“Yes,” Cody’s vision blurred with angry tears. Because his mother had done this to him since he was a little boy, and because unless something drastic changed, she was going to do this to him as long as she lived. Choosing drugs over a healthy life, over living for God or loving her son. Real life, real love, was never enough for her, and the truth hurt like crazy. “She’s been clean for a while, but she’s fallen before.”
Landon must’ve caught the pain in his tone, because he reached back and took firm hold of Cody’s shoulder. “We’re gonna get her help, Cody. We are.”
He nodded, biting his lip, his eyes locked on his mother’s face. He wanted her to wake up and tell them all it was a joke, a trick. She would never in a million years go back to the drugs that had cost her the chance to raise her son, drugs that had kept her in prison through Cody’s high school years and stopped her from seeing him play even a single football game. But she didn’t move or speak, and in a blur of motion the paramedics wheeled her from the room.
Landon trailed the gurney, and he looked back at Cody as they left. “We’re taking her to Bloomington Community Hospital. Meet us there when you’re finished with the police.”
The police. Cody nodded, his mind racing. What were they learning from Benny, and how would they figure out who had torn apart his mother’s house. He moved down the hall behind Landon. “Is she…is she going to be okay?”
“We have to figure out what she took.” The compassion in his eyes brought the first peace to the moment. “Her vitals aren’t great, but they’re steady.” He hesitated briefly, still moving with the gurney. “Still, I’d get to the hospital.”
“I will.” He watched them go, and he moved to the corner of the living room where the police were still talking to Benny.
The first officer looked at Cody. All accusation from earlier was gone from his eyes. “Benny says he wasn’t here earlier, but he knows who was.”
His mother’s boyfriend shot him an indignant look. “I would never hurt her.” He crossed his meaty arms. His tattoos twisted around his biceps. “She’s been getting back into drugs. Sometimes when I’m here, sometimes not.” He seemed to measure his words, especially since the officer to his right was taking notes. “I told her she was getting in too deep, but she wouldn’t listen.”
That much rang true, but there was something about the guy that made Cody doubt his story. Something in his eyes.
The second officer looked up from his notes. “And you say she told you she was having a drug dealer over to the house?”
“Yes. She wanted crack, and she’d made a few phone calls.”
Cody felt his heart split in half. How could she do this? When she knew where it would lead? She’d told him so herself, that if she used again she’d leave in an ambulance, a hearse, or a squad car. And she’d been right.
“So you knew she’d invited a crack dealer here?”
“Just for a quick purchase.” He waved his hand at the tornup room. “Something must’ve gone wrong, because this…this is how I found the place.”
“Something definitely went wrong.” Cody glared at him.
“What’re you, the doting son? Why don’t you shut the—” Benny cussed and the police officer closest to him grabbed his arm.
“Quit it.” The officer released Benny with a slight shove. He glanced back at Cody. “Work out your differences later.”
They asked Benny a few more questions and then released him. Before he left he looked back once at Cody, and this time he didn’t glare or cuss or make a single threat. But the look in his eyes was chilling, a sneer almost. As if he’d just gotten away with murder and he was happy about the fact.
When he was gone, Cody had another couple minutes with the officers. “I’m still worried about that guy. He could be the dealer for all we know.”
“We’re on it.” The first officer looked grim. “We have no reason to detain him, but his record has us suspicious.” They stood and the other officer slipped his notepad into his pocket. “We’ll be in touch. You can go ahead to the hospital.”
The three of them left at the same time. It wasn’t until Cody reached his car and started off to the hospital that his tears came in earnest. Angry, defeated tears because this was his life—the son of a single mom who was engaged in a lifelong battle with drugs. She’d missed whole sections of his life—his grade school years when he lived with his grandparents because she was in prison, and his middle school days when she was in and out of rehab. By the time he graduated from eighth grade, she’d been arrested again for dealing and using, and her prison sentence kept her locked away while he had his first day of high school and his first homecoming game, his first prom and his final summers of being a kid.
By then his grandparents had both died, Cody was caught up in his own alcoholism, and the Flanigans were his only hope.
He took rough swipes at his wet cheeks and forced himself to gain control. But the thought of the Flanigans only made him more aware of his reality. Whether Bailey stayed with Tim Reed forever didn’t really matter. Cody wasn’t the right guy for her. Look at him. He was a recovering alcoholic with a prosthetic lower left leg, no family support, and none of the easy money people like Bailey and Tim took for granted. He was the son of a drug addict. No matter how he felt when he was with Bailey or how he sometimes wanted to believe she had feelings for him, the answer was painfully obvious.
Bailey deserved better.
Twenty
THE COUNSELING APPOINTMENT TURNED OUT TO be the best thing Andi could’ve done, even though she felt terrible pretending the session had helped. Still, Andi was grateful for the reprieve from her parents. They were convinced she was on the road to becoming her old self, able to think a little more clearly and committed to finding her way back to God again.
Once the counseling session was behind them, her parents made it very clear that Andi simply couldn’t spend the summer in Indianapolis—even if she found a job and paid for the experience herself. She needed help, counseling, and time with her family. Andi didn’t fight them…She had no idea what the future held, but there was no point arguing with her mom and dad now. Otherwise they wouldn’t want her going to the city for even a few days. And she desperately needed to go.
“Maybe you can take classes in Indianapolis next summer,” her mom had told her last night. “When you’re feeling better.”
Andi listened politely, nodding and smiling at the appropriate times. She had no intention of taking art classes in Indianapolis this summer or next. If she stayed with her friends, it would only be for her abortion, and to clear her head so she could figure out what to do next.
But for now she couldn’t think about her future past this afternoon at four o’clock.
She’d found an abortion clinic in Indianapolis, and a week ago she’d made an appointment for the last appointment today. The abortion wouldn’t take more than an hour, they’d told her. Once she had the appointment in hand, Andi had called her friend Sherry who had already moved to the city for the summer. She asked if she could come on Friday for a visit.
“Definitely. Stay with us.” The girl was very open-minded, and now she didn’t hesitate. “We have room on the couch. You need a week or what?”
“Just through the weekend.” Andi had planned it this way. Have the abortion on a Friday, stay with Sherry and the girls through the weekend, and head home Monday. Her parents would never suspect a thing that way. Her stomach hurt from the planning, from the fact that she refused to think about what she was about to do. “Oh, and Sherry…I have another favor to ask.”
Andi explained that she was pregnant and that she’d scheduled an abortion for that afternoon. “I need someone to drive me there and back. They said it won’t take long.”
“Oh, honey. I’m sorry.” Sherry was immediately sympathetic and glad to help. Andi had met Sherry on the mall during rush week last fall. She stood for everything contrary to Andi’s beliefs and upbringing, but Andi found her funny and refreshi
ng. Then Sherry turned up in two of Andi’s classes and they became friends, studying for tests a few times and having coffee together once in a while. Sherry liked Taz—at least at first—and thought the experience was good for Andi. Even the heartbreak at the end.
“We learn the most through pain,” she’d told Andi back then, and she reiterated the mantra on the recent phone call.
Andi wasn’t sure she agreed, but this time the pain was inevitable. Because she wouldn’t embarrass her parents, wouldn’t do anything to ruin all the good they’d accomplished. The last thing they needed now was a scandal—especially a public one. People would think Jeremiah Productions was a joke.
Now, with the plan set, Andi packed a small roller suitcase and tried to keep from panicking. Was she really doing this, heading out to Indianapolis for an abortion? What about her baby? It wasn’t his or her fault, right? She glanced at the piece of paper on her bookcase. She’d jotted down the name of the abortion clinic and her appointment time, as well as the clinic phone number. All the details she needed. Next she pulled out her cell phone and copied the information into her phone’s address book.
Tossing the paper in the trash, Andi stuffed her thoughts back to the basement of her soul and pulled her suitcase down the hallway. She found her parents at the computer in their new office. They were reading a review on The Last Letter—Andi could see that much on the screen. Her dad turned and grinned at her. “The critics love it! The whole world’s going to know about this movie!”
Andi tried to look enthusiastic, but she didn’t have even the slightest interest in what the review said. “I’m leaving. The girls are expecting me in the city.”
“Honey, I don’t know.” Her mom stood and came to her, pressing the back of her hand to Andi’s forehead. “Are you feeling up to it? I mean, it was just a week ago that you were sleeping all day.”
“I’m fine.” She was touched by her mom’s concern, but she struggled to make eye contact. Mom, if you only knew…Again she pushed back her fear and found a quick smile. “It’s a short drive. Just an hour and hardly any heavy traffic until the end.”
Her mom hesitated, and her dad turned and looked at her from his computer chair. His eyes clouded with doubt. “Are you sure, honey?”
“Yes.” She ignored the strange rhythm of her heart. “I really need this.”
Her dad stood and gave her a tender hug. “Please be careful.”
“Oh, I don’t think we told you.” Her mom’s expression suddenly changed. “Brandon Paul’s coming Sunday. He’ll be here for a few nights.”
Andi was glad she was still holding onto her suitcase handle. Otherwise she might’ve fallen flat onto the floor. Brandon Paul? “The Brandon Paul?”
“Right.” Her dad chuckled. “He’s meeting with Dayne and me, so most of the day will be business.” He hesitated. “Brandon’s an interesting kid. He’s not much older than you. A few years, maybe. I think he wants to know the Lord, wants to do right. Maybe that’s why he’s drawn to work with us in Unlocked. But he still has a wild side…I’m not sure he understands the scope of the battle he’s in.”
Andi was sure her father was right. Even she hadn’t understood the scope of the battle until she imagined what her pregnancy might do to her father’s reputation. A megastar like Brandon Paul? Of course he didn’t understand it. “He’s staying here?”
“Actually at Dayne’s house. We’re meeting there.” Her dad angled his head, as if he was processing the possibilities. “Anyway, maybe you can come by. Take him around campus and give him a breather that afternoon. It might be fun…”
“And good for him.” Her mom nodded. “Not because he’s Brandon Paul…but because we want him to have good, solid people around him.”
“If he gives his life to God during the filming of Unlocked, think of our country—the millions of kids that could be affected.”
And if she moved home unwed and pregnant, imagine what that would do? She doubled her determination to make it to her appointment this afternoon.
“Anyway, just think about it.” Her dad hugged her one last time. “Drive safely, honey.”
Her mom hugged her, too, and after another round of promises that she’d be safe and that she’d call later that night, Andi was behind the wheel of her four-door, headed to Indianapolis. Her mind stayed ten miles ahead of her the whole ride. Brandon Paul was coming to Bloomington? How different might this weekend be if she hadn’t gone with Taz? If she hadn’t let him have his way with her? Her parents clearly still thought she’d be a good influence on the nation’s top celebrity. The idea was ludicrous, and now the last thing Andi wanted was to spend time with Brandon. She would still be aching from an abortion. Her world had no room for frivolous afternoons with movie stars—not anymore.
She would stay in Indianapolis a few days longer and miss his visit altogether. He wouldn’t be interested in her anyway. She looked ragged and worn out, and her stomach would be swollen from the procedure. No, there would be no meeting with Brandon Paul.
As that thought lifted, the more pressing one filled her mind. After a lifetime of believing God’s Word, of holding tight to the value of life, she was only hours away from killing her baby. It wasn’t a thought she allowed very often. Ever since she’d made up her mind, she’d acknowledged it only as a procedure or an abortion—the way the woman at the Indianapolis clinic called it. But here—driving into the city—she couldn’t stop the truth from consuming her.
The closer she got to the city, the more she became convinced she was making a mistake. If she went through with the abortion she would carry the secret to her grave. But she would also carry the guilt. She allowed her mind to race, imagining other options. She couldn’t tell her parents or ask for their support. Not without ruining her dad’s reputation, his credibility with the public. She could hardly call Taz and ask him to step up and help raise their child. Every option seemed wrought with terrible implications.
As she passed the city limits sign, tears began to choke her. They streamed down her face and compromised her ability to see the road. She needed to call Taz. She hadn’t gotten through to him last time she tried, and now he needed to know. The baby was his, too, and he deserved the chance to give her advice or offer his help. He wasn’t a terrible person, really; he had simply moved on to another love. But back when the two of them were an item he had always been kind, his words flattering, his actions gentle.
She pulled off the freeway at the next exit and turned into a gas station parking lot. Her hands shook as she snagged her cell phone from the seat beside her and found his number in her address book. She hit Send and waited while it rang. Just when it seemed his voicemail might come on, she heard him. He sounded groggy and distracted. “Hey…”
Andi felt another wave of panic, as she searched in a hurry for the right words. “Taz…it’s me. Andi.”
“What?” He made a sound like he was yawning. “Sorry, I didn’t hear you. Who?”
“Andi.” Frustration raised the level of her voice. “Andi Ellison, Taz. Remember me?”
“Oh, Andi.” He laughed lightly. “Sorry sweetheart, I was half asleep. Long night.”
“It’s three in the afternoon.”
“I know.” Most of the humor faded from his tone. “It’s summer, okay?”
This was a terrible start. Andi covered her face with her free hand and pressed the phone to her ear. There was no easy way to say this. “Taz…I’m pregnant.”
For a long time he said nothing, and she wondered if he’d hung up. “You’re…pregnant? Do you…do you know who the father is?”
If he’d been sitting across from her she would’ve gladly slapped his face. “I’ve never been with anyone but you.”
Another silence. “I see.” He exhaled loudly, slowly. As if the truth were finally hitting him. “What’re you gonna do?”
“I scheduled an abortion for today. But,” her voice broke, “I’m struggling. It isn’t fair to the baby.”
“There
is no baby.” His voice took on an authoritative voice, the one that mixed passion and charisma with absolute power. The voice he’d used when he was directing her in his film. “You know better than that, Andi. You’re what—three months along?”
“Not yet.”
“Then it’s not a baby.” His easy laughter was back. “You had me worried there. I don’t want to be a father. No way.”
She felt sick, and she couldn’t tell if the ache was in her heart or her stomach. She clutched her middle. “God says it’s a baby, Taz. I don’t care what you think. If I have the abortion, I kill our baby.”
He cussed under his breath. “God says you shouldn’t have slept with me, isn’t that right?” His voice had become a menacing hiss. “Do what you have to do to get rid of it. No one’s forcing me to be a father.”
Andi was still thinking what to say in response when she realized he’d hung up on her. How dare he talk to her that way? Throwing it in her face that she’d slept with him, when he was the one who had talked her into it. She began to shiver, disgusted with herself for losing her virginity to someone so manipulative, so hateful. She pounded on the steering wheel and hung her head. What had she done? How could she be trapped in this nightmare? For five minutes she sat there, weeping and occasionally hitting her fist against the wheel or her own leg.
What about Rachel? Her friend wouldn’t recognize her now. No one who had known her back in high school would see anything in this Andi that was familiar to the one they’d known. She was a terrible person, cheap and used and without a hope in the world. If she drove her car off a cliff, everyone would be better off. Her parents would be sad, of course, but they would get over the loss. That way they’d never have to know that she’d slept with Taz, or that she’d had an abortion.
But gradually a thought began to dawn on her. Maybe when the baby was conceived under such horrific conditions, abortion was the only answer. Certainly she didn’t want to be linked to Taz the rest of her life. And what were her other options? For a split instant she could hear Ashley Baxter Blake at the crisis pregnancy clinic telling her about adoption—how beautiful it could be to give her child the gift of life with a family praying for a baby.