When Ben and Kendall got up to speed about the latest developments, Ben directed everyone to hold hands one more time. “We’ve taken time to ask God for His blessing,” Ben’s voice was scratchy, thick with emotion. “Now it’s time to thank Him.”
Chase studied the older man. He seemed deeply emotional, maybe because of his earlier talk with Kendall. The conversation had been very private and seemed more intense than was fitting for a night like this. Chase wondered if Kendall’s dad was warning her to keep her distance from Chase, reminding her that Chase was married. He hoped not. He’d be mortified if his errant thoughts were that obvious.
This time Keith was between him and Kendall as they linked hands and bowed their heads. This time the profound nature of the moment spilled into their prayer and they went on for ten minutes while each of them took turns praising God for His direction and wisdom, and thanking Him for the premiere and the way it was received, and the way it was already working to change lives for His glory, and finally for the deal with American Pictures and the breakthrough with Brandon Paul and their next film.
As they finally climbed into the waiting limo and drove across town to their hotel, Chase was positive he’d never felt like this before. He wasn’t tired, and when Kendall asked him if he wanted to join her for a cup of coffee in the lobby, he agreed before he could remember a single reason why he shouldn’t. Keith and Lisa went off to their room, and Luke to his—clearly assuming everyone was turning in, and Kendall’s father set off for home.
And like that, Chase and Kendall were alone.
They chose a table tucked into the corner of the lobby, near a roaring fire and out of sight from the main traffic at the front desk. She put her elbows on the table and leaned in close, her eyes imploring him. “Before we talk, I need to apologize.” She held his gaze. “That was awkward, on the red carpet. People thinking we were…you know, married.” She rushed ahead, her voice rich with regret. “I had no idea…I mean, I would’ve walked five feet behind you if I’d known.”
She seemed anxious for him to find her innocent in the situation, and Chase did so immediately. He clasped his hands around hers and squeezed gently before letting go. “Don’t worry about it. You did nothing wrong.”
Her remorse eased a bit, and something in her eyes made him feel uneasy. Did her expression hold a hint of desire, or were his own feelings shading the way she came across in a moment like this?
“Still.” She blinked, and the desire—if there’d been desire—was gone completely. “It was awkward, and I apologize. Please tell Kelly it was one of those crazy moments. Neither of us meant anything by it.”
Again Chase swallowed hard, and he moved his hands out onto the table again. For the next half hour he forgot about his promise to call Kelly. Instead, he and Kendall replayed every moment of the amazing night, the red carpet and the premiere, the reaction from the audience, and the telltale questions that followed. Through it all, their hands touched at times, and once their faces were so close Chase could imagine kissing her. He didn’t want the moment to end. This was only the beginning, right? The start of all they would accomplish together as a team—Keith and him and Kendall and Ben. Luke working out the details.
Finally, she blinked twice, as if she was only just realizing how they might’ve looked together, how they’d been acting. She blinked twice and withdrew her hands to her lap. The color in her cheeks deepened. “Chase. I didn’t only want to talk about the premiere…or Brandon Paul.” She looked away, as if the eye contact between them had become too much for her.
Only then did Chase notice that her fingers were trembling. She looked up and her eyes were deep with agony. Whatever was coming, it wasn’t good. He felt his heart skip a beat and then pound into a faster rhythm.
Kendall lifted her eyes. “My dad asked me something tonight that shocked me. He wanted to know if I was falling for you.”
“What?” Chase’s heart slammed against his chest and he felt suddenly clammy. Had things between them become so obvious that Ben had picked up on it? When neither of them had even hinted at the possibility until tonight? “I can apologize to him if he thinks—”
“Chase.” She peered at him through teary eyes, her heart clearly anguished. “I’m finished with Jeremiah Productions. I’ve loved every minute, but now…my dad made it clear tonight. I need to move on. There’s too much at stake.”
“You can’t quit.” He rose halfway out of his seat, shocked and angry, embarrassed at the implied accusation from Kendall’s father. “We didn’t do anything wrong. We were on the same team, Kendall. We were bound to get close. We were…”
His words trailed off and Kendall said nothing, only stared at him, deep into his eyes, and the message was beyond clear. He could lie to himself, but he couldn’t lie to her. She must’ve known every time he’d been moved by her, every time he’d found her interesting or alluring. The proof was all over her face.
Chase studied her, unable to completely process the finality of what was happening. A few minutes ago they’d been celebrating, right? But the whole time Kendall had been harboring her father’s warning, holding back about the fact that this wasn’t only their greatest night as a team—it was their last.
Suddenly like a tsunami overtaking him, the truth hit. Never mind that he hadn’t acted on his private wanderings. He had unwittingly given Kendall a piece of his heart. In doing so he had gone against God and Kelly and everything he believed in. Even if only in thought. This was God’s answer to the half-hearted prayers he’d uttered off and on through the night. He couldn’t possibly be a filmmaker looking to touch the world with God’s message of hope and redemption if he was having feelings for someone other than his wife. And now the decision about how to handle himself around Kendall had been made for him. His hands suddenly felt uncomfortable on the table and he lowered them to his knees. “How soon?”
“Monday.” Shame filled her eyes. “I’m sorry, Chase. It wasn’t only you.”
And like that, the second wave hit. He wasn’t the only one entertaining wrong thoughts. This new truth was both flattering and horrifying at the same time. He couldn’t possibly ask her to stay now. They’d avoided a disaster, but clearly the only option was to split ways. He didn’t say anything, because there was nothing to say. Her admission had said it all.
She sat a little straighter, more composed than before. “Life is made up of seasons. My dad used to say that.” No smile lifted the corners of her mouth. The sadness in her eyes was all-encompassing. “Maybe some other season I’ll be back.”
All Chase could think about was Kelly, and how badly he wanted to call her. “It’s late.”
They took the elevator up, and her floor was before his. As the door opened, she stepped out quickly without a hug or any physical contact. She waved. “Keep in touch.”
“We will.” He got out the words just as the door shut, and like that he was alone with his raging emotions. Guilt for his earlier thoughts, and shock over the news about Ben Adams. Relief because he no longer had to worry about Kendall.
But he still had to worry.
What flaw in his faith and commitment to Kelly had allowed him to take even a few steps down the path of infidelity? He was still buzzing from the shock when he reached his room and flipped on the TV. Entertainment Tonight was showing highlights from the premiere, but the thrill was overshadowed by the obvious impression the images gave off. He and Kendall looked like they were together, and Chase could only admit the obvious.
He had stood at the brink of disaster, toes over the edge of a cliff from which there would’ve been no return, nothing but certain destruction. The thought hit him like a freight train as he flipped off the television and stared at the darkened screen. There would be other women with every stage of filmmaking, actresses and casting agents and directors. People drawn to the success of Jeremiah Productions. If he could so easily let his feelings get out of hand for Kendall, what about the next woman to come along? Or the one after that?
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He lowered his head to his hands. God, I need Your help. What’s the answer? I don’t care about the fame, but what if I can’t handle the temptations? What if I mess up? He squeezed his eyes shut and tried to picture his wife—his amazing wife—back home with their two daughters. Trusting him, believing in him. Needing him. And what about his little girls—Molly and Macy.
Marketing The Last Letter, planning and filming their next picture. All of it would take more time away from home. Already he’d missed much of the past year—time he wouldn’t get back again. Help me, God. Show me what You want me to do. Please, Lord.
Suddenly he remembered the words Keith had said earlier, how easy it would be to win the world for Christ through film, and meanwhile lose themselves. Chase stood and walked to the bathroom, gripped the granite countertop, and stared at himself in the mirror. I need an answer, God. Please show me how to survive this.
Back in his bedroom he found the framed photo of Kelly and the girls, the one he took on road trips. His heart hurt as he picked it up and stared at the faces he loved. How close had he come tonight to falling? Slowly and with an ache in his chest, Chase dropped back to the bed, the picture still clutched in his hands. “No, God…please no,” his words were an anguished whisper. “I don’t want to fail. I need Your protection.” He couldn’t have even a hint of impropriety. Not now or ever. “Show me the way, please.”
When his desperate prayer was over, he struggled to his feet and realized how strange this night had been—the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. He was not going to make films for God only to lose his marriage along the way. He knew what he had to do, and he strode purposefully to his laptop, opened it, and set it on the small desk.
With a series of clicks he ordered a dozen long-stemmed roses sent to Kelly at their home address. On the note card he directed them to write only this: “We won big tonight, but it was not the same without you. I love you more than you know. Chase.”
He scheduled the roses to be delivered the next day, and then he made the call he should’ve made an hour ago. Kelly had never sounded more glad to hear from him, more absolutely trusting. The girls were in bed, of course, and she’d been waiting for his call. Macy’s fever was down, and Kelly thought she had turned the corner and was recovering from the flu. Chase savored every word that came across the line. Her voice was like an oasis, an embrace that brought a physical comfort, one that soothed every rough, jagged part of his heart.
“I prayed for you,” she said. “Tell me everything.”
Guilt sliced through his soul because he couldn’t tell her everything. Not the part about his temptations and struggles or how the reporters thought Kendall was his wife or how even Ben Adams had been concerned that Chase and Kendall might have an attraction to each other. Kelly didn’t deserve those details. Instead he told her everything else. About the paparazzi and the enormous crowd outside the theater, the packed house, and the representatives from every studio in Hollywood.
“Honey, that’s amazing.” She released a quiet squeal. “It’s everything I asked God about.”
He finished by telling her about the offer from American Pictures and the news that NTM had retracted their earlier announcement about Brandon Paul. “I keep thinking I’m going to wake up and the whole thing will be one wonderful dream.” He closed his eyes and massaged his brow. He hated this, feeling like a phony. He didn’t deserve any part of what was happening around him. Least of all, the loving woman waiting back home for him. He kept his tone appropriately upbeat. “It doesn’t feel real.”
“But it is. Because God’s doing this, Chase.” Her love, her support, warmed her words and touched him deeply. She paused, and passion filled her voice. “I only wish I were there with you.”
They talked a while longer, and before their conversation ended, Kelly remembered one last thing. “Check your email. I forgot to tell you, but Pastor Hastings called. I guess he sent you something. Said it was time sensitive.”
“About the movie?”
“He didn’t say.” Kelly didn’t sound too concerned about the message. “I’m so proud of you, Chase. I love you so much.”
Again Chase felt sick about what could’ve happened. He swallowed hard. “I love you too, baby. I can’t wait to see you.”
“This is just the beginning.”
“Exactly.” The beginning of what? Chase wondered. A sick feeling wrapped its arms around him. “I miss you.”
“You too. It’s so good to hear your voice.”
As the call ended, Chase set the phone down on the end table and stared at the plain beige wall across from him. If this was the beginning, then did that mean he’d face a life of temptation and terrible guilt? Years of being away from home and spending long days on the road? He felt weary and lifeless, and more than anything he wanted to be home with Kelly and the girls. He remembered the email, and he stood slowly, like a man twice his age.
Why would Pastor Hastings email him? The man was in his seventies, a respected teacher known throughout the area for his wisdom and Bible knowledge. Their church was made up of several leaders and thousands of members, but Chase doubted the main pastor had a clue about the movie industry or what Chase was working on. He opened his Mac, waited the few seconds while it sprang to life, and opened his mailbox. The email from the pastor was near the top. The subject line read “Opportunity.”
Had the pastor come across local investors? Chase clicked the email open and saw that it was brief. Only a few lines. He narrowed his eyes, confused, and began reading.
Dear Chase,
I want to make you aware of a recent opportunity. Our youth pastor has unexpectedly moved back to New Jersey because of a family crisis. Our team met this morning and prayed about a replacement candidate, and your name quickly rose to the top of our list. We are aware of your previous experience and your education in ministry. I understand that your new ventures have taken you away much of the time. Therefore, this may not be something you’re interested in pursuing. But then again, it might bring you closer to home and the role of raising your young daughters.
Please do not feel pressured to take the position. Either way our team would appreciate a response at your soonest convenience. Until then we are praying for your thoughtful consideration.
Because of Him,
Pastor Joseph Hastings
Chase stared at the email and then read it over again three times. If he thought he was dreaming before, this was the clincher. Pastor Hastings was asking him to be youth pastor at their church? A youth pastor, when already Chase had committed to making movies, to producing and directing? Did no one at the church know how much success they were having in Hollywood?
The email was still shouting at him, so Chase closed it and shut down his computer. Why in the world would his name rise to the top of the list of candidates capable of leading the church’s youth? Sure he was trained in ministry, and he’d served as an ordained pastor on the mission fields. But still…a youth pastor? He thought back, remembering a decade ago before filmmaking became a part of his life. For a brief season his dream had been youth ministry. But Pastor Hastings couldn’t have known that.
Chase dismissed the thought and turned his heart once more to the Lord. God, I have no idea why Pastor Hastings sent me that email, but help me turn him down gently. In the meantime, I need an answer about the future, God. Chase rolled onto his back, restless. He sighed out loud, grabbed a pillow, and pulled it to his chest. He needed a way to handle times like tonight, a stronger spirit, a greater resolve. Whatever it took so he could survive this season of filmmaking and still come out the man he was before this crazy ride started. He stared at the ceiling, restless and unsure. God had given him a warning tonight. Now Chase could only believe that if God had helped him survive a night of temptation, He would show him how to survive a lifetime of it.
He wasn’t going to let the devil tempt him with Kendall or anyone else. This was God’s mission field, not a Hollywood playground. He
wouldn’t fail his wife or his faith or his family. Chase was surer about that than he was about his next breath. And with that certainty, he was finally able to drift off to sleep dreaming about the only woman he would ever love.
His precious wife, Kelly.
Five
ANDI HAD HER TEST RESULTS. MOST of the night she’d been staring at the white plastic stick, her pulse fast and irregular, her mouth dry, panic coursing through her. One minute she’d lie on her bed crying her eyes out, and the next she’d pace her room, frantic, desperate for a way out. There was none.
She was pregnant with Taz’s child. There was no hiding from the fact any longer.
This new reality had been a part of her for several hours, but the shock was still decimating its way through her, tearing apart her soul and screaming at her for all the ways she’d failed. Andi looked at the clock and saw it was nearly two in the morning. She pulled herself out of bed, and in a rush, a wave of nausea dragged her down. As fast as she could move, she hurried to the bathroom and fell to her knees at the edge of the toilet. For the third time that night, she dry-heaved into the cold porcelain bowl, gasping for air between convulsions.
She hadn’t eaten all night, so nothing came up. Nothing but the reality that her life was never going to be the same again. Her stomach twisted and turned until Andi wondered if she might collapse there on the bathroom floor. It was like her body was rebelling, the way she had rebelled against God and her family, against the wisdom of her roommate, Bailey, and her deceased friend, Rachel Baugher.
The wave passed, though her stomach still hurt desperately. She rocked back on her heels and hung her head. Maybe if she threw up enough times the pregnancy would go away. She clung to the toilet and tried to steady herself. But the room rocked and tilted and she didn’t dare move.