I also decided I really, really liked Alyssa.
But he was not quite finished.
“Been married three times. Never had that. Not one of the women who wore my ring gave me that shit. Didn’t tell me I was wonderful. Didn’t offer to pitch in when shit got tight or things went south. Now, things are good, steady, it works, I’ve known you a coupla weeks, and you’re still offering to help out even when I don’t need it.”
“You can’t go to bed at two in the morning and get up at six thirty, Jake. Not regularly. That’s not healthy,” I said softly.
“Been doin’ that shit for years, Josie, it’s my life. I’m used to it. Doesn’t bother me. I find times to get my sleep in,” he replied softly. “What I like a whole fuckuva lot is that you give a shit.”
I curled my arms around his back and told him, “I’m glad you like that, Jake. Very much so. But I still believe you should give me keys to the gym or introduce me around the club or both.”
Before I was done, his body was shaking. When I finished, the bed was shaking. He was also smiling.
“I’m not joking,” I told him.
His deep voice was shaking as well when he replied, “I know you aren’t.”
“So are you going to give me the keys to the gym and show me around the club?”
He was still smiling when he asked, “Are you gonna shut up about it unless I do?”
“That’s unlikely.”
“Then I guess I am,” he said, still smiling.
“That would make me feel better,” I told him.
“That’s my job, to make you feel better,” he stated but it sounded like he was teasing.
I decided to ignore that and declared, “You can pay for my assistance in orgasms.”
That got no smiles.
Oh no.
He burst out laughing. He did this so hard he collapsed on me, his face in my neck and I took most of his weight.
He was very hard. Very solid. Very warm. And very heavy.
“Jake,” I wheezed, squeezing him with my arms.
He lifted up, but did so still laughing quite boisterously.
“I was also not joking about that,” I told him through his laughter, which made him drop his forehead to mine and laugh more boisterously.
I slapped his back lightly. He lifted up his head and his humor quieted but it didn’t go away.
“You do give very good orgasms,” I informed him.
“Heard that, felt it, watched it, babe,” he said through his now-chuckling. “But I’d give you those for free.”
Yes, of course he would.
I amended my negotiation. “Then you can pay me in tacos.”
He held my eyes as he shook his head and his body again started shaking.
I felt my eyes narrow. “Again, I wasn’t being amusing.”
Suddenly, his laughter died and he replaced his hand at my jaw. Just as suddenly it seemed not only was his body on mine but his commanding presence was shrouding me, warm and snug, and last and most importantly with what was to come, safe.
“You know Lydie talked about you.”
I said nothing. My heart had started beating very hard and my arms had convulsed around him without me telling them to do so.
That was still an answer and Jake heard it.
“I know about your dad. I know about what your dad did to your mom. How he did it often. I know you saw it. I know he’d call you down just to watch. I know that’s fucked and I know that fucked with you.”
He paused.
I braced.
He went on, “I know about Andy.”
I closed my eyes and turned my head away. Even braced I was unprepared for this, but when I moved, Jake’s mouth came to my ear.
“And I know about that guy.”
I closed my eyes tighter.
“I’m not tellin’ you this to freak you out. To hurt you. Lydie told me I figure ‘cause she had to let that shit go too. She liked me, she trusted me with that and with that part of you she was givin’ to me and that’s an honor, baby. From her and to have that about you.”
He stopped speaking and stroked my jaw with his thumb.
When I said nothing, he continued.
“I’m tellin’ you this now, when you’re mine, when you’re with me, naked, close, safe, we both know we care about each other and want to build somethin’ so you know I know that was it for you. You’re not a practiced hand at this. You’ve never really had a man and I get why. I fuckin’ do. Down to my gut I do, baby. And we can go there when you’re ready. Right now, all you have to know is, I’ll make you tacos until you can’t stand lookin’ at them anymore, if that’s what you want and I’ll do it just because you want them. The bottom line is, you look out for me, I’ll look out for you. I’ll make you come as often as you want. I’ll make you dinner, take you to dinner, take you to New York to see your friends, fly you to Paris ‘cause you wanna eat snails, I don’t give a fuck. But I won’t do that in return for shit you do for me. That’s what you give me. The only time it’ll go bad is if you don’t feel you get what you need from me and get it just because.”
He stopped speaking.
I remained silent.
“Do you understand that, Josie?” he asked.
I took in a breath through my nostrils, opened my eyes and turned to look at him.
All he said was lovely. Truly lovely.
Wonderful.
But what I asked was, “You know about Andy?”
“Yeah, baby,” he answered gently.
“Do you know what happened after dad found—”
Jake cut me off. “That he put you in the hospital. Yeah.”
I pressed my lips together and rolled them.
“Know Lydie reported her son to CPS and got custody of you when that happened too,” he said.
Gran did tell him about me.
All about me.
I could do nothing but nod.
He kept speaking.
“Know you spent your senior year at St. Michael’s. A good school. Private. Just girls. Safe for you. Close so you could be with Lydie.”
I nodded again.
He continued.
“Know you went to college and met a supreme asshole.”
My heart jumped.
“Can we not talk about that part now?” I asked in a feeble voice.
His thumb swept my jaw again. “Yeah, honey.”
“You’re right. I’ve never been in a relationship. Not, well…since then,” I confirmed.
He instantly replied, “And you know I don’t have a good track record so we’ll both be findin’ our way.”
I held his eyes, liking that, liking how he didn’t make me feel strange or weak for the decisions I’d made or the life I’d led.
And I most assuredly wanted to find the way with Jake.
My gaze drifted to his shoulder and I went back on what I asked earlier.
“I found my dad in him,” I shared.
“I know,” he replied quietly.
“Not Andy,” I stated to make certain he understood. “He was lovely before. He was lovely after. He called. He even wrote. But I couldn’t go back.”
“I know.”
“The other one,” I said even though I knew he knew who I was talking about.
“Yeah,” he whispered.
“I was worried that was all I’d ever find.”
“I get that.”
It was then, what he’d said the night we became lovers made sense to me.
“So I put on a disguise so I’d be hidden, in a way, and never find anything.”
He kept stroking my jaw and whispering, “Yeah. That’s what you did. And you know what I love?”
What he loved?
Loved?
My heart skipped another beat for a very different reason as my eyes shifted to his.
“What do you love, Jake?”
“I love that you shed that disguise watchin’ me fight. That whatever broke through for you broke thr
ough then. Bein’ there for me, watchin’ me do somethin’ I’ve always loved to do. I know you didn’t wanna go but you went for me. After, you still walk the walk and talk the talk, baby, but since you pulled your panties down for me and took my cock against that wall, all I got is you. All the kids got is you. We had you before but I feel the difference and it’s not about havin’ you here with me, naked in your bed. It’s just havin’ you. Laughin’ and gettin’ up in Mia’s face in your way and bein’ there for Amber when she’s excited about a boy and bein’ happy and showin’ that I give that to you. You’re willin’ to take a chance on this. Work on it with me. Takin’ that shot for the first time in years. With me. That’s what I love.”
When he was done speaking, my eyes were again wet so his hand moved and his thumb swept my cheekbone as if preparing to catch the tears should they fall.
“Don’t be pissed at Lydie for sharing,” he ordered gently.
I shook my head, unable to come to terms with that part of this conversation with Jake warm and close and being more than his usual wonderful.
“I suppose her doing it means I don’t have to relive it,” I noted.
And I didn’t want to relive it.
Gran had managed to give me that too.
But it was me who took a lot of me away and my eyes drifted back to his shoulder when I noted, “I’ve lost a lot of life to that disguise, Jake.”
The pads of his fingers put pressure on my face and when he got my gaze back, he replied, “You’re livin’ it now, Josie. But can you seriously look back and say you didn’t have a full life before, with all you’ve done, the people you know, the places you’ve been?”
I shook my head again.
“No,” he agreed then smiled. “It’s just that now you got more.”
Now I had more.
So much more.
“Is this what Gran wanted for us, do you think?” I asked.
I watched something shift in Jake’s eyes before his hand slid down to my neck, his thumb started stroking my throat and he answered firmly, “Yes.”
“So you think wherever she is, she’s happy?”
Another firm, “Yes.”
I thought so too, I liked that thought, actually loved it, so I relaxed underneath him. “Good.”
It seemed like he was going to say something but then he didn’t. He bent in and touched his mouth to mine. Then he did it again. And again. Then he touched his mouth to mine but didn’t pull it away because he was kissing me.
As he did, he rolled me so I was on top.
At that point, I kissed him.
After a while, we rolled again so I was on bottom.
And at that point, Jake again took over the kiss.
He ended it by trailing his lips down to my neck where he murmured, “Thank fuck I brought a bunch of condoms.”
I was okay with him going “ungloved.”
I had a feeling the way he looked out for me though, he wasn’t.
But two seconds later, when I felt his hardness pressed against my thigh, his hand closed over my breast and his mouth came to mine, I wasn’t thinking about condoms.
I wasn’t thinking at all.
Not about anything (not even coffee).
Nothing.
Except Jake.
* * * * *
I was in the garden and I didn’t have a lot of time.
September was moving swiftly toward October and I needed the dead plants out, the soil fertilized and turned in order to put it to rest for winter.
I was thinking I’d plant tomatoes in the coming spring. Corn. Potatoes. Pumpkins.
Yes, definitely pumpkins. Ethan might like having a pumpkin from my garden to carve for Halloween.
Jake had left after I made us sandwiches for lunch. He’d been gone half an hour. It was nearing on one. Time was running out.
The garden had seemed a great deal smaller when I’d helped Gran work it years ago. Now it seemed rather large. There was no way I was going to get what I needed to get done that day.
I’d have to do what I didn’t get done tomorrow.
This was because I had to be at Alyssa’s for my freebie mani-pedi at three, before that I had to pick Ethan up from school. Then drinks afterward. Which meant I needed to look presentable.
I definitely needed to look presentable later. When I picked Ethan up from Alyssa’s, Jake said I should stay for dinner at his place since I was going with him to the club after. This was so he could show me the lay of the land “should you hang there and keep an eye on it for me” (this last said with lips quirking like this would never happen and he was humoring me).
But I was going to hang there and keep an eye on it for him. He had way too many responsibilities. He didn’t think it was true, but he needed my assistance.
I’d show him how much better it was when “his woman” looked after him.
On this thought, I yanked out a dead corn stalk but did it smiling.
My smile froze when I heard, “Josephine.”
My head snapped up and I saw Henry standing outside the white fence that surrounded the garden.
Unlike yesterday, when I didn’t have the time to make the comparison, today I did.
And I saw what I’d been seeing for decades. That Henry Gagnon was tall, dark and handsome. He had lovely thick hair that seemed immune to gray (and I knew he didn’t dye it) and strong facial features that were most striking.
But not like Jake. Henry’s looks were smoother, more refined.
It must be said that of the men of our acquaintance, Henry had an edge.
But that edge was nowhere near as sharp as Jake’s.
He looked me from top to toe and his blank face turned into a blank mask. The difference was a nuance but I knew him well enough to see it. I also knew what it meant.
He got that look when the person he was addressing annoyed him and he wanted them to know they mattered little to him, if anything at all.
However, that look had never, not once, been aimed at me.
“Henry,” I said, traversing the rough ground in Gran’s wellies to get closer to him. Once I did, I stopped on my side of the fence and held his eyes, my look for him doubtfully a mask. I didn’t care that he knew I was annoyed at him. “I’m uncertain I’m ready to speak with you.”
“I leave in the morning to get to Paris,” he replied. “Amond allowed a day’s delay in the shoot so I could come and spend some time with you. I don’t have more. We have to do this now or over the phone and I’d rather do it now.”
This explained Amond’s strange statements during our phone call. He knew Henry was coming.
He also knew I was going to watch men fighting and had guessed this was because those men were interested in me.
Thus, I was more than mildly annoyed that he didn’t warn me Henry was intending to pay a surprise visit.
However, I couldn’t think on that.
I could only think on the limited possibilities of what had to be said between Henry and me face to face.
“If you have something to say, Henry, then please say it. I have work to finish in the garden and then I need to get to the school and pick up Ethan. I’ve plans with a friend after that and I’m spending the evening with Jake and the kids. So I don’t have a great deal of time either.”
The mask slipped, only slightly but it did it before he said curtly, “Spending the evening with Jake and his kids.”
“Yes,” I confirmed.
“Do you think perhaps that the local strip club owner knows your grandmother was a millionaire?” he asked and that wasn’t curt. It was borderline snide.
My back went up and my skin prickled.
“If you’re insinuating Jake’s interested in me only for Gran’s money, that’s both erroneous and insulting. And your spiteful tone in regards to Jake’s business concerns is offensive. He runs a very respectable club. Now, is that what you came here to say to me face to face?”
He ignored my question and asked, “Are there respecta
ble strip clubs?”
“Jake’s is,” I returned. “Now, if this is what you wish to discuss, you made the journey to Lavender House in vain. I’ve no desire to talk about this.”
“That isn’t why I’m here.”
I said not a word but held his eyes.
His jaw clenched before he released it to announce, “I’ve spoken with Daniel. He’s phoned a company in LA who will be packing all your belongings in the pool house. These will be shipped to you express. You’ll have them by the end of the week at the latest. Daniel’s also agreed to come on board as my assistant officially. I’ll give you six month’s severance. This will be transferred into your account within two days. Your paperwork will arrive at Lavender House within that timeframe. You’ll need to sign it and return it at your earliest convenience.”
I felt not a small amount of pressure building in my head.
“So you’re sacking me because I’ve met a man,” I stated.
“I’m severing our professional relationship because it’s no longer constructive.”
“And it’s no longer constructive because you’re in love with me, never had the courage to do anything about it, I found a man I care about and you’re having a tantrum. And as you hold some power over me, the tantrum you’re having is negating my employment.”
His expression didn’t change. Not even a hint.
“You’re a millionaire, Josephine, and the severance package is fair.”
“I believe a severance package of a month’s wages for every year I’ve worked for you is more fair, Henry,” I returned, simply to be vexing mostly because he was vexing me.
“Then I’ll ask Daniel to change the amount and the wording in the paperwork,” Henry replied instantly.
That was when I felt the shot to the heart. The pierce of the arrow so excruciating it was a wonder I didn’t stagger back.
Wounded pride. Again.
But this time, the return arrow was directed at me.
“And this is it?” I asked.
“This is it,” he confirmed.
“Twenty-three years at your side and you hand me as much money as I ask for and walk away.”
He didn’t delay even a moment with his response.
“Yes.”
For the third time that day, tears stung my eyes but they weren’t good tears, overwhelmed by emotion of hearing a lovely story about a lovely woman or the gentle words from a man I was growing to feel very deeply about.