Chapter 12: Hesitations
Dismounting my bike when we reached my flat, Ellie showed the first signs of weariness, and even fear of being alone with me. I made the house at the end of the street visible to her but still kept the rest of the town blind to it. Her familiar brown eyes roamed the now dark, quiet neighbourhood, sensing that something was not quite right.
It was too quiet.
I wish I could say it was because I’d fed on the residents, satiated my thirst, but alas, most of the inhabitants of this street were on holiday. That’s why I chose this locale, this basement flat with white walls and clean modern furnishings.
The more secluded the better.
Her unease did subside as she took in the flat’s interiors, and I relaxed, realising I’d been… nervous? Surely not! My eyebrows mashed together as I frowned at my ridiculousness. She didn’t notice this, as occupied as she was with appraising the open-plan living space which combined the bedroom, living room, and kitchen. When her inspection of my abode was complete, Ellie turned to me and smiled, impressed by the flat. She likes it, I thought and again felt… nervous?
I had to say something quick. “I’m sorry, I wasn’t expecting any company tonight,” I muttered and uselessly made to rearrange perfectly arranged accessories in the room. From the corner of my eye, I saw that she found this just as ludicrous as I did. “Please sit, Ellie.” I gestured to the red sofa near the double bed.
Tentatively, she took her seat, right on the edge of the couch. Her apprehension returned and it radiated off her in gentle waves, her eyes lost in thought. And suspicion.
Or intuition.
Then there was fear. Her lips parted as though she were mutely gasping at some revelation. Abruptly, she jerked off the sofa.
“Everything alright, Ellie?” I kept my tone casual.
“Yes, I mean no. I mean, I’m sorry.” She spoke very fast and I noted the slight hysterical edge to her voice. “Can you give me a lift home? I mean, a lift back to where you picked me up?” Keeping her eyes off me, she pulled her rucksack on.
“Sure.” I won’t, I continued in my head. But then I wondered whether it would be the third time I let her out of my grasp.
She was astonished by my response. “Really?”
“Of course.” Not, I followed up in my mind and chuckled. “What do you expect me to do, keep you locked up here?”
Her reaction told me that’s exactly what she had expected. Not that she was wrong, she wasn’t entirely right either. I wasn’t going to keep her hostage as I had her classmate Selma.
I was going to kill her.
Believing my lies as I knew she would – I am very good at acting – she sighed and said, “Thanks.”
Now came the moment the last few days had been leading up to. Or had the moment passed, because surely I should have snapped her neck as soon as she entered the flat? Why was I playing the good host, offering her a seat? There was no food or drink in the house but had there been any, would I have offered her refreshments? What was the point in keeping up appearances, postponing the inevitable? She was here to die. I should do it. Now. Or soon.
Before she ran from me again.
Why was I thinking of her escaping?
The answer to all those questions related to the question I found myself asking her. “Can I ask something first, Ellie?” Holding her gaze, I asked about the one thing that I just had to know. “You said you could like me–”
“Yes,” she cut me off. “I could, but I don’t know if I do. I could also not like you. It can go both ways.”
“It will go only one way,” I realised. “Why else would you have come with me?”
“I thought I wanted something,” she said quietly, almost to herself. “And now, it feels like… feels wrong.”
“I know I want you Ellie,” I uttered before I could stop myself. “And now, it feels like… feels right.”
“I’m sorry, I have to go.”
“Then I shall have no choice but to chase you.” She wasn’t going anywhere. She answered the question and now it was time to end this.
End this sudden stupid madness coming over me.
“Catch me if you can,” she challenged half-heartedly and twisted around to head towards the door.
I chuckled as I thought that of course I could catch her.
In the middle of twisting the doorknob, Ellie turned to see what was so amusing.
So I told her. “I can catch you with my eyes closed.” Sniggering, I ran my fingers through my short black hair. She did that Whatever! head-shake that she likes to do and twisted back around.
My mind raced though I knew it had no reason to. She wasn’t going to escape, even if she had opened the door. And if she did make it out the flat, I could easily bring her back inside. So why was I fearing that I might not finish it tonight? I had to. If she got away, my cover would be blown. This was my last chance to do it, and do it virtually undetected by The Council.
She couldn’t run from me again, not tonight.
Not before I got to kiss her lips.
What?
Acting on instinct and without answering my own confused enquiry as to why I was suddenly craving to touch my lips to hers, I went up behind her and pushed the door shut with one hand. Putting my hands on her waist, I pulled her around to face me. My arms wrapped all the way around her and I felt how hot her body was compared to every other being I had ever held.
Then I realised I’d acted blindingly fast, my moves hadn’t lasted a heartbeat’s length. I should have been more careful with the speed, I moaned to myself as I saw her eyes close from dizziness, her head loll back a tiny bit. She felt a little limp in my arms too. Holding her tighter to me, I pressed us against the door so she was no longer sagging in either direction.
I swear I don’t know why I ached to protect her.
She had to be alright, I prayed internally. She couldn’t have been hurt by that. One half of my head asked why on earth I was worrying about what my speedy actions had done to her when I was going to kill her in the next few seconds.
I am, aren’t I?
Her eyes remained shut but I felt her warm breath on my face, lingering around my neck. Leaning close to her ear, I said, “Open your eyes.”
Taking a deep breath, inhaling my scent and seemingly liking it, Ellie moved her head so it was upright again. She seemed like she could stand on her own two feet without my support. Unwrapping my arms from around her, I braced them against the door on either side of her, my face automatically lowering to her level.
“How d-did you do that?” she asked, eyes finally opening.
“Do what?”
“Oh, I’m not in the mood for this.” Her words and tone did not convey that sentiment however.
“From the extremely fast beating of your heart, the rushing of blood through your veins, the ringing in your ears, and from your ragged inhaling and exhaling, I think you are in the mood, Ellie.”
“Its fear, you idiot,” she snapped.
“Of course you’re scared. But that goes away very quickly,” I assured her. I would kill her very quickly. So fast that she wouldn’t even feel it. Instant death. I did not wish to cause her the kind of suffering I had planned initially.
I did not wish to kill either.
I desired something else of her and it terrified me to let myself entertain the thought.
“Listen, Christian,” Ellie pleaded shakily. “Not now okay, not tonight.”
Those words of hers took away my fear. She wants me. Probably in the same way I wanted her. Suddenly. Irrationally. Without knowing why.
“You want to wait?” I knew she did not want to wait at all so I chuckled.
Everything about her body, her face, her eyes, they were now screaming at me to touch her. Kiss her. Venom began to flow in my mouth, welled like tears in my eyes, at the prospect of touching my cold mouth to her warm lips.
They were practically burning for me to do so.
&n
bsp; “Yes,” she blurted out. “I mean, no. I mean, I don’t know.” She did know. If I knew then of course she knew that she wanted me right now and not later. After a few silent, contemplative moments, she gasped the words, “Please, let me go.”
While I stared intently at her, the venom in my eyes dissolved my contact lenses completely. Regarding her with my glinting red eyes, I said, “One kiss.” Or rather, I pleaded. It felt like I was begging her for a kiss. “If I let you go now,” I whispered close to her face, “you will never let yourself be alone with me again and I will never know what it’s like to kiss you. And I would really like to know.”
I really, really wanted to know.
I couldn’t believe what I was most afraid of – not being able to kiss her if I let her walk away from here. I should have been worried about another failed attempt at killing her when I had the chance. I should have been anxious about her mother and her trackers finding out about me. I should have been nervous about what Lydia and Mac would do when they found out I had her in the apartment and let her go without so much a scratch on her beautiful soft skin.
Beautiful, I thought, gazing at her face as she gazed curiously at mine. More specifically, at my brilliant red eyes. Before she made any sense of how my eyes had gone from dark purple to red, I leaned in and kissed her.