SECRETS ARE MY SANITY
By
Isabelle Arocho
isabellearocho.com
Copyright 2013 Isabelle Arocho
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This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are products of the author’s mind and are not to be construed as real. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, organization, or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.
OTHER NOVELS BY ISABELLE AROCHO
Set in Celestin City:
Sinfully Departed (Zoe Langston #1)
Blood Sins (Zoe Langston #2)
Sin of Hope (Zoe Langston #3)
Deceptions (Evie Cortez #1)
Anticipations (Evie Cortez #2)
Death Says Hello (Holly Garrett #1)
Let Me Breathe Again (Ethan Reid Book #1)
Other:
Sanity Siphoned
Games We Play
Chapter 1
Nick was happy to say he was enjoying his college days so far. Ok, it’s only been a week but so far it was nothing like the private hell he suffered through during high school. Sure people still looked at him weird, it was the hair, tattoos and piercings, they grabbed attention surely, but they didn’t pick on him for it. No, that privilege went to his parents. They were actually his aunt and uncle but legally they were his parents after his biological mother died of an overdose on drugs, leaving him at their mercy most of his life.
Today, Nick was walking down a long hall to his next class, one he didn’t share with his best friend Julienne. The girl was a godsend, the only person he could truly go to when he was in trouble. There was only one thing he hid from her, one thing he couldn’t even admit in the confines of his brain.
His next class was Architecture 101 and shockingly enough, there was a familiar face in the small group of people; Shane Gregory. They knew each other because Shane’s younger brother, Michael, and Julienne have been dating over the last year and a half. Nick had seen him the older Gregory at different gatherings but they never actually talked to each other.
Nick tried to avoid Shane. Not because the he ever did anything to him, no, it was the stupid butterflies in his stomach. Shane Gregory was fucking beautiful.
Nick remembered the first time they officially meet. When Julienne introduced them, he knew there was no denying he felt something toward Shane and it scared him. It was forbidden and something he was desperately trying to forget for months now.
He turned his green eyes away before Shane realized he was being watched. He took his seat near the front and tried to calm his heart rate. The class wouldn’t start for a few minutes, students were still coming in.
“Hey.”
Nick tensed and hoped this wasn’t happening. He turned to the left and sure enough, this was happening.
“I don’t know you were interested in being an architect.” Shane said, a dazzling smile across his face.
Nick’s heart raced like a jackhammer on crack, he felt like passing out. He didn’t want Shane talking to him, he wanted the beautiful boy to be a shadow in the background, someone he could forget existed. “We’ve never talked or anything.” Nick forced his mouth to move and to keep his head up. As he looked at Shane, he noticed that his blue eyes were lighter than Michael’s.
“True but we can talk now. I don’t know anyone else and we sort of know each other.” Shane shrugged awkwardly.
Nick didn’t know what to do, his hands grew sweaty next, how did he make Shane go away?
Thankfully the teacher stepped inside and asked everyone to quiet down. Shane turned forward and focused on the class.
The teacher; Mr. Tyler, explained he was going to show the class a slideshow to discuss several different building structures. As the lights were turned off and the projector started, Nick found himself glancing at Shane.
Shane was enthralled in the different pictures and must love it to be taking these classes. Nick had never seen anyone share the passion for it that he held. Since he was about twelve he’d stay up drawing different designs that popped into his head. Maybe he and Shane could be friends….no, Nick shook his head and refused to entertain that idea.
The slideshow ended, the lights went back on and reality was forced to set back in as Nick kept his eyes forward.
“Ok class,” Mr. Tyler began with a deep gruff voice of a smoker. “I hope you are all comfortable in yours seats because they are yours for the rest of the semester. In this class there’ll be a lot of projects and I’m putting you into groups. It’d take far too long if you attempted these projects alone. I’m looking at four rows of desks, starting from the right look toward your left and say hello to your partner.”
With each word Nick’s heart filled with dread, he was in the first row to the right, to his left was Shane and to his right there was nothing but a wall.
“I guess we’ll have an opportunity to talk now.” Shane commented, being as smart as he was, realizing they were now partners.
Nick kept his eyes forward, he was terrified. How the hell was he supposed to be around Shane all this time? “Great.” He mumbled. Normally he talked a lot and no one could get him to shut up but here, scared, he was speechless.
Shane was smart, too smart for his own good. “Is it my hair or something, you look like you’d rather have someone else.” His smile was nervous as he attempted to mask his curiosity with humor.
Nick was being unfair and he knew it, he turned and looked at Shane in the eye. “I’m just used to working alone. I never had a partner before.” He tried to explain, cringing inwardly as those words could apply to so many aspects of his life. He was always alone even when he wasn’t. He moved his eyes to Shane’s hair, he let the dark brown locks grow since the first time they met. It looked soft and fell into perfect place as it swept across his forehead, why the hell would he think someone wouldn’t like that?
“Ok then, I’ll try not to take your frown personally.”
Mr. Tyler started to speak again and explained their first project, one that would be due the same date next month. They’d have to work together to come up with one design idea and make a model out of it, it’d have to contain one building and surrounding features, every little detail had to be completed from windows to grass on the ground. There was no way one person could do that in even three months and the partnerships started to make sense.
The project would take dedication and they’d have to start right away. “My place or yours?” Shane asked.
“Yours definitely, I like your parents more than I like mine.” Nick confessed. He felt like him old self for a second as those words flew out of his mouth with no thought. He warned himself to be careful about talking without thinking around Shane. There was no telling what trouble that’d cause.
“Yeah my mom’s mentioned that, how when she’s at the Tellers you make everyone laugh and she’s amused with your obsession with your hair.”
Nick wanted to laugh. “I’m not obsessed, just protective. My parents made me shave it all off last summer and I’m still upset about it.” he explained as they walked together out of the class room.
“With your eyes the green suits you.” Shane complimented as he motioned to the green faux mohawk on Nick’s head.
“Thanks.” His voice dropped and he found all his words running away again.
“Well, I’ll see you later. Just drop by when you’re free, I’ll be home.” Shane smiled a
nd walked away.
Nick stood there watching him go, all while wondering how the hell he was going to survive this partnership with his heart intact. It already felt painfully easy to fall for someone like Shane Gregory.
Chapter 2
Shane was working on some homework when his brother popped into his room, which was something common that happened many times a day. Any time Michael was bored or needed advice, he ran into his brother’s room. “What did you do now?” Shane asked from where he sat at his desk. It was his opening line every time this situation played out.
“Why is it always me who does something?” Michael plopped down on the bed with no more invitation than that. “Julienne’s bitching at me for being a horny toad. She knew this about me when we agreed to be together.”
“You can pretend other stuff interests you.”
“It’s not like its just sex, I love her damn it, but I’m not in the mood for all that other sappy crap.”
Shane grinned; it was so amusing to see his playboy sometimes jerk of a brother in love. “If she is, you have to suck it up and do something she wants.”
“For a guy who likes guys, you are really well versed in the mind of girls.”
“Guys and girls aren’t that different.” At least not with everything he had witnessed in his life. “I have a ton of work to do and I’m waiting on Nick to show up.”
Michael sat up on the bed. “Nick Sheldon? Julienne’s Nick?” There was a time Michael wanted to beat Nick up for the simple fact he was Julienne’s friend but after seeing there was nothing romantic, he welcomed their friendship and called Nick when Julianne wanted to go out or see a movie.
“Yeah he’s taking my architecture class and the teacher paired us up.”
“Well you lucked out, at least you aren’t paired up with an asshole. Julienne has a project due too and this royal bitch is paired with her. I’m against hitting a girl but I might egg her on to do it.” Michael explained as he got off the bed. “As always, these talks save my sanity.”
Shane laughed as his brother left and wondered where the hell the boy got his sense of humor. He was outrageous and neither of their parents were.
He turned back to his computer and continued typing a report for his marketing class. Shane was passionate about school and his career goals; he was in a groove and didn’t hear anyone arrive until the tap on his door. He saved his report and looked up to find Nick leaning against his door.
As extreme as his style was, it really worked on him, the green highlights in his hair made you look at his eyes which were hands down his best feature. Shane never saw green eyes that green before; they were the color of fresh grown leaves. The three day old stubble goatee he wore drew you to his lips next, which were very defined. Standing at about 6’1, three inches shorter than his own freakish height, Nick was quite the looker.
“Working on something else?” Nick asked, motioning over to his computer as he walked into the room.
“I have a crazy amount of homework. I’ll stop it and we can toss around some ideas for Mr. Tyler’s class.”
“How do you get anything done with Michael and Julianne arguing downstairs?”
Shane looked at the calendar and realized it was Tuesday, his mom mentioned the Tellers would be over for dinner last week. “I don’t really hear them or I’m good at zoning them out by now.” he got up and went to close the door so Nick wouldn’t be able to hear the gathering downstairs as loud. He turned and noticed Nick paled, looking a little sick. “Are you alright?” he grew worried.
“Yes.” The word sounded a little forced.
Shane realized the closed door and his sour expression and sighed. “You know don’t you? That I’m gay?” it wasn’t a far stretch, if Julienne knew then so did he. With each word his anger soared. “I’m not going to do anything to you; I thought it’d help us work easier if you didn’t hear them downstairs but if you want the door open—”
“It’s not that. I’m not discriminating against you either.” Nick looked upset by the accusation. “To be honest the smell of garlic makes me want to hurl.” He offered an apologetic smile to along with his red embarrassed cheeks.
Shane’s eyes went wide and he inhaled, knowing his mother was cooking pasta downstairs and how she always went heavy on the garlic and onion. “Sorry.”
“Do you get a lot of flack for being different that you automatically jumped to it?” Nick asked while sitting on the vacant office chair. He didn’t look so bothered anymore and Shane officially felt like a jackass.
“My family is great about it but others...not so much. I think people are just scared about things they don’t understand. I learned it’s best not to pay it too much attention to other people’s hang-ups.” Shane explained with a small smile, continuing to feel like an idiot for thinking an outcast like Nick would be judgmental. “Have you given this project any thought?”
“I have.” Nick opened his backpack and reached inside. “Here are a few of my designs so you can get a better idea of my style.”
“Good idea.” Shane stepped forward and took the few sheets of drawing paper. “Wow.” As he looked at them he felt a pang of envy and lots of amazement. There were designs on these sheets of paper he had no problem envisioning standing tall in real life. “How old are you?”
“Nineteen.”
“How long have you been doing this? I know real architects who can’t sketch like this and would never have such big ideas. I’m twenty-three by the way.” He always felt it was rude to ask someone’s age or name and not give yours in return.
“I know. I’ve been putting them down on paper since I was twelve.”
Shane looked up from the paper and noticed those grassy green eyes were watching him. “And before?”
“I used Lego building blocks like every other great architect.” He joked, a small smile tugging his lips.
Shane found himself watching Nick’s mouth and quickly turned away before getting into too much trouble. He was a fool for looking at him like that. “I’m jealous. I have some stuff I can show you but fair warning, it sucks. It’d look better on a street than it’d look on a paper.”
“Everyone thinks their own work is a piece of crap.”
Shane stopped midway to his closet and faced Nick. “You think these suck?” he held up the papers in his hand. “That’s crazy.” He reached in the closet and pulled out his portfolio book, it contained previous sketches and homework from last year’s class. “Here.” He handed it over because fair was fair, but in reality he was nervous to have his work examined by Nick. The kid was really good.
Nick took the book, his eyes glued to Shane’s hesitating expression. “If it bothers you that much…” his mouth twisted again as he tried not to laugh.
Shane obviously wasn’t hiding his emotions well enough, he shrugged. “Go ahead.” He gave him the book and went to the bed to sit. He was nervous; he always got nervous when someone looked at his work because he worried that they wouldn’t like it. His hands were sweating as Nick flipped through the pages. As the minutes went on he found himself watching Nick, the serious expression across his face as he took in the details across the paper.
Shane regretted that he and Nick hadn’t talked before and gotten to know each other. The longer he sat in his presence, the more he liked his personality and differences. Hopefully they’d ace this class together and could be friends. Friends were better than nothing and Shane knew better than to wish for more just because he was attracted to the other guy, seeing as Nick was straight.
Chapter 3
As the day went on it was time to call it a night. They had gotten an outline done of what their model display would consist of—after dinner—Shane’s mother had forbid them from skipping food for homework.
Nick was packing up his stuff when Shane noticed how tense his shoulders were. “Are you ok or is the garlic getting you again?” he was trying to lighten the mood and failing at the process.
“It?
??s nothing.” Nick offered a smile which was weak and sad at best. “See you tomorrow.”
“Wait.” Shane blocked the door. “This project is a big deal, it’ll make up half of our grade. Why don’t you crash here and we keep working on it?” he hoped that sounded plausible. He saw that Nick didn’t want to go home, he knew he didn’t have the best relationship with his parents. Shane couldn’t in his heart send him back there.
Nick’s shoulders dropped, his backpack hit the floor. “Are you sure?”
Shane smiled, he was glad he didn’t have to talk him into it too much. “Yeah, we have a roll out bed for when relatives stay. I’ll be back.” He dashed out of his room to go let his parents know Nick wasn’t going anywhere. He found them, along with Michael, in the kitchen. “I invited Nick to stay over.”
“Ooh.” Michael cooed, loaded with inappropriate suggestions. Shane reached out and hit him across the arm. “What is it with everyone hitting me today?”
“Stop giving them reasons to.” Their father advised.
Their mother ignored the whole exchange and address what Shane had announced. “To work on your project?”
“Yeah.” He wanted to tell them about Nick’s parents, how he looked depressed at the thought of going home, but that wasn’t Shane’s place so he kept his mouth shut.
Michael on the other hand didn’t know when to shut up. “If you decide to take advantage of him in the middle of the night, remember my room is next to yours and I don’t want to hear it.” this time his own mother hit him across the arm. “Shit, I’m going to have a bruise the size of Canada on this arm tomorrow.”
She hit him again. “What have I told you about cursing in front of me?”
“Stop being such a hard ass.” Michael jumped out of the way before she could get him again.
“Shane, the rollout bed is in the closet upstairs. Let me know if you need any help.”