definition, I have to be gone.”
“Your brothers are guides, too. But they don’t do the three-month Alaska trips, one right after another. They don’t traipse across Canada or wherever. They stick.”
“And because they do, I go,” he said. “Look, someone’s got to do those trips. They’re high-end, big-bucks trips that provide us with the majority of our income.”
“TJ,” she said with terrifying gentleness. “Now who’s the liar?” She held his gaze, letting that sink in. “You and I both know that there’s plenty of business right here. At home.”
Since that happened to be true, he said nothing.
“So what are you running from?”
Well, hell. How she’d turned this around on him, he had no idea. “I’ll tell if you tell.”
“You will not.”
“I will,” he said, and waited while she gave him a long, considering look.
Finally, she blew out a sigh. “I’m running from the poverty on my heels and a possible lifetime of dirty fingernails.” She flashed him a tight smile. “I don’t want to be like my mom, always needing to depend on others, always in a bind, always unhappy. I want to have a job that fulfills me and pays the bills.”
“Nothing wrong with that,” he said.
She nodded her agreement of that, then gestured to him. “Now you.”
“The camera…”
She patted it. “It’s going to make it. It’s motion-and air pressure–sensitive, and calibrated to allow for winds up to fifty miles per hour. But that windstorm we had last week, with the gusts up to seventy-five miles per hour, knocked it out of whack. I’ve reset it.” She arched a brow. “Now you,” she repeated.
Fuck. “Okay, it’s like this. When I was young and I needed to escape, I’d hit the trail.” He didn’t go into what he’d needed to escape from. “Depending on the season, I’d grab my bike or my skis and I’d vanish.” No drunk-ass father, no school, nothing but his own wits. “Now I no longer need to run from anything, but…”
“It’s still your go to,” she said softly, understanding in her warm eyes. “Your escape.”
“Yeah.” He let out a long, slow breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding and lifted a shoulder. “It’s where I feel the most…alive,” he said simply. “But now, lately…” He shook his head. “The lodge is all weddings and babies and kittens. I’m surprised there’s not a fucking rainbow hanging over the roof. Cam took flowers to Katie at her office.”
She laughed. “That’s sweet.”
“He’s done it every day this week. It’s some sort of an anniversary thing. You can’t even see Katie at her desk anymore. It’s like she’s working in a florist shop. And then there’s Stone. He’s still trying to rope Emma in, so he’s doing all this shit to impress her, and getting himself hurt so she has to treat him. The guy is a walking Band-Aid.”
“It’s love, TJ. Not some lesser degree of love, but the real deal.”
“It’s a little over the top.”
She was quiet a moment. “You don’t believe in the real deal love?”
“I didn’t say that.”
“Then what? What about the real deal love gets to you?”
How about it hurt like hell? “Like I said, there are all kinds of love,” he said carefully. “Something different for everybody. This kind, this ‘real deal’ as you call it, I’m not sure it’s for everyone, that’s all.”
She looked at him for a long moment. “I know this will shock you, but I happen to agree with you.”
Once again he found himself letting out a long breath he hadn’t even realized he was holding. He couldn’t help it. She kept surprising him, kept worming her way into his heart.
And making him rethink his stance on just about everything, including the whole love thing. He took her hand and ran a thumb over her fingers, enjoying the contact in a way he rarely did with anyone else. “Did we just agree on something?”
“I think we did.”
“I hope it’s a trend.”
“Ditto.”
Cupping her face, he pulled her up against him for the sheer pleasure of it. “You were right before. You scare the hell out of me, Harley.”
“Again,” she said softly. “Ditto.”
“You might have been the one with a crush on me growing up, but I’ve had a crush on you for several years,” he admitted. “I don’t know why. I think it was all that bickering we did, it always made me”—he flashed her a grin—“hot.”
She rolled her eyes and made him laugh.
“Every party, every get-together, every pool game, it all drove me crazy,” he said.
“You never said.”
“I hid it behind a helluva lot of long trips.” He smiled grimly. “And a lot of cold showers.”
She stared at him, her eyes soft. “I never knew.”
“I never meant you to. You’re not the only one who can hide their feelings.” He nudged her in even closer. “The truth is, Harley, what I feel for you could slip right past lust into uncharted waters if I let it.”
She swallowed hard. “If you let it?”
“Don’t worry. I’m working on it.”
“Okay.” She nodded, but then shook her head and closed her eyes. “Maybe we should go back to the bickering. Bickering was so easy.”
“Think we can?” He nudged her with his knee, slid a hand up her back, and felt her practically melt into him, which was more than a little gratifying. “Really?”
She left her eyes closed and dropped her head to his shoulder. “We can try like hell.” The doubt was heavy in her voice. “We’re both tough, we’re fighters. We can do this.”
“Yeah.” But a small part of him wondered if they were fighting a battle that had already been lost.
CHAPTER 13
“So what now?” TJ asked after Harley had finished with the camera.
“The next camera.” She consulted the GPS and her maps. “I think I can hike to it and be back by nightfall.” She looked up and found him watching her.
They were still sitting side by side. Their thighs were touching. Purely by accident, she decided. The log they were sitting on wasn’t all that big.
But when he leaned close and offered her a bottle of water, there was nothing accidental about the zing that went straight through her body, making her thighs clench together. She looked up into his face to see if he noticed.
His eyes were on hers, deep and steady. And heated.
He’d noticed.
Fighting this, she reminded herself. Be tough. “Thanks,” she said quietly and set the water down.
“You need to stay hydrated.”
“I’m tired of peeing in the woods.”
“It’s not that bad.”
“Says the guy who gets to pee standing up without exposing vital parts.”
He slid her a look.
“Okay, so you have to expose one vital part.” One really vital part. “Big deal.”
He grinned and offered her dried mangoes and beef jerky from his pack.
“Thanks.” She dipped her hand into the bag.
TJ leaned forward to grab another water for himself and the length of their thighs pressed together again. She could have pulled free but she didn’t, and when he straightened back up, opening the bottle of water, his biceps brushed her arm and the side of her breast.
Her breath caught.
He drank long and deep, his throat working. He stopped when he sensed her staring at him and licked a drop of water off his upper lip. A small insect landed on his shoulder. Without thinking, Harley leaned in, pursed her lips, and blew.
TJ’s eyes went to her mouth. “What was that?”
“You had a bug. I blew it away.”
His eyes seemed to darken at the word “blew.” “Do me a favor.”
“I already owe you a…favor.”
His eyes smoldered at that. “There’s no debt between us, but don’t blow on me like that again unless you mean it.”
 
; Okay, good to know. Suddenly parched herself, she drank some of her water, but not nearly as gracefully as he had, managing to dribble several drops down the front of her.
Both their gazes went to her chest. He made a noise, low in his throat as he exhaled.
“I’m messy,” she whispered.
His eyes lifted back to hers, heated. “I like messy.”
She took a gulp of air.
“What now?” he murmured.
Um, we forget the being tough thing and have wild sex against a tree? “We should find something to bicker about and fast.”
He laughed softly. “I meant regarding your work.”
Oh. Right. She struggled to concentrate. “East ridge.”
“There and back before nightfall, and then…”
“And then I hike home in the morning,” she said.
“You’re not a you. You’re a we.”
Until they get back. While they were out here. After that, it was back to real life. Suddenly she wished all the cameras were down and she had an excuse to stay out there with him for longer.
“What will you do when you get home?” he asked quietly.
She lifted a shoulder. “Keep working the research internship until spring.”
“And work long hours at the garage?”
“Yes.”
“And worry about your parents. And your sister.”
“Yeah, and stress about whether or not taking the Colorado job is the right thing to do. It’s called life, TJ. You work long hours, you worry about your family. It’s what we do.”
“You’re questioning taking the Colorado job?”
Trust him to anchor in on the one thing really bothering her. “No.” She squeezed her eyes shut, then opened them. “Yes.”
“Tell me.”
“Maybe…maybe the research position is the wrong angle. Maybe being out here fulfills me like it does you.” She met his gaze. “What do you think?” she asked, honestly wanting to hear what he’d do, even though a part of her already knew. He’d do what was right, not necessarily what was easy. Taking the job, if it was offered, was the easy route. Figuring out what would fulfill her, what would make her happy, would be better.
He looked at her for a long moment. “It’s your decision to make.”
“Thanks. You’ve been a big help.”
“I think you already know what you want to do. I think you know you want to be out here and not at a desk, but you’re worrying about everyone other than yourself. That, or you’re scared.”
“Of what?”
“Of admitting you don’t always have the answers. Of disappointing yourself. Of making a mistake. Of taking a real risk. Hell, I don’t know, Harley, pick one.”
How about all of the above?
His smile was gentle. “Sorry you asked?”
“Hard to be, when you’re right.”
“I like being right.” He reached for her hand and entwined their fingers. “Think of yourself, for once, Harley. Do what works for you.”
Her throat went a little tight. “TJ?”
“Yeah?”
“Do you really think we can do this? Be friends? After all this time?”
He let out a low, deep breath, but surprised her by giving her an honest answer. “I want to think so.”
Well, that was something at least.
“But you’ll have to stop talking about blow jobs.”
“All I did was blow away a bug!”
“I think it’s the word blow.” He shifted as he thought about it, then nodded. “Yeah. It is.”
She rolled her eyes as his phone vibrated, then watched as his good humor vanished as he took the call. “What is it?” She asked when he was done.
“Search and Rescue. There are two people missing from Red Rock as of last night.”
“Red Rock…”
“About three hours north of here by foot.” He looked at her, clearly conflicted. He didn’t want to leave her alone, but this was his job.
“Go,” she said. “They need you. I’ll be fine.”
“You’re just going out to that east ridge and back to the same spot for the night, yes?”
“Yes. And then home in the morning. I’ll probably be back in town before you. I’ll be fine.”
Still he hesitated.
“TJ, go. Don’t worry. You’ve taught me some good tricks.”
He opened his pack and lifted his Maglite. “You have one of these?”
She rolled her eyes. “Yes.”
“Extra batteries?”
“Uh huh.” Somewhere.
“Enough food and water?”
“TJ, I’m a big girl. I won’t be a responsibility to you.”
“You’re not a job to me, Harley,” he said, his voice low and serious. “You’re much more than that. Here.” He handed her the magic goodie bag from his pack.
Her heart tugged hard, but she tried to hide it behind a quip. “Aw, your dental floss and Fritos. How sweet.”
“Smart-ass.” He went to take the bag back, but she grabbed it and hugged it to her. Then she shifted close. “Thanks,” she whispered, letting him see that she meant it. Going up on tiptoes, she set her hands on his biceps and kissed his jaw.
At the contact, he closed his eyes, as if her touch meant something to him. His arms came around her hard, and he pressed his face into her hair. They stayed like that for a moment, frozen in time, and it wasn’t until she finally pulled away that his eyes locked with hers.
And she froze again, barely breathing as his hand came up and trailed his fingers across her temple, over her throat, down her arm, where he took her hand and squeezed. “You’re welcome,” he said just as softly, then kissed her, his mouth warm as he lingered for only a second before pulling away. He reached into the bag he’d given her and showed her the mace. “Shake hard to activate it if you have to use it. And trust me on this—stand upwind.”
“TJ—”
He handed her something else. “A stun gun. Although if you get close enough to a bear or a pissed-off pack of coyotes to need it, you’d better mean business.” He showed her how to use it, then looked at her for a long moment. “Harley—”
“I’m going to be fine.”
“Yeah, you will. That’s not what I was going to say.” He waited until she looked at him, until she could see the seriousness of his expression. “Don’t be timid. If you feel like you’re being watched, or your instincts start screaming about anything, have this in