More stunned silence. This conversation was going pretty much exactly as Nicole had expected it would, which was why she had waited until the end of the day to make it.
“Bahir Al-Jabbar? The man who’s made your life a living hell these past six months? The one you’re desperately trying to escape? Hey, aren’t you being considered for another law firm? Nicole, what’s going on?”
“Nothing! It…it was all just a front. I didn’t want people to know that we were romantically involved, so I played up my dislike of him a little…”
Nicole hated lying through her teeth. As a lawyer she had been taught how to bend the truth to serve her own purposes, but this was different. This was her brother—the one friend she could always count on—and it killed her to hear the disappointment in his voice.
“You lied because you didn’t want people to know you were dating your boss, and now you’re marrying him this weekend? Where? How did this happen?”
“It was, uh, a spur of the moment decision. We’re in Dubai right now and decided it would be fun to elope on this secluded island not far from here. I just wanted to tell you before it happened, in case the papers find out. I didn’t want you to find out that way.”
“OK…” Ryan said, drawing out the word. “Well now I know. Do you want me to tell Mom and Dad, or are they going to be kept in the dark, too?”
Nicole cringed at his tone. Ryan was angry and disappointed in her, and he had every right to be. Nicole told herself that she would make it up to him by getting him an amazing job and a chance to live his own life. Someday he would forgive her for this. It would all be worth it in the end.
“You can tell them,” she said, sighing. “Look, Ry, I didn’t want to upset you guys. Just know that I love you and I plan on having a big party to celebrate when we get back. We’re just having some trouble with Bahir’s visa right now, but as soon as it gets sorted out we’ll be home to celebrate together, OK?”
“You never told me he was having trouble with his visa,” Ryan said.
“Do I tell you everything that’s going on in my work life?”
“No, but you don’t think it looks fishy that he can’t get back into the States and all of a sudden you’re in love and getting married in a foreign country without telling anyone?”
Damn him and his perceptiveness.
Nicole turned defensive. It was the only realistic response to his insinuation, which just happened to be exactly correct.
“I love him, OK? That’s all you need to know. I know what it looks like, but that’s not it at all. Bahir is a good man with a good heart, and I intend to love him until the day I die,” she said.
It might have sounded a little melodramatic, but for some reason she wanted to lash out at her brother and his caustic tone. She wanted to feel justified in what she was about to do. She wanted him to stop sounding so damn suspicious and disappointed. Nicole was capable of living her own life, even if her decisions didn’t make sense to those she cared about. At least, she could tell herself that, for the moment.
“Really?” he asked, after a brief pause.
Nicole sighed. “Really. Now go do something productive with your day before I have to fly back and kick your butt out of bed myself.”
She’d hoped her joke would lighten the mood a little; with no way to see his face, it was tough to say if it had worked.
Finally, Ryan sighed. “Well enjoy your wedding then. I guess we’re not as close as I thought we were.”
That might as well have been a knife straight to her heart.
“Ryan, please…” she begged.
“Bye, Nicole.”
Just like that, the conversation was over. Somehow it had managed to turn out much worse than Nicole had imagined.
She stared out at the twinkling city lights as they shimmered under a bright, white moon. She heard someone clearing their throat by her doorway, and swiveled her chair around to see Bahir standing there.
She stared at him through blurry, tear-filled eyes. “You heard that?” she asked, her voice quavering.
His expression was somber as he strode into the room and stood by her desk. “I did,” he said quietly.
They gazed at one another in heavy silence until Nicole’s running nose couldn’t take any more. Reaching for a tissue, she blew her nose into it as another tear rolled down her cheek.
“I’d better get going. I’ve got a lot to do tomorrow and I really could use some rest,” she said, standing and moving to walk past Bahir.
His gentle hand on her arm stopped her, and she glanced up into his eyes, which were piercingly clear.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered, lifting his other hand and wiping a tear streak from Nicole’s reddened face, causing her to releas a breath she didn’t realize she’d been holding.
“It’s all right,” she said, but Bahir shook his head.
“No, it’s not. When I made this arrangement, I didn’t realize the effect it might have on you, on your family. I was thinking only of myself, and I didn’t have you to tell me that I was in the wrong because you simply wanted to help your brother find a job. I was foolish,” he said.
Nicole held a finger against his soft lips to silence him. She’d never stood so close to him before. She tried not to breathe in his musky cologne.
“I wouldn’t have agreed if this wasn’t something I was willing to do. There is no need to blame here. Yes, I’ve shocked and disappointed my brother, but in time he’ll get over it, and we’ll all move on. Everyone will get what they want, in the end.”
She stared at the floor as she gave her little speech, trying to convince herself. She could feel the pull of Bahir’s stare and, after a heartbeat, was unable to resist looking back up into his eyes.
“Will they?” he asked, and she nodded.
“Yes.”
They stood like that for some time, a frozen tableau of forbidden romance, a strange contradiction in every possible way. Nicole wondered if he would kiss her there, in her office, in the dark. She glanced down at his lips that she had just touched for the first time, her fingers burning from the memory of the sensation. Then Bahir stepped away.
“Get some rest, Nicole, and feel free to come in late tomorrow if you’d like. You’ve done an exceptional job today.”
Nicole squared her shoulders, taking his cue. Somehow he could so easily navigate the divide between friendship and business. Nicole wasn’t sure if she loved that or hated it.
“I’ll see you first thing in the morning, Bahir,” she said, striding out of her office.
“Goodnight, Nicole,” he said to her departing back.
A few more tears escaped from her eyes as she made the short walk back to her little apartment. Closing the door behind her, she plopped down on the sofa and cried her eyes out, tears leaking through her tight fingertips as she wept into her palms.
Nicole didn’t really know why she was crying. Was she regretful about her decision? No. The truth was she wanted to marry Bahir, with all her heart.
Perhaps they were tears of fear. Because deep down, a part of her knew that she would lose her heart to this man. She just hadn’t anticipated that she might lose her family’s trust, as well.
NINE
The next morning Nicole’s eyes were slightly puffy, but she was none the worse for wear. Bahir had put on his professional hat once again, and the two of them went about business as usual, as though nothing had happened the night before. Nicole worked on her ability to shut off her emotions in the face of business, and somehow managed to succeed. The week passed uneventfully as the two of them waited for the deafening silence from the Embassy to clear, granting them passage back to the states and everything that was home to Nicole.
When Friday arrived, Bahir stood in Nicole’s doorway again.
“All packed?” he asked, his expression nervous. Of course, no one else would be able to tell that about him. Nicole knew his facial expressions well, because they determined just how heavy her workload would be. To any outside observer, Bahir was his usual calm and collected self, just discussing weekend plans with a subordinate. To Nicole, however, he looked every bit the nervous suitor that he was. It was a little comforting that he could feel nerves about something like this. Nicole certainly did.
“Not yet. I haven’t really had the time, but I will be ready. When does our flight take off?”
“Eight AM. We should get there around ten, then have a few hours to prepare and perform the ceremony, then we can be back in Dubai before the day is done. No need to pack more than a day’s worth of clothes, I’d imagine.”
“All right,” she said. It felt entirely wrong to be discussing their wedding day with so much formality.
“All right,” Bahir agreed, absentmindedly picking at his fingernails. It was the one tell he didn’t realize he had. Bahir only picked at his nails when he was really nervous. For some reason, Nicole felt a sense of pride about this. She had managed to make one of the most powerful men in the world nervous.
Not too shabby.
“I’ll see you tomorrow, then,” Nicole said dismissively. It was the first time she’d ever been dismissive of him, and not the other way around.
Bahir didn’t seem to notice the power shift. Rather, he smiled and said, “Until then. Have a good night, Nicole.”
“And you,” she said, watching his back as he turned from her office and left the building. The man who she would soon come to call her husband.
“Nicole Al-Jabbar,” she whispered to her empty office. Pulling out a blank notepad, she wrote the name out on it. For some reason, it didn’t feel strange at all. Of course, there was no reason to change her name if she didn’t want to. After all, she would just have to go through all the trouble of changing it back when they got divorced in a few years anyway, right?
Still, Nicole gazed in wonder at the ink on the paper. What would it be like to change her name, and share it with Bahir? What would it be like if they could have a future together as man and wife, truly? The way he had it planned out, they wouldn’t even get a wedding night. Clearly it was all business. She just had to keep slapping down that corner of her heart that kept hoping for more.
That night, Nicole packed a small carry-on bag with her white dress from their previous excursion (the only one she had—at least it was white) and her toiletries. It took all of ten minutes to complete, and when she was done, she stared at the bag with wide eyes. In just a few hours’ time there would be no going back. They would be man and wife, and whatever happened would happen.
Nicole wiped her tired eyes and slid beneath her fluffy comforter, hoping to catch a little sleep before they headed for the airport.
Her head had barely touched the pillow before she was unconscious. She dreamed of falling and flying, her heart racing in elation and terror.
***
Nicole woke up with a start as her alarm beeped violently, penetrating her brain and forcing her to face the day, and whatever came of it.
Her phone dinged as a text from Bahir came through, indicating that he was waiting in the car out front whenever she was ready to come down.
She slid into a pair of jeans and a gray T-shirt she’d found after digging through her closet before brushing her teeth and heading down to meet him.
Bahir had opted to take the limo again, the driver holding open the door to Nicole as he patiently waited for her to get in, which she did, handing the man her bag to store in the trunk. When she slid into the car, Bahir was gazing at her with wide eyes.
“Good morning,” she said, covering her mouth as she fought to suppress a yawn.