Ren winked at me. “You knew we all shared really well when we were kids, Javier.”
“Not at all, actually.” Gordon’s father walked me into his home with his arm around me. “I couldn’t even get you all to share a ball without having to break up a fight. How are you all sharing this beauty so well? Where are your white eyes, Ren?”
“They’re coming. These things happen when they happen. You know Gordon, he had to fight the pull the longest and then rush right in headfirst. He was the first one of us to co-join.”
Javier laughed. “He was always like that. ‘No. No. No,’ then ‘Okay, I’m first.’ Mika, do you like chicken?”
Actually, I didn’t, but I nodded the affirmative. I had a feeling I would never in my whole life do anything to disappoint this man if I could avoid it.
20
The house was clean but disorganized, which made me smile. Living in Katrina’s Sisterhood, disorder had been akin to disrespect. Everything had a place, and we kept things right where they belonged or suffered the consequences, which were usually whippings. There were shoes everywhere. Javier fixed them for a living and must have brought his work home. I sat in the living room, a cup of hot tea in my hand, and watched him laugh with Gordon and Ren. This was the easiest I’d ever seen the latter. Gordon’s happiness swarmed my consciousness, and I could swim in it if I let myself. In his house, Lennon was happy but tense.
I suspected that was how he felt most of the time around his parents. Maybe they were less thrilled than Javier about their son’s future with me. Neil had woken up confused, but he was becoming alert minute by minute. Through our link, he sought me, and when we connected, he seemed to calm. I wondered if he could feel my smile for him across the distance. I thought he could because I had the sense of smiling back when I did it. I didn’t know how Wayne was doing and wished that I did.
The girls were napping in what had been Ren’s room. It was a big bed and they’d fit themselves on it like they were used to sharing sleeping arrangements. I didn’t question it. They seemed relieved, and I would love for them to wake up without those dark circles under their eyes.
I, by contrast, wasn’t at all certain I could ever sleep again. We’d just gotten here, and I wasn’t going to rush things, but I had to find that tree in the morning and see why I had been brought here. I searched my mind for Katrina and didn’t find her. If she really was possessed, as Aspen had suggested, then she shouldn’t be able to reach me here in this demon-less place.
Javier made a joke—something about a cow and hay—and the guys laughed at it, hard. I smiled and took a sip of my tea. If I was going to make this work, I needed to actually be present in the moment. Everything was new, and it moved through and past me, making it hard for me to focus on any one thing when there were a million details to focus on at once. This wasn’t my first time in a house. I’d been in several homes of the nobility on the edge of the Badlands. When I worked for Katrina, we were occasionally sent out to situations where we stayed with the nobility. She liked to send me. Apparently, I set the wealthy at ease, whatever that meant.
They didn’t live like this. They had servants running about, and few of them had interacted with each other at all. I’d mostly sat in my room hoping the five guards assigned to me didn’t want to talk. Was this how it was supposed to be? People spending time together, just enjoying an evening?
Why would they have ever left this?
Gordon’s gaze met my own, forcing me out of my own head. He leaned over the coffee table and placed his hand on my knee. “Because we knew somewhere deep in our souls that we had to be with you and that nothing was as important.”
That made the room go quiet. Ren stared down at the floor for a second before he spoke. “You can hear her thoughts? That easily?”
“Wow.” Javier shook his head. “It’s hard to imagine.”
Gordon squeezed my knee. “Most of the time, it’s an impression of her feelings. Happy. Sad. Worried. Angry. But sometimes, when she thinks something very strongly, it travels through the link to me. I imagine Lennon and Neil got that particular thought as well.”
“I…” My voice shook, and I forced myself calm. “I’ll get better at shielding it. Or I can close the link. I don’t want you constantly inundated with my internal dialogue.”
Gordon let go of my knee and shook his head. “That would be such a loss. Please don’t do that.”
I wasn’t sure if I could even if I wanted to. It was a strain to block them. The two times I’d done it to be intimate with someone alone, the barrier had opened up immediately when it was over with almost no control from me.
“I tend to obsess. It might be better if you just ignore it.”
He shook his head. Whatever he would have said was cut off by a knock on the door. Javier rose to go see who it was, and I took a steadying breath. Were people going to start to show up in droves to see my guys now that they had returned home? Was I going to have to make conversation with all of them? I’d never had friends, until Krystal. I didn’t really know how to do this part of life.
It wasn’t a stranger, but Wayne, bringing his father over. I rose, not prepared for this either, although I should have been. Wayne had said he’d come to Gordon’s; it made sense that his father would want to come, too.
Like Javier, the man—an older version of Wayne with a slightly rounder face—hugged me tightly. Why had I thought I would get hostility from their families? So far, they were being completely welcoming. Wayne’s father was named Saul. He and Javier embraced like old friends, and soon we were all seated around the coffee table again, this time with Wayne’s hand in mine.
“Missed you.” He tugged me against him, and I went willingly. “I know there are things to do tomorrow, but I’d like to take you somewhere for a little bit if you have the time.”
“I’ll always have the time for you. Where are we going?”
“I…”
A loud laugh between the fathers stopped our conversation, and Wayne laughed, a low sound. “Thanks for wanting to come back here for a little while.”
“I’m very glad I did.”
Ren shook his left leg in what looked more like an unconscious movement than anything else. We didn’t have the link yet, and I wished we did. What was he thinking?
Wayne kicked him under the table. “Stop obsessing.”
Ren gave him a sideways grin. “But I’m so good at it.”
Obsessing? About what? A knock sounded again, and Wayne sighed. “I’m hoping it’s Neil but that would be fast for him to get across the island and back with his family. That means it’s Lennon and his parents. Lennon is my brother. Always glad to see him. His family? Not so much.”
We all got to our feet, and I noted that Ren crossed the room, disappearing into the kitchen. Was he hungry? We had just eaten a huge chicken dinner. Or was he just getting away from what was about to happen?
Lennon came through the door, hugging Javier before he stepped out of the way to let an elegant couple come through. Lennon had told me that if there was nobility on Peter’s, then his family was part of it. He’d broken rank when he took up hanging out with my guys. I could see immediately the difference between his parents and Javier and Saul. To make it all more interesting, Saul was mayor of the town. How did the social structure here work if Saul was not on the inside of Lennon’s parents’ world?
He crossed to me immediately, wrapping his arms around me. “You’ve been anxious and worried. How can I fix it, love?”
I hugged him back, ignoring the stares from the two people in the room I’d yet to meet. “I’m okay. I think nervous and worried is my natural state.”
He laughed. “Well, my parents aren’t going to make this better. They insisted on coming. Let’s just get it over with.” Lennon turned around. “Mom, this is Mika. Mika, my parents.”
His mother, whom Lennon got his dark coloring from, extended her hand. “Sister Mika. My name is Tatum, my husband Monroe. It’s a pleasure to meet yo
u.”
I stepped forward. This kind of exchange, I’d been trained for. Despite the horrors of Katrina’s Sisterhood, there were things I’d learned there that proved useful on occasion. I took her hand, giving it the lightest touch before I half curtsied to her. The nobility liked their rank acknowledged in subtle ways. It made them feel noticed without making them uncomfortable by too much fuss. A fine line had to be walked unless I wanted to have an ego contest with them, which I really did not.
My move must have worked. They looked at each other, and the slightest smile crossed her face. Lennon’s features were closer to Monroe’s. “Perhaps we should all sit down and speak,” his mother finished.
I nodded, looking toward the kitchen. Where was Ren? He’d taken off so fast. Was he okay? I took my seat back next to Wayne and Lennon took my other side. Through our link, I found that Gordon was… bored. That was a strange emotion, and not one I’d expected. By contrast, Lennon was tense, although I’d not have known that from his outward pleasant expression. Like myself, Lennon must be good at presenting himself in a way completely opposite to how he was feeling.
I took Wayne’s hand in mine. “Is Ren okay?”
Wayne nodded. “Yep.”
“Is he here?” Tatum rolled her eyes, and just like that, I hated her. She didn’t think much of Ren, and it made me want to put her head through the window.
Lennon answered for me. “He’s always going to be here. He’s my family. He’s with her as much as I am. Don’t say that again.”
Tatum outright ignored Lennon. “Sister, since this… thing… is happening between you and my son and the others, Monroe and I think that perhaps it would make sense to move everyone to our house. It’s so much bigger than this one.”
“We’ve talked about this, mother.” Lennon rolled his eyes. “Ad nauseam. We’re staying here. You’re leaving. I’ll come to see you tomorrow and every day that I’m here.”
“She’s a Sister, Lennon. That is a person who is high up in society. She has the good taste to have you in her little harem. I think she’d like to be comfortable while she is here on Peter’s.”
I leaned forward. “In my what?”
“Okay.” Lennon jumped to his feet. “Maybe it’s time to go, now.”
“We aren’t going anywhere until this is settled,” Monroe spoke for the first time. Gordon was no longer bored. Anger had taken over.
I rose to my feet. “It’s been lovely meeting you. I’m afraid this is settled.” That was as polite as I could manage, and only because they were Lennon’s parents who had fed and clothed him when he was little. I’d been as polite as I knew how, and I could do no more.
I turned and walked, back straight, to the kitchen. Ren had gone this way.
He leaned against the counter. “You okay?”
“Get me out of here?”
He held out his hand. “Done.”
Ren pulled me from the house. There was the slightest chill in the air, but I wasn’t going to complain. He hurried, and I kept up, not sure where he was taking me and not caring. Lennon’s parents had sucked all the air out of the room, and I needed to find a way to breathe again. How had he lived with them as long as he had?
I spoke to him when we got to the top of a hill, a distance from the group of houses where Gordon lived. “I understand why you fled the room.”
He shook his head. “The last time I saw them, I told them off. They were always rude to me. Lennon took my side time and again. They used to lock him in his room so he couldn’t hang out with us… which really meant me. The others they could tolerate, but I’m nobody from nowhere. Easier to leave than put Lennon through that. I don’t really care what they think of me. I care what you think of me.”
“What I think of you?” I wrapped my arms around his waist and looked out at the view. “I think you’re extraordinary. I think you speak your mind. You’re kind. Thoughtful. Gorgeous. Funny.” He stopped me from saying anymore by pulling me closer against him. Ren leaned over and kissed the top of my head.
“I want to be all those things. For you. I’m not all of them.”
His words broke my heart. “You are. You just don’t see yourself.”
But I saw him. And just like that, I was in his head. A scene I didn’t recognize took place in front of me. Ren argued with someone who blocked a door. What was happening? It took me a second to remember that I knew this place—it was the new Sisterhood Katrina had made, where she kept me prisoner. Ren was rescuing me. And then he…
I gasped. He fought with the horrible man who had tried to hurt Krystal and kept threatening me on the train. And then the man was dead.
Just like that. Ren had killed him.
I was thrown back into my own head. This was what Ren had been carrying around. It was what he obsessed about, why he shook his leg and didn’t make eye contact.
“You did that for me. You took a life.” I could hardly say the words. “I am so sorry. You should never have been placed in that position. This was my fault. If I hadn’t let myself get cursed, again, you would never have had to do that.”
His white eyes were huge in the moonlight. “Mika, I would kill anyone who got between us. He wasn’t going to let me get to you. He had to be gotten rid of. I’m not even sorry except to worry that you wouldn’t like it, because you’re gentle and kind.”
That I wouldn’t like it? “Ren…”
“But,” he didn’t let me finish, “you don’t judge it. Or me. You really do feel the way you say you do. You… you do see me the way you said. I’ve never felt it before, Mika. I didn’t know.”
His love for me was like an explosion of light through our link. It almost brought me to my knees. I wrapped my arms around him, and he pressed his head to my shoulder, his whole body shuddering. I held onto him while he quivered in my arms. The intensity of my feelings for him was shocking to him. I wasn’t going to rush him through it.
I closed my eyes and let our link sink into me, too. His love for me could be consuming, and I didn’t mind that in the least. He finally lifted his head. I reached out to stroke through his shoulder length black hair.
“The guys love you, too. You know that, right? They accept you without conditions.”
Ren nodded. “I should know that. I can’t explain it… there was always the feeling that if I stepped out of line too much, I might lose them. Then what would I do? I needed them in a way they didn’t need me.”
“That’s not true. I mean, maybe it was. You needed Gordon to give you a place to live. But they need your friendship and brotherhood as much as you do theirs. Gordon was going to kill Lennon’s parents in there, but you said it yourself, Lennon takes your side every time. They love you. Like family.”
His mouth was on mine, and the cold of the night fled away. His kisses were urgent, but his touch on my arms remained light as his hands lovingly stroked me on the outside of my clothes.
He didn’t have to hold back, not with me. I wanted him to hold nothing back. I wanted him to know he could have me any way he wanted me. Inside of me, a river of fire started. I wrapped my arms around his neck. My knees were weak. Ren stole my breath. Who needed air?
He swung us around, lying down on the grass. We were alone with just the stars watching us. But the ground couldn’t be comfortable for him. “Ren are you…”
He pulled me until I straddled his body and leaned up to kiss me in lieu of letting me finish my question. “I don’t need anything but you, Mika.”
I believed him. I nuzzled down, kissing his neck and his chest where his shirt gapped a little bit. His hands traveled up my leg until he could pull my pants down. I tugged at his, too, which was awkward since I was on his lap, but with some laughter and some adjustments we were both eventually stripped from the waist down.
There was never time or opportunity for me to make love to my guys where I wanted to. Lazy afternoons with my sight intact and nowhere to run off to would come, I hoped, someday. For now, I had to have moments, and this one w
as ours. On this beautiful hilltop with the view of reality somehow distant and unassuming.
I arched against his groin, pressing down, and he moaned. He wasn’t inside of me yet. This was just foreplay. My knees were going to have grass stains, and the thought made me smile. He raised his dark eyebrows, the moon bathing him in its light as though it did so just for me.
“You’re so beautiful, Ren.”
He shook his head. “How can you mean that? How can I feel that you mean that? So fucking incredible.”
I pushed up higher on my knees, fitting him inside of me slowly. I took my time bringing him where I wanted him, extending this moment. There would never be a first time for us again. Finally, I pushed all the way down and he moaned, his eyes closing.
Beneath my shirt, my breasts tightened, my body readied for what would come next. My heart pounded hard beneath my rib cage. I started moving. Up and down, I controlled the thrusts and the movements. I leaned forward so I could rub myself against him, stimulating my clit each time I did. I was hot. I was wet. I was ready.
“Mika, I can’t hold back.” His voice vibrated over me. “I need you.”
I didn’t want him to. I gasped as he changed my measured movements to incredibly deep, penetrating thrusts of his hips. I cried out. Yes, this was what I wanted, too. Ren out of control. Ren knowing he could have me, anyway he wanted.
My orgasm was hard, fast, and overpowering. I came again and again until I was spent with nothing left inside of me. He called out my name just as I went limp, practically a rag doll, on top of him.
Despite the fact we were dirty and on the ground, neither of us was interested in moving. I lay against his side, my pants back on, and listened to the sounds of nature around us. “I love you, Ren.”
He was going to need to hear me say it, a lot, for the rest of our lives. I was happy to do so. He smiled in the darkness. “I love you so much. Thank you for loving me, Mika. Thank you for… just everything.”