LETTER XXXI
MISS HOWE, TO MISS CLARISSA HARLOWE[IN REPLY TO HER'S OF FRIDAY, AUG. 11.*]YARMOUTH, ISLE OF WIGHT, AUG. 23.
* See Letter II. of this volume.
MY DEAREST FRIEND,
I have read the letters and copies of letters you favoured me with: and Ireturn them by a particular hand. I am extremely concerned at yourindifferent state of health: but I approve of all your proceedings andprecautions in relation to the appointment of Mr. Belford for an office,in which, I hope, neither he nor any body else will be wanted to act, formany, very many years.
I admire, and so we do all, that greatness of mind which can make you sostedfastly [sic] despise (through such inducements as no other womancould resist, and in such desolate circumstances as you have been reducedto) the wretch that ought to be so heartily despised and detested.
What must the contents of those letters from your relations be, which youwill not communicate to me!--Fie upon them! How my heart rises!--But Idare say no more--though you yourself now begin to think they use youwith great severity.
Every body here is so taken with Mr. Hickman (and the more from thehorror they conceive at the character of the detestable Lovelace,) that Ihave been teased to death almost to name a day. This has given him airs:and, did I not keep him to it, he would behave as carelessly and asinsolently as if he were sure of me. I have been forced to mortify himno less than four times since we have been here.
I made him lately undergo a severe penance for some negligences that werenot to be passed over. Not designed ones, he said: but that was a poorexcuse, as I told him: for, had they been designed, he should never havecome into my presence more: that they were not, showed his want ofthought and attention; and those were inexcusable in a man only in hisprobatory state.
He hoped he had been more than in a probatory state, he said.
And therefore, Sir, might be more careless!--So you add ingratitude tonegligence, and make what you plead as accident, that itself wants anexcuse, design, which deserves none.
I would not see him for two days, and he was so penitent, and so humble,that I had like to have lost myself, to make him amends: for, as you havesaid, resentment carried too high, often ends in amends too humble.
I long to be nearer to you: but that must not yet be, it seems. Pray, mydear, let me hear from you as often as you can.
May Heaven increase your comforts, and restore your health, are theprayers of
Your ever faithful and affectionateANNA HOWE.
P.S. Excuse me that I did not write before: it was owing to a little coasting voyage I was obliged to give into.