I miss you.” They were the only three words I could mutter.
She got out and stepped forward, slipping her hands into mine, gripping them tightly. “I miss you too, but you’ll see me again, one day. I’ve been so proud of you.” Her eyes were warm and compassionate as she stared at me.
It was hard for me to look at her and admit my weaknesses. I glanced toward the ground. “Nikki, I’m scared. I don’t know where life is taking me,” I managed to mumble.
She gave a slight chuckle. “You’re something else.” She released one hand and grabbed me by the chin, forcing me to look at her. “Don’t you remember who you are? You’re Chase Walker—the guy who can get anything he wants, if he sets his mind to it. You stole my heart when I had no plans to let you do any such thing. Now you have this beautiful life—one that’s amazing. You need to be happy with what you have.”
“I wish you could stay,” I said softly.
She continued to smile sweetly. “I’ll always be with you, Chase. Right here.” She pointed to my chest. “And you’ve always had my heart. I love you and I know you’ll succeed in anything you do—not just football.” She stepped away and sorrow flickered briefly in her eyes. “I have to go now. Your surgery is over.”
It seemed as if her voice continued to echo in my head until she disappeared, completely.
I felt someone shaking my shoulder.
“Chase, your surgery is over.”
I opened my eyes briefly and found a couple of nurses standing over me, but I couldn’t stay focused and zoned out again. Another shake of my shoulders woke me and Dr. Price was standing there.
“Hi, Chase. I just wanted to let you know everything went really well. We were able to get everything stabilized. We added one plate and four screws. I’m much happier with how things look now.”
“Okay, thank you,” I replied groggily.
“Did you feel any pain during the procedure?” he asked.
I shook my head. “Not a thing. Why?”
“Hmmm, that’s strange. You had tea
rs on your face and we thought you were crying.”
I didn’t say anything more, but I was sure they had been caused by my dream. I had no clue why I’d had this dream, but I did know one thing—I was actually looking forward to going to therapy.
It wasn’t too long before the nurses had me all ready to go home. They wheeled me out to the car and helped me get inside while Brittney went around to the driver’s side. All I wanted was to go back to sleep. The pain meds were keeping me in a blissful haze.
“Your foot massages may have to wait a few days, babe. I’m feeling kind of beat.” I tried to muster a smile.
She pretended to sigh heavily. “Oh, all right. I guess you can put it off—for a few days. I’m not letting you out of this one though.” She laughed.
“I love you,” I said, as I closed my eyes.
“Sleep well. I love you too.”
Chapter Eight
“Chase?” Brittney’s voice called to me gently. “Chase, we’re home.”
I slowly opened my eyes and saw we were sitting in the driveway. My head was pounding and I honestly felt like someone was hammering nails into my temples.
“Could you leave the front door open for me, babe?” I asked, and groaned. Speaking made my head throb even more.
“I’m going to help you into the house, silly. You’re still pretty out of it. I don’t want you to fall and hurt yourself worse.” She came around and opened the door for me before grabbing my crutches from the back. “Here you go.”
She extended her hand and helped to pull me to my feet. It made me so irritated. I’d been reduced to not even being able to get out of a car and into my own damn house without help. I didn’t know which was worse—needing help—or needing the help of a girl. At least it was Brittney. I loved her and I was glad she was willing.
“I couldn’t even get a bronze medal in the Special Olympics if there were only three contestants,” I jokingly grumbled, hoping to make her laugh and was happy when she did. I loved the sound of her laughter. Just having her close by was comforting.