I’d thought this would be the last piece to get away from my tragedy and focus on helping Hunter with his condition, but now I had only made things worse and felt more lost than ever. Hunter still couldn’t walk and I was spiraling downward again. I felt beaten and exhausted. Our happy ending had been doomed from the start.
I used the back of my hand to brush my hair out of my face, but it fell back down after a few steps. Sighing, I trudged along, keeping my head down so I could see.
A black cat scurried from the sidewalk where I walked. What was it doing out in the rain? I watched numbly as it scampered for cover under a parked Ford Explorer, also in black.
With my next step, my foot caught a crack in the sidewalk.
I tumbled over, unable to catch myself before I came crashing down onto my hands and knees. The impact hurt worse than I expected it to. I stayed there in shock for several seconds before rolling into a seated position.
My hands were scraped up, and my knees were going to be bruised. I sat and let the rain fall on me, gathering up the strength to stand.
A voice came dimly over the smack of the rain on the pavement.
“Lorrie!”
Barely lifting my head up, I wiped the water from my face and squinted. A wheelchair-bound figure approached through the rain. Hunter.
I looked away, my lips trembling. Why had he come? I was ashamed for him to see me like this. Hunter had warned me not to do this and I ignored him. He was the person who was dealing with a real burden and yet here he was, coming to save me after I’d hurt myself like a child.
Hunter practically skidded to a stop, he had been wheeling himself so fast. He was soaked. His black t-shirt already clung tight to the skin of his torso, making his abs visible through the fabric as he breathed in and out.
“Lorrie,” he gasped, breathing hard. “Are you okay? What happened?”
I sat there, mute, and a sob swelled up in my chest. Everything came crashing down on me as I tried to put into words what had happened. My body convulsed as the sob broke free.
“Do you want to go back to the car? Your uncle drove. He’s waiting in the parking lot. Come on, we gotta get out of the rain.”
Hunter was almost shouting so that I could hear him over the roaring of the rain, but his words barely registered.
I continued to cry. Every time I got my breath, I tried to tell him what had happened, but the words caught in my throat and were swallowed by another sob before I got the chance. Drops of rain splashed against my face as I tried to speak.
Hunter bent down and took my hand carefully in his, seemingly waiting for me to calm down. It took a few minutes. We were both soaked, but he didn’t even seem to notice the rain. Finally I was able to choke something out.
“Killed himself,” I said, before another sob took hold of me.
“Marco?”
I nodded.
He put his other hand over mine, his face grim. We stayed there for a few moments in silence. It felt like an eternity and yet like no time at all. The world around us passed by in a blur.
“I’m so sorry,” he said.
I bit my lip, trying to steady myself and finally having a little success. “No, I’m sorry,” I sobbed.
“What? What do you mean?”
The rain pounded down against my hair, matting it to my head. I wiped a thick strand away from my face and tried to tell him what I meant, but a fresh sob swelled in my throat and choked the words away.
“Lorrie, come on. Stand up. Let’s get out of the rain and dry off. I’m here to support you.”
Hunter pulled my arm up, trying to get me to stand but I couldn’t get up. The world felt less than real. He finally managed to get me to lean on his legs, and I rested on them.
“It’s never going to be over,” I finally choked out.
He shook his head. “We’ll get through it. Come on, let’s get out of the rain.”
But I couldn’t move. The full weight of everything that Marco had done was falling in place and I was buried under.
“He did it on purpose,” I murmured. “Why? He knew I’d come and he knew this would hurt me the worst way he could.”
Hunter squeezed my hand tighter. “I don’t know Lorrie. I wish I did.”
“Now he’s won. He killed my mom, that killed my dad, and now . . . ” I trailed off. Tears streamed endlessly down my face and sobs shuddered through me. When I’d sucked in a few breaths, I tried again. “It’s not like this was some accident. He had it out for my family. For me. Why?”
“I don’t know, but we gotta move on. We can’t stay here.”
Didn’t he understand? I’d already tried to move on and ignore it. That hadn’t worked. Now I’d tried to confront it head-on, and that hadn’t worked either. What was left? Nothing. I was stuck with being haunted and there was no way out.
The rain picked up, coming down in sheets against the pavement and on the cars nearby. It made a deafening amount of noise.
“Lorrie, are you hearing me? Stand up and let’s go. We’ve got the rest of our lives to live.”
I began to cry more, the tears forming salty rivers down my face. His words were making it to my ears but I couldn’t absorb them. I buried my face in Hunter’s lap. He treated me far better than I deserved, even when he was going through so much.
His jeans were soaked and only made my face more wet. I bawled into his legs, wishing everything would go away.
He let me cry and didn’t say anything for a while. After I’d cried myself out, I wiped away my tears until there was only rain water left on my face. I was numb and empty. There was nothing left inside me.
Then his voice got low and took on an edge I’d never heard in it before. “I’m sorry you didn’t get the answers you wanted today,” he said. “Sometimes, things happen to us that we never understand and we worry we’ll never get back to normal. But there is no normal, Lorrie. All we can do is move past the pain and hope that we have someone to stand next to us.”
He stared into the distance, and then shook his head.
“I’m never gonna understand why I have this disease and I’m never gonna know what the future holds for me. For a long time I was scared of that. But I’m not scared anymore. You know why?”
I sniffled, but didn’t say anything.
“Because of you.”
I turned away, trembling. Why did he think it was because of me? I could barely keep myself together.
“Look at me Lorrie,” he said, putting his hand on my cheek. His gray eyes glimmered. “Yes. It’s because I love you. I love you so much that it hurts. We're going to be together for . . . for as long as we can. I won't say forever, because none of us have forever. But I want to be with you right now. And right now. And right now.”
He brushed some of my hair that had fallen over my face behind my ear.
“The only thing I want is to live in every moment I have with you standing by my side. Wherever you go, I wanna be there with you.”
I half-heartedly tried to pull myself up by grabbing the arms of his wheelchair, but slipped back down and fell hard on my butt. I shook my head. Marco had won. I would never know why my mom had been killed. I would keep being haunted. Nothing was going to change.
“I don’t know—” I mumbled, shaking. “I don’t know if I have anywhere to go from here.”
His face locked into intense focus as he stared into my eyes, his own gray irises aflame. He leaned his forehead against mine, his breaths coming in short bursts.
“Yes you do,” he said, his voice rising with every word. “Yes you do, because you have me, okay? YOU HAVE ME!”
With a growl, he leaned forward and put his hands under my armpits. He pulled me up toward him until I was on my knees and my head was on his chest. Then he brought his hands down to the armrests of his wheelchair. His legs flexed to stand up and I gasped, draping my hands reflexively around his back.
He grit his teeth, shaking with effort, and began to rise. His face locked into an intense g
rimace as he slowly straightened his legs.
Seeing him struggle shocked me into action. I couldn’t let him lift both of us up. Even though my legs still felt weak and my knees hurt, I stood upright.
Together, we came to our feet, his head eventually rising above mine. I buried my face into his chest and his chin came to its familiar spot atop my head. For a moment, we held each other.
Then suddenly, his knees buckled. My arms shot out to steady him. I pulled him to me until we were leaning against each other.
He swayed slightly and I could tell by his breathing that he was struggling hard to stay up. When he shifted more of his weight onto me, I stiffened my legs in response and leaned more into him.
He was heavy, but together we were able to keep him upright.
We held each other. I sobbed into his wet jacket, my heart swelling with hope. Hunter was standing.
I frantically pulled his mouth to mine. Our lips crashed together, the heated wetness of our tongues burning away the cold around us. This close to him, I could still smell his scent. It reminded me of the sweatshirt I stole from him on the wet, cold morning that we had met so long ago. When we broke away, Hunter was still looking straight at me.
“You have me,” he said between heavy breaths. “As long as you have me, you’ll have somewhere to go.”
Hunter had been right. We could save each other. We already had.
“And you have me,” I said, showering his face with kisses. “I love you, Hunter. I love you. I love you. I love you.” When I was done, I rested my cheek against his face, as his warm hand rubbed my back.
We leaned on each other as the rain storm roared around us.
Chapter Twenty-nine
CLOSURE
I stood on dirt road running through the middle of the cemetery with flowers in my hand. The sun was poking through the clouds after a brief summer rainstorm. The ground smelled like freshly turned earth. Birds had come out to begin singing again after the brief interruption. The world was full of life.
It took a while for me to find the spot, but in the end I remembered where it was. I stood before it solemnly and bowed my head.
“Hi guys,” I said quietly. “It’s been a while.”
My eyes shot back and forth between the headstones of my parents. They had bought these plots next to each other before they divorced, and with the sudden nature of their deaths that never got changed. I thought it was fitting. Even though they couldn’t be next to each other in life, at least they lay beside each other in death. I wished yet again they had never gotten divorced.
Shuddering, I took a deep breath. “I’m okay,” I told them. “I want you guys to know that. Life has been really hard without you, but I’m okay.”
A hand rested on my shoulder. I turned to Hunter, who was standing by my side, even if he needed crutches. It had been three months since his last MS attack, and he had exceeded all expectations in physical therapy. The doctors were confident he would be walking without crutches again. Maybe even in the next few weeks.
I turned to him and he smiled, giving my shoulder a tight squeeze. I smiled back at him before turning back to my parents’ graves.
“For the longest time I was trying to recover. Trying to get back to normal. But that’s never going to happen for me, really. What happened to you guys is just part of my life now. It took me a long time, but I realized I can still be happy.”
Tears began to fall from my face, but I wasn’t ashamed of them. Some things were worth crying about. I paused to dab at my eyes with my sleeve.
“I miss both of you guys so much. If you were alive, I know we could find happiness in our own way. Even after the divorce. We would have made it work. I know it.”
I pressed my lips together and wiped my eyes again.
“But you’re not here. So I’m finally finding another way to be happy, like I know you would have wanted. Even when you got divorced, I never doubted you both loved me and wanted me to have the best. And I found him.”
I put my hand over the hand Hunter had on my shoulder and smiled at him.
“I know both of you would like him,” I said.
When I thought of my father’s expression if he were to ever meet Hunter, a laugh bubbled up in my chest. He had always been so hyper-focused and business-like. I knew he would come around on Hunter, but his first impression probably wouldn’t have been the best. “Even you, Daddy.”
I chanced a glance over at Hunter. He cleared his throat. “I’ll take care of her,” he said solemnly. He readjusted his crutches and put an arm around me.
Leaning into him, I turned back to the headstones. “I love you both. I hope wherever you are, you’re at peace.”
I put my head down for a moment of silence. Hunter followed suit, and we stood there together, paying our respects to my parents. So much had happened since my father took his life. Since I’d met Hunter. Since I’d left Arrowhart. My life had turned on its head more times than I could count, but I’d pulled through. It was mostly because I’d had Hunter by my side.
After a moment of silence, I kissed him on the cheek. “Thanks for coming here with me. Let’s get back to the car.”
We walked, or swung on crutches, or whatever, back to the car. Side by side.
Epilogue
Hunter’s head popped up from under the water. He was just a small dot out on the blue waves of the Pacific Ocean. His long muscular arms started to beat against the water as he swam back towards the shore.
Hunter had started walking without his crutches over a year earlier. Even though he was done with PT, he still worked on his legs regularly at the gym, and they were already almost back to normal strength. We were both incredibly grateful that his disability had only been temporary. His legs had healed remarkably quickly, the doctors said that it was a combination of his overall health and positive outlook.
I leaned back my towel, the heat of the hot sand seeping through it, and let the sounds of the beach wash over me. Seagulls screeching in the distance. Children chasing each other around sand castles. The soft lapping of the waves against the shore.
When I looked back at the shore again, Hunter was already out of the water and walking up the beach in his red trunks.
His ripped body glistened with droplets of water, from his huge shoulders to his chiseled chest. It made his sexy tattoos stand out even more. Even though I couldn’t help but notice other women staring at him, he only had eyes for me. He gave me a little wink and I grinned back.
I had my art history book closed next to me. When we were getting ready to come down to the beach, I had made plans to study, but I hadn’t even cracked it open since we’d gotten here. It would be okay, I only had half a semester left before graduation anyway. I was closing out the end of my final semester at the UCLA Arts and Design Program. I had to take a lot of extra classes since I hadn’t taken many art classes at Arrowhart, but some of my credits transferred so I didn’t need to stay for the full four years.
A shadow blocked out the sun and I looked up to see Hunter’s grinning face, his wet hair draped across his face.
“Hey Snorrie, don’t tell me you’re going to just keep sitting in the sand. You haven’t swam at all today!”
“Yeah?” I asked, feeling playful. “Are you going to make it worth my while if we get in the water?”
Hunter raised an eyebrow and lowered himself over me, leaving a soft, tender kiss on my lips. I could smell his scent even underneath the salty water. “Maybe, you’ll just have to come and find out,” he breathed into my ear.
I giggled as his breath tickled the side of my face.
“Okay, let’s go,” I agreed. I got up, taking his hand as I rose. We walked slowly down the beach towards the water.
I smiled at the attention we were getting. Even though Hunter wasn’t fighting anymore, he still stayed in very good shape. On top of that, he was a lot more tan. I guess I was too. Hunter was coaching at a popular MMA gym downtown. He had been able to use his experience wo
rking for Clint to get the job. Sometimes I went to see him, and he always had a smile for me when I came in.
The progression of Hunter’ MS had been managed pretty well too. He was really taking good care of himself, watching his diet and stress levels, and being prompt with his treatment regimen.
Hunter slapped me playfully on the butt. I tiptoed up and gave him a kiss on the cheek.
“Aw, thanks. What was that for?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know. Just because.”
He kissed me on the cheek in return and I grinned so hard my face hurt.
Looking up at the sun beaming down on us, I hoped that Daniela was having as good of a time as I was. She had gone off to join the Peace Corps with Kyle. Now they were both serving their two years in Peru before Kyle went off to med school and she went to get her Ph.D. in Psychology.
I didn’t talk to Aunt Caroline nearly as much as I used to, but I still checked in from time to time. Bones and Frida were fully grown now and getting into all sorts of mischief. My cousins had been really happy that they were able to keep two of the cats.
As for the rest of the litter, we gave Iceman to Gary―who had since apologized to me for some of things he’d said at Hunter’s last fight. It was harder to be forgiving towards Ada, but even I realized that she did care about Hunter, in her own way. She did seem to be a lot friendlier to me after we gave Georgia to her. Maybe cute kittens were the solution to many of life’s problems.
And then there was Taylor and Rampage. They were at home in the small one bedroom apartment I shared with Hunter. Hopefully they were only scratching at their new cat castle, and not the furniture. The four of us made our own weird little family.
Cool water lapped at my toes, and I realized that we had reached the shore.
“Tag, you’re it,” Hunter said, tapping me on the shoulder and sticking his tongue out at me. Then he ran into the water all the while doing his best impression of a maniacal evil genius laugh.
I laughed and chased after him. When the water was too deep to keep running, I started swimming after him, taking long slow strokes. The temperature of the water was just perfect and it felt refreshing against my skin.