He hugged her closer. “You know I wouldn’t take them away from you. It’s just that you have too many people and too much to do.”
She kissed his shoulder. “You’re kind to worry, but they’re really no problem. Now, if you wanted to take Janie and Gerard, I might consider your proposal.”
“Is Janie giving you problems?”
“No, not really. She and Gerard hate each other, and they constantly pick at each other. I just get tired of listening, that’s all.”
“If Janie hates someone, it’s usually for a good reason. You haven’t said much about your stepfather.”
“My stepfather.” Nicole smiled. “It’s odd to think of Gerard as being a replacement for my father.”
“Tell me about your life. I feel so removed from you.”
She smiled again, feeling his love all around her. “Gerard is infatuated with being part of the French aristocracy. It seems so humorous when you realize there are hundreds of people in France wanting to be part of the common people.”
“From what I hear, his being in your house isn’t exactly humorous. You know that if you need anything—”
She put her fingertips over his lips. “You’re all I need. Sometimes, when it gets very noisy and everyone seems to be pulling at me, I stop and think about you. This morning when I woke, I was terribly excited about the warmth in the air. Do you think the weather is the same in the west as it is here? And do you really know how to build a house? When do you think we can leave? I’ve been wanting to pack for a long time, but I didn’t feel it was time yet to tell Janie.”
She stopped when he didn’t make any response. She rose on one elbow to look at him. “Clay, is everything all right?”
“Perfectly,” he said flatly. “At least, it will be.”
“What do you mean? Something is wrong. I can tell.”
“No, nothing serious anyway. Nothing is going to upset our plans to leave.”
She frowned at him. “Clay, I know you, and I know you have a problem. You haven’t mentioned Bianca, yet I pour out all my troubles to you.”
He smiled slightly at her. “You wouldn’t know how to pour out your troubles. You are so kind, so loving, so forgiving, that half the time you don’t even see how people use you.”
“Use me?” she laughed. “No one uses me.”
“I do, the twins do, your mother, her husband, even Janie. We all impose on you.”
“You make me sound like a saint. I have many things I want out of life, but I’m practical. I know that I must wait to get what I want.”
“And what do you want?” he asked quietly.
“You. I want you and my own home and the twins. And maybe some other children—your children.”
“You’ll have it! I swear it! It’s all going to be yours.”
She stared at him for a long while. “I want to know what is wrong. It has to do with Bianca, doesn’t it? Has she found out about our plans? If she’s threatening you again, I won’t stand for it this time. My patience is nearly gone.”
Clay put his arm around her firmly and pulled her head to his shoulder. “I want you to listen to me, to all of the story before you say a word.” He took a deep breath. “First of all, I want to tell you that it will make no difference to our plans.”
“It?”
She tried to lift her head to look at him, but he stopped her.
“Just listen to me, then I’ll answer questions.” He paused, staring at the ceiling of the cave. It had been three weeks since Bianca had told him she was pregnant. At first, he’d laughed at her, saying that she lied. She’d merely stood there and smiled at him, so self-satisfied. She’d been the one to have the doctor come to her and examine her. Since then, Clay had lived in hell. He couldn’t believe the news. It had taken a long time to decide that Nicole meant more to him than the child Bianca carried.
“Bianca is pregnant,” he said quietly. When Nicole didn’t react, he went on. “The doctor came and confirmed it. I’ve thought about it for a long time, and I’ve decided to go ahead with our plans to leave Virginia. We’ll make our home in a new place, together.”
Still, Nicole did not say a word. She lay on his shoulder as calmly as if he’d said nothing.
“Nicole? Did you hear me?”
“Yes,” she said quite evenly.
He loosened his arm so that he could move back from her, see her face.
Without looking at his eyes, she sat up, then turned her back to him and slowly pulled her chemise over her head.
“Nicole, I wish you’d say something. I wouldn’t have told you at all except Bianca’s already told half the county. I didn’t want you to hear it from someone else. I thought I should tell you.”
She didn’t say a word as she slipped her dress over her head, rolled one woolen stocking on, then the other.
“Nicole!” Clay demanded, then grabbed her shoulders to turn her to look at him. He gasped at what he saw there. Her brown eyes, usually so warm and loving, were cold and hard.
“I don’t believe you want me to say anything.”
He pulled her to him, but her body was rigid against him. “Please talk to me. Let’s get this thing out in the open and discuss it. Once we clear the air, we’ll be able to make plans.”
She stared at him, half smiling. “Make plans? Plans to go away and leave an innocent child with no one to care for it except Bianca? Don’t you know she’ll make a magnificent mother?”
“What the hell do I care about her motherhood skills? You’re what I want, you and you alone.”
She lifted her hands and pushed his away. “Not once have you said that the child couldn’t be yours.”
He stared at her, his eyes never blinking. He’d expected this, and he planned to be honest. “I was drunk, and it was only the one night. She put herself in my bed.”
She gave him a cold smile. “I guess I’m supposed to forgive what’s done under the influence of alcohol. After all, look at all that’s happened to me because of it. I was drunk the first time you made love to me.”
“Nicole.” He leaned toward her.
She jumped backward. “Don’t touch me,” she said under her breath. “Don’t ever touch me again.”
He grabbed her shoulder, hard. “You’re my wife, and I have a right to touch you.”
She pulled back her hand and slapped him as hard as she could. “Your wife! How dare you say that to me? When have I ever been anything but your whore? You use me when you need me to get rid of your physical desires. Isn’t Bianca enough for you? Are you the type of man who needs more than one woman for his lust?”
Her handprint stood out vividly on his skin. “You know that isn’t true. You know I’ve always been honest with you.”
“Know? What do I know about you? I know your body, I know you have power over me, both mentally and physically. I know you can get me to do what you want; you can make me believe the most outrageous stories.”
“Listen to me, believe me. I love you. We’ll go away together.”
She threw back her head and laughed. “You are the one who doesn’t know me. I admit I haven’t shown much pride while I was around you. Actually, I’ve done little more than flop on my back when you enter a room, or on my knees, or astride you. I don’t even ask what your pleasure is; I just obey.”
“Stop it! This isn’t you!”
“It isn’t? Who is the real Nicole? Everyone thinks she is an earth mother, nurturing everyone, taking the responsibility of everyone’s problems, asking so little from others. It’s not like that! Nicole Courtalain is a woman, a full-fledged woman, with all the greeds and passions of other women. Bianca’s so much smarter than I am. She sees what she wants, and she goes after it. She doesn’t sit at home and wait patiently for a message from some man to meet her for a morning romp. She knows that isn’t the way to get what she wants.”
“Nicole,” Clay said, “please calm down. You’re saying things you don’t mean.”
“No,” she smiled. “I thi
nk that for once I’m saying things I do mean. I’ve been in America for all these months, and I’ve spent all of that time waiting. I waited for you to tell me you loved me, then I waited for you to make up your mind between Bianca and me. I think how utterly stupid I’ve been, how simple-minded and starry-eyed. Like a child, I trusted you.”
She gave a snort of laughter. “Did you know that Abe tore my clothes off and tied me to a wall? I was so stupid that all I could think of was that he’d soil me for you. Can you imagine that? You were probably in bed with Bianca while stupid little me was worrying about keeping myself clean for you.”
“I’ve had about enough. You’ve said too much already.”
“My, my! The demanding Clayton Armstrong has had too much. Too much of which one of us? Curvy Bianca or skinny little Nicole?”
“Stop and listen to me. I told you it doesn’t make any difference to me. We’ll go away just as we planned.”
She glared at him, her upper lip curled into a snarl. “But it makes a difference to me! Do you think I want to spend my life with a man who could so easily abandon his own child? What if we did go west and had a child? If you saw some sweet young thing, maybe you’d run off with her and leave our child.”
Her words stung him, and he drew back. “How can you believe that?”
“How can I not? What have you ever done to make me believe any differently? I was a fool, and for some reason, maybe your broad shoulders or some such nonsense, I fell in love with you. You, being a man, used my schoolgirl lust to full advantage.”
“Do you really believe that?” he asked quietly.
“What else can I believe? I have done nothing but wait. Every minute I have waited—waited to start living. Well, no more!” She jammed her shoes on, stood up, and started toward the mouth of the little cave.
Clay quickly pulled his pants on and went after her. “You can’t leave like this,” he said, grabbing her arm. “I have to make you understand.”
“But I do understand. You’ve made your choice. I guess it was a test of who got pregnant first. The Courtalains have never been fertile. Too bad, perhaps I would have won the race. Would I have the big house then? The servants?” She paused. “The baby?”
“Nicole.”
She looked down at his hand on her arm. “Release me,” she said coldly.
“Not until you see reason.”
“You mean I’m to stay until you sweet-talk me back into your arms, don’t you? It’s over. It is dead, flat over between us.”
“You can’t mean that.”
Her voice was very quiet. “Two weeks ago the doctor from the ship I came to America on came to see me.”
Clay’s eyes widened.
“Yes, your witness that you so urgently wanted at one time. He said he’d help me to get an annulment.”
“No,” Clay breathed, “I don’t want—”
“It’s past time for what you want. You’ve had everything, or should I say everyone, you wanted. Now it’s my turn. I’m going to stop waiting and start living.”
“What are you talking about?”
“First an annulment, then I plan to enlarge my business. There’s no reason why I shouldn’t make use of this beautiful land of opportunity.”
A log fell in the little fireplace, and the glass that held the unicorn caught Nicole’s eye. She gave a dry, cold laugh. “I should have known what you were like when we made those childish vows. I wasn’t pure enough to touch the unicorn itself, was I? Only your dear, dead Beth was good enough for that.”
She pushed past him and went outside into the cool morning. Very calmly, she went to the rowboat and began to row herself back to the mill wharf. Her grandfather had told her never to look back. It wasn’t easy to keep her mind from crying out for Clay. She conjured a picture of Bianca, content and pregnant, her hands resting on the mound that was Clay’s child. She glanced at her own flat stomach and was thankful that she had no child.
By the time she reached the wharf, she was feeling better. She stood and looked up at the little house. It was going to be her permanent home for a while, and she thought of it as such. She would need more room, a parlor downstairs, and two more bedrooms upstairs. Immediately, she realized that she had no money. There was good, flat farmland adjoining the mill, and she vaguely remembered Janie mentioning that it was for sale. She had no money for land.
Then she remembered her clothes. They were certainly worth something. Why, the sable muff alone…How she’d like to throw everything into Clay’s face! She’d like to have the clothes delivered to him, dumped in his hallway. But that bit of show would cost her too much. At the Backes’s, several women had admired her clothes. Suddenly, she thought with regret of the mink-lined cape she’d left on the floor of the cave. But she could never go back there—never!
Plans were whirling in her head as she entered the single room of the little house. Janie was bent over the fire, her face red from the heat. Gerard lounged in a chair, insolently smashing a doughnut into a plate. The twins were in a corner, giggling behind a book.
Janie looked up. “Something’s happened.”
“No,” Nicole said. “At least nothing new.” She studied Gerard. “Gerard, I’ve just come to the conclusion that you would make an excellent salesman.”
His eyebrows came up. “People of my class—” he began.
Nicole cut him off as she grabbed the plate out from under his fork. “This is America, not France. If you eat, you work.”
He gave her a sullen look. “What is there to sell? I know nothing about grain.”
“The grain sells itself. I want you to persuade some lovely young women that they will be even lovelier in silks and sables.”
“Sables?” Janie asked. “Nicole, what are you talking about?”
Nicole gave her a look that stopped her from speaking. “Come upstairs with me while I show you the clothes.” She turned to the twins. “And you two are going to get lessons.”
“But Nicole,” Janie interrupted, “you don’t have time. The mill dresser is already here.”
“Not me,” she said firmly. “Upstairs is a highly educated woman, and she will be only too happy to tutor the children.”
“Adele?” Gerard scoffed. “You won’t even be able to make her understand what you want, much less get her to do it.”
“We don’t like the screaming lady,” Alex said, holding Mandy’s hand and stepping back.
“Enough!” Nicole said loudly. “I’ve had enough of these complaints. Janie and I are not running a free hotel any longer. Gerard, you are going to help me get some money for some land. Mother is going to take care of the children, and the twins are going to get an education. From now on, we’re a family, not an aristocracy with a couple of servants.” She turned and went up the stairs.
Janie grinned up at her. “I don’t know what’s happened to her, but I like it!”
“If she thinks I’m going to—” Gerard began.
Janie waved a hot, sticky spoon in front of his face. “You either work or we ship you back to France, and you can get your head cut off or make shoes like your father. You got that?”
“You can’t treat me like this!”
“I can, and I will. If you don’t get up those stairs like Nicole said, I may use my fist on that ugly little face of yours.”
Gerard started to speak, but he stopped as he stared at Janie’s fist in his face. She was a large, strong woman. He stepped back from her. “We aren’t finished yet.” He muttered several curses in French as he followed Nicole up the stairs.
Janie turned to the twins, gave them a warning look, clapped her hands smartly, and sent them scurrying up the stairs.
Chapter 18
IT WAS WESLEY WHO SAILED NICOLE UPRIVER TO where Dr. Donaldson was staying and then took them all to the judge’s house. Wes didn’t say much when Nicole told him she wanted her marriage to Clay annulled. In fact, no one said very much, and it seemed to Nicole that everyone believed it was inevitable. She wa
s the last one to have any faith in Clay.
It was surprising how little time it took to end a marriage. Nicole worried that since so many people had seen her with Clay and since the marriage had been consummated, it would make a difference. She found out that they could even have had children and, because of the force used during the ceremony, still have had the marriage annulled.
The judge had known both Clay and Wesley all their lives. He’d met Nicole at the Backes’s party. He hated to dissolve the marriage, to declare it had never existed, but he couldn’t dispute the doctor’s testimony. Besides, he’d heard the gossip about the woman Clay lived with. He made a mental note to visit Clay very soon and tell him what he thought of his immoral behavior. The judge looked at the pretty little Frenchwoman with sympathy. She didn’t deserve what Clay had put her through.
He declared the marriage annulled.
“Nicole?” Wes asked when they left the judge’s house. “Are you all right?”
“Of course,” she said flatly. “Why shouldn’t I be? If you wanted to buy some land, where would you go first?”
“To the owners, I guess. Why?”
“Do you know Mr. Irwin Rogers?”
“Sure. He lives about a mile down the road.”
“Could you take me there and introduce me?” she asked.
“Nicole, what’s this all about?”
“I want to buy the farmland next to the mill. I thought I’d put in a crop of barley this spring.”
“Barley? But Clay can give you—” He stopped at Nicole’s look.
“I am no longer related to Clayton Armstrong, nor do I have anything to do with him. I will make my own way in the world.”
She started walking down the road, but Wes grabbed her arm. “I can’t believe it’s really over between you and Clay.”
“I think it’s been over for a long time, but I was too blind to see it,” she said quietly.
“Nicole,” Wes began, staring down at her. The sunlight on her face made her eyes sparkle. He studied her mouth, the upper lip so fascinating. “Why don’t you marry me? You’ve never even seen my house. It’s enormous. You could have all the people you take care of live there, and we wouldn’t even see them. Travis and I have more money than we know what to do with, and you wouldn’t have to work.”