Upon identification they exclaimed, “Good Lord! ’Tis the body of the mayor before us!”
Witnessing the floating corpse, men, women and children gathered round
But Niamh was nowhere to be seen. In fact, from that day on, Niamh was nowhere to be found
Parents’ Advice
Pedro knows very little about drugs
His parents told him to decline if asked
They also taught him not to speak to strangers
So now, people say he’s an antisocial arse
Sneeze(5)
Hello! Just thought I’d let you know I’m here.
Hmm, I’m debating whether or not to come out.
Shall I? Shan’t I? Oh, I don’t know, I’m cosy here.
Erm, let’s see, I think I might just hang about.
Ok, I’m going out, I’ve made up my mind.
Right, let’s go, let’s get out, all set.
Actually, no. Leave it. Let’s rewind.
No, let’s go now. Actually, I’m not ready yet.
Just forgot something, hang on a moment.
I’m going back in, won’t be a sec.
Oh, never mind. Come on. Let’s jet.
Actually, wait. No, leave it. Ah, what the heck?
Right, let’s make a move. Let’s roll. Let’s go.
Oh dear, wait. I really don’t want to leave you.
I’m just kidding really, tickling your nose.
Can’t decide whether to stay or ah..hah..AATCHOO!
That Million Dollar Question
I see her everyday, the smile on her face
The feelings I had for her, I can never replace
Now I just wonder, what if I’d asked her
That million dollar question, oh, that million dollar question
Could have all been so different now, might not even be sitting here
Then again, she might have said, ‘No.’ That was my biggest fear
But now I just wonder, why did I give up on her?
That million dollar question, oh, that million dollar question
They’d ask me, “What do you see in her?” What could I say?
She meant a lot to me, and she still does in a way
So sometimes I still wonder, since I do still talk to her
That million dollar question, oh, that million dollar question
Baby Talk
I will cry when I’m hungry
And I will cry until I can cry no more
And when I poop, you will know
Oh trust me, you will most definitely know
And should you delay, and procrastinate
In changing my soiled nappy
Then once again, I will cry
And neither of us will be happy
I will demand your attention when I feel like playing
Irrespective of the time of day
But please don’t wake me when I’m fast asleep
Or there will indeed be hell to pay
And the same will be the case
If I fail to sleep very well
I will become petulant and stroppy
And I won’t be reluctant to scream or yell
And I will refuse to eat when I am not well
No matter how hard you try
You will attempt all your tricks, entertaining me
Until your mouth turns completely dry
And when I want my milk, I want it immediately
So attach me to your bosom
It’s available on tap as far as I’m concerned
I don’t care for how sore you feel
And yet, everyone will say, “Oh isn’t he so cute?”
As they briefly catch a glimpse
And you will request, “Oh please, just take him for a day”
But they will all run a mile like wimps
Yes mother, right now, at this very precise moment in time
At my young tender age of eight months and a week
I have you in the palm of my hand
Even though yet, I can neither walk nor speak
Notes
(1) Some people choose some peculiar names, right? And not just for their pets. It’s names for their children too. And talking of names, why give a perfectly good old name a terribly bad new spelling? I am not referring to alternative spellings in different languages or countries, because that’s obviously perfectly fine and expected. I’m talking about just plain new wrong spellings, like when someone could not be bothered to check on the spelling and made their own up. And then claimed that the clearly wrong spelling is actually a trendy new spelling. Ugh! Anyway, rant over. Return to the Disappointing Anniversary.
(2) Eddie Mair off BBC Radio 4, not any old random Eddie Mair. Oscar’s Wish is in admiration of the radio presenter’s sonorous voice. It’s funny how you develop an image of someone in your head after hearing their voice regularly, or after hearing other people constantly mention their name, or after reading their poems. And you keep that image for a while. And then you happen to meet the person or see a photograph of them. And you realise how wrong you got it.
(3) No More Bitches and Strong Girl are two different stories. Or are they two sides to the same story?
(4) Other brands are available. But I have to say, much of the stuff designed by Sir Paul Smith CBE is precisely to my taste. I quite like My Shoes, and I would have more Paul Smith gear if my wallet permitted. But it doesn’t, so I don’t.
(5) This poem is best served with a squeaky, high-pitched voice. So go on, get your squeak on, and enjoy Sneeze.
Outroduction
I like the idea of an outroduction. I got the idea from Tim Key’s book, “The Incomplete Tim Key” – well worth a read. I see it as an opportunity for some sort of a polite personal closure. If you did not enjoy reading these poems, please recommend Reflection Point to people you don’t like very much. They won’t know you don’t like them, not at least until they get to this page anyway.
Wherever you read these poems, be it on a bench or a chair,
Be it on your bed or the train, or sat on the loo somewhere,
I hope some made you think and others made you smile,
And I hope that you felt it was well worth your while.
###
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Thank you for reading Reflection Point
Index of Poems by Title
A broken down car
A Tale of a Couple of Couples
An Adventurous Life
An Unpredictable Stag Weekend
Baby Talk
Basking in the sun
Beyond Cloud Nine
Birthdays
Black
Brave ladies shopping
Carla’s Carrot Cake
Chaos and panic
Children of War
Comedy Laughs
Dark clouds overhead –
Dead-end Job
Disappointing Anniversary
Dying Wish
Eggs
Engagement Wishes
Equality
Falling golden leaves –
Fear
Free
Glove-wrapped ice-cold hands
Hayfever
Headmaster’s Office
Healthy Living
Hear Me Out
Homework
I’m Bored
Joe
Jumping past puddles
Killer Heels
Letter from the Immigrant
Lover or Stalker?
Man in the Street
Maths Tutor
Modern Languages
Monday Morning
Money
My Shoes
Mysterious Traveller
No More Bitches
No Need to Run
Oscar’s Wish
Paediatrics C
linic
Parents’ Advice
Parents-to-be
People-watching
Perched pigeons watching
Police Interview
Police Interview 2
Police Interview 3
Reservoir Rules
Sabrina the Writer
Sneeze
Sports News
Strange Serenity
Strong Girl
Sun shines through clear skies –
Thank You
That Million Dollar Question
The Big ‘C’
The Bogey
The Doctor and his Bow Tie
The Prince and his White Horse
Toothache
Two Apples Hanging from a Tree
Two Apples Sitting in a Basket
Wedding Wishes
Welcome to Las Vegas
Where’s Your Head At?
Writer’s Block
Something tells me you’re the sort of person that likes to stay in the cinema until all the credits have ended.
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