Now of this talisman I may as well say at once that I am no believerin it or its precious influences. Therefore, although it was usefulsometimes, notably twice when Umslopogaas was concerned, I do not knowwhether personally I should have done better or worse upon that journeyif I had thrown it into the pool.
It is true, however, that until quite the end of this history whenit became needful to do so to save another, I never made any furtherattempt to remove it from my neck, not even when it rubbed a sore in myskin, because I did not wish to offend the prejudices of Hans.
It is true, moreover, that this hideous ivory had a reputation whichstretched very far from the place where it was made and was regardedwith great reverence by all kinds of queer people, even by the Amahaggerthemselves, of whom presently, as they say in pedigrees, a fact of whichI found sundry proofs. Indeed, I saw a first example of it when a littlewhile later I met that great warrior, Umslopogaas, Chief of the Peopleof the Axe.
For, after determining firmly, for reasons which I will set out, thatI would not visit this man, in the end I did so, although by then Ihad given up any idea of journeying across the Zambesi to look for amysterious and non-existent witch-woman, as Zikali had suggested that Ishould do. To begin with I knew that his talk was all rubbish and,even if it were not, that at the bottom of it was some desire of theOpener-of-Roads that I should make a path for him to travel towards anindefinite but doubtless evil object of his own. Further, by this timeI had worn through that mood of mine which had caused me to yearnfor correspondence with the departed and a certain knowledge of theirexistence.
I wonder whether many people understand, as I do, how entirely distinctand how variable are these moods which sway us, or at any rate some ofus, at sundry periods of our lives. As I think I have already suggested,at one time we are all spiritual; at another all physical; at one timewe are sure that our lives here are as a dream and a shadow and that thereal existence lies elsewhere; at another that these brief days of oursare the only business with which we have to do and that of it we mustmake the best. At one time we think our loves much more immortal thanthe stars; at another that they are mere shadows cast by the baleful sunof desire upon the shallow and fleeting water we call Life which seemsto flow out of nowhere into nowhere. At one time we are full offaith, at another all such hopes are blotted out by a black wall ofNothingness, and so on _ad infinitum_. Only very stupid people, orhumbugs, are or pretend to be, always consistent and unchanging.
To return, I determined not only that I would not travel north to seekthat which no living man will ever find, certainty as to the future,but also, to show my independence of Zikali, that I would not visitthis chief, Umslopogaas. So, having traded all my goods and made a fairprofit (on paper), I set myself to return to Natal, proposing to restawhile in my little house at Durban, and told Hans my mind.
"Very good, Baas," he said. "I, too, should like to go to Durban. Thereare lots of things there that we cannot get here," and he fixed hisroving eye upon a square-faced gin bottle, which as it happened wasfilled with nothing stronger than water, because all the gin was drunk."Yet, Baas, we shall not see the Berea for a long while."
"Why do you say that?" I asked sharply.
"Oh! Baas, I don't know, but you went to visit the Opener-of-Roads,did you not, and he told you to go north and lent you a certain GreatMedicine, did he not?"
Here Hands proceeded to light his corncob pipe with an ash from thefire, all the time keeping his beady eyes fixed upon that part of mewhere he knew the talisman was hung.
"Quite true, Hans, but now I mean to show Zikali that I am not hismessenger, for south or north or east or west. So to-morrow morning wecross the river and trek for Natal."
"Yes, Baas, but then why not cross it this evening? There is stilllight."
"I have said that we will cross it to-morrow morning," I answered withthat firmness which I have read always indicates a man of character,"and I do not change my word."
"No, Baas, but sometimes other things change besides words. Will theBaas have that buck's leg for supper, or the stuff out of a tin with adint in it, which we bought at a store two years ago? The flies have gotat the buck's leg, but I cut out the bits with the maggots on it and atethem myself."