Was with Georgina in the summerhouse.

  If life could end

  If life could end I would not be

  Unhappy for myself although

  I wonder how life would go on.

  They would not cope I know.

  In the universal microcosm

  My life is insignificant.

  A tree lives longer than I do.

 

  Your voice was all it was to me

  Your voice was all it was to me

  Across the shadows and by the sea

  It came across the wind and wire

  Inspired tired but only I could see.

  It was a voice not fallen but spent

  It was a voice that fell on me

  Soft sounding like sand on a soul of repent.

  Love is an angel; love is a sound

  Sacred as water fresh blessed in the ground

  Held in a chalice and borne by the hand.

  Drank by the children who lie in the land.

  Walking in that little place

  Meeting voice and meeting face

  Seeing and knowing the two of you

  In long black elegance of grace

  Gliding, sighing sounds of repent

  And in the light of your eyes

  The words transcend to saintly scent.

  It would seem that should we dream

  And scheme to travel together

  The heavens would send us a craft

  And angels give breath to the sails.

  Floating over a city’s circus

  Casting an island out of space

  Of amber streams, lights and dreams

  Silent time, night time is our haven

  Of tranquil peace, caressing heaven

  Wind whispering calm above the dark

  Stark world without; while we within

  Can hand on hand and lip to lip, hold on.

  If I die tomorrow I have been to heaven

  And breathed the breath of angels,

  I have felt the grace of their sacred place

  From your lips and your embrace.

  So it must be and peace must be

  Before the door of love stand we

  Unblemished hearts, untarnished souls,

  Begging that eternity, will bring us home

  To simple things, to gentle life

  Within the fold of heaven on earth

  To walk and talk and love,

  And not to die,

  Not yet.

  When you come to me

  When you come to me, we will be

  In heaven

  When the hours are long, and all time is gone,

  We will be,

  In heaven

  When your voice is near and I touch your face

  When the peace you know becomes the light you show

  When the pain has gone and our souls are one

  We will be in heaven

  I shall not slip quietly into the day

  I shall not slip quietly into the day

  I shall go there with noise

  I shall not go there unhurriedly

  I shall crash at its gates

  And say that I am here.

  I woke and thought I was dead

  I woke and thought I was dead

  Floating to the heavenly mist.

  Over rain clouds gathering the sun.

  Passing devils and angels,

  who fell at my feet.

  Then sliding down rainbow

  onto the shingle beach.

  The sun fell from me

  As gold turned grey

  And I lay,

  Head on the land

  and feet in sea.

  Awake but yet dead.

  Love is an island.

  Love is an island. Love is a dream,

  Love is a shadow that floats down a stream

  Kissing the willow and whistling the wind

  A torn sail that flutters and whispers no sound

  Down to the river and into the sea

  To the island of dreams

  For you and for me.

  When I die

  When I die take me to heaven

  Find me a place

  In the corner by the window

  That I may gaze upon my former life

  From this after life

  And that names once known to me

  Will come back again and again

  And my sins will be forgiven

  In this after life.

  Take me to the spiritual seat

  Where only peace reigns

  And love constrains

  To be with you and me

  Now shackled by the calm

  Of life in the other life,

  The after life.

  How can you sing that love is sweet?

  How can you sing that love is sweet?

  Then walk the pilgrim’s path alone,

  A celestial city’s gate to greet,

  Where angels cry and saints recite,

  And songs in paradise ring out,

  From chanted phrase and cloistered book,

  And you will step and walk about

  Searching for that shepherd’s crook.

  How can you sing when love has slept?

  As you with me and I with you,

  Like blossomed heads of reed we wept,

  And only then could comprehend,

  That all we knew as forward went,

  Would bid us come in pilgrims wake,

  To see celestial city’s gate.

  Your open heart sees I am here,

  And by you looking to the moon,

  Who is my blessing, counts me dear,

  And walks with me a lonely walk.

  Will I not turn to see your face?

  Passing with me through the gate,

  Paused at the light, turning to say

  We are here with saints and angels.

  Now fear has gone

  I know. Now fear has gone.

  I know you cried for me as I for you.

  You cried for light and yet more light,

  And so I walked across that moor,

  To find and bring you what you yearned,

  In blinding whiteness blinding eyes,

  Encapsulated by the storm,

  Flake upon flake from silver skies,

  Of crystal yet the morning broke,

  To give more light that I could see,

  Saint Michael and his heavenward sword.

  How foolish was my waking thought?

  How selfish was my love for you?

  That thought that only I was ought,

  Enough, enough for you to be.

  What you could be without just me?

  Yet, now you linger, waiting there,

  There by the stair, the five stepped stair,

  That leads to that celestial gate,

  Where we can be what we should be,

  Eternal, eternal, forever we.

  Sorrow was and sorrow is

  Sorrow was and sorrow is

  A homely place for me.

  Where comfort comes in cosset clouds

  And peace in parcels scatters round

  The cushioned couch on which I lie

  Disguising, hiding all from me

  The world, the wild consuming world

  That is beyond my scope to know

  For all is sad and it prevails

  Like one small glove that lingers there

  With musty smell and musty grace

  To bring me to that homely place

  Where I can be as only me

  Where I can see as I can see

  That sadness is a happy place

  A blanket place

  Of chocolate warmth and milky smell

  A warm and welcome shallow well

  It will not change.

  There I can sink

  And I can wallow
/>
  In happiness

  Because I am there

  Where sorrow is.

  The weed chopping woman

  I went down to the waterfront

  To see the weed chopping woman

  Taking fingers of green from out of the sea

  And splicing and cutting make shapes in the sun.

  I took her an apple, the fruit that I had

  And asked her to splice it, to show my intrigue.

  She drew from her bosom the dagger of life

  And carved me a mermaid of orange and green.

  The mermaid she threw though an arch to the sea

  And waited to see how far she would swim.

  We waited forever until the sun grew

  And saw the maid rise then sink steadily.

  I do not want her to die unhappy

  I do not want her to die unhappy

  Knowing how I feel and how I am

  And knowing my unhappiness

  I was and am the first and so

  The diamond not the damned in her eyes

  The one that she could boast about

  The one that was like him

  The one she loved

  I did not want her to die unhappy

  But when she did I did not know

  Living in that hedgerow world

  Though haunted dreams had made her real

  Through scarlet screaming in the night

  That led to the discovery of

  The ring she kept

  And I never knew

  I do not want her to die unhappy

  Thinking I loved another more

  And that it was betrayal; nothing more

  Than child love, obsession with purity and pure

  Unblemished adoration of something fair

  Something smiling that lit a room

  And brought joy

  And children

  I do not want her to die unhappy

  Wondering if it was a waste

  To wait by the window for the footfall

  Thinking love would bury or hide her pain

  Knowing all that was left in this shell of me

  Was still worth the waiting

  Through absent nights

  And black skies.

  Vulnerability

  As you stood frozen on that ancient wall

  I was suddenly aware of your ancient fear.

  Your façade of strength and of coping well

  Was pierced by the spear acrophobia.

  You would not move. You would not stir.

  You beckoned flushed in face.

  I came to you and took your hand

  And gradually we walked.

  Stone by stone by slippery stone,

  Over crumbling granite and moss.

  I led you by your warm damp hand

  To the ancient tower that brought us.

  Do not look down I whispered back

  Not knowing that your trust was whole

  And all the way your eyes were closed

  And I knew by your trust that I loved you.

  Broken wing

  In the fern and green felt by the foot of the tree

  Lay the bird with the broken wing.

  Hit by a hawk on a curve and a swoop

  And dazzled by sun it had not seen

  Down umbrellas of leaf through brown broken beech

  It fell like a pillow through snow

  Softly and gently through catkins and cupules

  Clutching and grasping

  At speckled green ivy that ran like a snake

  Up and down tree trunk, mottled branch, twig.

  One wing fluttering and one in distress

  Until branch broke from leaf

  The bird fell to the earth

  And lay

  Quietly, painfully breathing.

  Sun fell away and the moon kissed the earth

  With crystal shower and the bird lay quite still

  Hearing starry nocturne and crying calls

  And animal pads crossing tangled cool moss

  Of blue bell leaves and wooded shoots through bracken boughs.

  It lay and it slept and dreamed of flight

  Whilst night owls hunted and web winged blind bats

  Flew in carousels round the gnarled trunk of life

  Catching unseen, unheard, grey winged petals

  Under limelight, moonlight and acolyte stars.

  Predators prowled and the bird crept and crawled

  And found the dark hole by the felt and the fern

  Then slept and slept until the pain

  Slept too

  Peacefully, through long silver night

  Stars followed moon and sun warmed the meadow

  And the bird was awake with wide pebbled eyes

  Listening to songs that fell from above

  Down alcove umbrellas of dark green grove love

  A song that it knew, older than this great tree

  With chipper and chirrup and treble toned trill

  Through morning wet foliage it fell and it fell

  And bid the bird upwards and up the tree climb

  With scramble and flutter and pain in the wing

  Yet upward it climbed to the song that it knew

  To the brown branch from where the young ones first flew

  It outstretched two wings though one was quite still.

  The warm amber air rose with the sun and it lifted

  Both wings and the bird from the tree

  And it flew

  With broken wing flew, and it flew, and it flew.

  The Memory Tree

  Today I walked to the Memory Tree,

  And thought of that night long past,

  When she walked with me at midnight,

  My little girl, hand holding, wrapped and warm,

  Six of age with searching mind, expectant eyes,

  As midnight came with frost on snow,

  White icing on a Christmas cake

  Crisp on top and soft beneath

  Below the clear clean sky of black

  Where jewel stars lay deep in space

  And lit our way.

  Into the field of winter wheat,

  Whose deep green shoots broke through the ice.

  We hugged the hedgerow between spires,

  One mile from church to church,

  Me and my golden girl of rosy face,

  And down the slope, down to the brook

  Down by the hedge of blackthorn trails

  And over stile and fence on to the tree,

  Waiting, hoping that we might come

  Bare, black and leafless, fingers searching

  Into the sky

  Touch it once to leave a memory, good or bad,

  I said.

  She did and smiled.

  Touch it again to collect one, good or bad,

  I said.

  She did and looked away,

  Sadness in her eyes,

  Sadness not for her but another one,

  And so we walked reflective back,

  Crunching ice and snow.

  Now I go back, not every day,

  An older man, I touch the tree,

  To try to find and reach and clutch,

  Some memory of my little girl,

  Who is not there,

  But has gone away.

  I would like to will myself to die

  I would like to will myself to die

  To do it without wilt or sigh

  And pass away, quietly.

  To move into that other place

  Of tranquil peace and silent grace

  And rest, easily.

  To feel oblivion’s warmest cloak

  Round body, heart and silent throat

  And sleep, perfectly.

  And when you hear that I am gone

  And think of all the things I’ve done

  You’ll weep, happily.

 
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