Chapter 26
Somehow I’d forgotten I was going to be nineteen. It was actually just three days before the actual day when I looked at the calendar in Rodney’s kitchen and noticed the date. I stared at it for a while. Was it really August already? Time seemed to pass so quickly out here when there was no school, or job to go to. The job thing made me feel immediately guilty. I’d arranged to do Rodney’s housework, washing and ironing to pay my way and he seemed thrilled with the arrangement, but I couldn’t expect him to keep me forever. I just didn’t know what to do. Between Corin in the morning and my new arrangement to see Remé in the afternoons, there simply wasn’t time to get a job. I’d suggested stopping both lessons but Rodney had looked at me in horror and forbidden it point blank. He said he’d rather be paying for a live guest than feeling guilty about a dead one. I guessed he had a point.
I hadn’t mentioned my birthday to Rodney but somehow he’d found out. When I woke up late in the morning and walked into the living room, I found that he’d decorated it with balloons and a clumsily painted sign that read, “Happy Birthday, Jéhenne”.
I laughed and he came out grinning, holding a plate loaded with pain au chocolat and croissants. He put one of each on a plate for me and then tried to stick a candle in the croissant. It didn’t go very well. We were still laughing when he handed me a parcel wrapped in silver paper with a gold ribbon.
“What’s this?” I asked, surprised and touched that he'd gone to the trouble. “Rodney, I didn’t expect you to get me anything!”
He shrugged and beamed at me. “Nah, I wanted to, luv. Go on then, open it.”
I tore a neat line in the paper and pulled it away, revealing a gorgeous midnight blue dress. It was knee length and encrusted with extravagant bead work along the hem.
I was stunned that he should give me such a lovely present.
“Oh, Rodney, it’s beautiful, but are you sure … it looks really expensive.”
“Course I’m sure, and I thought you need a bit of cheerin’ up like - after everything, I mean. Do you really like it though?” he added anxiously. “I can take it back if you don’t.”
“Don’t you dare!” I clutched the dress to me with an expression of horror and he laughed. “I love it,” I said looking at it with a smile. “How clever of you to know what I'd like.”
He shuffled around looking awkward. “Well to be honest Cyd chose it for me.” Then he grinned, obviously pleased with my reaction. I didn’t waste time wondering why he hadn’t asked Amelia … I’d have ended up with a lime green Kaftan. I just hoped Cyd hadn’t spent too much of his money; I knew first hand she had expensive taste.
“I don’t know when I’ll get the chance to wear it though,” I said with a sigh.
He pursed his lips, frowning at me. “Well, why don’t you go out and celebrate.”
The thought of celebrating my birthday did make me feel a bit more cheerful. “Well I could arrange something, I guess.”
“You could always call Corvus.” He gave me a wide eyed, hopeful expression and I sighed.
“Don’t start, OK.”
He shrugged and screwed up the discarded wrapping paper. “OK have it your own way, but at least call your mates and arrange to go out tonight.”
“OK, I will,”
At first, after what had happened with Reina, I’d felt anxious every time I went outside, so I’d just hung around indoors. To occupy my time I’d spent hours on the internet researching the Underworld and legends about the gateways and passages to get in, but I’d not had the nerve to discuss it with Remé. He’d been to see me a couple of times and, from the anxious looks he kept giving me, I felt sure he knew I was in trouble. But then, it had only been about a week since … well since I’d become a killer.
It had taken me that long to work up the nerve to leave the house. The first couple of times I’d tried, my chest had tightened painfully until I couldn’t breathe and I’d collapsed on the front door step, gasping like a fish. Panic attacks, Rodney had said. Naturally he told Corvus, who had phoned me the moment the sun went down. He wanted to come over and said he could make the attacks go away, but I’d refused. It wasn’t that I didn’t believe him, I had no doubt he could modify my mind just as easily as he had the people in Paris, but I didn’t want him to. It wasn’t that I didn’t trust him either or even that I didn’t want him messing with my mind, though that was true too. It was more that I felt like I deserved it. I mean, I’d killed someone, I should suffer for it shouldn't I? It shouldn't be something I could forget about or shrug off. The fact that it was kill or be killed didn’t seem to erase that fact. But I couldn’t seem to explain that to Corvus and I knew he was hurt, but I didn’t know how to fix it.
I was nineteen years old, I had no job, no prospects and my big ambition was not to get killed before I was twenty. My life was a mess.
I ate the pain au chocolat, decided against the mutilated croissant, and went back into my room to get a towel before heading for the shower. As I was washing my hair I thought about what Gran might be doing. I hadn’t seen her since I’d found Corvus, or even heard from her. Not that I wanted to especially, but I wondered if she’d remembered it was my birthday or if maybe my parents had at least sent me a card. Perhaps they’d all disowned me now. I washed the shampoo from my hair and reached for the conditioner, trying to put depressing thoughts about my dysfunctional family to the back of my mind.
It turned out to be a great evening. Claudette was in fine form and we chatted and had a right laugh. She also helped me keep her brother at bay and side step Annabelle's murderous glares every time he flirted with me. I did have to let him drive me home though as he was the only one who hadn't been drinking. He pulled up in front of Rodney’s house, at which point I discovered there was someone waiting for me on the step outside. Corvus.
Jean-Pierre glared at him and then turned to me, silent and obviously disturbed.
“Do you want me to get rid of him?” The idea of him trying to make Corvus do anything was laughable, but I didn’t want to hurt his feelings and I was painfully aware that Corvus would have heard what he said.
I shook my head with a smile. “No, it’s OK. Thanks for dropping me home.”
Without answering, he jumped out and came round to the other side to open the door for me.
“Thanks,” I said again praying he wouldn't do anything reckless.
He leaned in and gave me a kiss on the cheek with a defiant glance at Corvus who narrowed his eyes at him. I counted to ten as he walked around and got back in the car. Please leave.
I looked over at Corvus, my heart picking up a beat in response. He looked his usual gorgeous self, wearing his leather jacket over a t-shirt and jeans. He stood up and walked over to me.
“Hi,” I said, wiping my suddenly clammy palms surreptitiously on my dress.
“That boy again.” I could feel the anger rolling off him, sending prickles over my skin. “He wants you.”
I sighed and wished I could just go to bed. I was too tired for drama and I didn't want to spoil the day by arguing with him again. We were just going to go around in circles.
“Well he's not had me,” I said sharply, indignation rising. “And he's not going to either so you can dial back that vampire shit because it bloody hurts.” I rubbed at my arms, glaring at him as he scowled. The prickling sensation increased.
“What were you doing with him?” he demanded and my own temper began to spark.
“Oh bloody hell he was just dropping me home!” I snapped wanting this to be over. “What are you doing here?”
He frowned. “I wanted to wish you a happy birthday,” he said, his tone a little softer.
“Oh.”
Now I felt like a bitch, but then he was an overbearing alpha male, I figured we were even. I hadn’t even realised that he knew it was today.
“Thank you,” I said, feeling awkward now.
“Where have you been?” He may have sounded calm and indiff
erent, but he wasn’t fooling me. I did a mental eye roll.
“Just out with Claudette and some of her friends,” I kept it light. “It was fun.”
“I would have taken you out but you didn’t even tell me it was your birthday,” he said, each word precise and clipped, he was definitely sulking. It was kind of cute. The prickling sensation increased, it felt like I was being slapped with stinging nettles.
“We're not dating, Corvus,” I said gently. “Did Rodney tell you it was my birthday?” I was surprised when he shook his head.
“You told me, in Normandy.”
I looked at him, remembering how terrified I’d been in the woods when I thought he was going to kill me. Unbelievable that he should remember me telling him my date of birth.
“Would you have killed me if I hadn’t found the ring?” I asked suddenly and he looked at me in horror.
“No!” he shouted before walking away a little and turning his back on me. “No, of course not,” he repeated, a little softer. “I just wanted to know what was happening. I wanted to frighten you into telling me - I wouldn't have hurt you.”
I sighed. I think I had known that really, I just wanted to hear him say it. I walked up beside him and took hold of his hand.
“I’m sorry for it, Jéhenne,” he said, looking down at me. His eyes were so black that I caught my breath. I knew by now that it wasn’t just hunger that made him look like that, though I noticed at the same time how cold his hands were.
“I know you are.” I swallowed, feeling my heart flutter in my chest.
“Would you go for a walk with me - please?” He was polite now, his tone coaxing. The fluttering feeling increased and I knew it probably wasn't a good idea but ...
“Where to?”
“Just up the hill a little way.”
He gestured to a path that led behind Rodney’s house. I considered it. I hadn’t drunk too much so at least I didn’t think I was going to do anything really stupid. And I hated to admit it but I didn’t think I had it in me to say no to him, I’d already hurt him too much. Myself too.
I nodded, smiling at him. “I'd like that. Though I’d better go and get changed.” I wasn’t exactly dressed for a walk in the woods.
“No, don’t do that, you look beautiful - I have a better idea.” And with that he picked me up.
“Don’t complain,” he warned, his tone severe before I could try and protest. “Not tonight please,” he added, with just a touch of desperation.
I smothered a grin and kept quiet.
“Did you drive here?” I looked around for his car as we were walking towards the path.
“Yes, but I didn’t bring the car.”
He gestured to one side and saw a powerful-looking motorbike standing near the wall of the house.
I raised my eyebrows. “I didn’t know you had a bike.”
“That's a new one actually, I bought it quite recently. A present to myself to take my mind off a certain young lady whose life’s ambition is to drive me to distraction.”
I laughed and he smiled fondly at me until I had to look away. I marvelled at how silently he walked through the woods. If I had been walking with him, it would have sounded like a herd of elephants thundering around. I was suddenly very aware of how close he was. I was wondering about what I could say to break the silence, when he spoke.
“How have you been?” The question would have been natural from anyone else. Corvus really wanted to know.
“Fine, you?” I said with a smile.
Corvus sighed. “Don’t try and fob me off - how have you been? And tell the truth. Anymore panic attacks?”
I shrugged. “A few … not many.” I felt uncomfortable. I wanted so badly to be able to tell him about Tacitus and Hekatê, but I knew I couldn’t. “I’m fine, really.”
Corvus didn’t look as though he believed me, but he decided not to pursue it. Perhaps he was getting the hang of this.
I tried to change the subject. “What have you been up to?”
It was his turn to shrug. “We’re still searching for the newborn.”
I felt a cold feeling in my bones, anxiety crawling over my skin like ants. “He’s very dangerous isn’t he?”
“Yes.”
I looked up at him. “What will you do if you find him?”
“He’ll have to be destroyed, along with his maker.”
Executed, I thought with a lurch in my stomach.
“Who’s going to do it?” I persisted. He looked back at me, unblinking..
“I will.”
I remembered what it looked like when he had to fight Adrian and a tremor of fear ran through me. Rightly or wrongly I knew I was far more worried for him than concerned about the morality of what he had to do.
“I don’t want you to get hurt.”
He smiled and bent his head a little, brushing my cheek with his lips. “I’ll be fine. I have had a little experience.”
I guess that was true, although I wasn’t sure if it was comforting or not.
We reached a clearing, surrounded by huge granite boulders. I was grateful that he'd walked, taking his time rather than vampire speed which was disconcerting. He had obviously been here earlier and there were dozens of candles placed on top of and beside the stones. The biggest, flattest boulder was scattered with cushions and more candles, with a bottle in an ice bucket and two glasses. I eyed the Champagne and smiled at him, feeling nervous.
“This is lovely, thank you.”
He lowered me gently down and sat beside me before opening the Champagne and handing me a glass.
“Happy Birthday, Jéhenne.” He chinked his glass against mine.
“Thanks.”
“So where did you go this evening?” he asked, sounding nonchalant.
I sighed inwardly. I’d hoped he’d given up on that conversation. “We went up to a bar in town for some drinks.”
He nodded, his lips pursed. “Did you enjoy yourself?”
“Yes, I told you - it was fun.” I knew I sounded defiant but then he sounded like my Dad.
“The boy looked after you?”
I frowned at him. “I can take care of myself, Corvus!” It came out a little more sharply than I intended.
“I never said you couldn’t.” I noticed the tension in his jaw and decided to prove the point.
“There was a problem as a matter of fact. Some guy … he was drunk. But I took care of him..” I laughed at the memory, the poor bloke was going to think he'd had a dodgy pint or fallen asleep with a lit cigarette. No other way to explain his badly burned shirt. Maybe he'd think twice before he felt up the next unsuspecting girl in a quiet corridor though.
“What?” his voice was dangerously quiet.
I sighed and realised too late that I hadn't helped the situation. “There was just this guy being an idiot, he annoyed me so I sorted him out. He left me alone after that.”
I’d hoped by telling him what had happened I would reassure him that I wasn’t always going to be a damsel in distress. Nope. He was sitting very still and I could see his fangs and the murderous look in his eye.
“Did he hurt you?” He was practically growling.
“I … no.” I huffed and crossed my arms. “I told you, I sorted him out.”
“You could have been hurt.”
“Well, I wasn’t!” Feeling increasingly irritated, I clenched my fists against the growing heat at my fingertips.
“What did he look like?” he demanded.
“What?” I asked in alarm, realising where this was going. “No! Don’t be ridiculous … he was drunk!”
“He should be punished,” he roared.
I didn’t know how to react to this over-protectiveness, but I found it maddening that he still thought I needed rescuing all the time.
“I can look after myself. I proved that before tonight.” I knew how ungrateful I sounded. Especially after he had come to my rescue just a few nights before, but I wasn’t going to let him believe I c
ouldn’t survive without him. It was a dangerous road to start down. He stared at me intently before turning away;
“But you shouldn’t have to.” He was obviously upset and my annoyance evaporated.
“I can protect myself from most things,” I said, trying to make him understand. “I think I proved that with Reina. One drunken human guy really isn’t much of a challenge.”
“But I want to look after you.” Corvus hit the boulder beside him in frustration, sending smaller rocks flying in all directions. He turned to look at me with such longing I couldn’t bring myself to meet his eyes.
“That’s a pretty old fashioned view.” I kept my voice soft. I had to make him understand that I didn't want to feel like I couldn't stand on my own two feet. Even though it was reassuring to know he was there, if I did need him.
He sighed and shook his head, his expression rueful. “I’m about as old fashioned as you’re likely to find, Jéhenne.”
“Well that's true I guess.” I gave him a crooked smile and he huffed.
“Did you see what Rodney got me for my birthday?” I could have bitten my tongue off as I remembered his earlier jealousy.
“No?” He sounded wary.
I held out of the material of the dress.
“Cyd chose it.”
A muscle twitched in his jaw. “Well… you look beautiful,” he said, his voice low. “As always.”
I didn’t know if the temperature had dropped but I shivered suddenly. Smiling to myself, I drew my hands forward and a blazing fire erupted in front of us. Corvus jumped back in alarm and I laughed, glad that I had distracted him for a moment.
He raised an eyebrow at me. “I see you’ve been practising.”
I grinned and we just sat together quietly, watching the fire.
“That’s what you were doing the first time I saw you,” I said, noticing how the warm light of the flames flickered over his skin.
He looked up at me, his expression curious. “What?”
“The first time I went to the council meeting, you were looking at the fire like the world was on your shoulders.”
He snorted with amusement. “Why do you remember that?”
I laughed, wondering how he could believe I would ever forget it. “It’s kind of hard to forget the day you find out that nothing is how you thought it was. Besides,” I added. “You were the scariest thing I’d ever seen.”
A wry smile played over his lips. “I guess so.”
I turned the Champagne glass in my hands, wondering how much he'd tell me. “What were you thinking about?”
“I was worried about the rogue vampire, and trying to figure out who could have created it.”
“The stuff you worry about hasn’t changed then.”
Another snort, he sounded incredulous this time. “Oh yes it has,” he said, smiling. “Suddenly there's a whole lot more to worry about.”
I didn’t say anything, but just watched the flames lick hungrily at the indigo sky, and the sparks that raged fleetingly into the darkness. Corvus turned back to me.
“I have something for you, a birthday present.” He looked wary, like he knew I'd try and say no to accepting it. “Do you mind?”
I knew I probably should say I couldn’t accept it, but I couldn’t bear to hurt his feelings again so, with a smile, I shook my head.
“No, I don’t mind presents.”
I could see he was pleased. He turned and took off his leather jacket, pulled a parcel from one of the pockets and gave it to me. He was obviously dying for me to open it but I just held it in my hands for a moment, enjoying his frustration as I hesitated.
“What is it?” I asked, teasing him.
He huffed at me, waving his hand to make me get on with it. “Open it and see!”
I stuck my tongue out at him childishly and then tugged at the paper. It came away easily, and revealed a large velvet covered box. I opened it and my breath caught in my throat as I saw what was inside. I just sat there staring, lost for words, until Corvus spoke.
“Do you like it?”
“I …”
I really couldn’t talk. Nestled in the paper there was a large circlet of what I suspected was gold, with an opening at the front. It was a kind of necklace but that wasn’t the right word for it.
“It’s a torc,” he said, by way of explanation.
I nodded dumbly. As I looked closer, I saw delicate feathers were engraved in the gold. The indents in the metal caught the light, and made the feathers seem as though they were being ruffled in a soft breeze. It was simple, but beautiful in its simplicity. The metal was touched by the glow from the fire and seemed to burn by itself, turning a deep, reddish-gold.
He took it from me and put it around my neck.
“Beautiful,” he whispered
“Thank you… “ My voice snagged in my throat and I couldn’t say anymore. I was suddenly caught in a conflict of emotions. I wanted so much to give him what he wanted, to kiss him, even though I didn't believe it was really me he wanted. I glanced up to find Corvus watching me.
“Jéhenne… all I want is to make you happy. I’d do anything for you, anything at all.” I knew he was sincere but I didn't know how he could change anything between us. No matter how badly wanted him to. “Please tell me what you’re thinking.”
I opened my mouth but found that I couldn’t, and just shook my head. Suddenly he was leaning over me and I was frozen, still unable to speak or meet his eyes. I felt his hand under my chin, tilting it gently - forcing me to look at him. He leaned forwards and lowered his head, so close that his breath fluttered over my skin.
“I want to be with you.”
“I know… I want that too, so much. I--I’m sorry,” I whispered.
He chuckled, a wicked sound that made my heart skip. “You’re going to be.”
“Corvus…”
“Hush.”
I sat there trembling as he stroked my hair and then traced his way down my neck with his lips, barely grazing my skin. I should really make him stop this ... I knew I should but ...
“I have missed you so much, you have no idea,” he murmured in my ear. “Why must you make me wait all this time?”
Then his lips were on mine and the voice of protest was drowned out. The intensity of his kiss took my breath away. I simply couldn’t remember why I’d been so determined to resist him, so I kissed him back and he pulled me closer. His hands moved restlessly over me, my skin feverish under the thin fabric of the dress, burning under his touch. I could feel his breath against my neck and his teeth grazing the skin. I moved my hands across his back feeling the muscles moving under the cotton while he entwined his fingers in my hair. As I slid my hands around his neck, I realised with shock how cold he was, far colder than he should be, I glanced up at him and his eyes were black.
“Corvus, why are you so cold?” I asked, worried for him. “When was the last time you fed?”
“I seem to have lost my appetite for anyone but you, Jéhenne.” The words sent a shiver over me and I wasn’t thinking at all as I kissed him again. I was lost, running my hands over his broad shoulders and down the length of his spine, digging my nails in helplessly as he kissed a path from my neck down to my collar bone. Until a spiteful voice in my head whispered all the reasons why this was a bad idea. He doesn't want you, not really. It's Jéhnina he loves, not you, never you ...
I closed my eyes, not wanting to listen to the cruel words, wanting to believe he could be mine, that he wanted me ... But I was nobody, a nineteen year old girl with a bit of magic and he was two thousand years old, a Master of thousands. I was being a fool.
“Wait.” I turned my face away as tears prickled behind my eyelids.
“What?” he murmured, stroking down the length of my back.
I struggled to push him away from me, while my body screamed in protest.
“I’m sorry… I can’t.”
“Can’t what?” He pressed his mouth insistently against my throat
. I shuddered and put both my hands on his chest to try and push him away.
He lifted his head and stared questioningly into my eyes. “What’s wrong?”
“I can’t do this,” I said, feeling beyond foolish and utterly miserable.
“Yes, you can,” he replied, his voice taking on a harder note.
His annoyance made it easier and I shook my head in frustration. “No, I really can’t!”
He looked at me, disbelief in his eyes. “You want to,” he said stubbornly, as though this was all that mattered.
“Yes, I do,” I said, with feeling. He had no idea how much, how hard it was to deny him what I wanted just as badly. “I just … can’t.”
With a heavy sigh he let me go and lay back, putting his arms up so they were folded over his head. I swallowed and looked resolutely away, absolutely not noticing how this showed off his biceps.
“Sorry.” Mortified just didn’t cover it.
“I know.”
We sat in silence for a while, with me feeling like a complete moron. I could just sleep with him, let him take what he wanted and pretend everything would be OK. But I was falling for him hard enough as it was, if we took this further by the time he finally realised I really was just Jéhenne and not the woman he really wanted it would break my heart into a million pieces when he left me. It was for the best. That didn't make it any easier to accept.
Bloody Jéhnina! I cursed inwardly. Why couldn’t I just pretend she’d never existed? I felt ridiculous. The mind boggling age gap between us had never felt like a problem before, but now I imagined he must be bored stiff by my obsession with a dead girl. Though it was his obsession too. The silence stretched on until I couldn’t bear it.
“You’re angry with me, aren’t you?”
I was enveloped in a strong pair of arms and he turned me so I could look at him. His eyes were blue again and he was looking at me calmly now.
“I'm not angry.” He reached out a hand and stroked my hair.
“You looked angry,” I persisted.
He laughed and the sound was more than a little frustrated. “No, you’ve dented my pride more than a little and I can’t deny that I’m going out of my mind with wanting you - but not angry. I promise.”
I felt heat bloom beneath my skin at his words and it was all I could do not to throw myself at him. He kissed me on the nose, a tender gesture that made my heart ache.
“It’s just … Jéhnina …” I said helplessly.
“I know.” He smiled, obviously resigned to my stubbornness and took my hand in his.
“You’re freezing Corvus,” I whispered, looking at him with concern.
“Don’t worry, I’m fine.”
“Well I don’t mind, I mean … if you need to?” I felt the heat between us burn fiercer and his eyes bled to black all over again.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea, do you?” There was a growl in his voice now and my breath caught in my throat.
“No, I suppose not.”
We sat in silence, the tension between us drawing taut, I could hardly breathe. “Do you want to go back to the house?”
I nodded. It was the last thing I really wanted but there was little more to say.
He got to his feet and slipped on his jacket before he reached down to pick me up. I looked up at him, taking in the strong jaw line, that handsome face, feeling my skin ache with need.
He stilled, watching me in return. “Ah, Jéhenne don’t look at me with such desire or I will change my mind about taking you back and have you here and now.”
Swallowing, I looked hurriedly away. I felt a little dizzy with the power flooding from the depths of those blue eyes. With an effort, I drew my gaze away from his and turned, putting out the fire with a wave of my hand and then he carried me back through the forest.
We arrived at the front door and Corvus put me down and walked into the living room. It was Rodney’s night off and we both smiled as his snoring filled the silence.
“I usually put cotton wool in my ears,” I said, trying to smile. We stood looking at each other awkwardly for a while.
He sighed. “I should probably go.”
I went with him, stepping back out into the fresh night air and closing the door slightly behind me so we didn’t disrupt Rodney’s obvious bid for the gold medal for snoring in the next Olympics. I had no idea what to say, should I apologise? He seemed to know what I was thinking.
“I'll wait, Jéhenne.” He put his hands in his pockets, frowning. “I've waited this long after all.”
I felt my heart ache at that, knowing he was waiting for her still, after all this time. I wished it was true so badly, wished I could be everything he wanted me to be. He smiled and I felt a sense of relief, like the awkwardness had passed.
“You know I could never be angry with you, don’t you?” he said.
I frowned, remembering when I’d arrived home and not believing him in the slightest.
“Never,” he repeated, stroking my cheek with the back of his hand. I held my breath as he lowered his head and kissed me, very gently, before whispering, “Happy birthday.” He walked away, over to his motorbike and my ears were filled with noise as the engine roared and he sped away, leaving a cloud of dust behind him. Once the sound had faded into the distance, I could hear the frogs singing again on a nearby lake and Rodney still snoring. I pushed the door open and went back inside.