My whole day had been a nightmare. I’d never, ever, had feelings for a friend’s boyfriend, let alone fiancé. I’d analyzed the whole situation at least a thousand times – I didn’t know how it happened, but I vowed it would never happen again. I wanted to confess, tell her everything, beg her to forgive me, but the selfish part of me wouldn’t let me tell her. I was sure the truth would land me on a plane bound for the west coast by the afternoon.
Bianca had been so good to me, my first real friend since I got here, and I’d kissed her fiancé. I was so ashamed of myself. I didn’t even try to tell myself that it had anything to do with her feelings for another guy – because it didn’t. I couldn’t look her in the eye the rest of the day. When Drake went to join Brent and Bianca in the state room, I couldn’t follow. The guilt was overwhelming. I wanted to crawl into a corner and hide. I considered taking the dingy back to shore just so I didn’t have to face them, to face her. My stomach was tied up in knots, and I was miserable. I could hear my mom’s words from my childhood, “Never lie, cheat, or steal, Camille – any other mistake you make can be forgiven, but lying, cheating, or stealing are actions done with malice, with forethought. You invite evil into your heart if you do any of them.” Mom was a bartender and a waitress most of my life, so she always had advice for me when I needed it, and in that moment when I needed her words of wisdom, these were the ones that replayed in my head.
When the three came back up on the deck, I couldn’t tell Bianca what’d happened. I knew Drake hadn’t said anything because she was laughing and carrying on. It was a good thing I’d watched Titanic two hundred times over the last ten years. I knew every scene, the entire dialogue for the whole movie. I played it over and over in my head, so Bianca couldn’t see what I’d done.
By the time we pulled up in front of Bianca’s house, I was sick of the movie and had started going over lyrics to songs in my head. As miserable as I felt, I couldn’t bring myself to tell her. I’d never purposely lied to anyone in my life. I knew I’d need to tell her, but I was so distraught I couldn’t tell her today. Thankfully, Brent dropped her off first. I pretended to be asleep in the car because I knew I couldn’t bear to look her in the eye. I continued with song lyrics in my head until she was safely inside her house. Drake had walked her to the door. He didn’t seem to be affected at all – no guilt. What a scum bag.
When he got back to the car, I “woke up” from my pretend nap, but refused to make eye contact with him or speak. The shame began to morph into anger. I felt like I was going to come apart at the seams, and he acted like nothing had happened.
Brent was oblivious to my inner turmoil when he asked Drake, “You and Bianca want to catch a movie later?”
I didn’t give Drake a chance to answer, “Brent, I’d rather hang out with Gretchen and Will tonight.”
Brent glanced over his shoulder. “Uh, okay. I didn’t know you were awake. We can hang out with Mom and Dad today and catch a late showing tonight.”
I didn’t even glance at Drake in the front passenger seat, “No thanks. Too much sun.”
To his credit, Drake agreed. “Yeah, I’ve got a pretty tough week coming up. I doubt we’ll be able to do anything.”
I could see Brent looking between Drake and me. He knew something was up but couldn’t put his finger on it and shrugged. “Okay. Maybe next weekend?”
I cringed at the thought, but Drake again answered, “Maybe. Oh wait . . . I’m going to a pre-season game in Charlotte next weekend.” I was thankful he seemed to want to keep just as much distance from me as I did him. Maybe he felt just as guilty as I did and was just better at hiding it.