Meredith automatically went to the china cabinet and took out the Sunday best to set the table, just as she had done every Sunday when she had lived at home. The three Graham women completed their tasks in a well-choreographed fashion, even though they hadn’t played out this Sunday-after-church scene for more than six years. Shelly poured water into the crystal goblets and placed folded cloth napkins next to each fork. Mom carried in the platter of beef, carrots, and potatoes and set it in front of Dad’s place at the head of the table. Meredith brought in the red Jell-O salad, wiggling on the plate. Mom had a collection of copper molds for her weekly Jell-O salad, and this week she had used the cluster of grapes.
The timer went off on the oven, announcing that the refrigerator rolls were ready, and Dad and Jonathan automatically moved from the family room to the dining room. Dad pulled out his wide captain’s chair, and the rest of them followed suit, taking their places around the table. Jonathan had eaten many Sunday dinners with the Grahams while he was growing up next door. He fell right into his role as well.
“Let us pray,” Dad said. Meri listened to his words. Over the years she hadn’t paid much attention to his mealtime prayers, but today she listened. Despite his eloquent flourish to the simple words, Dad’s true heart shone through when he prayed. He was a man who loved the Lord and deeply desired that others would come to know God by making a personal commitment to Jesus Christ.
Meredith had made that commitment when she was nine. One Sunday, after a dinner not unlike this one, she had followed her father into the living room, where he had stretched out on the couch for his usual Sunday-afternoon nap while Mom did the dishes.
“Daddy?” Meri had asked, approaching him cautiously. His eyes were closed, and his right arm was over his head with his wrist resting on his forehead. She remembered the moment distinctly.
“Hmm?” her father responded without opening his eyes.
“I want to go to heaven, Daddy,” she said.
He slowly opened one eye and looked her over.
“Like that missionary said in church this morning. All of us are sinners and need God’s free ticket to get to heaven. I want that ticket.”
Dad opened both eyes and turned his head toward her. His arm was still across his forehead. “Do you believe that Jesus is God’s Son?”
“Yes.”
“Do you believe he died for your sins?” The arm came down to his side.
“Yes.”
“Are you willing to confess your sins to him and ask him to come into your heart and take over your life?”
“Yes.”
“Then go to your room, kneel by your bed, and tell that to God. After you pray, come back and tell me what happened.”
Meredith remembered being so surprised at her dad’s instructions. She had expected him to take her by the hand and pray for her. At the least, he could have smiled or kissed her forehead and told her how proud he was that she was making this big decision. Instead, he stayed on the couch, still lying down, and watched her go upstairs to her room.
On the bumpy throw rug beside her bed, Meredith knelt. She folded her hands and rested her elbows on the edge of her bed. Meri didn’t remember what she prayed that day. She was pretty sure she had all the steps right. Ask forgiveness, invite Jesus to come into her life, then thank him. After the amen she waited. Her father had told her to come back and tell him what happened. Nothing seemed to be happening. She waited a little longer. Her room remained silent. The only tingles she felt were in her legs where the circulation was pinched off.
Finally, convinced she had done something wrong, Meri went back downstairs to sheepishly admit to her father that she had failed in her attempt to become a Christian and secure her ticket to heaven.
He was still lying there, with his arm over his forehead, but his eyes were open, and he was watching her come toward him. Meri sat down cross-legged on the floor in front of him, and with her head hanging down, she said, “I prayed, and nothing happened.”
“Nothing happened that you could see or feel,” her dad corrected her in his rich preacher’s voice, now toned down to touch the heart of his youngest daughter. “But everything happened inside the forever part of you that you can’t see or feel. You just became a Christian, Meredith. You are a daughter of the King. Your name was just written in the Lamb’s Book of Life. You are now a joint heir with Christ. Your sins have been cast as far as the east is from the west.”
Meredith looked into her father’s kind face. All his big words confused her. “Am I going to heaven when I die?”
He smiled. “Yes. By surrendering your life to Christ, you just entered the kingdom of God, and his kingdom is eternal.”
Her father reached over, and with strong, supple fingers, he took her chin in his hand. “Welcome to the family of God, my dear child.”
Meredith felt a little dissatisfied. “Why didn’t you come with me and pray with me?”
“You just made the most important decision of your life,” he said. “This is between you and your Father God. He will always be there for you. I won’t always be here. From the very start you must learn to depend completely on him and not on people who will end up leaving you or disappointing you.”
“But I don’t know if I prayed right.”
“Anytime a heart opens to Christ, it’s a right prayer. The words don’t matter. God already knows what you’re thinking. He knows everything.”
Meri looked down again and admitted to her father, “But I didn’t feel anything. Shouldn’t I feel something when I make the most important decision of my life?”
“Sometimes people do, and sometimes people don’t. The facts are never changed because of feelings. The Bible makes it clear that once you invite Christ into your heart he will never leave you. You may always rely on that unchanging fact.”
Meredith believed his words. After all, her father was in the business of getting people into God’s kingdom. He would know.
“Remember,” he said, “this is just the beginning. Now your relationship with God must continue to grow. Do you still have the Bible we gave you last Christmas?”
Meri nodded.
“It’s up to you, not your Sunday school teacher or anyone else, to take God’s Word and hide it in your heart. Do you understand that?”
Meri nodded again, solemnly.
With all the instructions given, Dad’s face broke into a big smile. He leaned over and kissed Meredith on the cheek. “I love you, honey. The angels in heaven are rejoicing over you right now.” His eyes grew misty, and he said, “You will never know how magnificently my heart is rejoicing over you at this moment as well.”
She basked in his touch and his words of approval. Then she skipped out to the backyard and sat in the swing for a long time.
As the poignant memory began to fade now while Meredith sat at the dining-room table with an empty plate in front of her, she wished the old swing set were still in the backyard. She would sit in the swing again this afternoon and lose herself in her thoughts.
Mom rose to clear the plates. Shelly helped her and returned with an apple pie that had been warming in the oven.
“I saw the sign up for the loganberry farm when we were at Whidbey yesterday,” Mom said. “The sign said they would open on June first this year. Isn’t that early for loganberries?”
“It’s been unusually warm,” Meri said, entering the conversation for nearly the first time during the meal. “They also sell other berries at the stand. I don’t know what’s going to ripen first this year.”
“I’m ready to make some berry pies,” Mom said, pressing the knife into the homemade crust. “I’m hoping the blueberries will be sweeter than they were last year. It was not a good blueberry year.”
Meri was amazed that, despite the crisis with her parents, all they talked about was berries. She reminded herself this was the way her mother coped best, and Meri tried to honor that.
The apple pie was delicious, as always. The rest of the dishes were c
leared with precision. Dad excused himself from the table by placing his cloth napkin, folded and tidy, next to his plate. Mom would wash it even though it was unsoiled. He pushed back his chair and said, “Excellent dinner, Ellen. Thank you.” Then he took the eighteen steps from the dining-room table to the living-room couch like a man under the pull of an irresistible magnet. Within three minutes his light snoring ruffled the air.
The women began the cleanup in the kitchen. To the delight of Meri’s mom, Jonathan ordered her out of the kitchen, saying he would help clean up. Mom didn’t leave the kitchen and go relax as Jonathan had ordered, but she did sit down and put her feet up.
“It was really nice of you three to come today,” Mom said. “I know your father appreciates it.”
“We wanted to be here,” Jonathan said, washing the china with much less finesse than those fragile dishes were used to. “This is an important crossroads for you and Perry. Shelly and I have talked about it, and if we can help in any way, you know we’re here for you.”
“That’s kind of you, Jonathan, but I’m sure there’s nothing you can do.”
“Even so,” Shelly said. “Keep it in mind. If you end up moving out of this house, you might need a place to stay for awhile, and we have room.”
“In your little cabin?” Mom said with a laugh. “I hardly think so. Meredith has twice the space you two have.”
All eyes turned to Meredith as she pulled a dry towel from the bottom drawer. “Oh, of course,” she said, quickly entering into the charity of the moment. “You’re welcome to come stay with me. Anytime. As long as you like. I’d love to have you.” She wasn’t sure why her heart was pounding so wildly. Maybe because she was unaccustomed to lying.
“I’m sure none of your hospitality will be necessary. We are in no rush to sell this house. Who knows? We might end up finding another pastorate here in town.”
Meri knew that wasn’t likely. She hoped their moving in with her wasn’t very likely either.
Chapter Nineteen
After the dishes were done and the kitchen cleaned, Shelly lured Meredith away from the others by saying she wanted to pick some flowers from Mom’s garden and needed help.
Mom’s garden was practical. She had built terraces years ago and kept all the flowers in nice neat rows and sections. The garden wasn’t particularly beautiful to look at, but the abundance of flora it produced graced every room of the house nearly nine months out of the year.
Shelly picked up Mom’s gathering basket from the corner of the mud room, and Meri followed her out to the garden. Neatly tucked inside the basket were Mom’s garden gloves and a pair of clippers.
“If you’re going to talk to me about convincing Mom and Dad to live with me, save your breath,” Meri began before they even reached the terraces. “I didn’t mean it when I said they would be welcome anytime.”
“Don’t worry,” Shelly said. “They would never do that. They like their privacy and schedule too much to become dependent on anyone. I was thinking we could put them up at camp in one of the staff cabins. For a short time. Mom didn’t seem too interested.”
“I’m trying to be more understanding of Mom now that I know what a stressful time she’s going through, but honestly, Shelly, she would drive me crazy.”
“Don’t worry!” Shelly said again. “But I don’t want to talk about Mom. I wanted to tell you what Jake said about you last night.”
“Oh, pu-leeze,” Meri said. “When are you going to stop with the matchmaking? Did he tell you his view of love? That one would stop you dead in your attempts. He thinks falling in love is a chemical reaction. That’s all. His views are about as romantic as cold fish-head soup.”
Shelly laughed. “Where did you get that?”
“From the cold fish himself,” Meri said, reaching over and dead-heading some of the shriveled-up daffodils Mom seemed to have missed. “He, Helen, and I had a little discussion at my house Friday night. Jake seems to think the spiritually correct route to marriage is to make a logical choice in a suitable life partner and then commit to that person. Feelings shouldn’t be involved.”
“That’s not such a radical notion,” Shelly said, snipping a bunch of pansies low at their base. “Jonathan and I made a logical commitment to each other when we got back together and before we became engaged. It’s part of the process.”
“Yes, but you and Jonathan were also in love. You knew you were. Everyone knew you were. You had lots of feelings between the two of you. That’s how I want it to be for me. I want some man to be absolutely taken with me, and I want to be wild about him, not logical and calculated as Jake says it’s supposed to be if it’s to last.”
Shelly flung her long, fawn-colored hair over her shoulder and took a good look at her little sister. “You already are wild about him, aren’t you?”
“Jake?”
“Yes, of course, Jake. I can see it on your face, Meri. Now I know why you were always badgering me about admitting that I was still in love with Jonathan. It shows up in a woman’s face when she says his name, doesn’t it?”
Meri let out a sigh and sat down on the weathered railroad tie that held the second level of the terrace in place. “You know me,” she began her unplanned confession to her sister. “I don’t get crazy about men. I’ve held out for a hero. I’m pure as the driven snow. I’ve prayed for my future husband for years. I’m trusting God that he has one perfect Mr. Right just for me and that he’ll bring him into my life when the timing is right. I also believe what everyone has always told me about love: When it’s right, you’ll know it.”
“Well, everyone is wrong,” Shelly said flatly. “You don’t always know when it’s right. At least I didn’t. It took me five years to admit that Jonathan was right for me.”
“You guys were a special case,” Meri said, plucking a weed from the soil beside her.
“Everyone is a special case,” Shelly said. “And now do you want to hear something that will freak you out?”
Meri shrugged.
“I don’t believe there is only one man for one woman.”
“What is that supposed to mean?”
“You just said that you believe God has one perfect Mr. Right for you. First of all, nobody is perfect. So don’t hold your breath waiting for someone perfect. And second, I agree with Jake. Marriage is a commitment. I don’t believe there is only one perfect man waiting for you, Meri. I think you could end up marrying one of many different men and be very happy and satisfied if you’re both deeply committed to each other.”
“This is too much,” Meri said, getting up and pacing back and forth on the garden pavers. “Of all people, how can you say such a thing? Jonathan is the one and only for you, and you are the one and only for him.”
“That’s how it turned out. But if he had ended up marrying Elena, I believe the two of them would have been very happy if they both were committed to their vows.”
“Oh, come on,” Meri said. “They would never have lasted. His heart was yours from the start.”
“But when I left Seattle, he slowly made room in his heart. Then when Elena came along there was enough room for her to fit in there comfortably without ever bumping into me.” Shelly put down the basket and batted at a fly eavesdropping on their chat. “Jonathan and I have talked about this before. He agrees. The larger portion of love is the choice. What makes it real is the commitment to honor and nurture that choice.”
“You’re bursting all my bubbles,” Meri said flatly. “Whatever happened to heart-stopping, spine-tingling, take-your-breath-away love? And please, oh, please don’t you dare say that’s just a chemical reaction—because I might be forced to take these clippers to your hair if you do!”
Shelly paused before letting a wide, welcoming smile draw up the corners of her mouth. “Does he take your breath away?”
“Who? Jake? No, of course not!”
Shelly raised her eyebrows. “Stop your heart a little? Give your spine a little tingle?”
Meredit
h held up her chin. “I find him intriguing.”
Shelly laughed. “Intriguing? That’s the exact word he used to describe you when Jonathan asked him last night. Jake said you weren’t like any woman he had ever met and he found you intriguing.”
“Is that a step up from ‘original’?”
Shelly smiled. “You know what I think? I think spine-tingling romance is much more than a chemical reaction. I think it’s the icing on the relationship.” She raised her eyebrows and gave Meredith a knowing look. “Believe me, there is nothing like having your breath taken away and then having it given back to you by your true love.”
Meri knew this was the voice of experience speaking.
“But you can’t live on icing,” Shelly said. “Spine-tingling comes and goes. It’s the commitment that builds the real base for love.”
“You’re telling me you don’t get tingly anymore? You’re married one year and all the tingles are gone?”
“I didn’t say that!” Shelly laughed, and her cheeks turned rosy. “It’s only getting better, believe me. All I’m saying is if you plan for the commitment, the tingles will come.”
On her way home, Meredith mulled over her sister’s words. She drove her Explorer onto the ferry and walked up to the top deck, eager to feel the wind in her hair. To her surprise, it was cold once the boat moved out on the water. Shivering cold. The sun, which had been the area’s guardian for so long, was now being replaced by huge clouds that carried rain in their dark hems. It would be wonderful to have some rain again, but as Meri clutched her arms and headed back inside the ferry, she thought of how much she was going to miss the sun and the clear blue skies.
By the time she was off the ferry and driving home on Whidbey Island, the clouds were letting out their hems. Great drops of rain spattered her windshield. Meredith switched on the radio, hoping to catch a weather report. A familiar love song was ending.
“When I see you, that’s when I know