***
Penny was coloring with worn crayons when we returned. She beamed up at Nick and me.
“I can't wait for Brynn to get here. Look! I drew us.”
Penny's picture perfectly exemplified her childish innocence; we were all holding hands, standing side by side in the garden that had been in front of Don's house. She had drawn a huge sun and birds flying in the sky. I couldn't help but smile.
“Look at James's big muscles!” She squealed happily before laughing half hysterically at her own joke. Nick and I laughed with her while Maura merely smiled.
“Can we talk?” Maura asked me softly. I nodded before looking back at Nick.
“I've got her.” Nick told me before I could ask him to watch Penny. “Come on, Penn. We'll draw Violet when she's mad.”
Penny giggled, and I whacked him lightly in the shoulder before walking out onto the front porch with Maura. There were many steps that led to that porch from the ground; it was strange to look down and see the dirt path so far below us. The sight before me was picturesque; a snowy night scene reminiscent of a Robert Frost poem. The mountains in the distance were blurred by the torrent of flakes that drifted lazily from the heavens. I remembered Brynna's voice, reading me Frost's best poems before I went to bed. She had always been enamored with his intricate descriptions of things.
The sudden urge to cry took me off guard. I swallowed hard, suppressing the tears before they could fall. I didn't want to explain to Maura that I was simply missing my older sister. But Brynna's name would not be far from my lips that night, because Maura needed to know of the conclusion I had finally reached.
“You should know that Brynna told me everything. I found out about what happened to her.”
“Oh, did you?” Maura asked after sitting down on the wooden bench that was carved directly into the house's front wall beneath a window. “I'm surprised she finally spoke of it. That old secret has been kept locked up tight, I'm afraid.”
“You're afraid of that?”
“Not fearful, just...”
“I know what you mean. I'm just surprised that you find it regrettable that she never talked about it, considering how it makes you look.”
“And how does it make me look?”
“Like a coward.”
“Ouch.” Maura looked up at me, and I averted my eyes; there were tears streaming from hers. “As much as it hurts to hear it, you are right. I have spent so much time passing the blame off onto so many others. I've pointed my finger at Michael, your mother, Brynna, herself... You know what they say about pointing fingers, don't you? Three more are always pointing back. I deserve Brynna's hate.”
I sat down beside her and studied her intently. Now, she was the one looking elsewhere.
“How could you have stood by and let him do that to her? She was so young, Maura. Look at what it did to her!”
“I know. You don't have to tell me. I am well aware that what happened forever changed her. I've spent a lot of time thinking since we've come here. I mean, of course I have, given that I'm not allowed to have a job that doesn't involve dust rags or pots and pans. Cooking and cleaning are jobs conducted in silence with nothing but your own thoughts to keep you company. I've spent a lot of time wondering how she might have turned out if that hadn't happened or if I had stopped him.”
“Why didn't you?”
“Because I was a coward, like you said. As awful as it sounds, I knew that it was either me or her. Believe me, I hate myself for that now. I can see in your eyes that you hate me for that, too.”
“I don't hate you. I'm having a hard time loving you the way I did before. But I definitely don't hate you, Maura. I just need to understand, for my own mind, how you could have let something so terrible happen to her.”
“My pride was involved, too. I couldn't stand that my husband desired a nine year old child and not me.”
“You're not helping your cause.” I stood up and moved away from her, fuming. “Saying things like that will make me hate you.”
“It's the truth. There's no point in lying about any of this anymore. The Earth is gone. The players in that horrid production are either dead or far from me. You're the only one within earshot now, so I'm telling you.”
“Well, you should tell Brynna.”
“I should tell Brynna that I wanted to preserve my own well-being over hers and that my ego was destroyed upon finding that my husband wanted her and not me? Yes, Violet. That will resolve our differences most certainly.” Her eyes met mine. “I deserve everything they've done to me here. The beatings were my punishment for what I did. I feel like I can finally let go of the anger I have towards myself about that. That’s what they’re for, Violet. That’s what all of it is for. So we can let go. So we can feel we deserve this second chance we’ve been given. After all I’ve suffered here, I can forgive myself for what I allowed Brynna to suffer there. They did me a favor. God did me a favor. For once.”
“Well, I'm glad you've found your peace.” My sarcasm could not be ignored. She laughed bitterly.
“Who says that I've found my peace?”
“You just did.”
“No, I didn't. I said that I can let go of the anger towards myself. I said nothing about the anger Brynna feels, or you feel. Only after I have her forgiveness will I have yours. Only after you've both forgiven me will I find my peace.”
“You've sat by and watched them sacrifice people. Do you really think that's normal, Maura? Do you really think that's what God wants?”
“Of course not, darling. But didn't what I allowed to happen to Brynna prove to you that I will not stick my neck out for anyone? I couldn't do it even for her, and I loved her...” She stopped, closing her eyes for a moment before she continued. “I love her more than anything.”
“Well, I'll give you one thing: at least you're not deceiving yourself the way the rest of these freaks are. They accuse us of being evil, and yet they're murdering innocent people. They're justifying their evil by saying that they're acting in the favor of good.”
“Wow.” She smiled very sadly, almost longingly, “You sounded so much like her when you said that.”
“I know I did. Are you angry at her for telling me?”
“Of course not. I told you that I deserve for you to hate me. Besides, I'm glad she finally told someone. Has she told that man?”
“You know perfectly well that his name is James.”
“He's a monster. I hope that she has guarded her heart the way I taught her to.”
“She loves him. He loves her. There's nothing else to know. No guarding of hearts is necessary.”
“There's plenty more to know!” Maura snapped at me. My surprise at her sudden burst of anger must have shown on my face, because she offered me a quick albeit sincere apology.
“This is some fight, isn't it?” I whispered, and tears rushed into my eyes as I studied her. Both physically and emotionally, she was almost unrecognizable. Gone was the strong-willed, intelligent woman who had helped raise us. Brynna had always blamed Maura's red hair for her sassiness while ruing her own dependence on stereotypes. But I had always agreed with her, saying that in Maura’s case, the cliché was spot on.
“It is. Who would have ever thought that we would find ourselves on opposite sides?”
“Are we on opposite sides, Maura? Are you really so dedicated to these people? Do you really believe what they believe?”
“Of course I don't. But I am devoted to your father.”
“Yeah.” My voice crackled as the pressure in my throat intensified. “You've always been loyal to him. You've proven that not only here, but on Earth, too. Maura,” I knelt in front of her and grasped both of her hands. “Look at me,” She did. “He will never love you the way you love him. I'm starting to believe that he's incapable of loving anyone.”
“Is that what Brynna told you to say?”
“Why are you two so narcissistic and so obsessed with her that you think she spends all of her time talkin
g about both of you?!” I raised my voice and broke away from her. There would be no reasoning with her. My father would always be to blame for her never-failing inclination to abandon all those she professed to love. He was, in the most pathetic way, her guiding light.
“She hasn't spoken of us?”
“No! In fact, she told me the reason why she never talks about you, Dad, and Mom. Do you want to know what it is?”
“Enlighten me.”
“She never wanted us to carry the same anger that she carries in her heart. She never wanted Elijah, Penny, and I to hate you. She said that there was no point in all of us carrying that hate. She wanted to carry it alone.”
“How noble of her.”
“I know you're being sarcastic, and you have a lot of nerve, Maura! You tear her down when she is ten times the person you are! If that happened to me, I know that I would turn everyone I knew against the people they loved if those people were responsible for something so terrible! Mom and Dad cut her off after what happened to Lucien. You did, too! It wasn't her fault, don't you see that? How could you all have let her believe that it was?”
“I don't know.” Maura shook her head. “I guess to avoid admitting that it was our fault. You're right; I don't come close to what she is. She's stronger than the three of us combined. I'm glad that she has passed that to you. The four of you were born and raised by weakness. I'm glad that Brynna possesses such great strength. I suppose everything happens for a reason. What happened with Michael was for the best.”
I stumbled over my words as I tried to respond to such a ridiculous statement. For a moment, I believed that she was merely being sarcastic. But upon looking at her, I saw that she was merely spouting off what had been forced into her head. I knelt in front of her again and put both hands on her face.
“Maura,” Tears were rolling down my cheeks, and my voice had shattered completely. “Come back. Snap out of it! It doesn't matter anymore, okay? All that matters is that we have to get back to her and Eli. We have to go home!”
“I can't leave him. I can't abandon Danny. I love him.” She cried to me with a fear so potent in her eyes and voice that I was able to picture her forty years younger, clutching a blanket to her chest as she stared into the darkness that surrounded her. Her body was wracked with deep, shuddering sobs that far surpassed my own.
“I know.” I whispered as I eased her head onto my shoulder and squeezed her tightly. “I know you do. But he let them do this to you, Maura.” I wept softly into her shoulder for a minute before finally finding the strength to continue. “I don't even recognize you anymore.”
“I know. I'm so sorry.” She managed to gasp out to me. “I want to leave here. They hurt me, Violet. They hit me, and they all...” Her breathing became ragged suddenly, and her hands clawed at my back as she tried to breathe normally. “Those terrible men… They are so cruel, Violet!” She cried even harder. “I already said I was sorry! I said that I believed, but Tyre told them I was lying! And I am! I am lying, Violet! Oh, God, they’ll kill me when they find out! But they know! They already know! She said they’ll do it soon! They wanted me to be an example, to show people what will happen if they’re stubborn. When they kill me, it will be another example, he said. Oh, God… Oh, God…”
“No.” I told her firmly. “Maura, everything's going to be alright. We're going to leave here. You're coming with us. Even if you don't want to, you are.”
“I do want to. Violet, how could Danny have let them do that to me? How could he have let them hurt me like that? I love him. I’ve loved him for twenty seven years…”
That was it. My heart broke apart into fractions. The rapidly falling snow couldn't match the tears that were streaming down my face. The howling wind was merely a whisper compared to the hoarse, quivering sobs that fell out of me like the most sorrowful melody ever sung.
“I know you love him. But I love you, Maura.” I whispered to her. “And I'm not going to let anyone hurt you again. I know that's hard to believe, coming from me. I know you must think that there's no way I can really protect you, but I will. I promise you, I'm going to take care of you.”
“I believe that. The four of you are capable of anything. I know I'm safe now.”
“Are you ready to leave?”
She nodded vigorously.
“Then, let's go get Penny and Nick. We're out of here.”