XVII
I made up my mind to amuse myself now. I was sick of being grave andserious. When one thinks how short a while youth lasts it is foolish notto take the best advantage of it; the time man has at his disposal isnot long enough for tragedy and moaning; he has only room for a littlelaughter, and then his hair gets grey and his knees shaky, and he isleft repenting that he did not make more of his opportunities. So manypeople have told me that they have never regretted their vices, butoften their virtues! Life is too short to take things seriously. Let useat, drink and be merry, for to-morrow we die.
There was really so much to do in Forli that amusement became almosthard work. There were hunting parties in which we scoured the countryall day and returned at night, tired and sleepy, but with a deliciousfeeling of relief, stretching our limbs like giants waking from theirsleep. There were excursions to villas, where we would be welcomed bysome kind lady, and repeat on a smaller scale the Decameron ofBoccaccio, or imitate the learned conversations of Lorenzo and hiscircle at Careggio; we could platonise as well as they, and wediscovered the charm of treating impropriety from a philosophic point ofview. We would set ourselves some subject and all write sonnets on it,and I noticed that the productions of our ladies were always more highlyspiced than our own. Sometimes we would play at being shepherds andshepherdesses, but in this I always failed lamentably, for my nymphinvariably complained that I was not as enterprising as a swain shouldbe. Then we would act pastoral plays in the shadow of the trees; Orpheuswas our favourite subject, and I was always set for the title part,rather against my will, for I could never bring the proper vigour intomy lament for Eurydice, since it always struck me as both unreasonableand ungallant to be so inconsolable for the loss of one love when therewere all around so many to console one....
And in Forli itself there was a continuous whirl of amusement,festivities of every kind crowded on one, so that one had scarcely timeto sleep; from the gravity and instructive tedium of a comedy by Terenceto a drinking bout or a card party. I went everywhere, and everywherereceived the heartiest of welcomes. I could sing and dance, and play thelute, and act, and I was ready to compose a sonnet or an ode at amoment's notice; in a week I could produce a five-act tragedy in theSenecan manner, or an epic on Rinaldo or Launcelot; and as I had not acare in the world and was as merry as a drunken friar, they opened theirarms to me and gave me the best of all they had....
I was attentive to all the ladies, and scandalous tongues gave me half adozen mistresses, with details of the siege and capture. I wonderedwhether the amiable Giulia heard the stories, and what she thought ofthem. Occasionally I saw her, but I did not trouble to speak to her;Forli was large enough for the two of us; and when people aredisagreeable why should you trouble your head about them?
* * * * *
One afternoon I rode with Matteo a few miles out of Forli to a villawhere there was to be some festivity in honour of a christening. It wasa beautiful spot, with fountains and shady walks, and pleasant lawns ofwell-mown grass; and I set myself to the enjoyment of another day. Amongthe guests was Claudia Piacentini. I pretended to be very angry with herbecause, at a ball which she had recently given, I had not received thehonour of an invitation. She came to me to ask forgiveness.
'It was my husband,' she said, which I knew perfectly well. 'He said hewould not have you in his house. You've had another quarrel with him!'
'How can I help it, when I see him the possessor of the lovely Claudia!'
'He says he will never be satisfied till he has your blood.'
I was not alarmed.
'He talked of making a vow never to cut his beard or his hair till hehad his revenge, but I implored him not to make himself more hideousthan a merciful Providence had already made him.'
I thought of the ferocious Ercole with a long, untrimmed beard andunkempt hair falling over his face.
'He would have looked like a wild man of the woods,' I said. 'I shouldhave had to allow myself to be massacred for the good of society. Ishould have been one more of the martyrs of humanity--Saint PhilipBrandolini!'
I offered her my arm, suggesting a saunter through the gardens.... Wewandered along cool paths bordered with myrtle and laurel and cypresstrees; the air was filled with the song of birds, and a gentle breezebore to us the scent of the spring flowers. By-and-by we came to alittle lawn shut in by tall shrubs; in the middle a fountain wasplaying, and under the shadow of a chestnut-tree was a marble seatsupported by griffins; in one corner stood a statue of Venus framed ingreen bushes. We had left the throng of guests far behind, and the placewas very still; the birds, as if oppressed with its beauty, had ceasedto sing, and only the fountain broke the silence. The unceasing fall ofwater was like a lullaby in its monotony, and the air was scented withlilac.
We sat down. The quiet was delightful; peace and beauty filled one, andI felt a great sense of happiness pass into me, like some subtle liquidpermeating every corner of my soul. The smell of the lilac was beginningto intoxicate me; and from my happiness issued a sentiment of lovetowards all nature; I felt as though I could stretch out my arms andembrace its impalpable spirit. The Venus in the corner gained flesh-liketints of green and yellow, and seemed to be melting into life; the lilaccame across to me in great waves, oppressive, over-powering.
I looked at Claudia. I thought she was affected as myself; she, too, wasoverwhelmed by the murmur of the water, the warmth, the scented air. AndI was struck again with the wonderful voluptuousness of her beauty; hermouth sensual and moist, the lips deep red and heavy. Her neck waswonderfully massive, so white that the veins showed clear and blue; herclinging dress revealed the fulness of her form, its undulating curves.She seemed some goddess of Sensuality. As I looked at her I was filledwith a sudden blind desire to possess her. I stretched out my arms, andshe, with a cry of passion, like an animal, surrendered herself to myembrace. I drew her to me and kissed her beautiful mouth sensual andmoist, her lips deep red and heavy....
We sat side by side looking at the fountain, breathing in the scentedair.
'When can I see you?' I whispered.
'To-morrow.... After midnight. Come into the little street behind myhouse, and a door will be opened to you.'
'Claudia!'
'Good-bye. You must not come back with me now, we have been away solong, people would notice us. Wait here a while after me, and then therewill be no fear. Good-bye.'
She left me, and I stretched myself on the marble seat, looking at thelittle rings which the drops made as they fell on the water. My love forGiulia was indeed finished now--dead, buried, and a stone Venus erectedover it as only sign of its existence. I tried to think of a suitableinscription.... Time could kill the most obstinate love, and a beautifulwoman, with the breezes of spring to help her, could carry away eventhe remembrance. I felt that my life was now complete. I had allpleasures imaginable at my beck and call: good wines to drink, goodfoods to eat, nice clothes; games, sports and pastimes; and, last ofall, the greatest gift the gods can make, a beautiful woman to my youthand strength. I had arrived at the summit of wisdom, the point aimed atby the wise man, to take the day as it comes, seizing the pleasures,avoiding the disagreeable, enjoying the present, and giving no thoughtto the past or future. That, I said to myself, is the highestwisdom--never to think; for the way of happiness is to live in one'ssenses as the beasts, and like the ox, chewing the cud, use the mindonly to consider one's superiority to the rest of mankind.
I laughed a little as I thought of my tears and cries when Giulia leftme. It was not a matter worth troubling about; all I should have said tomyself was that I was a fool not to abandon her before she abandoned me.Poor Giulia! I quite frightened her in the vehemence of my rage.
The following evening I would not let Matteo go to bed.
'You must keep me company,' I said, 'I am going out at one.'
'Very well,' he said, 'if you will tell me where you're going.'
'Ah, no, that is a secret; but I am willing to drin
k her health withyou.'
'Without a name?'
'Yes!'
'To the nameless one, then; and good luck!'
Then, after a little conversation, he said,--
'I am glad you have suffered no more from Giulia dall' Aste. I wasafraid--'
'Oh, these things pass off. I took your advice, and found the best wayto console myself was to fall in love with somebody else.'
There was a little excitement in going to this mysterious meeting. Iwondered whether it was a trap arranged by the amiable Ercole to get mein his power and rid himself of my unpleasant person. But faint heartnever won fair lady; and even if he set on me with two or three others,I should be able to give a reasonable account of myself.
* * * * *
But there had been nothing to fear. On my way home, as the day wasbreaking, I smiled to myself at the matter-of-fact way in which a womanhad opened the little door, and shown me into the room Claudia had toldme of. She was evidently well used to her business; she did not eventake the trouble to look into my face to see who was the newcomer. Iwondered how many well-cloaked gallants she had let in by the same door;I did not care if they were half a hundred. I did not suppose thebeautiful Claudia was more virtuous than myself. Suddenly it occurred tome that I had revenged myself on Ercole Piacentini at last; and thequaint thought, coming unexpectedly, made me stop dead and burst into ashout of laughter. The thought of that hang-dog visage, and thebeautiful ornaments I had given him, was enough to make a dead manmerry. Oh, it was a fairer revenge than any I could have dreamed of!
But, besides that, I was filled with a great sense of pleasure because Iwas at last free. I felt that if some slight chain still bound me toGiulia now, even that was broken and I had recovered my liberty. Therewas no love this time. There was a great desire for the magnificentsensual creature, with the lips deep red and heavy; but it left my mindfree. I was now again a complete man; and this time I had no Nemesis tofear.