Chapter 16
Reflections at the Pond
She knew she had the key to life, yet hadn’t been able to share it with Nathan. As she stood by the side of a pond, she wondered how she ended up where she was, alone since Nathan’s unexpected passing. Recalling her last few moments with Nathan caused Faith much pain and anxiety. He was a good man who had served in the military and who had served his country well. She recalled the way he enjoyed long walks through the woods along the many paths that circled around the natural ponds near their home. She recalled the particular pond where they had often sat close to one another while feeding the fish Nathan’s leftover bread. The ponds were often covered in lily pads and stocked with all sorts of marine life, from snails to bass to alligators. She knew to steer clear of the alligators and fortunately had never come in a close encounter with one.
Her thoughts turned from the ponds to Nathan, to whom she had devoted her life over the past few years. She recalled the conversations that Nathan had had with his family about his struggles after the war. Conversations about pain. Conversations about anger and demons. Conversations about hope. Nathan had been struggling with his adjustment to civilian life and was battling depression, post-traumatic stress disorder, and constant migraines. He had served in the military in several tours of Afghanistan, Iran, and Iraq years before and those tours still haunted him. He had lost his sight in one of his eyes and the mobility of one of his arms, yet he never complained about those things. The recurring nightmares were what bothered him. The memories of his comrades and Skidmore and the lives that had been lost plagued him. Faith struggled with ways to soothe his mind, yet nothing she could do removed the memories or mitigated his pain.
Nathan Wagner often spoke of the tours when they were alone. Memories of bombs, guns, and grenades rumbled through his mind and often kept him up at night. Faith recalled cuddling by his side in silence as his body shook during the night. She did anything she could do to help him deal with the nightmares and the stress with which he was plagued. Over and over, she tried to show him the key to his existence, the golden key. Yet his faith was too weak. That greatly saddened her. Only those with faith were able to find the key to life.
Though he was always struggling with the battles and wars being waged in his mind, he treated her like gold. She knew he treasured their times together. And she treasured those times as well. She loved Nathan and was comforted by the fact he had been serving as a volunteer at the Collins Foster Home. Hopefully that would cement his place in heaven. She wanted to one day reunite with him in heaven.
Envisioning herself in heaven in the arms of her Lord and Savior helped Faith to be trusting. She knew heaven was permanent and that this life was temporary. She knew that within this temporary life, the warmth and love of her Lord was always within reach, as long as she had faith.
Life with Nathan was a blessing, but too short. Faith missed him tremendously and longed to be by his side. In between her cries and pants and wailing and calls for help, she walked through the worn paths of the woods near their home. She once again decided to look upward for direction. The sun shone above her and warmed her heart, and she noticed the way that the sun reflected as stars in the ponds along her pathway. Beams of shimmering light surrounded her. Faith closed her eyes and prayed for guidance.
She knew she wasn’t meant to stay in the house and that it was no longer her home. She knew she couldn’t wait for Debbie to find Nathan’s lifeless body lying in his chair. Her calling wasn’t to stay with or comfort Debbie. Instead, she needed to go to two people whom she had never met, Nick and Piper O’Brien.