XII
I looked at these events as I might have looked at a comedy of Plautus;it was very amusing, but perhaps a little vulgar. I was wrapped up in myown happiness, and I had forgotten Nemesis.
One day, perhaps two months from my arrival in Forli, I heard Checcotell his cousin that a certain Giorgio dall' Aste had returned. I paidno particular attention to the remark; but later, when I was alone withMatteo, it occurred to me that I had not heard before of this person. Idid not know that Giulia had relations on her husband's side. I asked,--
'By the way, who is that Giorgio dall' Aste, of whom Checco wasspeaking?'
'A cousin of Donna Giulia's late husband.'
'I have never heard him spoken of before.'
'Haven't you? He enjoys quite a peculiar reputation, as being the onlylover that the virtuous Giulia has kept for more than ten days.'
'Another of your old wives' tales, Matteo! Nature intended you for abegging friar.'
'I have often thought I have missed my vocation. With my brilliant giftfor telling lies in a truthful manner, I should have made my way in theChurch to the highest dignities. Whereas, certain antiquated notions ofhonour having been instilled into me during my training as a soldier, mygifts are lost; with the result, that when I tell the truth people thinkI am lying. But this is solemn truth!'
'All your stories are!' I jeered.
'Ask anyone. This has been going on for years. When Giulia was marriedby old Tommaso, whom she had never seen in her life before thebetrothal, the first thing she did was to fall in love with Giorgio. Hefell in love with her, but being a fairly honest sort of man, he hadsome scruples about committing adultery with his cousin's wife,especially as he lived on his cousin's money. However, when a woman isvicious, a man's scruples soon go to the devil. If Adam couldn't refusethe apple, you can't expect us poor fallen creatures to do so either.The result was that Joseph did not run away from Potiphar's wife so fastas to prevent her from catching him.'
'How biblical you are.'
'Yes,' answered Matteo; 'I'm making love to a parson's mistress, and Iam cultivating the style which I find she is used to.... But, however,Giorgio, being youthful, after a short while began to have prickings ofconscience, and went away from Forli. Giulia was heart-broken, and hergrief was so great that she must have half the town to console her. ThenGiorgio's conscience calmed down, and he came back, and Giulia threwover all her lovers.'
'I don't believe a single word you say.'
'On my honour, it's true.'
'On the face of it, the story is false. If she really loves him, why dothey not keep together now that there is no hindrance?'
'Because Giulia has the heart of a strumpet and can't be faithful to anyone man. She's very fond of him, but they quarrel, and she takes asudden fancy for somebody else, and for a while they won't see oneanother. But there seems some magical charm between them, for sooner orlater they always come back to one another. I believe, if they were atthe ends of the world, eventually they would be drawn together, even ifthey struggled with all their might against it. And, I promise you,Giorgio has struggled; he tries to part with her for good and all, andeach time they separate he vows it shall be for ever. But there is aninvisible chain and it always brings him back.'
I stood looking at him in silence. Strange, horrible thoughts passedthrough my head and I could not drive them away. I tried to speak quitecalmly.
'And how is it when they are together?'
'All sunshine and storm, but as time goes on the storm gets longer andblacker; and then Giorgio goes away.'
'But, good God! man, how do you know?' I cried in agony.
He shrugged his shoulders.
'They quarrel?' I asked.
'Furiously! He feels himself imprisoned against his will, with the dooropen to escape, but not the strength to do it; and she is angry that heshould love her thus, trying not to love her. It rather seems to me thatit explains her own excesses; her other loves are partly to show himhow much she is loved, and to persuade herself that she is lovable.'
I did not believe it. Oh, no, I swear I did not believe it, yet I wasfrightened, horribly frightened; but I would not believe a single wordof it.
'Listen, Matteo,' I said. 'You believe badly of Giulia; but you do notknow her. I swear to you that she is good and pure, whatever she mayhave been in the past; and I do not believe a word of these scandals. Iam sure that now she is as true and faithful as she is beautiful.'
Matteo looked at me for a moment.
'Are you her lover?' he asked.
'Yes!'
Matteo opened his mouth as if about to speak, then stopped, and after amoment's hesitation turned away.
* * * * *
That evening I went to Giulia. I found her lying full length on a divan,her head sunken in soft cushions. She was immersed in reverie. Iwondered whether she was thinking of me, and I went up to her silently,and, bending over her, lightly kissed her lips. She gave a cry, and afrown darkened her eyes.
'You frightened me!'
'I am sorry,' I answered humbly. 'I wanted to surprise you.'
She did not answer, but raised her eyebrows, slightly shrugging hershoulders. I wondered whether something had arisen to vex her. I knewshe had a quick temper, but I did not mind it; a cross word was so soonfollowed by a look of repentance and a word of love. I passed my handover her beautiful soft hair. The frown came again, and she turned herhead away.
'Giulia,' I said, 'what is it?' I took her hand; she withdrew itimmediately.
'Nothing,' she answered.
'Why do you turn away from me and withdraw your hand?'
'Why should I not turn away from you and withdraw my hand?'
'Don't you love me, Giulia?'
She gave a sigh, and pretended to look bored. I looked at her, pained atheart and wondering.
'Giulia, my dear, tell me what it is. You are making me very unhappy.'
'Oh, don't I tell you, nothing, nothing, nothing!'
'Why are you cross?'
I put my face to her's, and my arms round her neck. She disengagedherself impatiently.
'You refuse my kisses, Giulia!'
She made another gesture of annoyance.
'Giulia, don't you love me?' My heart was beginning to sink, and Iremembered what I had heard from Matteo. Oh, God! could it be true?...
'Yes, of course I love you, but sometimes I must be left in peace.'
'You have only to say the word, and I will go away altogether.'
'I don't want you to do that, but we shall like one another much betterif we don't see too much of one another.'
'When one is in love, really and truly, one does not think of such wiseprecautions.'
'And you are here so often that I am afraid of my good name.'
'You need have no fear about your character,' I answered bitterly. 'Onemore scandal will not make much difference.'
'You need not insult me!'
I could not be angry with her, I loved her too much, and the words I hadsaid hurt me ten times more than they hurt her. I fell on my knees byher side and took hold of her arms.
'Oh, Giulia, Giulia, forgive me! I don't mean to say anything to woundyou. But, for God's sake! don't be so cold. I love you, I love you. Begood to me.'
'I think I have been good to you.... After all, it is not such a verygrave matter. I have not taken things more seriously than you.'
'What do you mean?' I cried, aghast.
She shrugged her shoulders.
'I suppose you found me a pretty woman, and thought you could occupy afew spare moments with a pleasant amour. You can hardly have expected meto be influenced by sentiments very different from your own.'
'You mean you do not love me?'
'I love you as much as you love me. I don't suppose either you areLancelot, or I Guinevere.'
I still knelt at her side in silence, and my head felt as if the vesselsin it were bursting....
'You know,' she went on quit
e calmly, 'one cannot love for ever.'
'But I love you, Giulia; I love you with all my heart and soul! I havehad loves picked up for the opportunity's sake, or for pure idleness;but my love for you is different. I swear to you it is a matter of mywhole life.'
'That has been said to me so often....'
I was beginning to be overwhelmed.
'But do you mean that it is all finished? Do you mean that you won'thave anything more to do with me!'
'I don't say I won't have anything more to do with you.'
'But love? It is love I want.'
She shrugged her shoulders.
'But why not?' I said despairingly. 'Why have you given it me at all ifyou want to take it away?'
'One is not master of one's love. It comes and goes.'
'Don't you love me at all?'
'No!'
'Oh, God! But why do you tell me this to-day?'
'I had to tell you some time.'
'But why not yesterday, or the day before? Why to-day particularly?'
She did not answer.
'Is it because Giorgio dall' Aste has just returned?'
She started up and her eyes flashed.
'What have they been telling you about him?'
'Has he been here to-day? Were you thinking of him when I came? Were youlanguorous from his embraces?'
'How dare you!'
'The only lover to whom you have been faithful, more or less!'
'You vowed you did not believe the scandals about me, and now, when Irefuse you the smallest thing, you are ready to believe every word. Whata love is this! I thought I had heard you talk so often of boundlessconfidence.'
'I believe every word I have heard against you. I believe you are aharlot.'
She had raised herself from her couch, and we were standing face toface.
'Do you want money? Look! I have as good money as another. I will payyou for your love; here, take it.'
I took gold pieces from my pocket and flung them at her feet.
'Ah,' she cried in indignation, 'you cur! Go, go!'
She pointed to the door. Then I felt a sudden revulsion. I fell on myknees and seized her hands.
'Oh, forgive me, Giulia. I don't know what I am saying; I am mad. Butdon't rob me of your love; it is the only thing I have to live for. ForGod's sake, forgive me! Oh, Giulia, I love you, I love you. I can't livewithout you.' The tears broke from my eyes. I could not stop them.
'Leave me! leave me!'
I was ashamed of my abjectness; I rose up indignant.
'Oh, you are quite heartless. You have no right to treat me so. You werenot obliged to give me your love; but when once you have given it youcannot take it away. No one has the right to make another unhappy as youmake me. You are a bad, evil woman. I hate you!'
I stood over her with clenched fists. She shrank back, afraid.
'Don't be frightened,' I said; 'I won't touch you. I hate you too much.'
Then I turned to the crucifix, and lifted my hands.
'Oh, God! I pray you, let this woman be treated as she has treated me.'And to her,'I hope to God you are as unhappy as I am. And I hope theunhappiness will come soon--you harlot!'
I left her, and in my rage slammed the door, so that the lock shatteredbehind me.