LETTER II
MISS CLARISSA HARLOWE, TO MISS HOWEFRIDAY, AUG. 11.
I will send you a large packet, as you desire and expect; since I can doit by so safe a conveyance: but not all that is come to my hand--for Imust own that my friends are very severe; too severe for any body, wholoves them not, to see their letters. You, my dear, would not call themmy friends, you said, long ago; but my relations: indeed I cannot callthem my relations, I think!----But I am ill; and therefore perhaps morepeevish than I should be. It is difficult to go out of ourselves to givea judgment against ourselves; and yet, oftentimes, to pass a justjudgment, we ought.
I thought I should alarm you in the choice of my executor. But the sadnecessity I am reduced to must excuse me.
I shall not repeat any thing I have said before on that subject: but ifyour objections will not be answered to your satisfaction by the papersand letters I shall enclose, marked 1, 2, 3, 4, to 9, I must think myselfin another instance unhappy; since I am engaged too far (and with my ownjudgment too) to recede.
As Mr. Belford has transcribed for me, in confidence, from his friend'sletters, the passages which accompany this, I must insist that you sufferno soul but yourself to peruse them; and that you return them by the veryfirst opportunity; that so no use may be made of them that may do hurteither to the original writer or to the communicator. You'll observe Iam bound by promise to this care. If through my means any mischiefshould arise, between this humane and that inhuman libertine, I shouldthink myself utterly inexcusable.
I subjoin a list of the papers or letters I shall enclose. You mustreturn them all when perused.*
* 1. A letter from Miss Montague, dated . . . . Aug. 1. 2. A copy of my answer . . . . . . . . . . . Aug. 3. 3. Mr. Belford's Letter to me, which will show you what my request was to him, and his compliance with it; and the desired ex- tracts from his friend's letters . . . . Aug. 3, 4. 4. A copy of my answer, with thanks; and re- questing him to undertake the executor- ship . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Aug. 4. 5. Mr. Belford's acceptance of the trust . . Aug. 4. 6. Miss Montague's letter, with a generous offer from Lord M. and the Ladies of that family . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Aug. 7. 7. Mr. Lovelace's to me . . . . . . . . . . . Aug. 7. 8. Copy of mine to Miss Montague, in answer to her's of the day before . . . . . . . Aug. 8. 9. Copy of my answer to Mr. Lovelace . . . . Aug. 11.
You will see by these several Letters, written and received in so littlea space of time (to say nothing of what I have received and written whichI cannot show you,) how little opportunity or leisure I can have forwriting my own story.
I am very much tired and fatigued--with--I don't know what--with writing,I think--but most with myself, and with a situation I cannot helpaspiring to get out of, and above!
O my dear, the world we live in is a sad, a very sad world!----Whileunder our parents' protecting wings, we know nothing at all of it.Book-learned and a scribbler, and looking at people as I saw them asvisiters or visiting, I thought I knew a great deal of it. Pitiableignorance!--Alas! I knew nothing at all!
With zealous wishes for your happiness, and the happiness of every onedear to you, I am, and will ever be,
Your gratefully-affectionateCL. HARLOWE.