CHAPTER THREE.
IN WHICH OUR HERO HAS TO WAIT THE ISSUE OF AN ARGUMENT.
The reader may observe that, in general, all my first chapters are veryshort, and increase in length as the work advances. I mention this as aproof of my modesty and diffidence. At first, I am like a young birdjust out of its mother's nest, pluming my little feathers and takingshort flights. By degrees I obtain more confidence, and wing my courseover hill and dale.
It is very difficult to throw any interest into a chapter on childhood.There is the same uniformity in all children until they develop. Wecannot, therefore, say much relative to Jack Easy's earliest days; hesucked and threw up his milk, while the nurse blessed it for a prettydear, slept, and sucked again. He crowed in the morning like a cock,screamed when he was washed, stared at the candle, and made wry faceswith the wind. Six months passed in these innocent amusements, and thenhe was put into shorts. But I ought here to have remarked, that MrsEasy did not find herself equal to nursing her own infant, and it wasnecessary to look out for a substitute.
Now a commonplace person would have been satisfied with therecommendation of the medical man, who looks but to the one thingneedful, which is a sufficient and wholesome supply of nourishment forthe child; but Mr Easy was a philosopher, and had latterly taken tocraniology, and he descanted very learnedly with the doctor upon theeffect of his only son obtaining his nutriment from an unknown source."Who knows," observed Mr Easy, "but that my son may not imbibe with hismilk the very worst passions of human nature."
"I have examined her," replied the doctor, "and can safely recommendher."
"That examination is only preliminary to one more important," repliedMr Easy. "I must examine her."
"Examine who, Mr Easy?" exclaimed his wife, who had lain down again onthe bed.
"The nurse, my dear."
"Examine what, Mr Easy?" continued the lady.
"Her head, my dear," replied the husband. "I must ascertain what herpropensities are."
"I think you had better leave her alone, Mr Easy. She comes thisevening, and I shall question her pretty severely. Dr Middleton, whatdo you know of this young person?"
"I know, madam, that she is very healthy and strong, or I should nothave selected her."
"But is her character good?"
"Really, madam, I know little about her character; but you can make anyinquiries you please. But at the same time I ought to observe, that ifyou are too particular in that point, you will have some difficulty inproviding yourself."
"Well, I shall see," replied Mrs Easy.
"And I shall feel," rejoined the husband.
This parleying was interrupted by the arrival of the very person inquestion, who was announced by the housemaid, and was ushered in. Shewas a handsome, florid, healthy-looking girl, awkward and naive in hermanner, and apparently not overwise; there was more of the dove than ofthe serpent in her composition.
Mr Easy, who was very anxious to make his own discoveries, was thefirst who spoke. "Young woman, come this way, I wish to examine yourhead."
"Oh! dear me, sir, it's quite clean, I assure you," cried the girl,dropping a curtsey.
Dr Middleton, who sat between the bed and Mr Easy's chair, rubbed hishands and laughed.
In the meantime, Mr Easy had untied the string and taken off the cap ofthe young woman, and was very busy putting his fingers through her hair,during which the face of the young woman expressed fear andastonishment.
"I am glad to perceive that you have a large portion of benevolence."
"Yes," replied the young woman, dropping a curtsey.
"And veneration also."
"Thanky, sir."
"And the organ of modesty is strongly developed."
"Yes, sir," replied the girl, with a smile.
"That's quite a new organ," thought Dr Middleton.
"Philo-progenitiveness very powerful."
"If you please, sir, I don't know what that is," answered Sarah, with acurtsey.
"Nevertheless you have given us a practical illustration. Mrs Easy, Iam satisfied. Have you any questions to ask? But it is quiteunnecessary."
"To be sure, I have, Mr Easy. Pray, young woman, what is your name?"
"Sarah, if you please, ma'am."
"How long have you been married?"
"Married, ma'am?"
"Yes, married."
"If you please, ma'am, I had a misfortune, ma'am," replied the girl,casting down her eyes.
"What, have you not been married?"
"No, ma'am, not yet."
"Good heavens! Dr Middleton, what can you mean by bringing this personhere?" exclaimed Mrs Easy. "Not a married woman, and she has a child!"
"If you please, ma'am," interrupted the young woman, dropping a curtsey,"it was a very little one."
"A very little one!" explained Mrs Easy.
"Yes, ma'am, very small indeed, and died soon after it was born."
"Oh, Dr Middleton!--what could you mean, Dr Middleton?"
"My dear madam," exclaimed the doctor, rising from his chair, "this isthe only person that I could find suited to the wants of your child, andif you do not take her, I cannot answer for its life. It is true that amarried woman might be procured; but married women who have a properfeeling will not desert their own children; and, as Mr Easy asserts,and you appear to imagine, the temper and disposition of your child maybe affected by the nourishment it receives, I think it more likely to beinjured by the milk of a married woman who will desert her own child forthe sake of gain. The misfortune which has happened to this young womanis not always a proof of a bad heart, but of strong attachment, and theoverweening confidence of simplicity."
"You are correct, doctor," replied Mr Easy, "and her head proves thatshe is a modest young woman, with strong religious feeling, kindness ofdisposition, and every other requisite."
"The head may prove it all for what I know, Mr Easy, but her conducttells another tale."
"She is well fitted for the situation, ma'am," continued the doctor.
"And if you please, ma'am," rejoined Sarah, "it was _such a littleone_."
"Shall I try the baby, ma'am?" said the monthly nurse, who had listenedin silence. "It is fretting so, poor thing, and has its dear littlefist right down its throat."
Dr Middleton gave the signal of assent, and in a few seconds MasterJohn Easy was fixed to Sarah as tight as a leech.
"Lord love it, how hungry it is--there, there, stop it a moment, it'schoking, poor thing!"
Mrs Easy, who was lying on her bed, rose up, and went to the child.Her first feeling was that of envy, that another should have such apleasure which was denied to herself, the next that of delight, at thesatisfaction expressed by the infant. In a few minutes the child fellback in a deep sleep. Mrs Easy was satisfied; maternal feelingsconquered all others, and Sarah was duly installed.
To make short work of it, we have said that Jack Easy in six months wasin shorts. He soon afterwards began to crawl and show his legs; indeed,so indecorously, that it was evident that he had imbibed no modesty withSarah's milk, neither did he appear to have gained veneration orbenevolence, for he snatched at everything, squeezed the kitten todeath, scratched his mother, and pulled his father by the hair;notwithstanding all which, both his father and mother and the wholehousehold declared him to be the finest and sweetest child in theuniverse. But if we were to narrate all the wonderful events of Jack'schildhood from the time of his birth up to the age of seven years, aschronicled by Sarah, who continued his dry nurse after he had beenweaned, it would take at least three volumes folio. Jack was brought upin the way that every only child usually is--that is, he was allowed tohave his own way.