William looked at a loss, and I knew I couldn’t toss all my questions at him at once. He started off apologetically, “I should have prepared you. I was . . . your call was . . . unexpected. I’m sure I neglected to tell you lots of things. They can be a little overwhelming at first, but they’re good boys.”
I nodded my silent agreement. All those years of badgering my mom for a brother or sister, I had five brothers the entire time and didn’t have a clue. Rather than dwelling on the past, I opted to stay firmly planted in the present. “I can’t believe I’m here. I’ve always wondered who you were.”
“You must have many questions for me. Ask me anything.”
I never knew I even had a father, well, logically I knew he existed. How do you tell someone you don’t have the words to even ask the right questions? It was all a little overwhelming. I asked a question that I already knew the answer to, “So, what do you do?”
“By way of profession? I am a financial advisor. Nothing exciting, but it pays the bills.”
I caught myself looking around at the room, “You must be good at it.”
He nodded, “My clients are all very happy with the services I provide.” When I didn’t say anything right away, he broke the quiet with, “Your mother. I’m so very sorry, Camille. It is difficult to lose a parent, and I’m sorry you went through her death alone. If I had known, I would have been there for you.”
I stiffened a little, “For me. Not for her?”
“If she had wanted me to be there—yes, for her, too.”
“She never told me about you, not until just before. . . you know . . . right before she died.”
“That makes two of us. I wish I would have known about you, Camille. I don’t want to be insensitive, but I have so many things I’d like to know about you.”
“Ask away. What do ya wanna know?”
A huge smile enveloped his face, “Everything, Camille. I want to know everything about you.”
“Hmmm, well, I work as a cashier in a department store. This is my first trip to a state outside of California, but I’ve been to Mexico. Today was the first time I had ever been on a yacht and an airplane, and I’m still a little surprised that I was on both in the same day.” I stopped, trying to gauge what he was looking for.
“Hobbies?”
“Nothing major. I love California because one day you can be at Big Bear skiing, the next you can be at the beach surfing, and the next you can gamble at Tahoe. I’m usually on the go, but I don’t have one big interest that I’m tied to.”
“Boyfriend?”
I snickered a little, only because this was the same thing Brent had asked me just a few hours ago. “No. No one special.”
“So your mother did tell you?”
I turned my head slightly, “What do you mean?”
“I was worried you might be unaware of your heritage. I didn’t know your mother well, but she had abandoned her herd. When I happened on her, she wanted nothing to do with our kind.”
What the heck was he talking about? Herd? Mom had never abandoned anyone or anything in her life. We had a stray dog for years that was mean as a snake, but she wouldn’t turn her back on it. She kept feeding the vicious thing even when I begged her to let it starve. “Her herd? What do you mean our kind?”
Will took on a nervous look, like he’d said something he desperately wanted to take back. “Camille, what did your mother tell you about me? About your family?”
“Nothing. . . I mean, she wouldn’t tell me anything about you. . . not ‘til the night. . . you know. What do you mean she abandoned her family? Her parents died when she was very young.”
“Your mother was Angela Chiron. She left her family long ago.”
With more resolve than I felt, “Her name was Angela Benning and her parents died when she was still a teenager.” Even as I said the words, I remembered the old plane ticket I’d found in my mother’s closet, carefully tucked away from prying eyes, but purposely left for me to find after her death. The name on the ticket had been Angela Chiron. I’d dismissed it at the time, but now. . . who had she abandoned? Did she have other kids?
Will abruptly changed the subject, “What about school?”
I answered his question, even though I wanted to know what he meant by she left her family. “I graduated high school, but never had the money to get into college. Maybe someday.” The fact that I’d opted to skip college had never been a sensitive subject for me. After high school I didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life, and Mom had never pushed me.
Will must have thought more of a degree than I did because he immediately volunteered, “Camille, what’s mine is yours. If you want an education, money isn’t a problem.”
I turned my head, not sure how to say it without sounding like a jerk, “I’m not asking you for anything.”
His features were warm and his voice thoughtful, “You needn’t ask. It’s your birthright. I have been blessed with good fortune, and yesterday I found out I was also blessed with a daughter. I’d like a chance to be your father.”
“I’ve only been your daughter for,” I looked at my watch, six p.m. on the west coast, “less than twenty-four hours. Maybe offering to pay my way through college is something we can hold off on for a few days?”
Will nodded. I got the feeling that he was just as nervous as and maybe even more excited than I was. He asked, “Are you hungry? We could find something in the kitchen if you are.”
I hadn’t eaten since lunch. I could only imagine what the kitchen looked like. As we stepped out of my room, I saw this was one doorway in a hall filled with doorways on either side. I didn’t want to gawk, but it looked like six rooms lined the hall. The floor was a highly polished wood that felt cool on my feet. Remembering the heat of the day, it felt good to be barefoot on the floor. I was kicking myself for falling asleep on the way back. I had no idea what the house looked like from the outside, where it was or how I got to my room.
We found my brothers all huddled around a television. Brent looked over his shoulder and gave a hearty, “Camille! We were wondering if you were down for the count or what? Glad you got up. Dad thought we’d drugged you or something.”
“I don’t even remember the ride here. Are you sure you didn’t drug me?”
“High on life, little sister, high on life.”
Brent and the others turned their attention back to the television as my father motioned me toward the kitchen. I’ve been to Lowe’s, Home Depot, I’ve even caught myself looking at some majestic kitchens on the “Do-it-Yourself” channel, but I was not prepared for this: granite countertops, stainless steel appliances, enough cabinets to stock a convenience store, and two sinks. My father’s idea of a quick snack and mine weren’t the same.
I thought we’d be rummaging around the refrigerator for sliced meat to make a sandwich when he pulled a casserole dish out of the oven that was still warm, poured me a glass of wine, and motioned for me to have a seat at the table.
In awe, I could only ask, “Where’d all this come from?”
“Gretchen makes the best manicotti in the world. When you were still sleeping, she made a second dish for you and kept it warm. I promise you’ve never tasted anything like it.”
He was right. I had had some incredible Italian food in my life, but nothing held a candle to this. Conversation was easy. It turned out my father’s parents had lived in this very house. They gave it to him when he started his family. In addition to being a financial wizard of sorts, he was an avid hiker and loved to sail. I was grateful to have some one-on-one time with him, to learn more about him. It seemed odd that my brothers were keeping their distance, and I still hadn’t met his wife. No one so much as peeked through a doorway.
After I had eaten enough to feed three heavy-weight boxers, I stood up to rinse my plate. My father asked, “Are you still tired? Or do you have enough energy to keep me company a little longer? We could sit in the den. It’s where I spend most of my time.”
Another amazing
room. An overstuffed leather sofa and matching overstuffed formal chairs greeted us as we walked in. I took a seat in the chair closest to the door, and he sat on the sofa. Bookshelves lined every wall with old leather-bound books tightly lining each shelf. We were both quiet: I don’t think either of us knew where to start. What do you say to someone you’ve fanaticized about your entire life?
My father broke the silence, “Is there anything special you’d like to do while you’re here?”
I shook my head, “So far this trip has seriously exceeded my expectations. I just wanna get to know everybody.”
“That’s great, well, unless you had really low expectations for the trip.”
Grinning, “It’s just nice to know I have . . .” it was tough to say the word, because it had been theoretical to me, until today, “family.”
“It warms my heart to hear you say that, Camille. I always wanted a daughter. It’s a little surreal to have you here. I wouldn’t have thought it possible.”
The basics of Sex-Ed were obviously lost on Will if he didn’t think it was possible. I kept my thoughts to myself. No sense being a smart aleck just because he was surprised to know that I existed. “So, how did you meet my mom?”
“She was working at the hotel bar where I was staying. It is uncommon to find. . . well, female. . .you know. . . I was surprised to see her working there.”
The more Will stammered, the more weirded out I felt. It was as if he were desperately trying not to tell me something. Will looked away from me and began his explanation while his attention was focused on the wall to my left. “The relationship I had with your mother was not one I am proud of.” He turned and looked directly into my eyes as he spoke, “I was prepared to give her anything in the world. All your mother wanted from me was my absence. I pursued her, but she didn’t want anything to do with me. I called her a few times in the months that followed, but each time she refused to see or to talk to me. On subsequent business trips, she refused to take my calls or to meet me. At the time, I didn’t understand why. Seeing you here gives me a new appreciation for why she shut me out.”
“But you were married and you were pursuing my mom?”
He nodded again, “I was. I could never explain the feelings I had for your mother. I would have given anything in the world to her.”
I couldn’t help but restate the obvious, “But you were married.”
“Yes, I was. The truth is, I told your mother I was married with a family, and she was furious with me. She rejected me. She told me to go home to my wife.”
“So that’s it. You met her, you hooked up, then you told her about Gretchen? I can’t imagine why she would have rejected you.”
He smiled proudly when he told me, “You have your mother’s spirit. I didn’t plan to meet your mother. I certainly didn’t expect to feel so strongly for a woman I hardly knew. I’ve always been an honest person. The truth, no matter how terrible, is always better than a lie. I told your mother the truth; she told me to go home.”
“And that’s it?”
“Until your call yesterday, yes. I’ve thought about your mother over the years, but any letter I sent was always returned to me with ‘Delivery Refused’ written on the envelope.”
“That sounds like Mom. So, how did Gretchen take it, when you told her about me?”
“I have been married to Gretchen for twenty-nine years. I shared with her that I met your mother the very night I returned from San Diego. I confessed everything. She was as stunned as I that I had met Angela Chiron and had. . . how did you say it? Hooked up? That I had hooked up with her. But I kept your mother’s secret, as did Gretchen. Neither of us told a soul.”
“What secret?”
“Your mother. . . she was a well-known figure in our community. She disappeared when she was seventeen. Many suspected foul play. When I left your mother, she asked that I not tell anyone where I found her.”
“So, she was hiding from someone?”
“Angela never came right out and said it, but she was adamant that I not tell anyone that I had seen her. I told Gretchen, but I knew she would not divulge her whereabouts.”
“Did Gretchen kick you out?”
“No. She told me I needed to figure out what my future was and live that life.”
“Really? You told her you were unfaithful and she wasn’t mad?”
“She wasn’t pleased with me, but Gretchen is a wonderful woman. Our relationship has been one of comfortable companionship for nearly three decades. I never set out to hurt her, and I would never lie to her about anything.”
“So what was my mother to you? A fling?”
“Not by my choice. As I said, when I met your mother, I felt very strongly for her. She didn’t feel the same for me.”
“So, how well did you know Mom?”
“I only spent a few days with her, but you could say she made a lasting impression.”
Before I got here I was prepared to love this man unconditionally, but the more he spoke, the less I liked him. He’d had a wife and five young sons, he’d been unfaithful, and didn’t seem the slightest bit ashamed of his behavior. I didn’t know this man in front of me, but I knew my mother: she would never have been able to cope with the guilt of breaking up a family.
He must have sensed my disapproval because I could see the desperation on his face as he tried to explain. “I wanted to be with your mother, but she wouldn’t hear of it. Eventually, I stopped calling her. I made peace with her decision. It doesn’t mean that I didn’t . . . that I wouldn’t. . .” Will trailed off, not finishing his sentence.
I decided to ask the obvious question, since I hadn’t yet seen his wife. “So, you’re sure Gretchen’s okay with me being here?”
“Camille, I love Gretchen deeply. She feels the same for me. Because you are a part of me, you are our family. Yes, she’s more than okay that you’re here.”
“This sounds . . . I don’t know, odd.”
“It’s odd that a father wants to make up for lost time with a daughter he never knew?”
“It’s odd that your wife is okay with it when you consider how I came to be your daughter.”
“Gretchen is an amazing woman. I think once you meet her, you’ll agree.”
Something had always bothered me. Will might be the only man on the planet who could give me an answer. No matter how calloused it sounded, I needed to ask, “Will, my mom never . . . had a boyfriend, or a husband, or any guy in her life. I don’t remember her even once going on a date.” I stopped for a second, wondering if I could bring myself to ask the real question. “Why you?”
“You are very much my daughter. I can see it in your eyes. I can hear it in your question. I wish I could give you an answer you’d be happy with. I wish I knew the answer. Maybe she was lonely, maybe the stars were aligned perfectly that night, maybe it was her way of having a family of her own that she didn’t have to share with anyone else. I can only speculate. I can’t tell you what I don’t know.”
I still wasn’t sure how I felt about my father. I wished that my mother had told me about him, anything. He was as much a stranger to me as I was to him, and I couldn’t imagine what kind of wife would welcome me into her home. I didn’t know what to think about my mother running away from her family.
“So, what should I call you?”
Will grinned as his chest swelled, “What would you like to call me?”
“I don’t know. Is it okay if I just stick with ‘Will’?”
I could see the disappointment on his face as he nodded. “You can call me Will if that makes you more comfortable, but I hope that someday you’ll come to think of me as your father. I would love for you to call me Dad.”
I looked at the floor, as if the carpet were suddenly interesting. “Uh . . . I’ll probably have to work up to that.”
“I understand.” He changed the subject when he noticed my uneasiness. “So, the boys told me they took you out on the boat this afternoon. Did you enjoy it?”
r /> “I did.”
“I’m sure they’ll have lots of adventures for you this week. Don’t let them wear you out. I’m covering the office single-handedly this week, and I’d like to be able to spend time with you in the evenings.”
As if Gretchen knew we’d been talking about her, we heard a light tap at the door. Gretchen, the one person I was apprehensive to meet, stepped inside and walked over to my chair. I stood up, still uneasy from the “Dad or Will” conversation and offered my hand as a greeting. Gretchen motioned it away and gave me a welcoming hug, “We’re all so glad you’re here, Camille.” When she released me from her embrace, she took both my hands in hers.
“Thanks.” I stammered, “It’s a real pleasure to meet you.”
“I’ve already warned the boys to give you a day to get past the jetlag before they start gallivanting all over town showing off their little sister. If you need me to send them to the office so you can get some rest tomorrow, just say the word. If given the opportunity, they’ll wear you out.” Her eyes twinkled when she spoke. I took her in. Gretchen had short curly red hair – kind of poufy, a wide smile that lit up the room, and the most delicate hands I’d ever felt.
“I had a great time today.” I looked at Will, “So they all work for you?”
Will wore a smile that matched Gretchen’s, “Yes, they have exceptional financial instincts. Each one has brought in significant profits for their clients, and each has built his own portfolio. Say, you’re not interested in finances are you?”
Gretchen answered for me, “William Strayer! You will not try to pressure her into joining you at the office!” Gretchen turned her attention toward me, “Don’t let him do that. He convinced each boy to go to work with him in an effort to keep them close. I don’t think any one of them wanted to grow up to be a financial advisor, but Will got his hooks in them.”
Will’s voice raised, in a playful way, “Hooks? You’re just jealous because I see them more than you do.”
“Maybe, but you’re not going to do it to Camille, too.” She looked at me, “Camille, you can always go to work with your father, or you can shop all day with me. Which would you prefer?”
“Wow, Will, that’s not much of a choice.” I got the feeling that they were planning on me staying longer than the five days I had scheduled. That odd feeling I’d had earlier rose to the surface again. Five adult sons still lived at home with their parents, all worked for their father – my father, they all drove the same kind of cars, even Gretchen said he’d pressured them into it. I looked around the room for crucifix on the walls, bibles, religious art hanging – all I found were books and tastefully decorated walls.
Will shook his head, as if exasperated, “Women. Gretchen spends it as fast as I make it.”
“William, you know that I’m the reason you are so successful. You can’t think that you could do any of this without me?”
I got a strange vibe, like Gretchen was completely serious. The banter between them was fun, but there seemed to be a hint of truth in what Gretchen had just said. Or at least they were both acting like there was truth in her claim. Gretchen was the financial mastermind?
Will stood up and gathered Gretchen in his arms when he sweetly answered, “I couldn’t do anything without you. You know I’d be a wreck on my own.” His sweetness disappeared when the sarcasm oozed from him, “And I think it’s nice that your shopping is single-handedly getting the economy back on its feet.” Will’s face showed the love he felt for his wife.
I could feel the air of seriousness taking hold. Gretchen turned to me, “Camille, I am happy to have you in my home. I can feel your apprehension around me. Do not fear me. William and I came to terms with his infidelity long ago. At the time, and for many years after, I was displeased with him. But, having you here and having your energy in our family, I forgive him all over again.” I couldn’t place Gretchen’s accent, and I was so overwhelmed with her words that I didn’t care where it was from.
“Uh, thanks.” I was rendered speechless. There were so many things I should have said at that moment, but I couldn’t make my voice work.
Gretchen didn’t seem to be someone to mince words. She asked, “How long will you stay with us?”
“My return flight is Sunday.”
Gretchen turned to Will, half ignoring me, “William, it looks as though you’ve got four days. You had better turn on the charm. I don’t want Camille to leave us. She should stay here. We’re family.”
I knew she wasn’t talking to me, but I felt like I had to say something, “Gretchen, that’s really nice of you. But I have a life and friends in California. I really just wanted to meet Will and get to know him. I’m not ready to uproot and move here.”
She turned to me with soft eyes and a thoughtful voice, “Exactly my reason for telling him to step it up a notch. I know you have people who depend on you, but with us, you have a family who loves you and wants you here. We can protect you.”
“Protect me? Protect me from what?”
William didn’t let Gretchen answer, “Muggers, robbers, thieves. . . lots of shady characters all over the place.” He gave her a look, at first I wasn’t sure what to make of it – it looked like. . . fear.
Gretchen gave my shoulder a gentle squeeze and walked back out the way she had come in. Will stood, too, not in an effort to trail her out of the room, but in a gentlemanly way as she walked out the door. He took two steps in my direction after the door closed behind her, smiled at me and said, “She’s a force of nature.”
“I wouldn’t have believed it, if I hadn’t heard it myself. She really is okay with my being here. But I don’t need protecting.”
Will knelt down beside my chair, looking directly into my eyes, “I’m not perfect, but I’ll never lie to you. She wants you here as much as the boys and I do.” Will cradled my face in his hand and caressed my cheek with his thumb. “Camille, you’re a part of us. There are things in your mother’s past that we need to tidy up before you return.”
“But you hardly knew her?”
“We’ll talk about it tomorrow. I don’t have all the facts, and I don’t want to. . . it wouldn’t be fair to you for me to . . .we just need to contact your mother’s family. I’d better turn in. Goodnight, Camille.”
“Talk about what tomorrow?”
“Camille, I don’t have all the facts. I promise I’ll fill you in on everything as soon as I can.”
I wanted to argue with him. I didn’t like the idea that he felt I needed protecting. I wasn’t some frail flower, but Will had said something that bothered me—something about my mother’s family and that she had run away from them at seventeen. Had she been abused? Was he trying to shelter me from them, or was I right to begin with—that William was a part of some manipulative cult my mother had escaped?
Chapter 6
Camille Benning – Charleston, SC