He needs to be away from you, I add silently.
“I see.” Elinor draws on her cigarette. “You appreciate I had arranged an interview with the co-op board of this building? At considerable effort.”
“I know. Luke told me. But to be honest, Elinor, we would never have lived here.”
Her face flickers again, and I can tell she’s suppressing some kind of feeling. But what? Is it fury with me for being so ungrateful? Is it distress that Luke’s not going to live in her building after all? Part of me is desperately curious, wants to pick away at her facade, nose in, and find out all about her.
And another, more sensible part of me says, just leave it, Becky. Just leave it.
As I reach the door, though, I can’t resist turning round. “Elinor, you know how they say inside every fat person there’s a thin person struggling to get out? Well… the more I think about you, the more I think there might — possibly — be a nice person inside you. But as long as you keep being mean to people and telling them their shoes are shoddy, no one’s ever going to know.”
There. She’ll probably kill me now. I’d better get out. Trying not to look as though I’m running, I head down the corridor and out of the apartment. I close the door behind me and lean against it, my heart thudding.
OK. So far so good. Now for Luke.
“I have absolutely no idea why you want to go to the Rainbow Room.” Luke leans back in his taxi seat and scowls out of the window.
“Because I never have, OK? I want to see the view!”
“But why now? Why today?”
“Why not today?” I glance at my watch and then survey Luke anxiously.
He’s pretending he’s happy. He’s pretending he’s liberated. But he’s not. He’s brooding.
Superficially, things have started to get slightly better. At least he hasn’t given away any more items of clothing, and this morning he actually shaved. But he’s still far from his old self. He didn’t go into work today but sat all day watching a triple bill of old black-and-white films starring Bette Davis.
Funnily enough, I’d never seen the resemblance between Bette Davis and Elinor before.
The truth is, Annabel was right, I think as I watch him. Well, of course she was. She knows her stepson as though he were her own child. And she knows that Elinor is right inside Luke, part of his very being. He can’t just cut her out and move on. He needs at least the chance of some kind of resolution. Even if it is painful.
I shut my eyes and send a silent plea to all gods. Please let this work. Please. And then maybe we’ll be able to draw a line under all of it and get on with our lives.
“Rockefeller Center,” says the taxi driver, pulling up, and I smile at Luke, trying to hide my nerves.
I tried to think of the least likely place that Elinor would ever be found — and came up with the Rainbow Room at Rockefeller Center, where tourists go to drink cocktails and gawk at the view over Manhattan. As we head up to the sixty-fifth floor in the lift, we’re both silent, and I pray desperately that she’ll be there, that it’ll all work out, that Luke won’t get too pissed off with me—
We walk out of the lift… and I can already see her. Sitting at a window table in a dark jacket, her face silhouetted against the view.
As he spots her, Luke gives a start.
“Becky. What the fuck—” He turns on his heel and I grab his arm.
“Luke, please. She wants to talk to you. Just… give her a chance.”
“You set this up?” His face is white with anger. “You brought me here deliberately?”
“I had to! You wouldn’t have come otherwise. Just five minutes. Listen to what she says.”
“Why on earth should I—”
“I really think the two of you need to talk. Luke, you can’t leave it like you did. It’s eating you up inside! And it’s not going to get any better unless you talk to her… Come on, Luke.” I loosen my grip on his arm and look at him pleadingly. “Just five minutes. That’s all I’m asking.”
He has to agree. If he stalks out now, I’m dead.
A group of German tourists have come up behind us and I watch them milling around at the window, gasping admiringly at the view.
“Five minutes,” says Luke at last. “That’s all.” Slowly he walks across the room and sits down opposite Elinor. She glances over at me and nods, and I turn away, my heart beating fast. Please don’t let her fuck this one up. Please.
I walk out of the bar and make my way into an empty function room, where I stand at the floor-length window, gazing out over the city. After a while I glance at my watch. It’s been five minutes and he hasn’t stormed out yet.
She’s delivered on her side of the deal. Now I have to deliver on mine.
I get out my mobile phone, feeling sick with dread. This is going to be hard. This is going to be really hard. I don’t know how Mum’s going to react. I don’t know what she’s going to say.
But the point is, whatever she says, however furious she gets, I know Mum and I will last. Mum and I are there for the duration.
Whereas this could be Luke’s only chance to reconcile with Elinor.
As I listen to the ringing tone, I stare out over the endless silvery blocks and towers of Manhattan. The sun’s glinting off one building, only to be reflected off another, just like Luke said. Backward and forward, never leaving. The yellow taxis are so far down they look like Tonka toys and the people scurrying about are like tiny insects. And there in the middle is the green rectangular form of Central Park, like a picnic rug laid down for the children to play on.
I gaze out, mesmerized by the sight. Did I really mean what I said to Elinor yesterday? Do I really want for Luke and me to leave this amazing city?
“Hello?” Mum’s voice breaks my thoughts, and my head jolts upward. For a moment I’m paralyzed with nerves. I can’t do this.
But I have to.
I have no choice.
“Hi, Mum,” I say at last, digging my nails into the palm of my hand. “It’s… it’s Becky. Listen, I’ve got something to tell you. And I’m afraid you’re not going to like it—”
MR. JAMES BRANDON
Ridge House
Ridgeway
North Fullerton
Devon
2 June 2002
Dear Becky,
We were a little bewildered by your phone call. Despite your assurances that all will be clear when you have explained it to us, and that we must trust you, we do not really understand what is going on.
However, James and I have talked long and hard and have at last decided to do as you ask. We have canceled our flights to New York and alerted the rest of the family.
Becky dear, I do hope this all works out.
With very best wishes, and with all our love to Luke—
Annabel
SECOND UNION BANK
53 Wall Street
New York, NY 10005
June 10, 2002
Miss Rebecca Bloomwood
Apt. B251 W. 11th Street
New York, NY 10014
Dear Miss Bloomwood:
Thank you very much for your wedding invitation addressed to Walt Pitman.
After some discussion we have decided to take you into our confidence. Walt Pitman does not in fact exist. It is a generic name, used to represent all our customer care operatives.
The name “Walt Pitman” was chosen after extensive focus group research to suggest an approachable yet competent figure. Customer feedback has shown that the continual presence of Walt in our customers’ lives has increased confidence and loyalty by over 50 percent.
We would be grateful if you would keep this fact to yourself. If you would still like a representative from Second Union Bank at your wedding, I would be glad to attend. My birthday is March 5th and my favorite color is blue.
Yours sincerely,
Bernard Lieberman
Senior Vice-President
Twenty
OK. DON’T PANIC. This is going to
work. If I just keep my head and remain calm, it’ll work.
“It’ll never work,” says Suze’s voice in my ear.
“Shut up!” I say crossly.
“It’ll never work in a million years. I’m just warning you.”
“You’re not supposed to be warning me! You’re supposed to be encouraging me!” I lower my voice. “And as long as everyone does what they’re supposed to, it will work. It has to.”
I’m standing at the window of a twelfth-floor suite at the Plaza, staring at Plaza Square below. Outside, it’s a hot sunny day. People are milling around in Tshirts and shorts, doing normal things like hiring horse carriages to go round the park and tossing coins into the fountain.
And here am I, dressed in a towel, with my hair teased beyond recognition into a Sleeping Beauty style, and makeup an inch thick, walking around in the highest white satin shoes I’ve ever come across in my life. (Christian Louboutin, from Barneys. I get a discount.)
“What are you doing now?” comes Suze’s voice again.
“I’m looking out the window.”
“What are you doing that for?”
“I don’t know.” I watch a woman with denim shorts sit down on a bench and snap open a can of Coke, completely unaware she’s being watched. “To try to get a grip on normality, I suppose.”
“Normality?” I hear Suze splutter down the phone. “Bex, it’s a bit late for normality!”
“That’s not fair!”
“If normality is planet earth, do you know where you are right now?”
“Er… the moon?” I hazard.
“You’re fifty million light-years away. You’re… in another galaxy. A long long time ago.”
“I do feel a bit like I’m in a different world,” I admit, and turn to survey the palatial suite behind me.
The atmosphere is hushed and heavy with scent and hairspray and expectation. Everywhere I look there are lavish flower arrangements, baskets of fruit and chocolates, and bottles of champagne on ice. Over by the dressing table the hairdresser and makeup girl are chatting to one another while they work on Erin. Meanwhile the reportage photographer is changing his film, his assistant is watching Madonna on MTV, and a room-service waiter is clearing away yet another round of cups and glasses.
It’s all so glamorous, so expensive. But at the same time, what I’m reminded of most of all is getting ready for the summer school play. The windows would be covered in black material, and we’d all crowd round a mirror getting all overexcited, and out the front we’d hear the parents filing in, but we wouldn’t be allowed to peek out and see them…
“What are you doing now?” comes Suze’s voice again.
“Still looking out the window.”
“Well, stop looking out the window! You’ve got less than an hour to go!”
“Suze, relax.”
“How can I relax?”
“It’s all fine. It’s under control.”
“And you haven’t told anyone,” she says for the millionth time. “You haven’t told Danny.”
“Of course not! I’m not that stupid!” I edge casually into a corner where no one can hear me. “Only Michael knows. And Laurel. That’s it.”
“And no one suspects anything?”
“Not a thing,” I say, just as Robyn comes into the room. “Hi, Robyn! Suze, I’ll talk to you later, OK—”
I put the phone down and smile at Robyn, who’s wearing a bright pink suit and a headset and carrying a walkie-talkie.
“OK, Becky,” she says in a serious, businesslike way. “Stage one is complete. Stage two is under way. But we have a problem.”
“Really?” I swallow. “What’s that?”
“None of Luke’s family have arrived yet. His father, his stepmother, some cousins who are on the list… You told me they’d spoken to you?”
“Yes, they did.” I clear my throat. “Actually… they just called again. I’m afraid there’s a problem with their plane. They said to seat other people in their places.”
“Really?” Robyn’s face falls. “This is too bad! I’ve never known a wedding to have so many last-minute alterations! A new maid of honor… a new best man… a new officiant… it seems like everything’s changed!”
“I know,” I say apologetically. “I’m really sorry, and I know it’s meant a lot of work.” I cross my fingers behind my back. “It just suddenly seemed so obvious that Michael should marry us, rather than some stranger. I mean, since he’s such an old friend and he’s qualified to do it and everything. So then Luke had to have a new best man…”
“But to change your minds three weeks before the wedding! And you know, Father Simon was quite upset to be rejected. He wondered if it was something to do with his hair.”
“No! Of course not! It’s nothing to do with him, honestly—”
“And then your parents both catching the measles. I mean, what kind of odds is that?”
“I know!” I pull a rueful face. “Sheer bad luck.”
There’s a crackle from the walkie-talkie and Robyn turns away.
“Yes,” she says. “What’s that? No! I said radiant yellow light! Not blue! OK, I’m coming…” As she reaches the door she looks back.
“Becky, I have to go. I just needed to say, it’s been so hectic, what with all the changes, there are a couple of tiny additional details we didn’t have time to discuss. So I just went ahead with them. OK?”
“Whatever,” I say. “I trust your judgment. Thanks, Robyn.”
As Robyn leaves, there’s a tapping on the door and in comes Christina, looking absolutely amazing in pale gold Issey Miyake and holding a champagne glass.
“How’s the bride?” she says with a smile. “Feeling nervous?”
“Not really!” I say.
Which is kind of true.
In fact, it’s completely true. I’m beyond nervous. Either everything goes to plan and this all works out. Or it doesn’t and it’s a complete disaster. There’s not much I can do about it.
“I just spoke to Laurel,” she says, taking a sip of champagne. “I didn’t know she was so involved with the wedding.”
“Oh, she’s not really,” I say. “There’s just this tiny little favor she’s doing for me—”
“So I understand.” Christina eyes me over her glass, and I suddenly wonder how much Laurel has said to her.
“Did she tell you… what the favor was?” I say casually.
“She gave me the gist. Becky, if you pull this off…” says Christina. She shakes her head. “If you pull this off, you deserve the Nobel Prize for chutzpah.” She raises her glass. “Here’s to you. And good luck.”
“Thanks.”
“Hey, Christina!” We both look round to see Erin coming toward us. She’s already in her long violet maid-of-honor dress, her hair up in a medieval knot, eyes lit up with excitement. “Isn’t this Sleeping Beauty theme cool? Have you seen Becky’s wedding dress yet? I can’t believe I’m the maid of honor! I was never a maid of honor before!”
I think Erin’s a tad excited about her promotion. When I told her my best friend, Suze, couldn’t make it, and would she like to be maid of honor, she actually burst into tears.
“I haven’t seen Becky’s wedding dress yet,” says Christina. “I hardly dare to.”
“It’s really nice!” I protest. “Come and look.”
I lead her into the sumptuous dressing area, where Danny’s dress is hanging up.
“It’s all in one piece,” observes Christina laconically. “That’s a good start.”
“Christina,” I say. “This isn’t like the Tshirts. This is in a different league. Take a look!”
I just can’t believe what a fantastic job Danny has done. Although I’d never admit it to Christina, I wasn’t exactly counting on wearing his dress. In fact, to be perfectly honest, I was having secret Vera Wang fittings right up until a week ago.
But then one night Danny knocked on the door, his whole face lit up with excitement. He dragged me upstairs to
his apartment, pulled me down the corridor, and flung open the door to his room. And I was speechless.
From a distance it looks like a traditional white wedding dress, with a tight bodice, full, romantic skirt, and long train. But the closer you get, you more you start spotting the fantastic customized details everywhere. The white denim ruffles at the back. The trademark Danny little pleats and gatherings at the waistline. The white sequins and diamante and glitter scattered all over the train, like someone’s emptied a candy box over it.
I’ve never seen a wedding dress like it. It’s a work of art.
“Well,” says Christina. “I’ll be honest. When you told me you were wearing a creation by young Mr. Kovitz, I was a little worried. But this…” She touches a tiny bead. “I’m impressed. Assuming the train doesn’t fall off as you walk down the aisle.”
“It won’t,” I assure her. “I walked around our apartment in it for half an hour. Not even one sequin fell off!”
“You’re going to look amazing,” says Erin dreamily. “Just like a princess. And in that room…”
“The room is spectacular,” says Christina. “I think a lot of jaws are going to be dropping.”
“I haven’t seen it yet,” I say. “Robyn didn’t want me going in.”
“Oh, you should take a look,” says Erin. “Just have a peek. Before it gets filled up with people.”
“I can’t! What if someone sees me?”
“Go on,” says Erin. “Put on a scarf. No one’ll know it’s you.”
I creep downstairs in a borrowed hooded jacket, averting my face when I pass anyone, feeling ridiculously naughty. I’ve seen the designer’s plans, and as I push open the double doors to the Terrace Room, I think I know roughly what I’m expecting to see. Something spectacular. Something theatrical.
Nothing could have prepared me for walking into that room.
It’s like walking into another land.