I scowled into the trees. “I’m fully aware I can’t.”
“Good.” She sniffed with a mixture of smugness and joy. “Because I’m going to be a good girl and not push you, but it doesn’t mean I’m not going to make you fully aware just how much I want you. How watching your butt right now turns me on so much. How your boots cracking twigs makes me hot. How your smell makes me we—”
“Della,” I snapped, spinning on her and pointing a finger in her face. “Thin ground, Little Ribbon. Behave yourself.”
With a flash of mischievous blue, she stood on tiptoes and bit my finger, running a warm, silky tongue around the tip.
I groaned.
Loudly.
My cock instantly sprang into the hardest, most agonising erection I’d ever had.
I dropped my hand as if her saliva was gasoline and her teeth the match. My entire finger burned and, fuck, it wanted more.
She licked her lips, her eyes hooded and hazed. “Okay, Ren. I’ll do what you say.”
The temptation and invitation behind that innocent, obedient phrase almost had me yanking off my backpack and shoving her onto her knees right there in the middle of the forest.
Brushing past me, incinerating my body with hers, she whispered, “I’ll behave. Guess we better get hiking, huh? The sun won’t last forever.”
Words vanished.
Humanity disappeared.
I was an animal, pure and simple, so damn hungry for the girl I’d always loved.
I couldn’t take my eyes off the way the sun dappled her hair, glinting on her ribbon, or the way her body glided through greenery as if she was part forest herself.
A quick flash of her bounding through the trees when she was nine or ten came and went, but instead of defiling the new love I had for her, it layered my heart with a heat that unravelled me and stitched me back together in an entirely different way.
Someone who was okay with this.
Someone who could finally admit Della Mclary never was a Mclary because she’d always been a Wild.
I wanted to tell her just how much I loved her. Just how much I would always love her. How I’d had an epiphany, and I knew within my very bones I’d never leave her, hurt her, or do anything other than defend, cherish, and adore. I pitied anyone who ever came between us. I feared what I’d do if anyone ever tried to—
“Coming, Ren?” She looked over her shoulder, nonchalant and willowy.
Her gaze met mine, playful and happy before they darkened in response to the shadows swirling inside me. The shadows of possession and dominion that clenched my fists, already angry with phantom ideals that might try to ruin this.
“Ren?” Her voice lowered, the expression on her face one of seriousness and trust. “Everything okay?”
I might’ve grunted something in response, but she’d well and truly won. She’d shown just how right she was. Sex was just an act. Because we’d already surpassed mere pleasure and flesh. We were joined on so many levels, and nothing else mattered but that.
“Fine.” Marching toward her, I coughed and pointed ahead. “Let’s keep going.”
I was fucking captivated by her.
Utterly bewitched.
But I wasn’t prepared to spill the contents of my heart when I didn’t fully understand it myself.
“Okay…” Her forehead furrowed, but she obeyed, and I spent the rest of the day in agony, eyes fixated on her gorgeous ass as she strode ahead, my body in a perpetual state of thick, black desire.
Served me right.
I wanted her.
I could have her.
So why was I waiting again?
* * * * *
Every day, we travelled deeper into the forest, following the river and leaving behind the city we’d called home for so long. At night, we were pleasantly exhausted and returned to the ease of before when Della would ask for a story, and I’d willingly conjure past events we’d shared.
Even though I’d fully accepted the inevitable and just how screwed I was by falling in love with this woman, I hadn’t initiated anything past a kiss.
And Della remained true to her word and didn’t push me.
It’d become a silent joke, kissing, grinding, driving each other to the pinnacle of tearing off clothes and consummating but then pulling back at the last second.
Making out with Della was the best and hardest thing I’d ever done. Best because I never knew kissing could be pure fire, that a tongue could make me lose myself, that a fingernail dragged down my spine could almost make me come. And the hardest because I couldn’t let go…not yet.
We’d had almost two decades together, yet this element of touching and kissing was entirely new, and I wanted to learn everything I could before I jumped a grade. I wanted to be fluent in her moans. I wanted to know her levels of need.
Already, I knew her legs spread whenever I grazed my fingers along her lower belly. Her gasps became heavy whenever I’d tuck aside a curl and murmur in her ear how much I wanted her.
But it wasn’t enough.
I wanted to know what made her snap.
And on the fourth night, I found the spot as she spread out her sleeping bag while I kneeled at the bottom of the bed and pulled off my t-shirt. Her bare leg flashed me, her ribbon tattoo with its R, bright blue and taunting.
Without thinking, I flipped her onto her back, grabbed her ankle and dragged her freshly river-washed foot to my mouth.
She froze as I pressed a kiss on the ink, brushing my nose against her soft skin.
“Ren…” Her head fell back as I kissed her again, slipping my tongue out and licking the length of the ribbon all the way to the cursive capital of my first name.
I nipped her.
“Holy…” Her entire body crackled and sizzled with desire.
My fingers tightened on her ankle, holding her still as I licked the length again. “You got this to torment me.”
Her foot arched in my hold, her legs widened, her hands fisted in the sleeping bag. “No—”
“You got this because you were in love with me.”
“Y-yes.” Her breath caught as I nipped at the R again, scraping my teeth over the fine bones of her foot, fighting the feral part of me that wanted to clamp down and bite hard.
“You fantasied about me touching you.”
“Every night.” Her eyes met mine, blazing. “All the time.”
I almost gave up there and then.
My body had never felt so wired or hot or greedy.
The little boy shorts and t-shirt she slept in could so easily be removed, and her body feasted on.
But as much as I cursed waiting, I fucking adored the anticipation, and I licked her tattoo once more before placing her foot down gently. “You very nearly ruined me, Little Ribbon.”
Unzipping my jeans, I slipped out of them and didn’t bother hiding the raging erection I sported.
She licked her lips, eyes locked on my tented boxers. “And now you’re doing the same by teasing me so badly.”
I didn’t say anything.
I just wanted to bask in the heady drunkenness of lust and the unbelievable knowledge that I’d earned everything I’d never dared hope to earn.
Crawling beside her, I wedged her back into my front and breathed as hard as her.
And we just lay there.
Trembling with need.
Cooking with desire.
Fully aware we were playing a very dangerous game.
And we were utterly addicted to it.
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
REN
* * * * * *
2018
BY THE SEVENTH day, that intense desire meshed with carefree laughing. We’d found a balance of friendship and chemistry that made me trip even deeper into love.
Every day, we tramped until our bones ached, and we’d make our home in the wonderful heart-warming high of being just us again. Whenever I looked at her, I wanted to explode with affection. Whenever she looked at me, my body begged to override my hesitation
.
Her eyes had the power to send electricity fizzing down my spine and between my legs. Her laughter had the magic to make my chest ache and body throb. And when she stopped in a small clearing at twilight and shrugged off her backpack, she turned to me, not with relief at finding somewhere to rest, but with a demand I could no longer ignore.
I knew.
Even before she opened her mouth.
I knew.
With suddenly shaky hands, I pushed at the straps and let my bag slam to the forest floor.
The air changed. The trees froze. The creatures silenced.
“Della…” I didn’t know if I spoke in warning or acceptance or denial. Whatever I was feeling was drowned out by the overpowering appetite in my blood.
I wanted her.
I wanted her more than I could stand.
Taking a step toward me, Della reached up and undid the blue ribbon in her ponytail. The gold mass plunged around her face, making my mouth dry and my cock pay utmost attention.
“We haven’t put up the tent,” I groaned, breaking beneath the heavy pressure in my chest. The pressure that was done waiting. The pressure I’d been living with for so fucking long.
“I don’t care.” She bent and undid her laces, kicking her boots away, not fussed where they landed.
My knees trembled to move—either to her or away from her, I couldn’t quite decide. Thanks to the week of teasing, I didn’t trust myself around her. I didn’t know my limit of self-control anymore. I didn’t know how spectacularly I’d snap and what would happen if I did.
She’d always been my Della, but right here, right now, I was hers. Well and truly hers.
A slave to his queen, enraptured and caught and begging for her mercy. I was ready to kneel before her, but that final part of me that didn’t fully trust he could have this perfect life, the tiny sliver that still believed he ought to love her the way he always had, gave one last attempt at propriety.
“We’re dirty. We need a bath.” I spread my hands, revealing the mud-smudges and grime from hiking all day.
“I don’t care about that, either.” Her voice lost its sweet melodic tone, slipping straight into sin.
Goddammit.
I couldn’t compete with that.
I couldn’t deny her or myself any longer. She’d put a curse on me, deleting any other arguments or delays, keeping me pinned in her stare.
She stepped again, and my cock swelled to an agonising hardness. I coughed around a groan. “Della…you’re making this impossible for me.”
“Good.”
“What if we’re rushing—” Even to my ears that excuse was empty.
I was ready. So fucking ready.
“We’re not.” She wrapped the ribbon around her wrist, tying it quickly.
“At least let me put up the tent.”
“No.”
“We only get one first time, Della.”
“And I can’t wait any longer.”
“I’m not sleeping with you without a bed.” If there wasn’t something soft to support her, I didn’t know what sort of state she’d be in once I’d finished.
“Too bad we don’t have one.”
“If you gave me a few minutes, I could set it up.” I pointed helplessly at my bag. “At least let me—”
“I can’t wait another minute, Ren.” Her hair glittered in the fading light as she shook her head. “All day, I’ve been counting. Just another minute, just another minute. And now, we’re here. And I have no more minutes.
My heart lurched. “Our minutes seem to be up.”
“They do.”
“What does that mean for us?” My voice was smoky and hot.
“It means you made me do this. You made me this way. I promised I wouldn’t push you, but Ren…you’ve been torturing me. When you licked my tattoo…? God, I can’t stop thinking about it. I’m in a state of permanent wetness.”
I choked on the sudden avalanche of lust. “Della—”
“Too much for you? Too honest?” Her cheeks burned with the same sexual fever I suffered. “Too bad. You’re to blame.”
I chuckled darkly. “Me? It’s you I can’t keep my hands off. It’s your fault I constantly need to touch you, kiss you.”
“So do it.”
“I don’t know if I can be gentle.” I shook my head. “No, I know I can’t be gentle. Not after—”
“I’m not asking for gentle.” She smiled thinly, almost angry with me in her desire. “I’m asking for you to put me out of my misery. No more teasing. We face this. Together. Right now.”
I gulped as I stepped toward her, already lost. “Face what we’ve been running from for years?”
She nodded sharply. “No more running.”
I sucked in a lust-heavy breath, coughing once. “No more running.” I stepped again. Entirely entranced by the violent hunger lashing us together. It was so damn powerful it muted everything else.
No thoughts. No accusations. No fear.
Just us.
As it had always been.
My mind raced, already drunk on images of how good we’d be together. Of how she’d feel as I slipped inside her. Of how hot and wet and—
I was too far gone for more memories to find me. Too twisted to let echoes pull me back. But in some shred of rationality, a voice entered my ears with warning.
Not Della’s or mine, but Cassie’s.
Protection.
The night I’d lost my virginity. The night I’d learned about condoms and STIs and unwanted pregnancies. Thanks to that lesson, I’d never slept with a woman without a condom. It was paramount. It was law.
Christ.
It took every strength, and then some I borrowed from the devil himself, to step back. “Shit, we can’t do this.”
“What? Why?”
Pinching the bridge of my nose, I did my best to swallow back hot, hungry rage. The rage that very much wanted to forget about the rules and take her anyway. “We don’t have protection. I didn’t bring any.”
What was I thinking?
Why did I forget something so important—almost as if I’d banished the very idea of sleeping with her, believing it would never happen no matter how much I wanted it to.
I’d done this deliberately, even if I denied my moronic logic.
Della blinked calculatingly, holding up her hand. A single condom rested in her palm. “I did.”
“Where did you get that?”
“Does it matter?”
I ought to feel absolute horror that my last attempt at ensuring this was right had just been eradicated. But all I felt was relief. Sheer, indescribable relief.
It was the final straw.
The last hint to show I was ready.
So, so ready.
I dropped my hand, giving her a grateful smirk. “Thank fuck for that.”
She laughed unexpectedly, her lips spread over perfect teeth. “Even if we didn’t, I wouldn’t have been able to stop. Not now.”
“Me neither.”
“Good.”
“God, you’ve made me hard.”
She sucked in a breath. “And now you’ve just made me even wetter.”
If I thought the forest was quiet before, watching us shed away every shackle we’d imposed, I was wrong.
Now the trees vanished, the river disappeared, and all I saw was Della. We’d just been graphically honest, yet a joke mixed present with past, making me chuckle under my breath. “Thank everything holy, I taught you to always be prepared.”
Her laugh turned to a breathy moan. “Ren…if you don’t touch me soon, I’m going to combust.”
I lowered my head, watching her with half-hooded eyes. “I like seeing you like this.”
“Like what?”
“Desperate.”
She took another step. “So, so desperate.”
“You have no idea how filthy my thoughts have become.”
“If they’re anything like mine, I have some idea.”
“Fuck, Del
la.” I balled my hands, matching her step with one of my own. “Is this real? Are we really going to do this? It isn’t another dream? Because I’ve dreamed of this. So many times.”
“Touch me and find out.”
My hand raised, crossing the final distance, tingling with intensity to touch the one girl I’d loved forever.
I’d always known Della was special. But what I hadn’t known was every year I fought to keep her safe, I was ultimately protecting every dream I’d ever had. I’d had the privilege of raising her, but really, I’d been creating a future I’d never be able to deserve. Every winter snowstorm and summer rain shower, forest adventure and paddock picnic had all been leading to this.
I’d been searching for something all my life, and it had been under my nose the entire time.
Her.
My past, present, and future.
The only path I could have taken.
It wasn’t a choice anymore.
It had never been a choice.
I stumbled toward her as she stumbled toward me, both starving for touch. Even before my fingers landed on her arm, they stung with electricity so sharp it crackled between us.
Our eyes locked as I whispered, “If we do this, it’s no longer just a fantasy.”
“I know.”
“We do this, and everything changes. Forever.”
“I know.”
“If I touch you, I’ll never be able to stop.”
“God, touch me then.” Her eyes fell shut as we met in the middle of the small clearing.
Having her that close undid me to the point of forgetting everything else.
I didn’t care about the repercussions anymore.
I’d literally exhausted myself to the point of not being able to fight.
There was nothing to fight against…only something to fight for.
“Open your eyes, Della.” I growled as the savage part of me licked its lips for what it was about to taste.
I was seconds away from giving her every disgusting sin I’d lived with. I needed her to understand that by tempting me this way, I would no longer have any control.
Her eyelids fluttered upward, her gaze heavy and heated.
We stared into each other, stripping ourselves bare.
“Tell me to stop,” I begged. Even on the cusp of no return, I pleaded for salvation.