Chapter 20
“You’re angry with me,” Elsee commented from the back seat.
Sighing, I turned around to face her.
“Not angry,” I smiled slightly. “I just don’t want people giving me things.”
I didn’t know how to explain, how to make her understand how much I dreaded the thought of people from church showering me with gifts.
“They want to do it,” she said gently. “To them, giving is an unselfish, helpful, kind act and they expect nothing in return.”
“Is that what this is all about?” James asked frowning. “You don’t want the people at church to give you a shower because you’re afraid they’ll expect to get something out of it?”
“There’s no such thing as a free lunch,” I answered cynically.
“Allison,” Elsee shook her head sadly “There are people in this world who give because it’s the right thing to do and because it makes them feel good inside to know they’ve helped someone else…people like Hannah.”
“And you,” I added softly acknowledging the truth of her words. “That’s just part of it. Oh, how do I explain?” Knitting my brow in concentration, I searched for some way to get them to see things from my point of view. “I’ve had so much my whole life…”
“Materially,” Elsee interrupted.
“Materially,” I conceded. “I don’t feel like I deserve anything else unless I’ve worked for it.”
“But your refusal to keep any of the things your parents paid for means you’ll be starting out with nothing just like any other married couple,” she reminded me. “That’s exactly why you need to let people help you.”
“I suppose.”
“Good,” Elsee nodded in satisfaction.
“Glad that’s settled,” James said with a sigh of relief.
“I’ll go with you to pick out your selections and make sure you do pick out some things,” Elsee announced firmly.
“Elsee,” I wailed, “You know I can’t.”
“Now what’s the problem?” James asked in confusion.
“Allison has this crazy idea that by having selections for people to choose from she is being selfish,” Elsee informed him.
“It’s more than that,” I said desperately. “I feel greedy, like I’m saying ‘I want that and that and that and oh, while you’re at it how about some of those and throw in a bunch of these, too’ and it makes me cringe just thinking about it,” I shuddered.
“We will need a few things,” James said mildly.
“Then you go pick them out and they can have a shower for you,” I returned fiercely. “I’ve changed my mind…no shower. I’d rather do without until we can buy things with our own money.”
“What if I talk to the people at church and we make it into less of a shower and more of a family affair? I’ll have the women convince their husbands to come and even let them bring their children. That way James can be there with you and it becomes less of a shower and more of a celebration of your upcoming marriage,” Elsee suggested thoughtfully.
“You could do that?” I asked hopefully.
“Of course,” Elsee replied absently. I could see the wheels turning in her head. “We’ll make it into a potluck and so take the focus off of the gifts. Would that help?” she asked, her whole face beaming.
“Yes,” I breathed a sigh of relief. “It would help tremendously.”
“Good,” she replied in satisfaction. “I’ll call a couple of the ladies and offer my ‘suggestions’ as soon as we get back to the house, but you will still need to pick out some selections.”
“Elsee…”
“You are going to make it hard on other people if you don’t,” Elsee warned. “Some women get very stressed when they have no idea what to buy for someone else. You’d be doing them an injustice by refusing to cooperate.”
“Fine,” I capitulated, full of guilt, as she was well aware I would be. “You win.”
“Everything will work out, you’ll see,” Elsee reassured me. “And the potluck will be fun, I promise.”
Leaning back against her seat with a smug smile, she closed her eyes. I wasn’t sure whether she was resting or planning, but facing the front once more I decided to let her alone. James reached over and took my hand, carrying it to his lips.
“Happier now?” he asked lightly.
“I guess,” I replied in resignation. “You’ll be there?”
“Just try and stop me,” he growled playfully, making me laugh. “I love your laugh,” he squeezed my hand gently. “I don’t hear it often enough.”
“I’m sorry, I know I’m not much fun,” I apologized, pulling my hand away and turning towards the side window.
I had so many issues, it wasn’t fair to James. He deserved someone who could accept things like a bridal shower without batting an eyelash, someone who didn’t have family and ‘friends’ willing to hurt whoever stood in their way, someone secure and happy, someone…normal.
Reaching over to recapture my hand I could hear the frustration in his voice as he said “All of the bad things that have happened to you and I haven’t been able to protect you from anything.”
“You can’t protect me from life, James,” I said wearily as we pulled up to the Fowlkes house. “As much as I know you want to, it isn’t possible.”
“I won’t let anyone hurt you again,” he shut the car off and gripped both of my hands tightly in his. “You will feel safe with me, I promise.”
“I already do,” I leaned over to kiss his cheek. “I love you,” I whispered in his ear.
“I’ll have Sunday lunch ready in no time,” Elsee said briskly, getting out of the car. “You help the poor injured man into the house, Allie, and then after lunch we need to go over a few more wedding details.”
“Don’t move” James warned me before getting out of the car. “I may be injured but I’m still capable of opening a car door for my future wife.”
Feeling guilty as I watched him limp around to my side of the car, I stayed where I was as ordered. Putting my hands in his I allowed him to pull me from the car and into his arms.
“I’ve been waiting all morning to do this,” he murmured against my hair.
“James,” I reproached him, stepping back and out of his arms, “We were in church. You should have been thinking pure thoughts,” I said primly.
“I’m having difficulty thinking about anything besides you,” James acknowledged. “Maybe after we’re married it’ll be easier. Otherwise I’m afraid the whole football season will be shot.”
An unpleasant thought suddenly occurred to me.
“Is that why you got hurt?” I asked, but not sure I wanted to know the answer. “Were you having trouble concentrating?”
He had effectively distracted me from our discussion the day before, and we hadn’t returned to the subject of his accident.
“Actually I got hurt yesterday because my competitive nature kicked in with a vengeance,” he admitted ruefully.
“What do you mean?”
“Did I mention that I won that race, the one where I got injured?”
“Congratulations,” I said dismissively, demanding, “How did you get hurt?”
“That’s how I got hurt,” he answered obscurely. “I was neck and neck with this other guy at the end of the race and we were both leaning forward as far as we could in order to cross the finish line first. Apparently, my legs couldn’t keep up with the rest of me,” he laughed.
“You hurt yourself trying to win a race?” I asked in total disbelief.
“No…I hurt myself winning a race,” he corrected in amusement.
“You’re nuts,” I said in wonder. “I see now that you aren’t in your right mind. That explains it.”
“Explains what?” he asked, playing along.
“Why you fell for me,” I answered only half-teasing. “You’re a head case.”
“I’d be a head case if I hadn’t
fallen for you,” James replied seriously, urging me back into his arms again. “I can’t believe you’ll be my wife in a few weeks. I have a confession to make,” he added in an odd tone.
Glancing up at him in alarm, I wondered what was coming next.
“If you hadn’t tricked me into agreeing to marry you earlier than I’d planned, I would have found someway for us to be married this summer,” he admitted sheepishly. “Waiting would have been the smart thing to do, but I’m not sure I could have done it.”
“Really…?” I asked, relieved. “I’ve been feeling guilty about the way I manipulated you. I need to stop doing that type of thing,” I added, talking more to myself than to James.
“I was a willing victim,” he assured me. “I wanted to do the right thing, be mature and responsible, but the idea of waiting a year and a half to make you my wife was almost more than I could stand.”
“So I’m not forcing you into something you aren’t ready for?”
“I’m more than ready,” he replied softly “Ready to start our life together. I love you more than I ever thought it was possible to love another human being.”
“Lunch…” Elsee called from the doorway. “Are you two lovebirds coming in any time soon? Lukewarm meatloaf doesn’t sound appetizing to me.”
“We’ll be there in a sec,” James answered, his eyes not leaving my face.
He bent down and lightly, briefly touched his lips to mine. It took every bit of self-control I possessed to keep my arms from flinging themselves around his neck, but I managed it. James smiled at me in surprise.
“That was a first,” he commented. “I’m impressed. I hope that doesn’t mean you don’t want me anymore.”
“What it means is I’ve realized that in a few weeks I will no longer have to worry about controlling myself or you having to peel me off of you like a second skin,” I said triumphantly. “It won’t be easy, but I can wait. Let’s go eat.”
Fighting the urge to throw myself at him, I turned towards the house.
“Hmm…” behind me James sounded thoughtful. “Now that may be a challenge I can’t resist.”