Chapter Five
Two weeks later, the old company had gone and the new lot had just arrived.
On my Monday off, I arrived at the Sesame Bap café to meet Suki in her lunch hour. The café was dark and atmospheric, with checked table cloths and wood effect walls, and was conveniently located opposite the theatre. Suki arrived ten minutes after me and sat down at our table looking totally miserable.
“Lunch is on me,” I said in an attempt to cheer her up. “What do you fancy?”
“I’ll just have a soya cappuccino,” she said. “I’m not hungry.”
“Ok sweetie,” I answered, rising from the table.
I made my way to the counter and ordered Suki’s drink plus a black coffee and Mediterranean flatbread for myself.
“What’s wrong babe?” I asked, as she blew her nose noisily.
“I met Dudley this morning.”
“Eeew!” I answered in disgust.
“Eeew indeed!” Suki said. “I’d really, really built my hopes up, but he wasn’t what I expected. He looked even older than his pictures, his hair was all greasy and he smelled weird – a mixture of stale cigarettes and pickled onions. He seemed sort of creepy too.”
I couldn’t help myself. I burst out laughing as Suki dabbed her eyes with a tissue.
“I’m sorry,” I said. “Pickled onions and stale cigarettes? How vile is that? I can’t understand why you could even look at the old sod in the first place. Age might be just a number, but fancying someone that old is just sick.”
“I know. It’s just I kept picturing myself bringing him home and meeting my mum and seeing her thrilled face. It’s a big let-down.”
“I could understand you introducing him to your mum if she was single – the stinky blubbery bastard is more her age.”
Suki’s face brightened a little. Then she burst out laughing, showering cappuccino all over her pale-pink t-shirt. “I knew you’d cheer me up,” she grinned. “I guess you’re right. I have been pretty stupid for the past few weeks lusting after a disgusting older man. And yeah, I can see now it was his fame and stuff. Don’t tell anyone – I feel really embarrassed.”
“I won’t,” I said. “Have some flatbread.” I handed her almost half the slab. She took delicate mouthfuls between giggles. We did get some funny looks from the other diners, but we didn’t give two hoots. We enjoyed banana fritters in syrup for dessert and Suki left looking a million times happier. And who should we see as we left the café and stepped out onto the street? Dirty Dudley! He was talking to two giggling sixty-something women – one blonde and one redhead.
“I’m a great fan of yours, I really loved your band,” said the timid looking blonde woman who was wearing a blue anorak and big tartan skirt.
Dudley looked her up and down creepily, like he wanted her sagging body. She looked at the floor shyly, but couldn’t stop smiling because her favourite star had looked at her in that way. It was totally embarrassing to watch.
Dudley’s head gave a cocky wobble as he said, “Yes – we were great – truly great – the greatest band ever. No doubt about it.”
The women giggled stupidly.
Then the redhead pointed at a chunky gold chain on his fat, hairy wrist and said, “That’s a really lovely bracelet Dudley!”
“Yes,” Dudley agreed, talking to her boobs instead of her face. “Expensive bling – cost me almost as much as my villa in France and the Ferrari combined.” Then he smiled, showing his stumpy nicotine stained teeth.
My lip curled in disgust as I whispered in Suki’s ear, “Filthy boasting bastard!”
Suki looked impressed. “He sounds really rich though,” she said.
“Dunno,” I replied. “Might be lying.”
“His clothes do look rather poor,” she remarked, studying the bobbly navy jumper and scruffy black jeans squeezed onto his lumpy body.
“I know,” I agreed. “If he screws as many women as we read about, he probably has a thousand children to support – he might be in deep debt.”
Suki laughed. “A thousand children? You’re funny!”
“Might be true,” I joked as my face creased with laughter.
We began to walk away, then turned and looked back at the group. The filthy swine was watching our asses as his fans delved into their handbags, presumably to find something for the past it pop star to autograph. My stomach churned and I had to spit on the pavement, much to the disgust of Dudley’s boring fans.
I took an instant dislike to Dudley that day. I don’t think I’d felt so disgusted by anyone in my life. I just couldn’t stand the look of him – his face, his body, his manner, his voice … The newspapers reported he’d cheated on his wife multiple times. I’d always been brought up to take what you read with a pinch of salt, but the behaviour I’d just seen had made the reports look like they might well be true. This made me hate him even more, especially as I was still trying to get over the fact my vile dad cheated on my beautiful mum.
I still thoroughly enjoyed the rest of my day off, blasting out Grime music, mostly by my favourite rapper - Nutty Bonkers - as I tidied my bedroom, washed my hair, plucked my eyebrows and gave myself a homemade avocado mask beauty treatment. I was ready to wow Tyrone – or perhaps some other gorgeous young actor yet to catch my eye. This was so exciting and nerve-racking all at the same time. It was the biggest high I’d ever been on. I was buzzing!
During supper, I told Mum all about Suki and her crush on Dudley Mountain. Mum found this hilarious. Then I remembered I’d promised Suki I wouldn’t tell anyone, but it was too late. Oops!
“I could never stand him – or his gravelly voice,” Mum said, pulling a face. “I could never understand what all those women saw in him.”
“My feelings exactly,” I agreed.
About an hour into the next working morning, Dudley appeared, strolling through the foyer singing Oh What a Beautiful Morning. When he spotted Suki and I, he made some of his own words up to the song “Oh what beautiful girls!”
Suki and I weren’t impressed. We rolled our eyes and Dudley looked at a glass door in embarrassment. I almost felt sorry for the fool.
Then the squirming bastard turned back to us, gave an awkward cough and asked, “Any spare tickets for Mothballs on the second of November?”
Suki tapped the date into her computer and replied. “No, I’m sorry – sold out.”
He put on a false smile in an attempt to hide his obvious embarrassment and walked away, dropping his wallet by the glass exit door. As he bent down to pick it up, the most awful sight met our eyes – Dudley’s ass crack peeping over the top of his scruffy jeans. We both reeled back in horror at the sight of his flabby pink cheeks, before bursting into fits of giggles.
Our laughter was interrupted by Rose calling us from the back of the office. “Have either of you smelled lavender recently?”
“Yes!” answered Suki. “We had lavender in our garden all summer. Why?”
“I mean have you smelled lavender in this building - particularly in the circle bar and just outside the phone room.”
I was pretty sure I hadn’t, so I shook my head. Suki did the same.
“Kalisha and I have,” said Rose, her eyes wide with fear. “We’ve smelled it down in this office too.”
“Must be an air freshener or something,” Suki said.
“It’s a ghost,” said Kalisha.
Suki giggled. “This is a Halloween joke, right?”
“No,” answered Rose, looking deadly serious. “They say the building is haunted by the Lavender Lady. Kalisha and I have both sensed her presence and felt a breeze as she moved past us.”
“Are you sure it wasn’t someone’s perfume?” Suki asked.
“We’ve thought about that,” Kalisha said. “We’re ninety-nine percent certain it’s the ghost.”
“Awesome!” exclaimed Suki.
“Yeah!” I agreed.
“Talking of spooky stuff, have you both seen the poster for the Halloween party?” Rose asked.
“No!” Suki and I chorused excitedly.
“There’s a party on Halloween night in the rehearsal room. Tickets are fifteen quid each, I think. Thought you girls might like to go.”
“You bet!” I said, welling up with excitement.
“Yay!” Suki cried, jiggling about on her chair.
I felt so glad I’d been given this job. This was the best time in my life since I was a kid. I felt it was the break I deserved.
Then Suki and I both gasped as a handsome young blonde man appeared. It was Tyrone Small. This was the first time either of us had seen him in real life. He came to the window – my window. I breathed in sharply, then forgot to breathe out again. Suki saw me freeze and took the opportunity to chat to him.
“Hiya!” she said, smiling sweetly. “Yazmin isn’t feeling too well. Can I help?”
Tyrone bounced over to her window.
Grrr! I really needed to find a cure for my nerves with beautiful men. I stood no chance of winning this competition with Miss Suki Super Confidence sitting there batting her bloody eyelids. I thought at that moment about visiting my doctor to see if he could help. But he looked like an Indian god and I fancied him as well. I’d only met him once – three days after we moved into the flat, I developed a rash. I had to call my mum in from the waiting room to explain the problem, because my words came out all jumbled when I tried to tell him what was wrong, and he thought there was something wrong with my brain. Then I almost fainted when he asked me to lift my t-shirt so he could examine the rash. Anyway, the rash turned out to be something non-serious. It had a funny name and faded within the week.
I took some comfort in the fact Tyrone had come to my window first – it was me he wanted to speak to. Unfortunately, though, Suki and Ty seemed to get on really well.
“You were in Robin Hood, weren’t you?” she said. “You were really good.”
“Thank you, er …”
“Suki!” she said brightly, holding out her hand. Ty shook it. The bitch actually touched Ty!
“Thank you very much, Suki,” he said. “We had great fun making that series.”
Ugh! I so wanted to be free of this awful grey brick and barbed wire prison of shyness. What was wrong with me? Suki didn’t seem to have a problem speaking to attractive men. Why was I so different?
Suki confidently chatted to Ty as she booked tickets for his aunt and uncle before he went on his way.
At coffee time, Kalisha felt a bit peckish. I felt hungry too, so she slipped me a couple of pounds and sent me to the greenroom to buy two rounds of toast.
I approached the greenroom and saw Tyrone in the queue. Worried I might make a fool of myself, I hovered in the doorway, scared to go in. Then I got a strange rush of nervous energy and decided to go for it. I took a deep breath, steadied myself, and walked quite confidently up to the counter, telling myself that if Suki could speak to men then so could I. It surely wasn’t that hard – I could do it. I just needed to keep reminding myself to take deep breaths without sounding as though I was having an asthma attack. He immediately spotted me and smiled.
“Feeling better now?” he asked.
“Er – a bit,” I said, amazed my words had come out relatively normally, allowing him to actually comprehend what I’d said.
“I’ll buy you a coffee if you want,” he said, looking me up and down like he actually fancied me! My heart started doing hundred-mile-an-hour hurdles.
“No!” I said, my voice sounding unintentionally aggressive due to nerves. Damn! “Thanks – but I’m running an errand for Ka -Kal -Kal – my manager.”
His face dropped. “Oh, maybe some other time then,” he said.
I smiled at him nervously then reached into my pocket for the coins, my hand shaking. Something dropped from my pocket onto the floor and Tyrone bent down to pick it up for me. I gasped in horror – it was a tampon! He handed it to me quickly, pretending he hadn’t noticed what it was. My face felt as hot as a grill pan and my palms started going all sweaty. I felt as though I was about to spontaneously combust, which might not have been a bad thing in such embarrassing circumstances.
Tyrone bought himself a coffee and sat down somewhere behind me. I waited, heart beating wildly, as the toast was made. The old lady behind the counter handed it to me on two paper plates. It took a huge effort to keep my hands steady. I managed to smile weakly at Ty, before tottering out of the greenroom and making my way back to the box office, shaking and nervously babbling random rubbish to myself, hoping no one could hear. It’s a miracle the toast stayed on the plates.
I felt terrible. I’d surely blown any chance I had with him. But there was a positive side to this encounter – I’d actually managed to communicate with him a bit, smile at him a little, and not collapse. This was real progress. Best of all, if I wasn’t hallucinating, it appeared he actually fancied me! Was I imagining it? Was my problem with men so bad that I’d completely misread his signals?
As I finished my toast, I noticed Suki staring at me. “Are you ok?” she asked.
“Yes,” I replied.
“You were mumbling to yourself,” she said.
“Oh heck!” I said nervously. “What was I mumbling?”
“I couldn’t tell - your mouth was full of toast.”
“I sometimes do that when I’m having toast,” I lied.
Suki laughed. “You’ve got to be the funniest person I’ve ever met,” she said affectionately.
I made a big effort to act like a normal person for the rest of the day. It wasn’t easy. I really had to get a grip somehow.
On the way home from work, I nipped into the chippy and bought Mum and me a portion of chips and beans each. We spent the evening watching a series of comedy shows. It should have been a nice night, but it was ruined by thoughts of my embarrassing day at work, which kept tumbling round and round in my head like big heavy towels in a washing machine.
Around midnight, I settled into bed and managed to drift off to sleep for a while, until I woke with a start. Then the atmosphere suddenly turned horribly creepy when I smelled lavender. Had the ghost of the Lavender Lady followed me to the flat? I sniffed the air, hoping I was mistaken, but unfortunately I wasn’t. My mum didn’t like lavender much – we’d had numerous conversations about how it reminded her of her nutty aunt, who always wore lavender perfume. It was therefore unlikely to be anything mum was using. I felt very uneasy as the scent grew stronger.
“Lavender Lady be gone!” I whispered. It didn’t work. The smell lingered, torturing my nostrils. I lay there terrified. Then I had a thought. Lavender was supposed to be calming. Perhaps the Lavender Lady had come to help calm me down and overcome my problem with men. “If you’re here to help, then thank you,” I whispered. “I could do with some help as you know. How do I overcome this problem?” I closed my eyes hoping to hear her whisper. Nothing happened. “Please make Tyrone appear tomorrow and help me to be calm and act like a normal person. Thanks Lavender Lady, I appreciate you taking time out from the spirit world to come and help me. You’re a great ghost!”
I lay back down, feeling happier, convinced I could now rest and fall asleep, but it didn’t happen. I was still awake when the first light of day came through my curtains, when it was time to get up. I wasn’t looking forward to the day at work, having only slept for about an hour. I pressed the snooze button at least six times before finally crawling out of bed and drifting to the kitchen. I was grateful for the strong coffee mum had brewed. I cooled it down with tap water before glugging it down, pouring a second cup, and glugging that one even faster. I had a small bowl of cereal and a quick shower before plugging my ear buds in, blasting dubstep into my head to give me some much-needed energy, and getting ready for work.
Suki wasn’t there – it was her eighteenth birthday, so she’d arranged to have the day off to celebrate it with her family. I had agreed to meet her in the evening in The Bell – a pub close to the theatre which actors frequent. I was going to have to drink bucket loads of
coffee to still be awake by that time.
The day was pretty uneventful until four o’clock when Ty appeared! As soon as I saw him, my heart began galloping like a demented horse. I’d made some positive progress as far as my nerves were concerned yesterday, but now I’d been drinking coffee all day to stay awake and it had made me all edgy and jumpy, and Suki wasn’t there to come to my rescue this time. How dare she take the day off to celebrate her birthday! Ty looked cautious as he walked up to my box office window. I tried to force a smile, but couldn’t manage it – my face had frozen.