Chapter 28 – Follow that cab!
‘Look, there they are!’ shouted Oriana, as Hob and Nob climbed into a horse-drawn taxi on the side of the main road to Ruthin.
‘If we don’t find some transport soon we’re going to lose them,’ Theo said.
‘Quite,’ agreed Cracky. ‘And it could be ages before another cab comes along this early in the evening.’
‘Couldn’t we try and flag down another carriage?’ Captain Marmaduke said.
‘On this road, not a chance,’ Cracky replied. ‘Unfortunately folks are too wrapped up in their business to pick up hitchhikers. And anyway, who’s going to stop for a man with three cats, a dog and a sheep?’
‘They’re nearly over the horizon!’ Oriana cried.
Then, without warning, Humphrey strode into the middle of the road, just as a very large carriage hurtled towards him. At the last minute he moved away from the dashing horses and lay prone on the side of the road. The driver pulled on the reins and the carriage came to a juddering halt.
‘Oh my, is your dog alright?’ a very well-to-do lady said, as she looked out of the carriage window.
Cracky ran over to Humphrey and knelt down beside him. ‘Just go with me, Cracky,’ Humphrey whispered, before letting out a plaintive cry.
‘I think he needs medical attention, my lady!’ Cracky shouted.
‘Please, allow me to take you to the nearest vet. It’s the least I can do.’
‘That would be very kind, my lady. But, believe it or not, his vet is actually in the taxi ahead of us. He is returning to Ruthin at this moment to procure special medicine that will treat my poor dog’s condition.’
‘That was very good,’ Theo said, planting the thought into Cracky’s mind.
‘Well, then. Let us make haste. Please join me inside.’
‘You are most kind,’ Cracky replied, as they all piled into the rather luxurious carriage.
‘Driver,’ the lady called out, ‘follow that cab!’
The carriage was extremely sumptuous and it seemed highly probable that the owner had never had to choose between kneecapping, severe ear twisting or nostril stretching as a punishment for being overdrawn.
‘I’m Lady Regina Poshfrock,’ Lady Regina said.
‘Er, Arthur Longcloak,’ Cracky said, shaking Lady Regina’s hand. ‘And this little chap is Humphrey.’ Humphrey gave out a pitiful little yelp.
Within minutes, Lady Regina’s carriage was hot on the tail of Hob and Nob’s taxi. ‘Shall we try and overtake him?’ she suggested. ‘We could signal the cab to stop.’
‘Actually it would make more sense for us to follow the cab to its destination,’ Cracky said, quickly. ‘The surgery will be fully equipped, whereas I fear he only has a basic bag of veterinary tranklements with him, and they may not suffice.’
‘But of course, you’re right,’ Lady Regina agreed. ‘Driver, follow that cab until it reaches its destination.’
‘Yus, m’lady!’ shouted the driver.
When they reached Ruthin, night had completely descended and the picturesque town was illuminated by a vast array of street lamps, glowing in the mist. However, the taxi containing Hob and Nob continued onwards, heading away from the town centre.
‘I thought you said his surgery was in Ruthin?’ Lady Regina said to Cracky.
‘Apologies, my lady, it would appear my sense of direction is not what it was. I am sure, though, that it doesn’t lie much farther now.’
Fortunately, Cracky’s guess was correct and in the distance they could make out a large cottage, its lanterns flickering in the windows. It was situated at the end of a short avenue of trees that arched over the road, casting long shadows that looked like they could contain more than, well, shadows.
‘It looks like they are alighting at that house ahead, m’lady,’ the driver said. ‘Shall I continue to the door?’
‘Actually, if you would be so kind as to let us out here, please,’ Cracky said, before Lady Regina had a chance to speak. ‘We’re quite happy to go the short distance on foot. And it will save you the bother of having to turn around.’
‘Are you sure?’ she responded. ‘Your poor dog still looks to be out of sorts.’
‘Woof,’ said Humphrey, jumping to his feet and licking Cracky vigorously.
‘My, my,’ said Cracky. ‘It would appear that the very sight of the surgery has already prompted a swift recovery. Praise be to Odin!’
‘Oh, I am so pleased,’ Lady Regina said, patting Humphrey on the head. ‘In which case I bid you all farewell, and I do pray that little Humphrey has a full and sustained recovery.’
‘Well done, Humphrey,’ Cracky said, smiling, as Lady Regina’s carriage headed off into the distance.
‘Thank you,’ said Humphrey. ‘It seemed like the logical course of action.’
‘So, what next?’ asked Captain Marmaduke. ‘Do we simply sit out the night here and wait for them to leave in the morning?’
‘I was thinking we may be able to monitor them from much closer quarters, and in surroundings that are perhaps warmer,’ Cracky said, pointing at the ‘Three Witches Bed & Breakfast’ sign that swung creakily in the wind.
‘That sounds risky, Cracky,’ Theo said. ‘We could be in danger of exposing ourselves.’
‘Not if we’re careful,’ Cracky continued. ‘Have any of you ever actually spoken to Hob and Nob before?’
The question was met with shaking heads.
‘In which case, I’m the only person they may recognise, but I’ve never actually engaged them in conversation, and I’m pretty sure they don’t know me by name. So, I’ll simply say that I am Arthur Longcloak, travelling to Chester with my menagerie.’
‘And I’ll obviously remain taciturn and quiescent,’ Humphrey said.
‘Yeah, and make sure you keep your gob shut, too,’ Half-blind Ron added.
The hooting of an owl wrapped-up in a gentle breeze was the only sound that accompanied their footsteps as they walked the short distance to the cottage. Although all the shutters on the windows were closed, they could see slivers of light peeping through the cracks, an indication that the occupants had yet to retire for the evening.
‘Let’s hope they’ve got a room for us,’ Oriana said, as Cracky rapped the large, iron knocker against the wooden door.
At first they were simply greeted with the same silence Roisin met when knocking on Queen Ophelia’s bedroom door (as silence goes this one had a pretty vigorous social life and really spread itself about). However, they soon heard activity behind the door, accompanied by the rattling of keys.
‘Who is it that disturbs our peace at this late hour?’ a female voice said.
‘Hello. My name is Arthur Longcloak and I am seeking a room for the night, for myself and my weary animals,’ Cracky said, adopting a slightly thicker welsh brogue. ‘We are travelling to Chester on the morrow.’
‘Who is in your company?’ the female voice asked.
‘I am with a sheep, a dog and three cats. They are all well-behaved, house-trained and friendly with strangers.’
‘Speak for yourself,’ thought Half-blind Ron, before receiving a quick slap from Captain Marmaduke’s right paw.
The keys jangled as they were inserted into the lock, then it clicked and the door creaked slowly open. An old lady with matted, grey hair peeped around the door, her piercing gaze examining each of them in turn. Her eyes settled on Theo for an uncomfortable few seconds before moving back to Cracky. ‘We have a room,’ she said, opening the door wider and beckoning them to enter with a solitary, crooked finger.
The cottage was warm and dimly lit. A large fire crackled away on the far wall next to the bar area, casting a ghostly light on the faces of the three people sat at a table nearby. One of them had a briefcase which he held close to his side. An old radio was providing serene background music, helping to lighten an otherwise sinister ambience.
‘My name is Mildred,’ the old lady said, as she took a commanding position behind t
he reception desk. ‘The room will be five pounds in advance and ten pounds when you leave. Please, sign here.’
Cracky signed as ‘Arthur Longcloak’, produced a five-pound note from his pocket and handed the money to Mildred. She closed the book, opened a small wooden drawer on the desk and passed him a single key, with a tag on it that said ‘4’.
‘I am afraid we have finished serving dinner for the evening,’ she said, putting the registrar book in the drawer. ‘However, I can provide fresh water and some snacks for your cats and dog, but they must stay in their room.’
‘That would be much appreciated,’ Cracky said.
‘You and your sheep —,’
‘Blodwyn,’ Oriana said to Mildred
‘You and Blodwyn are quite welcome to join myself and Agnes, my co-manager, for a drink in the bar, although we close in thirty minutes.’
‘You are most kind,’ Cracky replied. And with that they made their way to room number 4.
‘Did you recognise one of those guests?’ Nob said, as Hob took a sip of his drink.
‘Vaguely,’ Hob replied. ‘And you are right to be circumspect in your observations, my dear Nob. It may be nothing, but we should keep our wits about us. Do you not think so, Agnes?’
‘Wull pizt macaron, seedy poopy scratch ‘n sniff,’ said Agnes.
‘Yes, I quite agree,’ replied Hob.
The room was small but functional and Mildred kept good on her promise to supply snacks and drinks for Theo, Captain Marmaduke, Half-blind Ron and Humphrey. ‘Right, Oriana and I will go downstairs for a drink,’ Cracky said. ‘We’ll join our two “friends” and see what we can find out. I can’t see them giving much away, but light conversation and a few drinks could loosen their tongues.’
‘May we join you, kind sirs and madam?’ Cracky asked, as he and Oriana arrived in the bar. ‘We have had a long day and would welcome some conversation to go with our drinks.’
‘Of course,’ Hob said, warily, moving his chair closer to Nob. Cracky and Oriana pulled out the two remaining chairs at the table and sat down.
‘What would you like to drink?’ Mildred said, from behind the bar.
‘Oh, I’ll have a pint of your finest ale and Blodwyn here will have —,’
‘Just a glass of water, please,’ Oriana said.
‘And please get these two gentlemen and the lady whatever they are drinking,’ Cracky said.
‘Thank you, indeed,’ Nob said.
‘Yes, thank you,’ said Hob.
‘Split poo,’ said Agnes.
The crackling fire’s warmth provided a perfect balance to the cool drinks, and Cracky felt obliged to start the conversation proper. ‘If I may be so bold as to introduce myself,’ he said, ‘I am Arthur Longcloak from Llangollen, and this here is Blodwyn. We are travelling to Chester, to the market.’
‘I am Mr Starry and my compatriot here is Mr Twinkle,’ Hob said. ‘We are Peripatetic Astrologers, providing our travelling service to all those in need of a good horoscope.’
‘Yes, we do love giving people a good horoscope,’ said Mr Twinkle.
‘And this here, is Agnes,’ continued Mr Starry.
‘Muckypup,’ said Agnes.
‘Ah, you must excuse Agnes,’ Mildred said, as she pulled up a chair at the next table. ‘She speaks only in Ancient Welsh Witchenese, a long forgotten language passed down from her mother, and her mother’s mother, and her mother’s mother’s mother, and her mother’s mother’s mother’s auntie, and her mother’s, mother’s mother’s, auntie’s mad cousin, Flappytrap, who was a high-ranking witch in Ruthin. There are few now who understand its complex tones, words and enunciations.’
‘I see,’ Cracky said.
‘Although Mr Twinkle and I are conversant, so we will translate for you… when appropriate,’ said Mr Starry.
‘That would be welcomed,’ said Oriana.
‘Furrypots,’ Agnes said, nodding.
The conversation was indeed kept light and not too intrusive. Cracky embellished the story of travelling to Chester Market by explaining his requirement for special herbs for cooking, and Mr Starry and Mr Twinkle waxed lyrical about the planets’ influence on various star signs. ‘For example,’ Mr Starry said, ‘an Aquarius should never walk naked outdoors and turn his back when Pluto is rising.’
‘Indeed,’ added Mr Twinkle. ‘The effect can be quite a shock to the system. A fully-risen Pluto is not to be trifled with.’
Agnes said little but nodded in agreement on occasion. She was fascinated by Oriana and gazed at her intently, whilst fiddling with the warts on the end of her long nose. In the end, Oriana felt compelled to speak. ‘Excuse me, Agnes, but I notice that you keep looking at me.’
‘Willy widdle flumpo smackypants, Oriana Oftsheared, flutytwoot, Ossie Flopsywool Ocksi,’ said Agnes.
Cracky cast a quick sideways glance at Oriana and then looked directly at Mr Starry, keenly awaiting translation. ‘That’s odd,’ Mr Starry said. ‘Agnes says you are actually Oriana Oftsheared, the flautist with the Oswestry Sheep Orchestra.’
‘Ah, I see,’ Oriana replied, calmly. ‘That happens a lot. I’m her cousin, Blodwyn Oftsheared. We do look remarkably similar, but I’m afraid that my musical talents are not quite up to Oriana’s standard.’
‘Oh, that would explain it,’ said Mr Starry, as he translated for Agnes, who stood up excitedly and shook Oriana’s hoof.
‘Apparently she’s a bit of a fan,’ Mr Twinkle said.
‘Boodleknees, boodleknees. Iffy ticky gobbyblab,’ said Agnes.
‘She says that she thinks your cousin’s music is beautiful and asks if you will pass on this message,’ Mr Starry said.
‘Of course,’ replied Oriana, as Cracky let out a sigh of relief under his breath.
‘Furrypots,’ Agnes said, with a big toothy smile.
The clock hit eleven and Mildred rang the little bell on the bar. ‘Last orders, please.’
‘Not for us, thank you,’ said Mr Starry. ‘We are headed for an important engagement in Chester tomorrow and our client will be most upset if we do not arrive in a timely fashion.’
‘Indeed,’ added Mr Twinkle. ‘Plus we must make sure we are both fully conscious when things start rising in the morning.’
‘Quite,’ added Mr Starry. ‘When they both rise in conjunction, it’s a truly splendid sight. In fact if you’d care to join us, Mr Longcloak, I’m sure you’d find it most uplifting.’
‘Er, thank you, gentlemen, but I’ll pass on this occasion,’ a coughing Cracky replied.
‘A pity,’ said Mr Twinkle. ‘Mars and Jupiter are a joy to behold when they are in conjunction, as they will be just before dawn tomorrow.’
Oriana looked at Cracky and signalled that they too should retire for the night. ‘Yes, I believe we will follow your example and take to our rooms also,’ Cracky said. ‘Thank you once again for the excellent company and fine beverages.’
‘You are most welcome,’ said Mildred. ‘Would you like an early morning call?’
‘What time are you gentlemen leaving in the morning?’ Cracky asked, as Mr Starry and Mr Twinkle headed for the stairs.
‘Oh, we’ll be away about 8:00 am, so we’ll have breakfast at 7:00 am,’ said Mr Twinkle, who received a stern look from Mr Starry.
‘In which case we’ll join you gentlemen for breakfast, if that’s acceptable?’ Cracky said.
‘Of course, of course,’ said Mr Starry, with a look that suggested it was anything but.
Back in the room, Cracky and Oriana were greeted by anxious faces. ‘Well, what did you find out?’ Theo said, once Cracky had closed the door to the bedroom behind him.
‘It would appear they are headed for Chester, and we know what time they’re leaving. I strongly feel they are to meet with the Baron.’
‘Surely you don’t think that Blacktie would be stupid enough to have Ophelia held prisoner in his palace?’ Captain Marmaduke said.
‘He would if he thinks that when he obtains a piece of Cer
idwen’s Cheese that it won’t matter.’
‘That is a good point,’ Theo said. ‘And in which case we may need to act sooner rather than later to ensure he never receives it.’
‘Are you suggesting that we assail these two individuals and purloin this cheese?’ Humphrey asked.
‘No, stupid,’ Half-blind Ron said, with annoyance. ‘He’s saying we should beat them up and nick it.’
‘Anyway, let’s get some sleep and make sure we’re up early in the morning,’ Cracky said, as he climbed into bed. ‘We can’t afford to lose track of them now.’