“Okay? And guess what? We have a swing set and I can push you way high, and after that we can play baseball all day long even after dinner. Okay, little brother? After you learn to walk, okay?”
“This is the family?” Keith could barely speak the words. He looked at Andi. “Luke Baxter and his wife?”
“Yes.” A sob slipped from Andi’s lips and she laughed at the same time. “I had no idea…”
Tommy took a step back. “I’m glad you came for Thanksgiving.” He grinned at Andi again. “I was just thinking about my brother right before we got here.” He patted her stomach again. “Hurry up, baby.” Then he skipped off to be with his sister Malin.
The reality was just hitting them, and even still no one could believe what they were seeing. Luke joined his wife near Andi and hugged her. “All this time…I’ve been praying for the birthmother of our baby…and I’ve been praying for you, Keith’s daughter. But I didn’t know…” his voice choked up and he hung his head, shielding his eyes with his hand for a moment. “I was praying for the same person. How is it possible?”
Other Baxters were arriving, and as they did they joined the circle in the kitchen, and the miracle began to spread from one person to another. Luke and Reagan were adopting Andi’s unborn baby boy. Most of them were meeting Andi for the first time, but they all knew Keith, and they certainly knew Luke’s connection with Jeremiah Productions.
Keith watched his daughter, at the center of the most amazing God moment he’d ever been a part of. He watched her laugh and cry, and he saw how Luke and Reagan embraced her, and suddenly he felt the very presence of God in this place. Moments ago he had wondered how he would handle the loss of this baby, how he could possibly see his daughter give birth, only to watch her give the child away. But now…God had answered his prayers in a way he never could’ve dreamed. There was nothing to fear, no reason to be sad for this grandchild he would never know. Everything was going to work out exactly like it was supposed to. They would know where the baby was, and that his life would be the most wonderful life ever. Because he would be in a place where any child would want to grow up.
Here, in the Baxter family.
IT TOOK HOURS FOR THE COMMOTION to die down, for Bailey and everyone else to fully grasp the possibility Andi had gone into a random Christian adoption agency and chosen, from a book of possible families, none other than Luke and Reagan Baxter. The Ellisons announced they planned to move to California early next year, and Andi was going with them. So while she was grateful to know the full identity of the adoptive family—and though she intended to keep somewhat in touch with Luke and Reagan—Andi confided in Bailey that she thought it best she’d be living in another state.
“It’s too confusing otherwise,” she said as she left that night. “But the way it is…God worked out every detail.” She thought for a minute, her eyes filled with wonder. “The day I decided for sure that I wanted to give this baby up, I felt convinced that God already knew that he was supposed to be with this family.” She smiled. “Now I know why.”
Bailey was still in awe over those details as the last Baxter family member left that night. Because of the craziness of what happened with Andi and Luke and Reagan, only then did Bailey remember what was yet ahead tonight.
Her talk with Cody.
After dessert, he and the boys had gone to the den where they were playing Wii Olympics. Bailey wandered toward the back of the house until she could hear her brothers’ voices, laughing and playfully bragging about who was faster in the sprint event. She reached the doorway and leaned against it, watching them. Cody wasn’t actually playing. He was watching from a beanbag in the corner of the room. Rather than his usual way of joining in and becoming one of the kids, he was quiet, a distant look in his eyes.
“Cody?” She stepped into the room, quiet enough that her brothers didn’t notice her. “Wanna talk?”
He didn’t smile.
Later on, when she would look back on this night, she would remember that detail. After waiting all afternoon and evening to talk to her, when the time finally came for them to be alone, he didn’t show even the hint of a smile. He pulled himself up and walked toward her. Taking her hand, he led her from the room and out the nearest door—a second front door at this end of the house.
“You cold?” He stopped just outside and looked at her, ready to go in if she needed anything.
“Not yet.” She wondered if he understood the double meaning in her answer. “What is it, Cody? Why do I feel like this isn’t the talk I thought it would be?”
He eased her into his arms and held her close for a long time, the warmth of his body promising her everything was going to be okay. It had to be okay. What possible reason could he have for wanting a sad talk with her? She rested her head on his chest and listened to the steady thud of his heart. The faint smell of his cologne made her head swirl, and she lifted her chin just enough so he could hear her. “Don’t let go, Cody. Please…don’t ever let go.”
No answer came from him, but he tenderly stroked her lower back, in no hurry to release her. After a minute, he pulled away and led her down the long covered porch toward the main front door. Halfway there they sat in their favorite porch swing. Only then did Bailey begin to shiver. He offered to get a blanket, but she didn’t want one. The cold she was feeling couldn’t be helped by a blanket, but only by the knowledge that no matter how much time had passed, nothing between them had changed.
“Can I ask a question?” Her teeth rattled a little. She wanted to bring this up and get past it.
“Ask me anything.” He didn’t break eye contact, wouldn’t look away from her. Like after so much time he couldn’t get enough of her eyes.
She felt the same way, and she had to turn her eyes to the starry sky so she could remember what she wanted to say. “A month ago…you texted me, but it wasn’t for me.” She met his eyes. “It was for a girl named Cheyenne.” Her heart pounded. “Is that…is she what this is all about? Why you’ve stayed away?”
“No.” His answer came almost like a cry. “Absolutely not.” He was embarrassed by what he’d done, she could see that. “She was going to marry a buddy of mine. He died in Iraq. My friend’s mom had a big dinner, and she was there.” He sounded like he was rambling, rushing to clear himself. “I’m sorry about the text…I was probably thinking about you.”
She nodded, but she didn’t feel any warmer. His answer still left doubts in her mind, but she believed him. Cheyenne wasn’t the problem. He still wasn’t saying anything, so she took the lead, her mind racing. “If this is about Brandon, there’s nothing between us.” She brought one leg up onto the swing so she could face him. “Nothing at all.”
Cody turned a little so he could see her, too. “This isn’t about Brandon.” A sigh came out with his words, and Bailey noticed something else—a finality in his eyes. Finality and love and longing all mixed together. Whatever he was about to tell her, clearly his mind was made up. He reached for her hand.
“You’ve avoided me for the last two months. Every time I called or texted.” She tried not to think about how wonderful his fingers felt between hers. “Did I do something to make you mad?” There were tears in her voice, and Bailey struggled to keep her eyes dry. “If I did, maybe you could tell me. Because this…this silence is more than I can—”
“Bailey.” He didn’t blink, didn’t look away. “I’m moving to Indianapolis.”
Moving where? Her mind spun, her stomach suddenly sick. She shivered harder and his words come at her in a series of jumbled letters. It took a few seconds for them to reassemble in her mind so they made even the slightest sense. “What?” She withdrew her hand from his and folded her arms tight at her waist. “Why…why would you do that?”
“I accepted a coaching job at a new Christian high school there.” He smiled, but it did nothing to take the edge off the sadness in his eyes. “I’ll be the head coach.”
Bailey wasn’t sure what to say or do or how to handle the fee
lings storming her heart. Cody was leaving? Was that what he was telling her? She fought the urge to stop him from talking, forbid him to say another word. Of course he wasn’t leaving. They had just found their way back together. He couldn’t go. She wanted to run as fast as she could so he couldn’t tell her he was serious. “You already have a coaching job. Here. In Bloomington.”
“I know.” He pursed his lips, as if he were trying to find the right way to make her understand. “Bailey, this can’t work—you and me. Not now, anyway. We’ll only hold each other back if I stay.”
Anger joined the emotions raging inside her. She stood and walked a few fast steps away before whirling around, her eyes blazing. “How could you say that?” She lowered her voice. The last thing she wanted was for someone in her family to hear them. The chill had worked its way down her body and into her legs, and she shook, unable to believe a word of what he’d told her.
He stood and came to her. “Bailey…”
“No.” She took a step back and grabbed hold of the nearest porch pillar for support. “We’ve been through this, Cody. We have.” She waved her hand toward the driveway. “I told you at the lake there’s only you. No one else I think about, no one else I want to be with.” Tears filled her eyes and she could do nothing to stop them from spilling onto her cheeks. “I bared my heart to you, and this…this is how you handle it?”
“It’s not…” he held his breath for a few seconds and then let it out in a frustrated rush. Once more he made an attempt to reach for her, but he changed his mind and slipped his hands into the back pockets of his jeans. “It’s the same thing, Bailey…our lives are too different. God showed me that these past few weeks.”
“It wasn’t God!” She yelled, and once more she forced herself to quiet down. “God would never tell you to leave me, Cody. Not after all we’ve been through.” She shook her head, not caring any longer that she was crying in front of him. “You come back from Iraq and tell me to…” she tossed her hand in the air, “stay with Tim Reed because he’s better for me.” She felt her face twist in angry confusion. “That was a terrible idea, because the whole time all I thought about was you.” She glared at him. “You, Cody…do you hear me?”
He blinked hard, fighting tears of his own, his chin quivering. “I hear you.” He looked from the porch ceiling to the midnight sky that hung over the field out front. Anywhere but into her eyes.
She waited, her chest heaving. The fight was leaving her; she could feel it. In its place a sadness consumed her, and nearly knocked her to her knees, a sorrow she’d never felt before. “Please, Cody,” she sounded defeated, and without the porch pillar, she would’ve fallen to a heap and wept until morning. “For once…why can’t you understand how I feel?”
His chin was still trembling, but finally he looked at her, straight to the place in her heart that would always only belong to him. “Bailey,” his voice was a broken whisper. “Can I hold you…please?”
She wanted to tell him no. If he wanted to hold her he had to promise never to leave, he had to care about her the way she cared about him. But she hurt too much to do anything but take a step toward him. He closed the distance between them, taking her slowly into his embrace, wrapping his arms around her, and clinging to her like the last thing he ever wanted to do was let go. “I’m sorry.” His voice was shaky, a mix of heartbreak and desire that reflected how she was feeling.
“Then don’t go.” She was still crying, sobbing quietly against his chest. “Coach here at C-C-Clear Creek and never leave.”
He pressed his face against hers, and she sensed in him a desperation, a certainty that his heart had never agreed to any of this. “I don’t want to go.” He stepped back just enough to see her, his hands still linked around her waist. “I have to, Bailey. I’m looking out for you. For your future.” He released a shaky sigh. “It’s complicated.”
“Only because you make it complicated.” She was still crying, but she couldn’t be angry with him. She searched his eyes, pleading with him. “Don’t you see?”
“I see all this…” he released his hold on her and motioned to her grand house, the sweeping drive and manicured grounds. “You’re a princess, Bailey.” Tears pooled in his eyes. “You’ve done everything right.” He shook his head, fighting the emotions that seemed to be strangling him. “Now you’re in the public eye, and you don’t need anything damaging your reputation.” The hurt in his voice sounded almost angry. “That’s what I would do, Bailey. Tarnish how the world sees you.” He paused, composing himself. “I won’t do that to you. That’s not what you need.”
“No!” she broke free from him again, her anger back with a vengeance. “You don’t know what I need!”
He tried to take gentle hold of her arm, but she pulled away, and when he came still closer she pushed his chest. “Don’t touch me.” She felt herself losing control. “Not if you don’t know me after all this time, Cody. Stay away.”
“Bailey, please…” he wouldn’t back up, wouldn’t give in. She flailed against him, trying to break free. But tenderly he caught her in his arms, and before she knew what was happening he had her face in his hands and he was kissing her—kissing her and holding her. And for the sweetest moment, even as she was still crying, there was only her and Cody and this kiss she’d wanted every moment since he’d walked through the front door.
“This is how I feel,” she spoke the words between their desperately sad kisses, because even now—when she wanted to stay like this forever—she knew deep within her that he wouldn’t stay. This wasn’t a beginning, it was an end, and she wondered if she would die from the pain. “Cody,” she pulled back, breathless from the intensity of their kisses and the desperate sadness of what was coming.
He looked at her, lost in her eyes once more. His lips were parted and he looked torn between kissing her again and telling what his eyes were already saying. “I can’t stay.”
“Listen…” She grabbed hold of his shoulders, fistfuls of his sweater clenched in her fingers. She had to tell him, because if she didn’t…if she let him leave without saying how she felt…she would regret this moment as long as she lived. She released her hold on him with one hand and wiped her tears, her eyes never leaving his. “I love you.” Saying the words felt wonderful, and for the first time since they’d come out onto the porch Bailey felt truly happy. A happiness that couldn’t be dimmed no matter how sad the moment. “That’s how I feel. I love you.” She sniffed, and she smiled despite the fresh tears that filled her eyes. “I’ve loved you for so long.”
Surprise flashed in his eyes and he shook his head, slowly, subtly at first and then with more intensity. “No, Bailey. You can’t…there’s someone else for you. I’m…I’m all wrong. A girl like you should have a—”
She took hold of his face and this time she kissed him, in a way that rendered him incapable of doing anything but kissing her in return. His arms came up along her back and he kissed her until it was impossible to tell where desire ended and heartbreak began. She didn’t want to hear him tell her how wrong he was or that she deserved someone else, and so she kept kissing him, loving the way it felt to be in his arms and to know that here, now he was hers. Completely hers.
But after a minute or so he broke free, his breathing fast and jagged. “We can’t…I have to go.” He looked almost angry with her, as if her kisses had only served to confuse him. “I’m not coming back, Bailey. I can’t.” He raked his fingers through his hair as if he was trying to find the strength to continue. “I waited…so I could tell you goodbye.”
He was leaving, and she couldn’t stop him. She realized that, and as she did she made a decision that he would not walk away from this time together with her yelling at him or sobbing. “Go, then.” She lifted her chin, her vision blurred by unshed tears. “But this isn’t goodbye.” She shook her head, holding her ground, giving him the distance he seemed to need right now. Her eyes shone, and she could see all the way to his soul. “You can’t make me stop loving
you, Cody Coleman. You can’t.”
For a few seconds he looked like he might pull her back into his arms and forget he’d ever said a word about moving away. But instead she watched him fight himself, fight the love he felt in his heart—even if he wouldn’t admit his feelings to her. The muscles in his jaw flexed, and he gave a single shake of his head. “When…when I get settled, I’ll call you.”
“No.” She wouldn’t look away, wouldn’t let him make the rules.
“Bailey.” His eyes begged her to make this easier. For the first time there were tears on his face too.
“I won’t wait that long. I’ll call you and I’ll text you and when I can’t go another day, I’ll find you.” She felt tears hit her cheeks once more, but she maintained her smile. “You’re wrong about us…but if you need to leave, then leave.” She wiped her face with her fingertips, still lost in his eyes. “But I won’t ever let you go.”
There was nothing left to say. He swallowed and rubbed the palm of his hand roughly beneath his eyes. Then he hugged her once more, as long as either of them could stand it. Before he pulled away, he kissed the top of her head and quickly walked to his car without looking back. Bailey stayed there, leaning on the porch pillar, watching him go. He was wrong about God, wrong to think the Lord would want him to leave now—when everything was almost perfect. God didn’t want them apart. God had brought them together. He was the One who had convinced her long ago that no one would ever love her the way Cody did. She could see the truth in his eyes years ago, same as she could see it tonight.
She watched his car move down the driveway, watched as he turned left and drove out of sight. Her tears seemed to come from an ocean somewhere inside her heart, and she could do nothing to stop them. He could move to Indianapolis, but this wasn’t the end. She wouldn’t let it be the end. She loved him, and she would keep her word—calling him and texting him, finding him when she couldn’t draw another breath without looking into his eyes. If he needed time, she would give him that. But one day she would make him see God wanted them together, and no one could ever be better for her than him. She would pray for him and believe with every passing day that this wasn’t the end, until one day he believed it too.