Q: Why does Dracula have no friends?
A: Because he’s a pain in the neck!
Q: What kind of car did the Frankenstein buy?
A: A monster truck!
Q: How do you stop a monster from smelling?
A: Cut off his nose!
Q: How does a vampire flirt?
A: She bats her eyes!
Q: What kind of monster is safe to put in the washing machine?
A: A wash-n-wear wolf!
Q: What is big and hairy and goes beep, beep, beep?
A: A monster in a traffic jam!
Q: What does a monster do when he loses his head?
A: He calls a head hunter!
Q: Why did Frankenstein squeeze his girlfriend to death?
A: He had a crush on her!
Q: How is a ghost like an empty house?
A: Because there’s no body there!
Q: When do vampires bite you?
A: On Wincedays!
Q: What is Dracula’s favorite pudding?
A: Leeches and scream!
Q: When do ghosts play tricks on each other?
A: April Ghoul’s Day!
Q: What is a monster’s favorite play?
A: Romeo and Ghouliet!
Q: What do monsters use to stay cool?
A: A scare conditioner!
Q: What did the police officers say about the mummy murder case?
A: It is time to wrap it up!
Q: What vampire loves sweets?
A: Snackula!
Q: Why did the ghosts go to the amusement park?
A: They wanted to ride the roller ghoster!
Q: How can you tell if a monster has a glass eye?
A: If it comes out in conversation!
Q: What is Dracula’s car called?
A: The mobile blood unit!
Q: What do sea monsters have for dinner?
A: Fish and ships!
Q: What do you get if you cross a vampire and a circus entertainer?
A: Something that goes straight for the juggler!
Q: What is the first thing that vampires learn at school?
A: The alphabat!
Q: Where do monsters like to swim?
A: The Dead Sea!
Q: What do you get if you cross a monster with a flea?
A: A lot of terrified dogs!
Q: Where do ghosts get their mail?
A: The ghost office!
Q: Where do you find monster boogers?
A: On the end of a monster’s fingers!
Q: What can a monster do that you can’t do?
A: Count up to 25 on his fingers!
Q: What should you do if a monster runs through your front door?
A: Run through the back door as fast as you can!
Q: Which ghost ate too much porridge?
A: Ghouldilocks!
Q: Which day of the week do ghosts like best?
A: Moandays!
Q: What is big, furry, dangerous, and has wheels?
A: A monster on roller-skates!
Q: What do you get if you cross Dracula with Sir Lancelot?
A: A bite in shining armor!
Q: What do you call the lead scorer vampire in soccer?
A: A ghoulscorer!
Q: How did the beautician style the ghost’s hair?
A: With a comb and a scare dryer!
Q: What does Dracula say to his victims?
A: It has been nice gnawing you!
Q: Did you hear about the vampire who died of a broken heart?
A: He had loved in vein!
Q: What happens if you see twin witches?
A: You cannot tell which witch is which!
Q: What is Dracula’s favorite flavor ice cream?
A: Vein-illa!
Q: What do you say when you meet a three-headed monster with sharp teeth?
A: See ya later!
Q: What do you get when you cross Bambi with a ghost?
A: Bamboo!
Q: Did you hear about the girl that wanted to marry a ghost?
A: I do not know what possessed her!
Q: What does a vampire take for a cold?
A: Coffin syrup!
Q: Where is Dracula’s American office?
A: The Vampire State Building!
Q: How come ghosts do not make good magicians?
A: You can see right through their tricks!
Q: Where do baby ghosts go during the day?
A: Day-scare centers!
Q: Why was the monster standing on his head?
A: He was turning things over in his mind!
Q: How do ghosts fly from one place to another?
A: On a scareplane!
Q: Why was the vampire easy to fool?
A: Because he was a complete sucker!
Q: What do you call two witches who share a room?
A: Broom-mates!
Q: On which day do monsters eat people?
A: Chewsday!
Q: What did the little ghost eat for lunch?
A: A booloney sandwich!
Q: How does Dracula like to have his food served?
A: In bite-sized pieces!
Q: Did you hear about the ghost comedian?
A: He was booed off stage!
Q: What monster plays the most April Fools jokes on others?
A: Prankenstein!
Q: Where did the monster keep his extra pair of hands?
A: In a handbag!
Q: What would you get if you crossed a witch with a famous movie director?
A: Steven Spellberg!
Q: What directions did the ghost give the goblin?
A: Make a fright turn at the corner!
Q: How do witches lose weight?
A: They join weight witches!
Q: What is the hardest thing about making monster soup?
A: Stirring it!
Q: What does an Australian witch ride on?
A: A broomerang!
Q: What kind of witch goes to the beach?
A: Sandwitch!
Q: What happened to the man who put his false teeth in backwards?
A: He ate himself!
Q: What kind of book did Frankenstein like to read?
A: One with a cemetery plot!
Q: What is a vampire’s favorite drink?
A: A Bloody Mary!
Q: What did the teenage witch say to her mother?
A: May I have the keys to the broom tonight?
Q: What does a vampire stand on after taking a shower?
A: A bat mat!
Q: How do warty witches keep their hair fixed?
A: With scare spray!
Q: Why did the vampire take up acting?
A: It was in his blood!
Q: What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?
A: Blood oranges!
Q: What city do ghosts like the most?
A: Mali-Boo!
Q: How does a monster begin a fairy tale?
A: Once upon a slime…
Q: What do ghosts drink in the morning?
A: Coffee with scream and sugar!
Q: What is every young monster’s favorite amusement park ride?
A: The scary-go-round!
Q: What do you call a mouse that can pick up a monster?
A: Sir!
Q: Why are haunted houses so noisy in April?
A: That is when the ghosts do their spring screaming!
Q: What do vampires sail the sea with?
A: Blood vessels!
Q: What kind of street does a ghost like best?
A: A dead end!
Q: How does a vampire enter his house?
A: Through the bat flap!
Q: What do you do with a green monster?
A: Put it in the sun until it ripens up!
Q: What noise do you hear if two monsters jump off a cliff?
A: Boom! Boom!
Q: What does a monster say when he meets you for the first time?
A: Pleased to eat you!
&
nbsp; Q: Why is Hollywood full of vampires?
A: They need someone to play the bit parts!
Q: What do you get if you cross a vampire and a mummy?
A: Something scary you would not want to unwrap!
Q: What is the best way to talk to a vampire?
A: From long distance!
Q: How do you stop a monster from digging up your garden?
A: Hide his shovel!
Q: How do you address a monster?
A: Very politely and from far away!
Q: What does a mother monster say to her kids at dinnertime?
A: Do not talk with someone in your mouth!
Q: What is a witch's favorite TV show?
A: Lifestyles of the Witch and Famous!
Q: What did the mother ghost say to the naughty baby ghost?
A: Only spook when your spooken to!
Q: Why are vampire families so close?
A: Because blood is thicker than water!
Q: What is Dracula's favorite fruit?
A: Neck-tarines!
Q: What did the werewolf write at the bottom of his letters?
A: Best vicious!
Q: Did you hear about the vampire who got married?
A: He proposed to his goulfriend!
Q: Why was the student witch so bad at essays?
A: Because she could not spell properly!
Q: What did one of Frankenstein’s ears say to the other?
A: I had no clue we lived on the same block!
Q: What do they have for lunch at Monster School?
A: Human beans, boiled legs, and eyes-cream!
Q: Where does the bride of Frankenstein have her hair done?
A: At an ugly parlor!
Q: What do you call a smart monster?
A: Frank Einstein!
Q: What Central American country has the most spooks?
A: Ghosta Rica!
Q: What did the vampire do to stop his son from biting his nails?
A: He cut all his fingers off!
Q: What do vampires have every morning?
A: A coffin break!
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About the Author
Arnie Lightning is a dreamer. He believes that everyone should dream big and not be afraid to take chances to make their dreams come true. Arnie enjoys writing, reading, doodling, and traveling. In his free time, he likes to play video games and run. Arnie lives in Mississippi where he graduated from The University of Southern Mississippi in Hattiesburg, MS.
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