Chapter 4
The Kid, the Clone, and It--part 1
The clone hurried to follow the line and catch up to whatever was attached to it. But that whatever was pretty quick for though he was running as fast as he could, the shaking was getting fainter.
"If I only had my costume, I could just rise into the air and see where it is," muttered the clone. He tried not to think about that imposter parading around in his costume--it only made his blood boil. He concentrated instead on following the silk cable and listening for the whatever that was making the silk cable.
He came to a stop in a square of grass jokingly known to the Poolingtonians as Central Park. Here is where the cable came to a center where dozens of other cables branched out like spokes in a wheel.
"What is that evil thing planning with this?" wondered the clone as he stared up at it. Then he thought, If I wait here, sooner or later it should come back and then I can catch it by surprise. The only question is... how do I get up there? If he had had the Superkid costume, this wouldn't have been a problem. Instead he would have to rely on something else that he had that the imposter could not steal... resourcefulness. One way or another, that clone was going to find a way up there.
Meanwhile, Derrick had decided that it was time for Superkid to come out and save the day. So he leaned close to Aaron's ear and whispered, "Superkid."
Aaron's body convulsed as he made the transformation from boring, 'fraidy-cat Aaron to epic, fearless Superkid. Derrick took the hero's costume from behind his back and handed it to his heroic friend.
"What's going on?" Superkid asked as he took the costume.
Derrick pointed. Superkid looked up and saw the enormous length of silk rope. He followed it down both ends, his eyes widening.
"This looks big," he said. "I wonder what that ugly thing is up to?" He then answered himself, "I'll just have to float up there and find out." And with that, he ran for the nearest dressing room--with the town being as small as it was, there wasn't a handy telephone booth nearby to change in. Nevertheless, he soon emerged in costume, ready to battle evil.
Step number one in thwarting this particular menace was to locate it. The most effective way to accomplish this was to blow up his cape that doubled as a hot-air balloon, float up, and look around. So that's what he did.
Almost immediately he spotted it. It was actually pretty hard to miss. And missing it might have been healthier for his mind because that menace was moving away from him. Which meant that--unless the menace had decided to walk backwards--our diminutive hero had glimpsed a lovely view of its rear end.
On the bright side, he knew which direction to take when he got back to the ground. He told Derrick, "Better go get Darrin. I've got a lead and I'm going to chase it down." And so saying, he immediately took off down the street.
Meanwhile, the Superkid duplicate was making do without the Superkid costume in his attempt to climb up to the white ropes. This involved climbing an apple tree--and being careful not to destroy any of the blossoms--then leaping to the roof, Spiderman style, and finally balancing on two of the spokes in that rope wheel--one of which had actually been wrapped around a swamp cooler--while crossing to the hub. When he made it to the center, he thought, Now all I have to do is wait.
He didn't have to wait very long. In fact, it was only about four seconds longer than it takes some heroes to get into their Hero-mobiles via the transition scene. The ropes he was balanced on began to quiver as a colossal figure appeared from behind the Poolington Museum. This figure was humming some sort of tune as it approached. There was also some booty-shaking going on, if that wasn't bad enough. To make matters worse, the figure was moving backwards--booty-first towards the clone (maybe Superkid hadn't seen its rear end after all). And for those of you brave enough to keep reading, from this booty came the white silk ropes that the clone was balanced on.
Our brave hero's replicate hunched down, tensing himself to spring onto the figure's bulbous backside. He figured he would take the figure by surprise though what he planned to do while hanging onto the backside of the figure while balanced atop some silky tightropes weaved into a net-like pattern is beyond me.
Why am I being so evasive, you ask? You already know who the enigmatic figure is and what the mysterious network of silk ropes is? I'm just waiting for the right moment! For the big reveal! It's no fun if you reveal it too soon, even if all the evidence points to the obvious!
Anyway, that mysterious figure with that unquantifiable-sized backside slowly approached the Superkid duplicate backwards, laying down that enigmatic silk rope onto that indeterminate network of silk ropes all the while. The Superkid duplicate waited for the right moment... and then jumped!
Have you ever tried to jump forward while standing on a net hanging thirty feet above the ground? It's not easy, let me tell you. And unfortunately for the clone, the very moment he tensed to jump, the figure spun around and faced him. What happened then was that not only did the clone fail to get any height but he also slammed face-first into the figure's face.
The figure gasped in pain and then rubbed a leg across its face. "What was that for?"
"It's how we superheroes say hello to vermin like you," the clone responded, who was rubbing his own face in pain.
"Is that so?" the figure growled. "Then allow me to extend you the courtesy of saying hello... as vermin do to superheroes!" And then it shook the net, sending the clone flying into the air. When he came back down, the figure kicked him, sending him bouncing down the net.
"How's that for a hello?" the figure chuckled.
Our hero's duplicate was trying to recover his breath so he couldn't answer. He coughed as he pushed himself onto his back.
The figure crawled toward him. "Say, something's different about you... wait, I got it! You have a new costume!
"New nothing!" snapped the clone after expelling one last cough. "My costume was stolen!"
"Stolen?!" gasped this enigmatic being who we still know little about. "And they call me a monster! I was so counting on you having your costume. You see, I have some new moves to show off."
"Like what?"
"Like 'the Tarzan' and 'the Spider Drop' and--my favorite--" the figure rubbed its appendages together, "the Trampoline."
"The Trampoline?" The clone looked about at all the netting they were standing on and his eyes grew wide.
The still-enigmatic being chuckled and said, "I think you can see where I'm going with this. But I'll be a good sport. I'll give you a ten-second head start. One... two..."
The clone grumbled to himself as he began rocking futilely on the oh-so-mysterious netting to get back to his feet, "I really wish I had my costume right now."
"Threefourfivesixseveneightnineten!" that dastardly but also still mysterious being finished and then grabbed the netting in both, uh, forelimbs and flicked it like your mother flicks your bed sheets with all those cookie crumbs on them, sending the clone tumbling high into the air.
The mysterious being yelled with glee with each bounce of the clone, "Bouncy...! Bouncy...! Bouncy...!" Then when the clone landed this time, the being sang, "Now we bounce to the left..." and flicked the netting to send the clone flying to the left. "...And we bounce to the right..." The being flicked the netting again, sending the clone flying to the right.
"And we bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce all through the night!"
That clone bounced helplessly around in that silk net. Several times he reflexively reached for the little hose dangling over his shoulder so that he could blow hot air into his cape and rise out of there--then he remembered he wasn't wearing his cape!
"Stupid... evil... no-good... dirty... rotten..." the clone cursed. He could have been referring to this diabolical fiend bouncing him around in a silk-cable netting, but he was actually referring to the original Superkid whom he thought was the clone. He was trying his best to catch himself when he felt himself land, but he was bouncing too fast. Everything was a blur! He was changing directions b
efore he even realized it!
And then he was bounced high into the air. That diabolical villain followed his flight with beady eyes. With its head turned up, it didn't see another kid floating beside it. But it did feel something land on the netting and it wasn't the kid it had sent into the air. It looked down. Then its mouth dropped and its eyes bugged out and it stammered, "Y-you! No! How?"
"Remember me?" demanded the kid.
This still unidentified villain gaped down at him. Then it looked up at the kid falling back down. And then it looked down again.
"How is that possible?" it gasped.
Whew! Keeping up a veil of mystery is exhausting! But I haven't found the right moment for the big reveal yet! It has to be perfect! And anyways, who's the narrator here?
Allow me to rewind a bit here to see what the real Superkid was doing meanwhile. Of course, if you hadn't insisted that reading two stories at the same time gave you a headache, I could've saved you half the time.
Chasing down the villain creating the silk cable network was a little trickier than Superkid had originally thought. For one thing, he had houses to navigate around and the cables ran right over them, so he couldn't follow the cables straight on. And for another thing, the villain changed direction quicker than Superkid could check on the villain's progress. And it didn't help that Derrick was calling his name, asking where he had gone to. He did eventually allow Derrick--with Darrin in tow--to catch up to him at the cost of giving the villain a five-minute head start. But he figured that Darrin might be able to help him by giving him ideas about how to catch up to that enigmatic and evil villain who wielded giant silk cables.
Darrin and Derrick came panting up to Superkid's side. Darrin gasped, "Did you catch it yet?"
"Not yet," Superkid answered as he looked up at one of the cables trailing overhead and disappearing behind a house.
"What do you think that big, evil spider is up to?" Derrick asked... at the most anticlimactic time! This wasn't supposed to be the big reveal! Leave it to Derrick to ruin it for everyone! He really can be a pain sometimes. One of these stories, something's going to happen to Derrick...
Oh well, it was getting exhausting keeping up the veil of mystery anyways. And you already knew who it was long before then, so no real harm done.
So with that rather cumbersome veil of mystery pulled back, Superkid responded to Derrick's question, "No doubt, nothing good."
"You don't think it's trying to trap us all in town?" Darrin murmured.
"The web is on top of the town," Superkid answered. "If it's trying to trap everyone in town, then it's going about it the wrong way."
"Well, what is it building a giant web for?" Derrick cried, throwing his hands into the air.
"Maybe it's to get my attention," Superkid said. "Well, it's got it. Now I just need to track it down and kick that enormous butt out of town. If you'll excuse me." He grabbed the tiny hose dangling over his shoulder and blew into it. His cape expanded and lifted him into the air above the web the giant spider had weaved. After a while, he came back down, beckoned his friends with his arm, said, "This way!" and charged down the street. With a weary sigh from Derrick, the two of them chased after him.
Superkid rose into the air and then came back down a few times as he tracked that giant, villainous spider. By that time, Derrick had accrued a sizable amount of ailments: two flat feet, a twisted spine, a pounding migraine, a sharp pain in the ribs, a ravenous appetite, and a swollen tongue... fortunately, none of them were contagious. The only thing that his two friends suffered from was his loud complaining.
Darrin groaned, "Derrick. Will you just shut up for one minute... please?"
Derrick protested, "But I'm dying here!" Then he sighed, "Couldn't that ugly bug just do something less evil for once and just come to us?"
"Quiet!" Superkid commanded.
"But..."
"I said, HUSH!"
That's when Derrick noticed that Superkid was pressed against the wall at the corner of Poolington Mart as though hiding from something. Then he looked past the corner and saw an enormous shadow with eight spindly legs spread over Central Park. He gulped and leaped behind his heroic friend. Darrin joined him--with a little more dignity.
"What's the plan?" Darrin asked.
"I'll sneak up on it and see if I can find out what that spider is planning," Superkid replied. "Who knows, maybe it'll start randomly talking to itself while I'm there, revealing its diabolical plot. Wait here."
He started forward, watching the shadow so that he could be sure to stay behind the colossal crawler. He looked up at the web suspended above the park and saw the giant spider... and what he saw made him freeze.
That giant spider was talking... not to itself as Superkid had expected, but to someone on the web with it.
Who is that? Superkid wondered. Some unfortunate victim? But then wouldn't that victim be screaming for help? Maybe it's a partner of that creepy crawler. Maybe... Doctor Red?
Then Superkid heard the person's voice become angry. After that, the spider spoke in a voice of mock sorrow.
I ought to get closer, thought our diminutive hero and blew up his cape. He rose slowly so as to be careful in coming up and not get spotted eavesdropping. As he approached, he heard the spider say "...be a good sport. I'll give you a ten-second head start. One... two..."
Uh-oh, thought our hero. If that really is some unfortunate victim... He squinted at the victim to see if he could recognize him. If it was Dr. Red that he had thought about rushing in to rescue, he would probably be running into a trap. But our hero wasn't yet close enough to really see him--not to mention the webbing kind of got in the way. Superkid thought about yelling to get the person's attention so then he could see who it was, but then the spider yelled, "threefourfivesixseveneightnineten!" and then the person went flying into the air.
"Nuts," said our diminutive hero. He raised the hose at his shoulder to his mouth, preparing to blow hot air into his cape, then he realized that the webbing was too tightly weaved together to allow him through. He was going to have to find a spot with a gap large enough for him to slip through. So he pulled the hose, which released the air in his balloon-cape and dropped him to the ground. Then he hurried away to find that sizable gap.
"Did you find out what it's planning?" Darrin asked as Superkid ran past.
"It's got someone and its torturing him. I've got to hurry up there and save him."
"Who's it got?" Derrick asked curiously.
Superkid skidded to a stop at an intersection, looked both ways, and then took off down the left street before he answered "I couldn't see him very well. But it kind of looked like... a kid."
"The poor guy must be pretty scared," Darrin remarked, almost running into Superkid when he skidded to a stop again.
"Actually," said Superkid, turning to give his friends a puzzled look, "the kid didn't seem all that scared. He was actually yelling at the spider."
"Maybe he thinks he's you. You know, a superhero," said Derrick.
Superkid had been about to take off, but then he turned to Derrick with a bemused expression on his face. "You think that he's a fanboy?"
Derrick shrugged. "Every superhero has one. Some kid who wants to be exactly like his favorite superhero, so he dresses up like him and goes around thinking he's fighting crime until he gets into a fight with bad guys, and then it's his favorite hero who has to come and save him..."
"Right," Superkid interrupted and turned his face up. After making a critical face, he said, "This looks like a good place to get through the web. All right, you two. Stand back." Once his friends obeyed, Superkid took the hose dangling over his shoulder and blew hot air into it. His cape expanded into a balloon and he rose into the air.
His judgment proved true. The gap in the webbing was wide enough so he was able to rise through. He then pulled the hose at his shoulder and the air in his balloon rushed out of the vents in his back, pushing him toward the gigantic arachnid torturing the reality-c
hecked fanboy. He blew air into the hose to keep the propulsion going until he drifted in front of the monstrous spider.
The spider had its head turned up so it didn't see our short hero. Superkid released the remaining air in his balloon and dropped onto the web. This attracted the villainous critter's attention. It looked down. Then its mouth dropped open, its eyes bugged out and it stammered, " Y-you! No! How?"
"Remember me?" Superkid demanded.
The giant spider rocked its head up and down as it looked up at its victim and then down at our hero and then up at the victim again and finally back to its nemesis.
"How is that possible?"