Christine couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Marcus had never spoken this way before, or with so much emotion. She felt herself soften, letting her guard down.
“And that’s when I realized that that’s what being a parent really is. Being a parent, being a father, is putting somebody else first, but I never was a father before, and truly, I never put anybody first before, not even you.” Marcus’s eyes brimmed with tears. “But that’s going to change, it already has, and that’s why I left this morning, even before Gary called. I was coming down here to bring my wife and my baby home, where they belong.”
Christine felt all of her love for him come rushing back, warming her from the inside and out, flowing through her veins like lifeblood, but she didn’t interrupt him because she could see he wasn’t finished.
“I want to be a better father than my father was, not let my pride and ego get in the way of everything in my life, ruin it all, and hurt the people I love most, like you. Honey, it took me awhile, and I’m slow on the uptake, but I finally figured out exactly who the father of that baby is. It’s me. I’m the father.”
“Oh, babe,” Christine said, reaching for him, and Marcus reached for her at the same moment, and they clung to each other, husband and wife, bruised and battered, alone in the darkness, in the middle of the countryside. But for the first time, their embrace made a shelter for their baby.
And it was time to go home.
Epilogue
It was a typical January in Connecticut, and the third winter storm of the season blew outside, hard enough to rattle the windows in the house. Snow buried main roads, covered rooftops and cars, and burdened tree branches and power lines, but Christine felt safe and warm, cocooned inside their bedroom. Marcus had insisted that they buy a generator, not wanting to take any chances with a power outage since the arrival of one Brian Paul Nilsson, currently nine pounds, two ounces, born two weeks ago with a smile on his face.
And everyone else’s, too.
Christine’s labor had gone as well as could be expected for the most excruciating pain any woman would ever have, but Marcus had cheered her on, telling her when to push and when not to and cutting the umbilical cord after baby Brian had made his entrance, so quietly that they both worried something had gone wrong. Brian had burst into lusty crying soon enough, and Christine got to be in the other scene she’d always dreamed about, the one with the new mom lying exhausted and sweaty after labor, holding an adorably weighty package of person, who had blue eyes, cute little lips, and enough brown hair on his head to qualify as a fright wig.
The memory lingered happily as she lay in bed, in the middle of the night, the bedroom dark except for the TV, where a bundled-up meteorologist stuck a yardstick into a massive snowdrift. She kept the TV tuned to the Weather Channel these days, sitting out the endless cycle of bad news on CNN and the like. She had seen enough violence for an entire lifetime, and she still couldn’t get the images out of her mind, popping into her consciousness when she least expected it, like a mental ambush. She took comfort in knowing that the authorities had more than ample proof that Dom Gagliardi had murdered Gail Robinbrecht, Susan Allen-Bogen, and Lynn McLeane; there had been horrifyingly incriminating photos in his computer, and they’d found so-called “trophies” he kept from all three nurses, which the police did not reveal to her, and she didn’t need to know more. Zachary had been set free, returning to his job at Brigham and saving for medical school with renewed determination.
Christine thought of him from time to time, even now, and though the entire episode had been awful, it had been a blessing in disguise. Marcus had been right that they weren’t back at square one, because without what happened with Zachary in Pennsylvania, she and Marcus never would have gotten their marriage back on track, and Marcus would never have embraced the baby the way he had, from the moment Brian was born. A new father was born that very day, too, and the truth came out in the open, never to be denied again, even to Brian himself, when the time came.
Christine counted her blessings, lying there in the darkness, knowing even as she was living it that this was another scene from a movie she’d always wanted to be in, where the father was taking a nighttime feeding with the baby, using her pumped breast milk. He was trying to give her a break to sleep, but she couldn’t and didn’t even want to, savoring the sweetness of the moment. Through the baby monitor, she could hear Marcus humming his little Swedish folksong as he rocked the baby in the nursery. The very sound brought tears to her eyes, and Christine didn’t know how she got so lucky, or so blessed.
She looked forward to the other scenes she’d always hoped she’d be in: the one with Brian’s first steps, then when he went to kindergarten, when he read his first Dr. Seuss book, when he met his first girlfriend, then went to prom and college, and on and on and on, in the series of scenes that are the expectations every parent has, in the movies we make of our own lives. Christine knew that some of her expectations would be met, some maybe even surpassed, and still others would go very differently from the way she’d expected, but she was ready for everything that came their way.
What she had wanted the most was a child, perfect in all its imperfections, and she had gotten what she wished for.
In fact, she had gotten something even better.
A family.
Acknowledgments
I have been wanting to write about a teacher for a long time. I feel as if educators don’t get the credit they deserve, and the more teachers I meet, the more amazed and impressed I am by their energy, dedication, and heart. I feel like they are true heroes, so it was natural for me to finally make a heroine out of one, the fictional Christine Nilsson, and I hope that by doing so, we can shine a spotlight on teachers everywhere.
The first thanks go to teachers, for all they do for all of us, and especially to Kellie Bean, a reading specialist in the Owen J. Roberts School District. Kellie took me to an elementary school, introduced me to all of her amazing colleagues, and answered every question I had about life as a teacher. I am so grateful to Kellie for the time she took and for her sharing all of her expertise with me. I like her so much and admire her even more, and she deserves major thanks here. And thanks to Malinda McKillip, principal of French Creek Elementary in the Owen J. Roberts School District.
On a different point, I loved writing this novel partly because I learned so much about the subject of infertility and its treatments, as well as the emotional difficulties that people who have fertility issues undergo. For that I turned to a number of experts, and I would like to acknowledge them. It should go without saying, but it never does, that all of the doctors, medical professionals, and medical clinics in the novel are entirely fictional, and also that any and all mistakes in the novel are mine.
Thank you to Dr. Michael Glassner, Dr. John Orris, and Dr. Sharon Anderson of Main Line Fertility Clinic, who spent so much time educating me about infertility and its treatments. They are simply the most dedicated and caring professionals you can ever imagine, and they perform miracles every day. I couldn’t be more grateful or respect them more, and they deserve big thanks here. And thanks to Liz Verrecchio, andrologist, and Anne Yarrow Walters, insurance specialist, also at Main Line Fertility, for all of their help. Plus Raisinets!
Thank you to Dr. Andrea Boxer and to Dr. Judy Mechanic Braverman, both of whom are psychologists who specialize in treating couples dealing with infertility. Both of these incredible women shared their expertise and their kindness with me, helping me understand what it would be like to be in the position of the main characters in this novel. I am indebted to them, and thank them very much.
Thank you to Rose Jardine, an experienced genetics counselor, who helped me understand the genetics behind sperm and egg donation. Thank you to Dr. Allison Shirker of Women’s Health Care Group of Pennsylvania.
Special thanks to John Bierkan—and Smartie Martie!
Finally, I’m a bookaholic, so I read a lot which I hoped informed this novel. (As the reading
specialists say, first you learn to read, then you read to learn.) I heartily recommend the following books: The Root Cause: Male Infertility and How to Get Past It by Gabriel Leone, Test Tubes and Testosterone: A Man’s Journey into Infertility and IVF by Michael Saunders, How to Make Love to a Plastic Cup: A Guy’s Guide to the World of Infertility by Greg Wolfe, What to Expect When You’re Expecting by Heidi Murkoff, Finding Our Families by Wendy Kramer and Naomi Cahn, Taking Charge of Your Fertility by Toni Weschler, and The Serial Killer Files by Harold Schechter.
I’m a lawyer, but criminal law wasn’t my field. I needed help and I turned to my dear friend, as well as a brilliant and dedicated public servant, Nicholas Casenta, Esq., chief of the Chester County District Attorney’s Office. Nick has helped me with every single book so far, and I wouldn’t dream of writing without his advice and expertise. Special thanks as well to Jerry Dugan, Esq., one of the most experienced lawyers in Philadelphia, who helped me navigate the legal details in the book.
Thank you to Linda Vizi, a former Special Agent with the FBI in Philadelphia, and to Ray Carr, a former profiler with the FBI in Philadelphia, for their expertise and for the time they took to answer all of my questions.
For medical expertise, I turned to genius cardiologist Dr. John O’Hara at Paoli Hospital and to my favorite medical student, soon-to-be-doctor Nora Demchur. And thank you to Sklar Medical Instruments and Vince Gay, Ron Templeton, and Yajaira Reyes.
Special thanks to Keith and Rita Kaplan.
Thank you to my editor, Jennifer Enderlin, who improves every one of my manuscripts, and more important, inspires me every day. And big love and thanks to everyone at St. Martin’s Press, the terrific John Sargent, Sally Richardson, Jeff Dodes, Paul Hochman, Jeff Capshew, Stephanie Davis, Brian Heller, Brant Janeway, Lisa Senz, John Karle, Tracey Guest, Dori Weintraub, Michael Storrings, Anne-Marie Tallberg, Nancy Trypuc, Kerry Nordling, Elizabeth Wildman, Elena Yip, Talia Sherer, Kim Ludlum, and all the wonderful sales reps. Big thanks to Michael Storrings, for outstanding cover design. Also hugs and kisses to Mary Beth Roche, Laura Wilson, Samantha Edelson, and the great people in audiobooks. I love and appreciate all of you!
Thanks and big love to Robert Gottlieb of Trident Media Group, whose dedication and wisdom has guided this novel into publication, and to Nicole Robson and her digital media team, who helped me get the word out about this book and my other ones as well. Nicole is so dedicated that she worked through her own pregnancy, for which I am forever grateful! (Welcome to the world, Elle!)
Thanks and another big hug to my dedicated assistant and best friend, Laura Leonard. She’s invaluable in every way, and has been for more than twenty years. Thanks, too, to my pal and assistant Nan Daley, and to George Davidson, for doing everything else, so that I can be free to write!
Finally, thank you to my amazing daughter, Francesca, for all the support, laughter, and love she has given me.
MOST WANTED
by Lisa Scottoline
In Her Own Words
• “An Idea Is Born”
An Original Essay from the Author
Keep on Reading
• Ideas for Book Groups
• Reading Group Questions
Special Extra!
• An Excerpt from Damaged
Also available as an audiobook from Macmillan Audio
For more reading group suggestions, visit www.readinggroupgold.com
ST. MARTIN’S PRESS
An Original Essay from the Author
“An Idea Is Born”
Readers always ask where I get my ideas, and it’s an excellent question. The ideas for my novels always come from some emotional truth in my life, or a personal experience I’ve undergone, which resonates with me, long afterwards. Most Wanted is no exception, and on the contrary, arises from the single greatest event of my entire life:
The birth of my only child, my daughter Francesca.
But to tell it true, her birth didn’t come at a good time during my marriage. In fact, the marriage was falling apart and my divorce practically coincided with her arrival, almost simultaneously making me a mom and a single mom. (She would later ask me: “Mom, if I’m an only child, does that make you an only mom?” Answer: Yes.) It felt as if it were the two of us against the world, but I’m not complaining. None of us knows where our lives will lead, and though our family wasn’t a conventional family, we made it work.
* * *
“Whenever you count your blessings, you naturally … go to the what-if question.”
* * *
My truest goal was to give her a happy home, even if it didn’t contain two parents. And no matter what our familial configuration, I fell deeply and madly in love with my beautiful baby Francesca, and I felt lucky to be her mother. Amazingly, my desire to stay home and raise her was the reason I changed my entire life, gave up practicing law, and tried my hand at writing, which led to this wonderful career, thanks to all of you, my readers.
My relationship to my daughter has only grown stronger with time and, paradoxically, I think more often than I ever have before about how lucky and blessed I am to have her in my life. But whenever you count your blessings, you naturally think the opposite—you go to the what-if question. What if I hadn’t been so lucky to have had her? What if I hadn’t been able to conceive? What about all the marriages unable to produce a baby? And what happens when the vulnerability of a couple desperate to become parents meets the big business of fertility treatments?
From here, the idea for Most Wanted was born.
Lately, we are talking more about infertility and reproductive issues in public, and I think that’s all to the good. The stigma of infertility has been lifted, as even celebrities are sharing their heart-wrenching stories, and the demand for fertility treatments is a growing business. Oftentimes, modern medicine can intervene and make the dream of a baby come true, but not always without complication. Like my own story, life doesn’t always go according to script—and doesn’t necessarily turn out the way we expect. However, as for Christine, and for me, the power of a mother’s love can conquer all.
Ideas for Book Groups
A note from Lisa:
I am a huge fan of book clubs because it means people are reading and discussing books. Mix that with wine and carbs, and you can’t keep me away. I’m deeply grateful to all who read me, and especially honored when my book is chosen by a book club. I wanted an opportunity to say thank you to those who read me, which gave me the idea of a contest. Every year I hold a book club contest, and the winning book club gets a visit from me and a night of fabulous food and good wine. To enter is easy: All you have to do is take a picture of your entire book club with each member holding a copy of my newest hardcover and send it to me by mail or e-mail. No book club is too small or too big. Don’t belong to a book club? Start one. Just grab a loved one, a neighbor, or a friend, and send in your picture of you each holding my newest book. I look forward to coming to your town and wining and dining your group. For more details, just go to www.scottoline.com.
Tour time is my favorite time of year because I get to break out my fancy clothes and meet with interesting and fun readers around the country. The rest of the year, I am a homebody, writing every day, but thrilled to be able to connect with readers through e-mail. I read all my e-mail, and answer as much as I can. So, drop me a line about books, families, pets, love, or whatever is on your mind at
[email protected] For my latest book and tour information, special promotions, and updates, you can sign up at www.scottoline.com for my newsletter.
The Bunnies Book Club of Scottsdale, Arizona, submit their photo for Lisa’s book club contest.
Reading Group Questions
1. The struggle to have a child can strain a marriage. What is your overall impression of Christine and Marcus’s marriage? How did it evolve over the course of the book? Do you think they would have had problems in their marriage even if they did not have to deal with infertility? If so, why?
2. A large
percentage of couples face fertility problems for a variety of issues and turn to modern medicine in order to have a child. Was there anything that you learned about the process that surprised you? Had you ever heard of Marcus’s condition? What are your feelings about the entire process? Some view helping infertile couples conceive as “playing God.” Do you agree or not? Do you think this is generational? Faced with Christine and Marcus’s situation, what option do you think you would have chosen?
3. Through Lisa’s research for Most Wanted, she discovered that although there is extensive testing of egg donors, including psychological evaluations, the same was not true of sperm donors. Why do you think the standard practices and regulations are so lopsided? Do you think this is reflective of the double standard between men and women? What responsibility do you think the sperm banks should have to their customers? How much follow-up do you think they should be required to do with their donors? Do they owe it to their customers to report concerns, after the fact? Isn’t it also true that there are costs associated with such monitoring? And do you think infertile women and men view their medical conditions differently?
4. Couples may be so understandably vulnerable by the time they rely on medical intervention to have a baby. Do you think the industry is regulated enough to protect these people from unscrupulous business practices? What should people do to protect themselves? With the legalization of same-sex marriage, the use of sperm and egg donors is sure to increase. Do you think the industry is prepared for the increase in demand?
5. What rights do you think the child has in this situation? Interestingly, the U.S. allows anonymous sperm donations, but the United Kingdom requires disclosure to the off spring. What do you think about that difference? Although the donor provides a detailed history, do you think that is enough information for the child? Would you want to meet your donor parent? If you used a donor, how would you feel about your child meeting the donor? At what age, if ever, would you tell your child? Some experts Lisa consulted said six years or even younger is the age at which to tell the child. Agree or disagree?