I just had time to catch my breath and put on a slash of lip gloss outside the busy school gates before Theo turned up. He was in jeans and a thick jacket, a backpack over his shoulder.
I stared at his face as he walked towards me, soaking up the shape of it, the way his hair fell round it, how perfect it was. He smiled at me.
I forgot that it was cold and my breath was misting in front of me. I forgot that there were people all around us, swarming in through the gates. I forgot everything except his face. I smiled back.
‘Okay?’ he said. I could see the anxiety behind his eyes. ‘This is Roy. Remember?’
I shifted my gaze slightly to the right. The thickset guy who I’d seen peering through the window at Max’s house was there. Theo’s bodyguard. Standing right next to him.
I hadn’t even noticed.
‘Hi,’ I said.
Roy nodded grumpily at me.
There was a pause. Theo appeared to be waiting for me to do something. Of course.
‘Er . . . down here.’ I led him and Roy through the gates.
My heart was pounding as we walked inside the school building. I wondered if Jemima was here yet.
The entrance hall was crackling with excitement. Nearest to us were several groups of boys, mainly from Princedale’s I assumed, standing in line to show the teacher at the desk their invitations. Most of them were mucking about, shoving each other or else chatting loudly with their hands in their pockets – but I could see their eyes darting everywhere.
I looked round myself. Oh God.
I was so wearing the wrong clothes. Further inside the entrance hall, loads of girls were shrugging off their jackets, all talking at the tops of their voices. Most of them were wearing short skirts and really clingy tops. A few were in jeans – but they had the tightest tops of all – either cropped above the stomach, or low cut over their boobs. And they were almost all in high, clumpy shoes and wearing masses of make-up.
My stomach churned. Everything I had on was completely wrong. I glanced at Theo. He was staring open-mouthed at the girls across the hallway. Humiliation burned my cheeks.
Roy caught my eye. He dug Theo in the ribs with his elbow.
Theo jumped. Then blushed.
‘Where’s your invitation?’ Roy said to him, roughly.
I pulled the one I’d taken for Theo out of my pocket and handed it to him. ‘You better queue to sign in,’ I said. ‘I’ll see you in the Assembly Hall.’
I shuffled off to the back of the entrance hall. I had to concentrate really hard on walking so as not to fall over in my shoes on the slippy tile floor. I left my coat on while I walked down to the Assembly Hall. I wanted to put off being seen in my clothes for as long as possible.
Thankfully the Assembly Hall had an unslippery wooden floor. And it was darker in here than out in the corridor, just a few soft, yellow wall lights round the sides of the room, and flashing lights near the sound system. The DJ – this young black guy – was chatting away over the low beat of the first dance track. The rest of the room was clear, with chairs pushed back against the walls and a long table at the end, serving drinks. Someone had strung several rows of twisted paper streamers along the two long walls. You could almost taste the excitement in the room.
I felt my coat being wrenched off my shoulders. Falling to the floor.
‘Oh. My. God. She looks like one of the teachers,’ Jemima snorted.
I spun round.
She was standing in front of me – the same height as me for once, thanks to my heels. But just as evil-looking as usual, with Phoebe and Amy on either side of her.
‘I saw your boyfriend earlier,’ Jemima said sarcastically. ‘Not exactly into you, is he?’
I stared at her. She looked amazing. Her hair was all swept up off a perfectly made-up face. And she was wearing an extremely short, tight, black dress that dipped at the front seam into a low V-shape.
‘Well?’ Jemima sneered at me. ‘Has he gone off with someone else already?’
Phoebe and Amy laughed.
‘He’s just signing in,’ I said, my heart hammering. ‘He’ll be here any second.’
At that moment the volume of the music rose dramatically and coloured lights started flashing across the room.
‘Let’s dance.’ Jemima pointed Phoebe and Amy towards the sound system.
As they strutted past me towards the centre of the room, Jemima leaned across. ‘I’ll be watching,’ she leered.
I bent down for my coat. The hall was already full of girls. Hordes of boys were now swarming in through the only open door. I folded my coat and shoved it under a chair. I stood alone for a few minutes, watching Jemima, Phoebe and Amy dancing. I noticed most of the boys coming into the hall were watching them too.
And then I saw Theo, his backpack hanging from his arm. He’d taken off his jacket and was wearing that long-sleeved top he’d had on the first time I’d met him. The one with the tiny writing on the chest. He was too far away and it was way too dark for me to read what it said. But I remembered. Just try it.
Theo was looking round for me. I walked over.
We stared at each other for an awkward second. I wondered if Jemima was watching us.
‘Where’s Roy?’ I said.
Theo’s face relaxed a little. ‘Outside. Your headteacher wouldn’t let him in here – said there were plenty of adults as it was.’
I looked round the room, noticing five or six teachers for the first time.
‘She also said no one could get into this room except through that door back out to the corridor,’ Theo added. ‘How am I going to get out of here if the other doors are locked?’
Oh, no. I’d been so fixated on what I was wearing and on Jemima seeing me and Theo together, that I’d forgotten all about Theo’s main reason for being here.
How I’d told him I would help him.
And how I’d told myself I would try and talk him out of running away.
25
Theo
Rachel led me through the big hall. She pointed at the huge iron fire-escape door in the far wall. A stern-looking middle-aged woman was standing beside it.
‘It’s only bolted on the inside.’ Rachel sounded nervous. Jittery. ‘They’ll probably open it later,’ she said. ‘They did at the disco last term, to let some air in.’
I stared at her. Last term would have been the middle of summer. It was hardly going to get as hot as that tonight, and certainly not in the next half an hour.
Rachel gazed up at me, clearly seeing the doubt in my face. ‘If they don’t, I’ll just cause a distraction so you can pull the bolts and push it open. The door’s noisy, but it’s noisier in here.
It was true. The dance music was pounding away in my ears. I looked over at all the people dancing. I’d been to quite a few of these things before, but always with my friends. I’d never actually been to one with a girl before.
Not that this was a date.
I glanced down at Rachel. She looked nice. Not sexy like some of the girls here, but nice. And really quite easy to talk to. She seemed taller somehow. And I could see more of her face than usual, so she didn’t look quite so hidden away.
She was looking out at the dancers, chewing on her lip. I followed her gaze to this fit blonde girl in a tight black dress. I vaguely remembered her from the first time I’d met Rachel. She had a pretty, pointy face and was gazing at Rachel, a mean expression in her eyes. She glanced across at me and raised her eyebrows.
I looked down, embarrassed that the girl had caught me staring at her. Rachel shuffled uneasily beside me.
‘Look, Theo,’ she stammered. ‘I’ve been thinking. Maybe going after your dad’s not the best idea. I mean, going to Germany and looking round fertility and research clinics on the off-chance he’ll be working secretly in one. You’ve got to admit, it’s a bit mad.’
I gritted my teeth. Jesus. The last thing I needed was somebody trying to talk me out of this. I was scared enough as it was.
‘It’s not Germany,’ I said crossly. ‘It’s Cologne. A specific place. Anyway, I already know my dad’s working in a clinic, from my Mum. And I know what he looks like.’
I moved away from her and sat down on one of the chairs against the wall. The picture of my dad, along with my passport, some spare clothes and a list of fertility and research clinics in Cologne that I’d got off the internet were all in my backpack. It was wedged under a nearby seat, next to Rachel’s coat. I’d left my jacket in the entrance hall cloakroom so that Roy wouldn’t get suspicious. I’d have to do without it later.
My money – all seven hundred pounds of Mum’s emergency fund – was tightly folded in my jeans pocket. I hadn’t felt guilty about taking it out. After all, my dad had probably given it to her. And I was only using it to get back to him. I rubbed my sweaty palms down my jeans.
Rachel sat down beside me.
‘Sorry,’ she said hesitantly, not meeting my eyes. ‘I was just worried about . . . about what was going to happen to you.’
I gazed out at the disco. There were groups of girls dancing everywhere, mostly giggling at the gangs of boys hanging round the edges of the dance floor. It struck me that there were relatively few couples in the room. There were some – dancing or chatting or snogging in chairs. But most people were definitely not with anyone. Yet.
Jake’s parting words about Rachel went through my head. ‘You might as well make a move on her, dude,’ he’d said. ‘Seeing as everyone else thinks you’re her boyfriend already.’
What did he know about anything?
I checked my watch. Only seven-fifteen. Another fifteen minutes and I would leave. I was really nervous now. I just wanted to get going.
‘Theo?’
I looked round. Rachel was holding out her mobile to me.
‘Take it,’ she said. ‘You might need to be able to make a call. I’ve got some money for you as well.’ She fished in her skirt pocket and pulled out a folded bundle of notes. ‘One hundred and fifty quid. I’ve been saving up for ages.’
How amazing was that? She was offering me a phone and masses of cash. I frowned, feeling guilty for snapping at her earlier.
‘I can’t . . .’
‘You’ll need them.’ She shoved the phone and the money into my palm. Her hand rested on mine for just a fraction, then she pulled it away.
Part of me wanted to give the mobile and the cash straight back. It wasn’t fair, her helping me out like this. But on the other hand, it could take me ages to find my dad. I had the addresses of a couple of youth hostels in Cologne, but the more money I had, the safer I’d feel.
I pushed the money and the phone into my own pocket. ‘Thanks,’ I said. ‘It’s a loan. Okay?’
She nodded, staring out at the dancers again.
‘I’m sorry I was rude,’ I said. ‘I’m just a bit freaked by everything.’
Rachel nodded again. She half turned back to me, not meeting my eyes. ‘D’you want to dance?’ she said.
What? God, no. ‘Er . . .’
‘It’s okay.’ She glanced away. ‘I just thought, as you’ve got a few minutes . . .’
I gulped. ‘Do you? Want to dance?’ I said uncertainly.
Rachel shrugged. ‘Whatever.’
Man. Still. It was the least I could do.
I stood up. ‘Come on, then.’
26
Rachel
We walked over to the edge of the dance floor just as the song came to an end. My legs felt all shaky. I couldn’t believe I’d asked Theo to dance with me. It was seeing that horrible, triumphant look on Jemima’s face that had done it.
I could just imagine her next week, a cruel smile twisted round her mouth. ‘Your boyfriend left early,’ she’d say sarcastically. ‘Couldn’t bring himself to touch you, was that it?’
Another track started up and Theo and I began moving in time with the music, I decided I would have to leave with him. I’d tell him it was so I could show him where the station was. Then I could go straight home. I’d tell Mum I had a headache or something. At least that way I could make out Theo and I had left together.
I looked up at him. He was dancing opposite me, swaying in this cool, detached way and staring round at everyone. I caught sight of Jemima gyrating away on the other side of the room. She was with her friends and this big group of boys – maybe she’d forgotten about me.
No chance. Just at that moment she looked over. Her eyes narrowed. She shook her head.
I could see what she was thinking. What everyone must be thinking. Theo was looking everywhere but at me. He was dancing almost a metre away from me. He was not the slightest bit interested in me.
He was so, so obviously not my boyfriend.
Wham. Someone barged into me. I fell sideways. The floor flew up into my face. Thump. I landed heavily on my arm. Ow.
‘Hey,’ Theo shouted. ‘Watch out.’
A male voice swore. Theo swore back.
I looked up, ignoring the pain in my arm. This stocky, dark-haired guy was shoving Theo backwards. I scrambled to my feet. Theo shoved the stocky boy back – hard.
The stocky boy clenched his fists. His friends were all glaring at Theo. Theo was glaring at them.
I didn’t think. I just strode over and stood in front of him.
‘Stop it,’ I said. ‘Get into a fight and you’ll never get out of here.’ I rubbed my arm – the pain was already fading.
Theo was still staring behind me, at the other boys, his breath all rough and shallow. I put my hands on his shoulders. They were hunched and tense. ‘Relax,’ I said. ‘It’s not important.’
He looked down at me. I felt his shoulders release their tension under my hands. ‘Are you okay?’ he said.
I nodded, suddenly horribly aware of how close we were standing to each other. My hands started shaking. Theo frowned. He put his arms round my waist. ‘You sure?’
I gulped, nodding again. Now I had time to think I couldn’t believe I’d spoken to Theo so forcefully. I looked round. The stocky boy and his friends had vanished. We were surrounded by people dancing. The music was still pounding away, but we’d both stopped moving. All I could feel was his hands holding me. My heart hammering like it would explode. My face burning.
I dipped my head so that my fringe brushed against his chest. I was only doing it so that he wouldn’t see my red face, but he pulled me closer, into a hug.
I turned my head sideways, so my cheek lay against his chest. He was hugging me. It was amazing. It felt so right. His body all lean and muscular. His hands warm on my waist.
I could feel his heart beating. The swirly feeling that had been in my stomach since I’d seen him outside the school gates spread through my whole body. I’d never felt like this. Ever. I closed my eyes, only knowing that I didn’t want him to stop holding me.
But he was bending down, whispering my name in my ear, pulling away slightly. I looked up.
His face was so close to mine I could have counted the long, dark lashes round his eyes. For one totally amazing moment I thought he was going to kiss me.
And then he let go of me and took a step back.
‘I have to go,’ he said. ‘It’s time.’
27
Theo
She’d looked so shaken that I’d hugged her.
I guessed that idiot barging into her had really upset her. I felt bad leaving right then, but I needed to get as far away as possible before Roy realised I was gone.
‘I’m going for a pee,’ I said. ‘That way Roy’ll see me. Then he won’t think to come in here and check up on me. On my way back I’ll grab my bag. Will you be ready to do whatever distraction thing you’ve got worked out?’
Rachel looked a bit dazed. But she nodded.
I strode off through the crowd. The toilets were opposite the hall door. Roy was sprawled in a chair outside them, his hands clasped behind his head. As usual, he looked phenomenally bored.
I indicated I was going for a pee. He nodded. When I came out of the
toilets I hesitated. I was almost sure this would be the last time I ever saw him. I hadn’t thought much further ahead than finding my dad – but I knew that Roy was unlikely to give me another chance if I ran off tonight, whenever I came home. ‘Having fun?’ he said gruffly.
‘Yeah,’ I said. ‘Thanks, Roy.’
Back inside the hall, I grabbed my backpack and checked my pocket for the millionth time, feeling both tight wodges of cash – and Rachel’s phone.
She was more or less where I’d left her on the dance floor, chatting with the pointy-faced blonde girl in the tight black dress. A much faster record was playing now and the place was heaving. I wove my way towards her.
She didn’t see me. The blonde girl was sneering at her, turning to these two other girls beside her. All three of them were wearing short, skin-tight dresses.
Then the blonde girl caught sight of me and narrowed her eyes.
I walked up. Rachel and the other three girls all looked at me. I had a sudden vision of the expression on Jake’s face if he could see me right now. Me and four fit girls. Well, three fit girls and Rachel.
Thinking of Jake reminded me of Max. And Mum. And home. Was running off like this really what I wanted to do?
I shifted my bag to my other shoulder. It had to be. RAGE were on my tail. After me to get to my dad. Which meant my dad and I were in this together. I had to find him. Waiting for him to come for me was not an option.
I turned to Rachel. ‘Did you think of something?’ I said, hoping she would understand I was referring to my need for a distraction while I slipped out.
‘Yes.’ Rachel looked down at the ground in front of her.
I stood there awkwardly for a moment. The pretty, pointy-faced blonde girl stared at me and rolled her eyes, as if encouraging me to agree to how useless Rachel was.
And then, suddenly, Rachel darted forwards. Grabbed the blonde girl’s low-cut dress at the top. Gave it a violent tug. A loud ripping noise. The blonde girl started screaming.