It was Phineas. I hadn’t seen him in several days, and in the back of my mind I knew I should have been concerned. He did the unthinkable and whispered aloud to me, “Be quiet child, before the necklace does her dirty work.” He stood behind me with my arms cinched behind my back as the tears rolled down my cheeks. I heard Gage scream out as if someone had completely squeezed the life out of him. I heard furniture being thrown into walls, glass break, and then stillness.
Several minutes went by, and my sobs were nearly uncontrollable. Zandra had stepped into the hallway and eyed me suspiciously. I stood slack with Phineas still holding me in position. I saw Gage emerge from the upstairs hallway. He walked toward me with heavy steps, a defeated man. He took the steps slowly, his head hung low. He paused in front of me and gently brushed his fingertips to my cheek. I saw blood on his hands and on his clothing, tears streaking his face, “I promise I’ll be back for you on our wedding night. . . I can’t stay.”
Gage continued his march down the steps as Phineas allowed me to fall to the floor. He addressed Zandra with authority, squeezing the emotion completely out of his voice, “I’ll notify their families. This is a debt I hope you are forced to pay before the sun sets tomorrow.”
“No Chancellor or Magistrate will find me guilty – you may want me to hold my tongue. I’m sure your family would be none too thrilled with the circumstances of their deaths. I will be here the night you return to marry Camille and meet your destiny.”
Gage gave me one final sorrowful look before he walked out the door and shut it behind him. Zandra turned her attention to me. “I understand she was your friend, but I did it for your own good. No Centauride should ever share; it goes against nature.” I didn’t respond. I couldn’t. I was in shock. She continued, “Her fiancé had feelings for you. Were you aware? I could see it through his deceit. I couldn’t allow for him to interfere with your destiny either. I’ll give you the remainder of the day to mourn.” I hadn’t collected myself fully when she said, “It was done out of love, Camille.”
My body shut down: I felt it go slack as everything went black.
As I awoke, I saw that it was dark outside, and for the slightest fraction of a moment, I reached out for Drake. When I came up empty, the events flooded over me again. My eyes were swollen shut: I must have been sobbing in my sleep. My throat was on fire, and I felt like I would be sick. I pried myself out of bed, splashed cold water on my face, hoping it would help my eyes enough so that I could open them.
Drake was gone. We knew we’d never be able to have more than a few precious weeks together, but being robbed of what little time we should have had together felt cruel, even more cruel than the betrothals. So much no longer mattered. Drake was no more than a shooting star in my life; I didn’t realize how much of an impact he’d had on me until he was stolen away. In that moment, I knew I had lost the love of my life. I knew why Kyle Richardson had hidden my mother from Zandra all those years ago. I would have wished for any fate for Drake other than death, even if his fate never allowed me to see him again. That’s what love is. I was in love with him and didn’t know it until he was gone. I would never have the chance to tell him. My heart ached, and I wondered if I’d ever be able to escape the pain.
Bianca had been the truest of friends, an ally. I hated love-triangles – but she was the first person I’d ever known to advocate for a love-square. She was deeply in love with Gage and willing to take nearly any risk to be with him. I couldn’t fault her for her crazy plan – love makes you do things you wouldn’t dream of—even befriending the woman who is supposed to marry the love of your life. There would never be another Bianca.
I saw the two feet standing on the other side of my door: still a prison, but now, one of indescribable horrors. When I lay down on the bed, I realized it still smelled of Drake. If I closed my eyes and lay very still, I could imagine him with me. I let my mind wander. I had been so focused on my own circumstances that I didn’t know anything about him: not his family, his interests, hobbies, political persuasion , what his job was other than he worked for his father. The only thing I knew was every time I closed my eyes, I could see his ice blue eyes staring back at me.
I stayed in my room. There was no need to leave. I had taken every lesson that I would allow Zandra to teach me. I didn’t need food, and I could get water from the bathroom sink. From time to time I would see a guard open the door – I guess checking to see if I was swinging from the rafters. I never once acknowledged one of them, and none ever uttered a word to me. I found the small tube of salve that Drake had gently put on my neck to help the healing. I would be rid of this stupid necklace very soon, and when I was, I wanted no reminder that I ever wore it, that this time ever existed.
By the third day with no food and only water for sustenance, I felt lethargic. I had difficulty determining what was a dream and what was reality. I had decided that when Gage came to take me from this house of horrors, I would ask him to let me go back to California—back to the uncomplicated life I had led before I met my father or any of the others. I knew he wouldn’t be over Bianca and may even hold me responsible for her death. I was pretty sure he would be happier with me out of his life than he would with me in it.
The door opened slowly. It was Zandra. I turned away from her and looked out the window. I’m sure she said something to me, but I was too weak to waste the energy to listen. Whatever she had said, the lack of a response from me must have been some sort of an answer she was seeking because moments later I was again alone.
DANIEL
I stood outside the gate, a state policeman on my flank, leaning up against the steel gate, wondering what kind of a prison Cami was in. It took several hours to convince someone even to accompany me out to Zandra Chiron’s property. After we got there, I was expecting the police to help me. I got the distinct feeling they were humoring me.
When the policeman had spoken to her through the intercom, I’d expected him to be polite, but firm. I was thoroughly pissed off when I heard him say, “Good evening Miss Zandra. This is Officer Westcott from the Florida State Police. If it wouldn’t be too much trouble, could I have a word with you?”
I expected the massive gates to swing free, maybe I’d see Cami goofing around, and I could give her hell for not calling or texting me or her family. I didn’t. The place was large, completely surrounded by a swamp that acted like a moat, and the gates didn’t budge. An elderly voice answered back through the intercom, “Officer Westcott, so nice of you to drop by. I’ll be down at the gate in a few minutes.”
I turned to him and said, “We need to get in there.”
Officer Westcott shook his head, “We don’t have a search warrant, and Miss Zandra is well regarded in the community. You can ask her permission to speak with her granddaughter, but don’t go off half-cocked.”
“Half-cocked? My best friend is being held prisoner in there.”
“So you say. Maybe she ran away from you.”
“She didn’t run away; she was taken!”
“By a little old lady? You ever met Miss Zandra?”
This guy was about as helpful as a mall cop. I could see a golf cart driving toward us. The lady on it had to be Zandra Chiron. She had long silver-white hair, wore a large brimmed straw hat, and gave us both a warm smile. “Hello, Officer Westcott, so nice to see you again. To what do I owe this pleasure?”
Officer Westcott tipped his hat, “Good evening, ma’am. We’re sure sorry to bother you this evening, but this young man is worried about your granddaughter, Camille. He asked us to come out here. We obliged to make sure there wouldn’t be any trouble.”
“Trouble? Trouble from me? Certainly not.”
“Oh, no, we didn’t think you would be any trouble at all, Miss Zandra. We wanted to make sure he wasn’t a nuisance to you.”
“How very thoughtful of you.” She gave him a thin smile, almost daring me to say something to get me handcuffed and escorted away.
I straightened my posture, returned her sm
ile and asked, “Mrs. Chiron, I’m Daniel Gaskins. I was wondering if I might see Cami for a few minutes.”
She lowered her chin and raised her eyelids. The look was thoughtful, sincere, and to anyone who’d grown up around actors – it looked rehearsed. “I’m sorry, Daniel. Camille is under the weather. I’ll be happy to tell her you stopped by.”
“Mrs. Chiron, I’m sorry to hear that. I’ve flown here from California because I hadn’t heard from her. Is there any chance I could see her?”
More firmly than her first refusal, but still an Oscar-worthy performance, “I’m afraid not. I will tell her that you inquired about her.”
“Could I stop…”
I was interrupted by Officer Westcott’s hand on my shoulder as he said, “She’s not feeling well, son. Time to get going.”
I yanked my shoulder away from him and on reflex shared my best glare, “I’m not leaving until I see her.”
Mrs. Chiron, still with the sweet voice, “Officer Westcott, you know how I feel about trespassers on my property. I’m an old woman and fear he may return when you aren’t here to protect me. Is there anything you can do?”
I couldn’t believe my ears. Was she trying to get me thrown in jail? I just wanted to know that Cami was fine. “Listen, I just want to see her. Just for a second. Once I see her, I’ll go.”
“I’ve already told you, Mr. Gaskins, she isn’t well enough for visitors.”
Officer Westcott interjected, “Miss Zandra, thank you for your time this evening. I hope we weren’t too much trouble. Daniel, let’s go.”
Although it sounded like a request, his big beefy hand cinched tight around my arm as he led me back to his squad car. I couldn’t believe this was happening. I could see the house off in the distance. If Cami was in there, I didn’t understand why I couldn’t see her.
Maybe what Dad had told me was true, it wasn’t just his family – all full-blooded Centaurs would see me as nothing more than human. I would never be worthy to be in her life – not even as just her friend. I had given up hope of anything more years ago when he first told me about his family and why I was different from other humans. I was thirteen and had my very first crush – Cami. She was really tough, not just for a girl, but like, “bite steel and spit nails” tough. She never picked fights, but she was always the first person to step in and shut someone down if they were picking on someone else around school.
At thirteen I thought she was beautiful – my dad picked up on it right away. He told me she was different, that she wouldn’t want to be my friend in another couple years – that she’d outgrow me. He discouraged our friendship, but never outright forbade it. I’d seen her date one loser after another. As her friend, it bothered me, but whenever my dad heard about it – he would get pissed off. Yet now that she was with the rest of her family and no one would let me see her, he didn’t seem to care at all. None of it made sense to me.
I wished I understood the whole Centaur thing. My dad told me enough to pique my interest, but fell short on actually answering questions. Dad and Cami’s mom were not at all friendly; there was always this weird tension between them, and any time there was a school function where both had to attend, I could count on them to be at opposite ends of the auditorium.
I was lost in thought when I felt the squad car come to a halt in front of the Jacksonville Airport. “My return flight isn’t until tomorrow.” My overnight bag was in the back seat of the car. I hadn’t even checked into a hotel before I went to ask for the police’s help.
“Son, my advice to you is, you get in there, get on a plane, and get out of here—tonight. Miss Zandra’s an influential lady. She knows judges, lawyers, politicians – you name it. She isn’t someone you want to cross.”
“I just want to see Cami. I don’t know what the big deal is.”
“The big deal is, you asked nicely and she said, ‘no’. You get caught over that way again, you won’t get the option to go home – and the last place you want to be is in a jail, here, with her as the complaining witness.”
I couldn’t be mad at the guy. He may have strong-armed me into the car, but I could hear his sincerity, and he was right. My dad had told me not to come, Beau had told me not to come, and Cami still wasn’t returning any of my calls. Maybe Dad was right after all: maybe she really had outgrown me.
CAMILLE
I remained in that “almost” dream state for another full day. By then I had visibly lost weight that I didn’t need to lose. My cheeks were sunken into my face, and any hint of color from the sun had bleached itself off my skin from the dark room. Large purple circles hung thick under my eyes. I had eaten crackers and fruit that were left for me just inside my bedroom door – not because I wanted them but because I couldn’t be dead when Gage came back. I needed to live. I didn’t think his spirit could take one more loss – no matter how painful my presence might be for him.
I caught myself talking to Mom lots of times, “You never should have given me Will’s name. . . Why can’t I see you? . . . Are you here?” I never once got a response or even saw her outline.
I knew I was a little over a week away from the wedding. Although pleased with the idea I would soon find my escape, I didn’t welcome the celebration that came so close to the tragedy. Phineas stepped into my room at close to 3 a.m. and saw that I lay there awake. “Camille, you will be able to leave soon. Tomorrow morning I will bring you breakfast. I want you to eat it, do you understand?” I nodded that I did, but I wasn’t sure my feet were planted in reality or if I were dreaming the conversation. “Have you contacted your mother?” I stared at him blankly, not fully processing his question. Phineas put his hands on both of my shoulders, “Camille, your father wants you to contact your mother’s spirit. She needs to tell you something.”
The physical contact was the first I had had since he kept me from collapsing down the steps. It awakened something inside me. I remembered: Phineas had told me to contact my mother, then Gage and the others came. How long ago had that been? Two weeks and I still couldn’t speak to her, or at least she never spoke back. Then it hit me, I would be able to talk to Drake, to tell him how sorry I was, to tell him I loved him. For the first time since Gage left, I felt a glimmer of excitement again. I was weak, too weak from allowing myself nearly to starve to death. When Phineas brought me food the next morning, I wasn’t hungry, but I found the strength to eat – not much because my stomach wasn’t able to hold much, but enough to jump start my body again. He came back at lunch time with more food, and I ate a second time. I could feel my mental faculties slowly returning. I still had difficulty concentrating, but I tried talking to my mother all the time. I told her about everything; something told me she was with me, but I couldn’t see her and I couldn’t hear her.
“Mom, do you remember when you forced me to ride a bicycle? You thought it would be fun to ride by the ocean? I begged you not to make me do it. I pleaded with you to let me sit on the beach. You wouldn’t take no for an answer. You worked double shifts for weeks so you could buy us matching bikes. I still remember looking at it in the store: the pink tassels, the big white banana seat. It was so beautiful at the bike shop. I wanted you to be proud of me, but I was terrified when you took them both out of your van in Carlsbad. I knew everyone was watching me, and I was scared. Do you remember what you told me?”
I waited, hoping she’d answer me, hoping I could hear her just for a second. “You said bravery is measured by how hard you try, not by whether you actually succeed. We went home from the beach that day with my skin gone on both knees, both elbows and my cheek. I never did learn how to ride it, but you still told me I was the bravest person you’d ever known.”
I looked for her face, begging her to show me the same grainy image of herself that she’d shown me at Bruce’s wedding. I confessed, “I don’t know how to be brave unless you’re with me. I need you to show me how to be brave again.”
When my mother didn’t show herself, I believed it was because my heart l
onged to see Drake. She knew me better than anyone on the planet, and she must have known that it was Drake I needed to see. Her loss had broken my heart, but his death was my fault. Zandra had killed him because she knew he was who I wanted.
I needed to tell him how sorry I was. I’m sure Phineas could hear me through the door, but I didn’t care. I sat on the edge of the bed, feeling the place where he’d lain. I smoothed my hand over the pillow that had cradled his face. “Drake, I don’t know if you can hear me. I hope you can. I was just scared, okay? When I found you, you were everything I’d ever dreamed of. No one’s supposed to get everything they want. No one is supposed to be perfect. It seems like every time I feel a sliver of happiness, a machete comes from out of nowhere to remove whatever I love most.”
I felt hot tears dripping down my cheeks, my vision clouded, my throat was tight. “If I’d broken the engagement like you asked me to, maybe you’d still be here. Or maybe I’d be with you right now. You told me my plan was ridiculous, you didn’t need to know me better – the truth is, I didn’t need to know you better, either. You were the one.”
I took my palms and wiped the moisture from my cheeks, drying my hands on my jeans. “I know I don’t deserve a do-over. I should have seen you for what you were when I had the chance. I’m so sorry.” My voice lost its volume. I whispered, “I love you, Drake. I always will. There’ll never be another.” I buried myself in the pillow he used, trying to drink up whatever scent was left.
I slept, wishing for dreams of Drake, wishing to touch his skin, to feel the stubble on his face one more time. I wished I had known how I felt about him while he was still alive. I tried to communicate with my mom’s and Drake’s spirits all the time. I kept thinking of it like a television station that was just outside the range of my digital receiver. Nothing worked. I never heard, saw, or felt either of them.
My guard detail of four had dwindled to two. I wasn’t sure when it happened, but sometime during the time that I’d nearly starved myself to death, the other guards were gone. Aragon kept his post in the hallway during his shifts at night. Phineas began standing his watch inside my room during the day. He knew I was close to a mental breakdown and did everything he could to keep me from losing it.
Phineas openly spoke to me, trying to nurse me back to health. Although he seemed to be more comfortable stationed at my door, he occasionally took a seat in one of the chairs in my room. He was a constant reminder that I was coming back; I would be me again soon. I still wore the hideous necklace: not so long ago I had thought it beautiful. I no longer felt that way. I hadn’t felt even a flicker of energy from it since Zandra’s last visit to my room, but I didn’t tempt fate either.
“Have you contacted your mother’s spirit?” It was always the first question Phineas asked me. Although I missed her, I was secretly expending most of my energy desperately trying to contact Drake. If spirits chose to stay earthbound, maybe he had chosen not to stay with me. I couldn’t blame him. What little time we had spent together wouldn’t have obligated him to me. I tried to speak with both as often as I could get my brain to focus, but even though I gathered strength, I had no luck whatsoever.
Friday at noon a seamstress brought a beautiful dress to my room. She put it over me and pinned it for the last of the alterations before tomorrow’s wedding. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror: I had lost too much weight. The last couple days with Phineas had done me good, but I still looked sickly compared to the person I’d been just weeks ago. My hair had lost its luster, my skin looked dull, and my bones were nearly visible under my skin.
Phineas and I were having our usual dinner chatter when there was a soft tap at my door. Phineas immediately came to attention and in three large strides had opened it. Phineas excused himself and allowed a woman to step through the door and into my world.
Chapter 35
Camille Benning – Florida