isn't that easy. And of course, people have strong wills: They
can choose to be with people, insist on believing that this
person is their muirn beatha dan when they're wrong and just
won't admit it"
I wondered if he was talking about his mother and father.
"Is there any surefire way to tell?*' I asked.
"I've heard of spells you can do: complicated ones. But
mostly witches just rely on their feelings, their dreams, and
their instincts. They just feel this person is the one, and they go
with it"
I felt exhilarated, like I was about to take off and fly.
"And do you think... maybe we're connected that way?" I asked
breathlessly.
He touched my cheek. "I think we might be, yes," he said,
his voice husky.
My eyes felt huge. "So what now?" I blurted out, and he
laughed.
"We wait we stay together. Finish growing up together."
This was such an amazing, wonderful, seductive idea that
I wanted to shout, I love you! And we will always be together!
I'm the one for you, and you're the one for me!
"How do you say it again?" I asked.
"Muirn beatha dan," he said slowly, the words sounding
ancient and lovely and mysterious.
I repeated them softly. "Yes," I said, and we met again in
a kiss. 1
Long minutes later I pulled away from him. "Oh, no, I've
really got to go! I'm going to be late!"
"Okay," he said, and we headed out of his room. It felt so
hard to leave this place where everything felt so right
Especially when I knew I had to go home.
Again I thought about the first time I'd been in Cal's
room, when the coven had met there. "Are you upset that Beth
and Raven and Bree have quit?" I asked as we headed down
the stairs.
He thought for a moment "Yes and no." he said. "No
because I don't think you should try to keep someone in a
coven against their will or even if they're not vary sure. It just
makes negative energy. And yes because they were all kind of
challenging personalities, and they added something to the
mix. Which was good for the coven." He shrugged I guess we'll
first have to wait and see what happens."
I put on my coat, wishing I didn't have to go out into the
cold. Outside the trees wore almost bare, and the leftover
leaves were a faded brown everywhere I looked.
"Ugh," I said, glancing out at Das Boot.
"Fall is trying to turn Into winter,” said Cal, breathing
steam in the chilly air.
I watched his chest rise and fell, and a bolt of desire
ripped through me. I wanted so badly to touch him, to run my
hands through his hair, down his back, to kiss his throat and
chest. I wanted to be close to him. To be his muirn beatha dan.
Instead I tore myself away, fumbling in my coat pocket
for my keys, leaving Cal standing in the light from his door. My
heart was full and aching, and I felt heavy with magick.
12. Beauty Out
Imbolc, 1982
Oh, Goddess, Goddess, please help me. Please help me.
Mathair, her hand rising up black from the smoking ashes. My
little Dagda. My own da.
Oh, Goddess, I'm going to be ill; my soul is breaking. I
cannot bear this pain.
--Bradhadair
That night my parents tried to act normal at dinner, but I
kept looking at them with questions in my eyes, and by dessert
we were all staring at our plates. Mary K. was obviously upset
by the silence, and as soon as dinner was over she went up to
her room and started playing loud music Ceiling-shaking
thumps told us she was dancing out some of her stress.
I couldn't stand being there. If only Cal wasn't helping his
mom. Impulsively I called Janice and joined her, Ben Reggio,
and Tamara at the dollar movies up In Red Kill We saw some
stupid action movie that involved a lot of motorcycle chases.
The whole time I sat there in the dark theater, I kept thinking,
Muirn beatha dan, over and over.
On Saturday morning Dad went outside to rake leaves and
cut back the shrubs and trees so they wouldn't be broken in a
winter ice storm. Mom took off after breakfast to go to her
church women's club.
I put on my jacket and crunched my way outside to my
dad. "When are you guys going to tell me?" I said flatly. "Are
you just going to pretend nothing happened?"
He paused and leaned on the rake for a moment "No,
Morgan," he said at last. "We couldn't do that, no matter how
much we wanted to." His voice was mild, and again I felt some
of my anger deflate. I was determined not to let it go and
kicked at a small pile of leaves.
"Well?" I demanded. "Where did you get me? Who were
my parents? Did you know them? What happened to them?"
Dad flinched as if my words were physically hurting him.
"I know we have to talk about it," he said, his voice thin
and raspy. "But... I need more time."
"Why?" I exploded, throwing my arms wide. "What are
you waiting for?"
"I'm sorry, sweetheart," he said, looking down at the
ground. "I know we've made a lot of mistakes in the past
sixteen years. We tried to do our best. But Morgan,” He looked
at me. "We've buried this for sixteen years. It isn't easy to
dredge it up. I know you want answers, and I hope we can give
them to you. But it isn't easy. And in the end, it might be that
you wish you didn't know."
I gaped at him, then shook my head in disbelief and
stalked back to the house. What was I going to do?
On Saturday night I dropped Mary K. off at her friend
Jaycee's house. They were going to meet Bakker and a bunch
of other people at the movies. I was going on to meet with our
coven at Matt's house.
"Where's Bakker's car?" I asked as I pulled up in front of
Jaycee's house.
Mary K. made a face. "His folks took it away for a week
after he flunked a history exam."
"Oh, too bad," I said. "Well, have a good time. Don't do
anything I wouldn't do."
Mary K. rolled her eyes. "Oh, okay," she said dryly. "Note
to self: Try not to dance around naked, doing witchcraft.
Thanks for the ride." She got out and slammed the car door,
and I watched her go into Jaycee's house.
Sighing, I drove on to Matt's house, following his
directions to the very outskirts of town. Ten minutes later I
parked in front of a low-slung brick modern house, and Jenna
let me in.
"Hey!" she said brightly. "Come on in. We're in the living
room. I can't remember—have you ever been here before?"
"No," I said, leaving my coat on a metal hook. "Are Matt's
parents here?"
Jenna shook her head. "His dad had a medical convention
in Florida, and his mom went, too. We have the whole place to
ourselves."
"Sweet," I said, following her. We took a right into a large
living room, a white rectangle with one whole wall made of
glass. I guess it must have looked out onto the beck-yard, but
right now it was dark outside, and all I could see was our own
reflections.
"Hi, Morgan,”said Matt He was wearing an old rugby shirt
and jeans. "Welcome to Adler Hall.”
We both laughed as Sharon came into the room. "Hi,
Morgan,”she said. "Matt, what's with all the bizarre furniture?"
"My mom is into sixties stuff," Matt explained.
Ethan poked his head up from a red plush couch. It was so
deep, it looked like it was about to swallow him. A white floor
lamp shaped like a globe with one flat side curved over his
head. "I feel like I've gone back in time," he said. "All we need
is a conversation pit"
"There's one in the study," said Matt, grinning. The
doorbell rang, and I felt a warm thrill of recognition even
before Jenna went to answer it Cal, I thought happily, a tingle
going down my spine. Muirn beatha dan. Moments later I heard
his voice as he greeted Jenna. All my nerve cells came alive at
the sound and at the memory of yesterday, in his room.
"Does anyone want tea, or water, or a soda”Matt offered
as Cal came into the room, holding a big, beat-up leather
satchel. "We don't keep alcohol in the house 'cause my dad's in
AA." This frank admission startled me. "Water sounds great"
I crossed to Cal and gave him a quick kiss, marveling at
my own boldness.
The doorbell rang again. A moment later Matt came back
into the room, carrying some bottles of seltzer. Robbie was
right behind him. "Hey," he said.
I stared. I guess I should have been used to it by now,
but I wasn't It was as if Robbie's personality and lame social
skills had been transferred into the body of a teen star. "Where
are your glasses?" I asked.
Robbie took a bottle of seltzer from Matt and popped the
cap. "That's the funny thing," he said slowly. "I don't need
them anymore."
"How could you not need glasses?" I demanded. "Did you
have laser surgery without telling me?"
"Nope," Robbie said. "That's what all the tests this week
were about. Apparently my eyesight has just gotten better. I
was having headaches because I didn't need to wear glasses
anymore, and the lenses were straining my eyes."
He didn't sound happy, and it took me a few moments to
realize that slowly, everyone's attention had turned to me.
"No!" I said strongly. "I absolutely did not do another
spell! Honestly—I swear! I promised Robbie, and everyone else,
that I wouldn't do another spell, and 1 haven't! I haven't done
any spells at all!"
Robbie looked at me with his clear, gray-blue eyes, no
longer hidden by thick, distorting lenses. "Morgan," he said.
"I swear! I absolutely promise you," I said, holding up my
right hand. Robbie looked unconvinced. "Robbie! Believe me."
Conflict showed in his face. "What could it be, then?" he
asked. "Eyes don't just get better. I mean, the actual shape of
my eyeballs has changed. They were giving me MRIs to see If I
had a tumor pressing on my brain."
"Jesus," Matt muttered.
"I don't know," I said helplessly. "But it wasn't me."
"This is incredible," said Jenna, sounding short of breath.
"Could someone else have put a spell on him?"
"I could have," Cal said thoughtfully. "But I didn't.
Morgan, do you remember the actual words of your spell?"
"Yes," I said. "But I put the spell on the potion I gave
him, not on him."
"That's true," Cal mused. "Though if the potion was
supposed to act on him in some way ... what were the words?"
I swallowed, thinking back. "Um, 'So beauty in is beauty
out," I recited softly. "This potion make your blemish nowt.
This healing water makes you pure, and thus your beauty will
endure."
"That was it?" Sharon asked. "God, why didn't you do it
sooner?"
"Sharon," Robbie said in irritation.
"Okay, okay," said Cal. "We have a couple of possibilities
here. One is that Robbie's eyes have spontaneously healed
themselves due to some unfathomable miracle."
Ethan snorted, and Sharon shot him a glance.
"The second possibility," Cal went on, "is that Morgan's
spell wasn't specific enough, wasn't limited only to Robbie's
skin. It was a spell to eliminate blemishes, imperfections. His
eyes were imperfect; now they're perfect. Like his skin."
The enormity of that thought was just sinking in when
Ethan said brightly, "Great! I can't wait to see what It does for
his personality!"
Jenna couldn't help snickering. I sank weakly Into a chair
shaped like a giant cupped hand.
"The third possibility," said Cal, "is that someone we don't
know has put a spell on Robbie. That doesn't seem likely—why
would a stranger want to do that? No, I think it's more likely
that Morgan's spell has just continued to fix things."
"That's kind of frightening," I said, chilled. Did I really
have that kind of power?
"It's pretty unusual. That's why you're not supposed to be
doing spells until you know more," Cal said. I felt terrible.
"When we start learning spells, I'll show you how to limit
them. Limitations are just about the most important things to
know, along with how to channel power. When you work a
spell, you need to limit it in time, effect, purpose, duration, and
target"
"Oh, no." I dropped my head into my hands. "I didn't do
any of that"
"And actually, now that I think about it you banished
limitations at the very first circle. Remember?" Cal asked. "That
might have something to do with this also."
"So what now?" Robbie demanded. "What else is going to
change?"
"Probably not much more," Cal said. "For one thing, even
though Morgan's really powerful, she's still just a beginner.
She's not in touch with her full powers."
I was glad he hadn't referred to me again as a blood
witch. I wanted people to forget about it for now.
"Also," Cal said, "this kind of spell is usually self-limiting.
I mean, the potion was for your face, and you put it only on
your face, right? You didn't drink it or anything?"
"God, no," Robbie said.
Cal shrugged. "So it's just fixing that general area,
including your eyes, it's unusual, but I guess it's not
impossible."
"I don't believe this." I moaned, hiding my face. "I'm such
an Idiot I can't believe I did this. I am so, so sorry, Robbie."
"What are you sorry about?" Ethan asked. "Now he can be
an airline pilot"
Sharon giggled, then stifled it.
"So you don't think it's going to do anything else?" Robbie
asked Cal.
"I don't know," Cal said. He grinned. "Have you been
feeling especially smart lately? It could be working on your
brain."
I moaned again.
Cal nudged me. "I'm only kidding. It's probably over. Stop
worrying."
He clapped once. "Well. I think it's time to start talking
about spells and limitations
!"
I couldn't laugh, though some of the others did.
"This is our first circle without Bree, Raven, and Beth,"
said Cal.
"I'm going to miss them," said Jenna softly. Her eyes
flicked to me, and I wondered if she thought it was my fault
that they had left.
Cal nodded. "Yeah. Me too. But maybe without them we'll
be more tightly focused. We'll find out"
We sat in a ring on the floor around Cal. "First, let's go over
clans," he said. "You know how they all have qualities
associated with them. The Brightendales were healers. The
Woodbanes—the 'dark clan'—supposedly fought for power at
any cost"
"Ooh," Robbie said. He gave me a mock-fearful look. But I
just shivered. The very idea of the Woodbanes made me cold. I
didn't think it was something to laugh at.
"The Burnhides were known for their magick with crystals
and gems," Cal went on. "The Leapvaughns were mischief
makers. The Vikroths were warriors. And so on." He looked
around the circle. "Well, just as each clan had qualities
associated with it so each clan also had certain runes that it
tended to use. So—I think it's time we took a look at some
runes."
Cal opened his large leather satchel and pulled out a sheaf
of what looked like index cards. He held them up, and I saw
that each one had a rune drawn on it very large.
"Rune flash cards!" I said, and Cal nodded.
"Basically, yes," he said. "Using runes is a quick way to
get in touch with a deep, old source of power. Tonight I just
want to show them to you and have you concentrate on each
one. Each symbol has many meanings. They're all there for you,
if you open yourself up to them."
We all watched, fascinated, as he held up the white cards
one by one, reading the runes' names and telling us what they
traditionally stood for.
"There are different names for each symbol. The names
depend on whether you're working within a Norse tradition, or
German, or Gaelic," Cal explained. "Later on, we'll talk about
which runes are associated with which clans."
"This is so beautiful," said Sharon. "I love that people
have used these for thousands of years."
Ethan turned to her, nodding his agreement I watched as
their eyes met and held.
Who would have known that Sharon Goodfine would find
Wicca beautiful? Or that Ethan would dare to like her?
Witchcraft was revealing us not only to ourselves but to each