her down and continually goes up to the city to meet with her radical feminist pals.
I am not sure I should write about it but she says that in America there have been large demonstrations by women, both in Washington and New York. Demonstrations that apparently call for an end to the war and rights for European women of all nations. Mathilda claims that these demonstrations were so large that they brought the traffic to a standstill in both cities. I am personally not sure about the veracity of her stories. After all there have been no reports of such things, either in the press, the newsreels or on the wireless. She says that soon British women will take to the streets too.
Of course mother tells her to 'hush up' because you never know who might be listening. Mother also says that those American women obviously know nothing of the war, because if they did they wouldn't be spouting about rights for 'European' women. She says that Germans don't deserve any rights, whether they are women or not.
When mother was out planting and tending the vegetable patch in the garden at the weekend, Mathilda took me to one side and asked me if I would be prepared to join such a demonstration. I really didn't know what to think or say, so I just told her I would think about it. I know mother would be upset if I went, but increasingly I dream about the idea of the war actually ending. I know that is a foolish idea and probably impossible. But imagine it Jimmy! If there were no war we could be together and safe. Is that such a bad thing to dream of?
I for one do not think it such a bad thing and I do not think it to be unpatriotic either. If only the Government could finally persuade the yanks to join the war then we could defeat the Germans pretty quickly. Surely then we could think about other issues like women's rights?
Did you know that Dulcie is soon to be fifteen? On the 12th of next month in fact. She is growing into quite the young woman and often talks about how she would like to have her own shop, perhaps as a seamstress and of how she would sell her paintings as a sideline. Quite the grown up in some ways, but she still has that childish excitement about things like birthdays and Christmas. Despite that fact that her birthday is nearly a month away I caught her looking in the cupboards for hidden presents! Don't you think that is terribly charming and nice?
Mathilda says she has seen a shop in the west end that has imported American dresses. They are awfully daring and very short; like you see in the movies. I wonder if you know the kind I mean, they are often black and white or have colourful asymmetric patterns, not at all like the demure floral dresses that most English women wear. Anyway, Mathilda says that if we club together we could buy one for Dulcie. Mother isn't so sure, what with the hemline being so short and all, but she knows how thrilled Dulcie will be. So we have agreed that we will get her one and are saving towards it. I am secretly knitting her a short red cardigan and beret to go with it and mother even says she will try to find shoes to match. And to top it all we have decided that we will throw a small surprise party at our house for all her school chums. Mathilda says that she can borrow a gramophone so that we could play American records for all the girls to dance to. In a way I can't wait myself because I know that Dulcie will be so thrilled. Although I secretly wish you could somehow be there too. Wouldn't that be marvellous; if you could somehow get a leave in time?
By chance something quite sad happened at the factory the other day and I fear that I have lost the friendship of my dear Sally. I find it most upsetting. It was lunchtime and because Sally was sent to the CENSORED machine at the other end of the production line I hadn't seen her all day. I went out into the yard to have my usual cigarette and gossip with her but she wasn't there. I asked one of the other girls if they had seen her and they said she had gone around the back of the storage sheds. I couldn't think why this might be so I went to see what she was doing. The storage sheds is where they keep all of the CENSORED and the CENSORED so they are usually padlocked shut. There was a door at the back that was open, which was strange, so I went to take a look.
Peeking around the door I saw Sally and another girl, Jessica Enwright, and Jimmy, without a word of a lie, they were kissing. Kissing each other and touching passionately. Jessica even had the top of her dress wide open. Unbuttoned! I don't mind telling you that I was shocked and didn't know what to do, so I simply stood there foolishly staring with my mouth and eyes wide. I suppose it shows, that despite all the things that have happened to me, I am still a naive and childish girl.
I guess they sensed I was there and stopped kissing. Sally stared directly at me for a moment and then swore at me. I won't repeat her words but it is suffice to say that I beat a hasty retreat.
Later, at the end of the shift, I tried to talk to Sally, as we were all walking out of the gates. I had every intention of apologising to her for intruding, but she cut me short and told me not to speak to her again. Ever. I was so upset. I had considered her to be my best friend; my confidant.
I suppose I had never thought about it before. That there must be many, many women, who, without the love of men, must turn to other women for comfort and love. And, yes I will say it, for sex. How naive I must seem to you Jimmy.
I hope that I can talk to Sally soon, to explain that I don't blame her for her actions, and that there is no shame, despite what social convention might say. I don't really know this girl Jessica, although she is a fairly new and only sixteen. She won't look at me when I see her on the production line. Not that I should judge her for her age, not when I did what I did with Phillip. We live in such a judgemental world Jimmy.
Mother predictably was judgemental when I told her about it, so much so that I perhaps wish that I had not told her. She called Sally a 'dyke' and said it was disgusting. She said I would be better off not have anything to do with the pair of them. She even implied that I should tell someone at the factory about it, maybe Jenkins or someone; get them sacked! I didn't know what to say, but Mathilda just said that there was nothing wrong with people loving each other. I certainly won't speak of it again to mother.
So I am afraid that my life at work has become that little bit lonelier. That fool Jenkins seems to have noticed that I am a bit down and he keeps sidling up to me with compliments. He makes comments about my hair and how he thinks I am a 'beautiful young thing'. He even touched my bottom! I just wish he would go away. He seems such a shallow type of man and I am sure he is only after one thing. Without wishing to be crude I think he thinks it is his duty to get as many girls in the factory pregnant as possible. The rumours are that he has fathered three children by different women over the last few years. Of course I know it is our duty to have as many children as possible, for the war effort. But he takes no responsibility for those children he sires, or at least that's what the gossip says. If it is true then I think it is completely irresponsible of him. Surely he should marry one of those girls and help to pay for the child? I dare say such situations are repeated up and down the country; women bringing up boys and girls alone in such a way. Always in poverty because there is no man to pay. At least if you marry a soldier you have a good proportion of their pay to help you with your children, and, once they are gone you get some pension from it. I know this isn't much; mother always complains about how little father's pension is. Although she says it is a good thing that she never found anyone else to marry after he was gone. Not only would that have been selfish of her, when there aren't enough men to go around, but she would have lost father's pension then.
I will be honest and say I do think about having children Jimmy. I do think they are such a delight. Their innocence takes us away from this ghastly war. I wonder if you think about it too? I know that it would be difficult and that my life will be one of hard work and struggling to bring them up, but I also feel that it is my purpose somehow. Just like you boys were taught to be soldiers, us girls have been taught to be mothers. After all it is the most natural thing in the world; one might say it is our God-given purpose. I think that perhaps they are the one thing in this beastly age of war that gives us real purpose, joy and sati
sfaction. I hope that you have similar feelings towards children Jimmy.
I do hope that I am not being too hasty and forward with you. But I know, from your letters that you have feelings for me, as I do for you. Nothing is certain in this world and it may never work out between us, but I feel that we must be realistic and consider our position. It may be that we do not have that much time together. Whenever you do get leave it may be short, and in wartime we are both at risk, as everybody is.
I suppose what I am trying to say is that when we meet and hopefully get on then we should consider our futures and what that might hold. Simply because Jimmy, our futures will be defined mostly by a life apart and because, without wishing to be blunt, our futures may be short. Are you prepared for such eventualities Jimmy?
I am sorry that I have nothing to send to you with this letter, things are short (as they always are!) especially as we are saving for Dulcie's birthday. That reminds me Jimmy, I know that your birthday is in October, but mine is in June; the first to be precise. It would be marvellous if you could somehow wangle a leave then wouldn't it?
I