Chapter Eleven
She was amazing and he was in trouble, Ethan thought, as Lilith sank into sleep on top of him. He didn't want to lose his life in a futile attempt to rescue those who preferred captivity. He didn't want to ever set foot on The Farm again. Had never intended to, at least not until he'd found his brother and learned all he could about the place and the people behind it. He had a plan, dammit, and he'd intended to follow it step by step.
Until now.
Now his desire for this woman had him actually considering chucking the plan and charging in there without a clue or a chance. Just because she wanted him to. God, he must be losing his mind.
She fell asleep before he did, and he assumed that was because her body so needed it. He'd been surprised that she'd even had enough energy for the frantic sex they'd just shared. Surprisedbut even more delighted. Gratified. Grateful. It had been incredible. Amazing. Beyond anything he'd ever dreamed, and he'd dreamed a lot about making love to this woman. To a woman.
Dreaming about it, though, was all he'd done. Until now.
Since leaving The Farm, he'd led an almost solitary existence. He came into contact with othershumansonly when he had to. Buying feed or fence-posts or other essentials meant making contact with the outside world. But aside from those essential interactions, he kept to himself. Utterly.
He'd had no idea, all this time, what he'd been missing. And he wondered, as she rested in his arms, if sex was always this wayor if this was unique, specific to the power that pulsed between the two of them.
He couldn't imagine it was always this explosive. Not even between two vampires. Surely it couldn't be.
Not for everyone. There was something special and unusual happening here.
He felt the dawn creeping closer, its power siphoning the strength from his limbs, the clarity from his mind, and he pushed aside the newfound thoughts and feelings that combined to produce an avalanche of questions in his mind. He pushed aside everything except for the vital task at hand. Because he was running out of time.
Focusing on the image of his brother in his mind, he called forth the essence of James. The new one, the one he'd tasted so briefly when he'd seen him in the forest. That brief encounter had been enough to help Ethan understand why he'd been unable to contact James before now. James wasn't the same. Ethan had been focused on the old James, the mortal James, one of the Chosen. He'd been focused on the brother he remembered. Not on the vampire James had become.
Now that he'd felt the essence of the new James, he called it to mind, felt it again, filled his senses with it, and focused on that, called out mentally, as he'd done a thousand times before.
James. I need you. Can you hear me?
The reply was instant, and so clear and powerful that despite the looming sleep, Ethan jumped, his eyes widening in surprise.
I've been waiting to hear from you, Ethan. Worried. I went to the place where I told you to hole up, but no one was there, and I felt a sense of danger everywhere. Are you all right? Are you both all right?
We're all right. But James, why did you send us there? Did anyone else know about the place?
It's a place I've used in the past, his brother explained. A place where I'd left a supply of blood, and a place that's always been safe. He gave his answer without hesitation, without taking time to think about his words first. What happened there?
Ethan hesitated, and James pressed on.
I know something did. I could feel the energy of it lingering. It felt like fear, like attack, like betrayal.
Yes, Ethan replied. That's exactly what it felt like. It was an ambush, James. The DPI knew we were there. They came for us with choppers and weapons and troops. It was as if they knew we'd be there even before we arrived. What I didn't understandperhaps don't want to understandis how they knew.
He felt his brother's shock and wondered if it was genuine or manufactured, even as he berated himself for doubting his only kin.
Ethan, tell me you don't think I tipped them off. You can't believe that. I'm your brother You're a vampire. They create vampires to work for them. To carry out their orders. How can I know that's not what happened to you?
There was a long pause, and when James spoke again, his words rang clearly inside Ethan's head. I could have suspected the same of you, brother. It did cross my mind, in fact, to wonder if they had sent you out, staged your escape, only to draw me out of hiding. I wondered if you were the one they sent to kill me, Ethan, because you were the one I wouldn't suspect. But I told myself it wasn't possible. And if it was, I would rather trust you and die for it than mistrust you and be wrong. You're my brother, Ethan.
You're all I have in this world.
Ethan's guilt tripled, burning in his gut He licked his lips, and forcibly squelched his suspicions. I'm sorry, James. You're right. We're brothers. We need to stick together. It justwell, it seemed like we were set up, Lilith and I. I never should have suspected you.
Bastards must have figured out that place was one of my hideouts, James's voice whispered in Ethan's mind. That's the only possible answer. They were there for me, not you, Ethan.
It's possible, Ethan concurred, then admitted, But they might also have tracked us there. We found a tiny electronic device embedded beneath Lilith's skin. I think it was a tracking device. I think they must have begun using them after I escaped, to prevent it happening again.
What makes you think that? his brother asked.
I've checked thoroughly, and there's nothing in me. You can feel it. Lilith's was beneath her bar code.
You can check yourself to be sure. Just run your hands over the skin there. If there were anything, you'd feel the lump.
His brother was silent for a moment. Then, You're right. I didn't find anything.
Exactly. Besides, if we'd been implanted with them, they'd have found us by now. You've been at large almost three years, and I've been free for two.
Makes sense. So you removed the device from her?
Ethan shuddered at the memory. It wasn't easyor pleasant. She bled a lot, passed out.
Is she all right now?
Yes. She's all right. He looked at her as she slept, and warmth suffused him, even as he felt his body growing heavier. Daylight is near. I need to rest, and you do, too.
Before that, Ethan, tell me where are you?
Ethan hesitated, then reminded himself that this was his brother, and that he'd gone looking for him. If he couldn't trust James, he couldn't trust anyone. Then again, not trusting anyone had kept him alive this long. But this was James. This was his brother.
We're holed up in a small church. The only sign I saw said Leister.
I know where that is, James replied, relief evident in his thoughts. Wait for me come nightfall, Ethan. I'll join you there.
Ethan didn't agree or disagree. He mulled it over, but the sleep was pulling at him too heavily for him to give it any serious consideration just then. He decided to wait for nightfall and full wakefulness to discuss it with Lilith, and decide then. He thought momentarily about telling his brother of Lilith's plan to return to The Farm and rescue the other captives, but that, too, would be best saved for another time.
Rest well, James, he said to his brother. I've missed you.
And I've missed you, James replied. Sleep well, Ethan.
Ethan relaxed then, wrapping his arms more snugly around Lilith, and let the day-sleep take him.
I woke still lying on top of Ethan's gorgeous, naked body. My head was resting near the middle of his chest. My left leg was lying along his side, foot against his calf, with the right one tangling with his left.
As I came awake, my body was flooded with the most luxuriant, languorous feelings I had ever experienced. My eyes felt heavy as they opened, and my body moved as in if in slow motion as I stretched. I rubbed my hands and feet softly against whatever part of him was closest. My hand made lazy circles in his hair, a
nd my hip arched against his thigh.
It was surprising to find myself actingmuch less feelingthis way. Utterly physical. Utterly sensual.
Completely femaleand powerful and beautiful and alive.
And then I forced myself to turn my attention outward, away from my own thoughts for a moment to try to pick up on his. Was he feeling as transformed as I was this evening?
He lay on his back, his body relaxed, one hand resting in my hair. I closed her eyes against his chest and felt his fingers moving as if in the most erotic caress, though it wasn't. Or shouldn't have been. And yet it set me on fire.
His other hand moved to the small of my back, and his fingertips dragged very lightly up and down my spine, seeming to leave a trail of sparkling energy everywhere they touched. I couldn't stop myself from making a soft sound of pleasure.
Beneath my belly, I felt him growing hard, and I was eager to feel that hardness inside me yet again.
But then he lifted his head and pressed a kiss to the top of mine. "We don't have much time, Lilith. I wish we did. "
I sat up, frowning, and met his eyes. "Why not?"
"Because my brother will be here soon. "
And all at once, all the sensual pleasure I'd been feeling drained from my body more quickly than blood through a severed jugular. "Your brother?"
"Yes. I spoke to him before I slept, and he agreed to meet us here right after sundown, so"
"You told him?" I asked in disbelief. Scrambling off him, I found my now-filthy T-shirt, wishing I had something real to put on. "You told your brother where we are? God, Ethan, why would you do something so stupid?"
He blinked at me, wounded, I thought, by my words. And I had been harsh, yes, but for the love of God, how could he be so naive?
"I trust him, Lilith. He's my brother. He won't betray me. " He got to his feet, as well, and gathered up his clothes, along with the small bundle he had taken from the house where we'd nearly been ambushed. He thrust it at me. "I trust him," he said again.
"And what about me, Ethan? My life is on the line, too, and I don't trust him. " I spun away from him, and untucked the ends of the bundle, to discover it was a blanket with clothing rolled inside.
I frowned as I looked through them. A pair of jeans that looked for all the world to be my size. A tank top, and a green button down cotton shirt. A pair of women's hiking shoes. There were even unopened packages of new socks and underwear.
I looked up at Ethan, utterly confused.
"He knew you were with me," Ethan said. "He must have put those things in the house for you before he located us. "
I blinked, lowering my gaze again. Turning the hiking shoe over, I looked at the number stamped on its sole.
"And how did he know my size?" I asked, then looked at the jeans and the shirts and added, "All my sizes. Hell, Ethan, even the underpants are the right size. "
"He's a vampire. " Ethan shrugged. "He's been one longer than either of us. He's probably discovered powers we haven't even thought of yet. "
"Yes, I'm sure every vampire can guess a woman's panty size without having seen her in three years, and then only in passing. It's a basic survival skill, after all. " And yet I couldn't resist tearing the packet open. I examined the fabric thoroughly, just in case his elusive brother had placed another electronic tracking device in them. I checked all the clothes, and especially the shoes, which had more places to hide something like that.
"He's a refugee, just like us," Ethan said, as I examined each scrap of clothing and then got dressed. "He can help us, Lilith. He's already trying, by leaving you the clothes. "
"Yes, remind me to thank himif he doesn't get us both killed. "
He rolled his eyes as I pulled on the jeans, followed by the tank top. It was black, with a red rose painted on the front.
"Why don't you trust my judgment on this, Lilith?" Ethan asked. "Who would know my brother better than I do?"
"The people who programmed him, perhaps?"
He was getting angry with me. I could tell by the tightness of his jaw and the way he was pacing the small room. I didn't want to make him angry, but I couldn't ignore my suspicion about his brother, and I felt compelled to make him listen.
"Ethan, how is it that those DPI hunters knew where we were going last night? How is it that they got there fast enough to nearly catch us? When no one but the two of us and your precious brother knew where we were planning to go? Have you even wondered about that?"
"Of course I wondered about it! But now that I've spoken with him, I know I was wrong to suspect him. "
"Then how did they know? How did they find us? And don't tell me it was the tracking device, because we both know it wasn't. They got there too fast, and with too much firepower. They knew where we were going before we arrived. They were almost there in time to intercept us, for God's sake. "
He stopped pacing and turned to stare directly at me, his eyes trying to convince me of the truth of his words. "I know. And I know it looks bad. But James thinks it was him they were after. That place was one he's used before. They must have found out, somehow, and set a trap for him there. For him, Lilith.
Not for us. "
"So us nearly being caught in the teeth of that trap was merely a coincidence?" I asked.
He lowered his head, probably because he knew how lame the explanation sounded to me. "Yes. "
"There's no such thing as coincidence, Ethan. " I said it softly, trying to temper my words a bit. I'd pulled on the green shirt and left it hanging unbuttoned. It felt good to be in clothes that actually fit me. The shoes were comfortable, and the thick socks cushioned and warmed my feet. I rose and ran my hand up the side of his face, then softened the tone of my voice, reminding myself that he was not the enemy.
"I know it's hard for you to believe your own brother could be working for the DPI, Ethan. But we can't afford to act as if it's impossible. Not when it could cost us our lives. "
His head came around, eyes spearing mine. "But we can afford to risk our lives in a doomed attempt to rescue the others?"
"I can't afford not to," I told him in all honesty. "That place has to be shut down, Ethan. Those people must be stopped. The prisoners need to be set free. I could never live with myself knowing I hadn't at least tried. "
"They don't want to be set free," he countered. And he lifted his hands to cup my face, his gaze urgently probing mine. "Those prisoners would turn you in just as soon as look at you, Lilith. You're risking your life for people who didn't ask for it, won't appreciate it and , wouldn't know what to do with freedom if it were handed to them this very night. "
"Only because they've been deceived. More than deceived, they've been brainwashed. You and I were strong-willed enough to withstand it, Ethan, but not everyone was. It's not their fault they've succumbed to deceptions and lies. "
"Maybe not, but it's not our fault, either. "
I lowered my hands and took a step away from him. "I saw him, you know. "
"You saw who?"
Sighing, I sank back down to the floor. "I saw the Wildborn vampire they keep at The Farm. "
His expression shocked, Ethan sank down beside me as if his legs were too weak to support him.
"I was looking for the medical unit," I said, "and he sensed me passing and called me to him. He told me that he would rather die than remain there. "
"A Wildborn? Are you sure?"
I nodded. "I don't know how I know, but I do. There was something about him. Ethan, he was in chains, locked up in this tiny tin shack that was like an oven. Fed only enough to keep him alive, drained of blood every time they needed it to transform one of us. To make us what we are now. "
"Did youdid you try to free him?"
"I wanted to, but he was dying. Nothing I could have done could have saved him. And and he said I would have no chance to get away unless I became a vampire first. He convinced me to come close, and then he whispered something in
my ear, though I can't remember what. It was something that frightened me, I know that, but before I could back away, he yanked me closer, and he sank his teeth into my neck. "
"God, how did you get away?"
I lifted my eyes to Ethan's. "I didn't. He wasn't attacking me, Ethan, he was saving me. Giving me the gift. He drained me until my mind was nearly as empty as my body, and I collapsed on top of him, barely alive. But then he held my face to his neck, and then I was drinking from him. Drinking and drinking and drinking. And he didn't push me away, and I didn't know. I didn't know. "
Ethan stroked my hair gently. "You didn't know what?"
"He was so weakfar stronger than any mortal, but so weak for what he was. His skin was gray, his face and eyes, just sunken. It was as if he were already dead. He seemed like a living corpse, and I know he was in agony.
"As I drank from him, I felt his pain. I felt his anguish and heartache and grief and hopelessness. I felt it all, and I thought I would lose my mind with the intensity of it, because that was what he felt. That he would loseperhaps had already losthis mind. I felt it all. And I drank it all into me. I drank until there was nothing left. "
Ashamed, and barely able to force myself to do so, I looked into Ethan's eyes. "I killed him, Ethan. "
"You didn't know. "
"That doesn't matter. I still did it. And then I escaped. Just like you did. I left everyone else behind, just like you did. But I killed to do it. Unlike you. So I have a lot more to make up for. To atone for. I have to do this. And I'm sorry, Ethan, but I cannot and will not wait here for your brother. I'm not risking my life for nothing. " I jumped to my feet, unable to contain my energy anymore.
"It's not nothing to me. " He got to his feet, too. "I understand your reasons so much better now, Lilith, but you have to see that there's no benefit in rushing this. James can help us. And besides, getting my brother back, seeing him again, it's important to me. He's all I have, Lilith. "
I closed my eyes against the pain that statement stirred to life in me. But I didn't call him on it. I didn't say to him, "What about me?" even though the words were burning on my tongue. There was no point. , I lowered my head and let it rest on his shoulder just for a moment. His arms came around me, holding me lightly, tenderly, against him. Being together had been good. And all too brief, I thought.
"I'll go on alone," I said softly. "You wait here for him. If he betrays you and you end up back in captivity, I'll do my best to get you out along with the others. But I don't know if they'll keep you alive this time, Ethan. You're a vampire now. You fooled them before. But now they know you were only pretending. And if they couldn't break you before, they have to know they have no chance of breaking you now. "
I turned away from him, but his voice came after me even as I began to walk up the stairs toward the church's large red entry doors. "The same thing applies to you, you know. "
"I know. " And I kept walking.
"Lilith, wait!" I stopped, listening. "You can't go alone. You don't even know where The Farm is. "
I still didn't turn to face him. Leaving already felt nearly impossible. Looking at him even once more would make it even harder. "My memory has been returning to me bit by bit. This morning, more of the pieces are there. The night I escaped, the route I took. I think that if I return to the place where I first awakened, I can find my way back to The Farm. "
He came up behind me, caught my shoulders and turned me around to face him. There was desperation in his eyes as they searched mine. "You'll be killed if you go back there, Lilith. Please, don't go. "
"I have to try. " I felt tears burning in my eyes. Not for fear of what I was about to do, but for the pain of leaving this man. How had he come to mean so much to me in so short a time? No, not such a short time, really. There had been something between us long ago. I knew that now. The memory of it burned in my heart. "I'm sorry. "
He shook his head slowly, even as I turned away again.
"What happened between us, Ethan it was magical. It meant something to me. "
"To me, too. Don't doubt that. I had never"
"Me either. I'll never forget it, Ethan. Or you. "
And with that I walked up the stairs to the door. I gripped the cool brass handles and pushed them open. The night breeze kissed my face in welcome, warm and scented with autumn leaves. Traces of the post-summer warmth still lingered. I stood there for a moment, staring up at the stars that spread like a glittering blanket over the earth. I loved the night.
A fortunate thing, given what I was.
I took one more step, and then he was there, wrapping me in his arms, turning me around, bending to kiss me. And in spite of my resolve, I kissed him back. There was heat between us, an attraction I couldn't deny and a kinship that I wished he could see was far more potent than the one he shared with his brother.
And yet, I had to leave him. I knew that.
As he lifted his head, his eyes glittered like the stars overhead. "I'm going with you. "
My eyes, heavy with the beginnings of passion, widened as I searched his. "But what about your brother?"
"I never promised to wait for him. We'll go. Right now. I can't let you do this alone, Lilith. If you were taken or killed, I'd never forgive myself. I'm going with you. "
He put an arm around my shoulders then, and started down the church steps to the sidewalk, as if the matter were settled. But then I planted my feet two steps from the bottom, forcing him to stop, to turn and search my face yet again.
"What is it?" he asked.
I licked my lips, nervous that what I was about to ask of him would be too much. But I had to askno, demandone last thing.
"If you come with me, I need your promise that you won't contact your brother again, Ethan. "
"What?"
"I know he's important to you, but II have to insist on this. Once our mission is done, you can find him again. It won't be so hard this time. He'll be waiting, expecting your call. But while you love and trust him, Ethan, you have to try to understand why I don't. Can't. There's too much at risk here. "
He stood staring at me, hurt and bewildered. "Lilith, he's my brother. It's been three years. "
"Then a few more days can't hurt so much, can they?" I watched his face as he wrestled with the decision I was asking him to make. "I'm not asking you to choose between us. Only to delay your reunion a little bit longer. If you want to come with me, you have to promise not to contact him again or respond when he attempts to contact you, because you know he will. Not until we return from this mission. "
I waited as seconds ticked past.
"Ethan, please. You have to at least acknowledge the possibility, that the DPI were successful in turning him. Brainwashing him. That he's working for them now to recapture me. Us. "
Still he said nothing.
Sighing, I lowered my head. "If it's a promise you can't make, I understand. Stay here, and let me go on my own. I won't think less of you, Ethan, I swear I won't. And I'll find you again when it's over. "
Alone, I descended the final steps. My feet met the pavement and I walked into the night. And with each step I took, my heart broke just a little bit more. The tears that had been burning in the backs of my eyes welled and then spilled over, burning their trails down the pale, sensitive skin of my face. "Goodbye for now, Ethan," I whispered.
"No!" he shouted, and an instant later he was at my side, his arm around my shoulders. "No, I can't let you go. I'm going with you. On your terms. "
I looked up at him in stunned surprise. "I have your promise?"
"You have it. " He smiled tenderly as he lifted a hand to my face, his thumb swiping the tears from my cheeks. "You were crying?"
I didn't answer.
"At the thought of leaving me?" he asked.
I looked away quickly. "I crieda littleat the idea of facing the rest of this journey on my own. That's all. "
"Oh. "
The single word held myriad meanings, the main one being that he knew full well I was lying. His arm tightened around my shoulder, pulling me closer to his side, and we walked steadily away from the church.
"How far is it, I wonder?" I asked him, still marveling that he had made such a promise, that he was still by my side.
"I have no idea. What we need is a map, and perhaps a car. "
"And where are we supposed to find those things?" I asked him.
"In the nearest town. " He closed his eyes, and I felt him opening his senses, hunting for the scent of a dense population of humans. When he opened his eyes again, he nodded. "Further east," he said. "I think there's a town that way. We can find a car there. A map, too, if we're lucky. "
"Do you even know how to drive a car?" I asked.
"It was part of my training. Wasn't it part of yours?"
"No. "
He smiled a little. "I imagine, as rebellious as you were, they were afraid you would run them down, then smash through the perimeter fence, if they put you behind the wheel. They probably intended to break you first, then teach you to drive. "
"I think they'd given up on breaking me at all. I think they had marked me for death. "
He was silent for a moment. Then, "You realize you're still marked for death, don't you? It's like I said before. If they catch you again, Lilith"
"I know. " I lowered my head. "I know. "
We came to a crossroads then. Ethan turned me in the direction we needed to take, and we continued walking.
Eventually I saw his head perk up, and after a moment's confusion I knew his brother must be calling out to him. He looked at me quickly and kept on walking. He gave no sign of attempting to reply. And I knew it was possibly one of the most difficult things he'd ever had to do. And yet he did it for me. All for me.
My heart jumped a bit inside my chest, a feeling like joy suffusing it and flowing into my veins until it filled me. Not because he'd rebuffed his brotherI wanted James to be one of the good guys. I wanted to see the two of them reunited and as close as ever. I wasn't jealous of or threatened by their closeness. No, what made me happy was that Ethan was showing me a level of caring I hadn't believed possiblefrom anyone.
Was there anything he wouldn't do for me? I wondered.
Maybe he did feel as strongly as I did. Maybe. Just maybe.