My mouth hangs open for a second. ‘Oh no. Darcy, I’m so sorry,’ I say, meaning it. ‘Is there anything I can do?’ I really thought they were a close-knit couple. But, now I come to think about it, they’re friendly with everyone else, yet I’ve hardly ever seen them talking to each another.
She shakes her head. ‘He’s gone. He’s left me,’ she whispers. ‘He stormed out last night. Said he was going to stay at one of his apartments and he didn’t know if he was going to come back. What am I going to do, Louisa? I love my husband.’ She grabs one of the scatter cushions and clutches it to her chest.
‘I really am sorry. I’m sure he’ll come back, though. After a night’s sleep, he’ll realise he’s―’
‘He won’t. You should have seen him. He was so detached. So cold. He doesn’t care about me . . . He doesn’t love me anymore.’ Now, she dissolves into tears. Silently sobbing.
I can’t believe that Mike would want to leave his beautiful, vivacious wife. He always gazed at her with such affection. But I must have misinterpreted things. ‘What can I do?’ I say. ‘If there’s anything I can―’
‘Nothing,’ she says. ‘There’s nothing you can do. I’m just so glad you came. I’m so glad I can count on you as a friend. I feel like I can trust you. I just . . . I didn’t know who else to call. Everyone else I know would take pleasure in my misfortune. They’d gossip and the news would be all round school by lunchtime. I know you won’t go blabbing to any of the other moms.’
Heat burns my cheeks as she gazes at me. Only thirty minutes ago I was slagging this woman off to my sister. I was so way off the mark. It would seem that Darcy really does like me. And the fact she trusts me more than her other friends – I didn’t realise.
‘Of course I won’t say anything to anyone,’ I reply. ‘And I’m totally here for you. Whatever you need, just say the word.’
She hugs me, her tears smudging against my jacket. ‘It’s funny, but you’re the only person I feel truly comfortable with. You know that, right?’
I do now. I give her a squeeze and pull away from her embrace. ‘Would you like me to pick Tyler up from school this afternoon?’
‘Would you? I don’t think I could face everyone today. I just want to hide away.’
‘Yes, of course. I’ll drop him back straight after. Unless he wants a sleepover at ours?’
‘No, no, that’s okay. I’d rather have him here with me.’
‘Sure,’ I say.
‘Also,’ she says. ‘When you drop him back, would you, maybe want to go for a run with me? Running helps me calm down and relax, but I hate doing it alone. Mike . . . he always used to come with . . .’ Darcy breaks down again and I take her hand.
‘I’m sorry,’ I say. ‘I can’t run. It’s my knee . . . How about I ask Jared if he’ll go with you? He runs most evenings, anyway.’ I regret the offer as soon as it’s out of my mouth. I know Darcy’s going through an awful time, but I don’t like the idea of her and Jared out together, even though I trust him implicitly. We’ve never had a jealous type of relationship. We’ve been together too long, and we still have that spark. Still, the idea of the two of them as running partners . . .
‘That would be amazing,’ Darcy says. ‘If you’re sure he wouldn’t mind?’
‘No, Jared won’t mind. If he’s not too busy, I’ll get him to text you later.’ Bad though it is, I already know I won’t tell him about it. I would worry too much. I would see things where there was nothing to see. I’ve already shown how bad my judgement is where Darcy’s involved. I won’t put myself in that situation again.
‘You’re an absolute angel,’ she says, dabbing at her tears with the tissue I gave her. ‘I don’t feel quite as awful now. Now I know I have you and Jared on my side.’
* * *
As soon as he’s through the front door, I can tell Jared’s in a good mood. The way he holds himself, the fire in his eyes. I tramp down the stairs with a basket of laundry in my arms, trying to blow a stray strand of hair out of my eyes.
‘Here, let me.’ Jared takes the basket out of my arms and kisses me. I follow him through to the kitchen, where he puts the basket down by the washing machine.
‘Where’s Joe?’ he asks.
‘Zonked. He fell asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.’
‘I’ll go up and give him a kiss goodnight in a minute.’
‘You look chirpy,’ I say.
He puts his record bag on the table and slides out a sheaf of papers. ‘Tada!’
‘The contract?’ I say.
‘Yup.’
‘Congratulations,’ I say with a smile. I half-wondered if he’d manage to get it, what with Mike and Darcy splitting up.
‘Thanks,’ he says, grinning back.
‘I saw Beth today,’ I say, opening the washing machine door and shoving in the dirty laundry. ‘She said she’d look over the contract for you.’
‘Great, I’ll drop it over to her tomorrow.’
‘Did you see Mike today?’ I ask.
‘No, apparently he was busy. I picked up the contract from his solicitor.’ Jared grabs a pizza crust from Joe’s discarded dinner plate and folds the whole thing into his mouth. ‘God, starving. Shall we get a takeaway tonight? Chinese?’
‘Takeaway sounds good,’ I say. ‘So, you didn’t see Mike at all, today?’
‘No, I just said so. Why?’
I tell Jared about Mike and Darcy. About how upset Darcy was earlier.
Jared’s face falls. ‘God, that’s awful. I wonder why he left her. They seemed happy, don’t you think?’
‘I guess you never know what’s really going on,’ I reply. ‘She was so upset. I really felt bad for her.’
Jared’s phone shrills, making me jump. I close the washing machine door, press the start button and straighten up.
‘Who’s that?’ I ask as Jared answers his mobile.
‘Darcy,’ Jared mouths.
I hear her voice, tinny and far away, but I can’t make out the words. I know why she’s ringing.
‘Hang on,’ Jared says to her. He covers the phone with his hand and turns to me. ‘Darcy said you mentioned I could go running with her tonight?’
Shit. I can’t back out of my offer now. ‘Um, yeah, she asked me to go with her, but . . . my knee. So I said you might go. Sorry, I know how busy you are so don’tworry if –’
‘No, that’s cool. I don’t mind.’
My heart sinks.
He puts the phone to his ear again. ‘No problem,’ he says. ‘Half an hour? Yeah, I guess I can . . .’ He laughs. ‘Okay, see you in a bit, Darce.’ He ends the call.
‘What about the takeaway?’ I ask, ‘Shall I order it for when you get home?’
‘Nah, I’ll grab a quick snack now and have cheese on toast or something when I get back.’
Disappointment tugs at me. I was looking forward to spending the evening with my husband, eating delicious food and maybe watching a movie. I know I shouldn’t be so selfish. Darcy’s going through hell. The least Jared and I can do is be there for her while she’s so upset.
‘I still can’t believe Mike left her,’ Jared says, opening the fridge and pulling out a tub of hummus. ‘I hope this won’t affect the contract.’
‘Shouldn’t think so,’ I reply, sitting down at the table. ‘Business is business, I guess.’
Jared dollops a lump of hummus onto a cracker and plants a kiss on my forehead. ‘Right, going to get changed and then I’ll be off. See you later, Lou. Love you.’
‘Love you, too.’
* * *
I hear the squeak of the dial turning, the hiss of the water coming on, the clatter and bang of the rickety shower door. Jared didn’t get home until after eleven. He texted me earlier to say that Darcy begged him to stay for a drink after their run. That she was really upset. What could I say to him? It would have been mean of me to say no. Now he’s back home having a shower. I’m in bed attempting to read, but I can’t concentrate on the words. I’ve read t
he same paragraph about a dozen times already, and I still don’t know what it says. I give up, and set my Kindle down on the night stand.
I’ve never experienced this type of jealousy before. I don’t like the way it makes my heart race, my head hot, and my guts churn. The way my fingers shake as I pull the quilt up to my chin. I draw in a deep breath and let it out again, slowly, trying to calm myself and stop the rush of unwelcome thoughts crowding my brain. I trust my husband so there’s nothing to worry about. Darcy needs friends right now, and that’s what we are – friends.
‘Hey.’ Jared comes into the bedroom, naked, drying his hair with a hand towel.
‘Hi,’ I say, my voice tight.
‘You okay? Sorry I’m so late. It was hard to get away. She’s really upset.’
‘I know,’ I say. ‘Poor woman.’ I sit up. ‘Did she tell you why Mike left?’
‘No. She just said they hadn’t been getting on.’
‘How did you leave things? Was she still upset when you left?’
‘Pretty upset, yeah. I don’t think she wanted me to go but it was getting late so I told her to get some sleep. I offered for you to go over tomorrow, but she said she had too much to do. She did ask if I could go running with her again tomorrow evening . . .’
‘Really? Again. Do you think she wants to make a regular thing of it?’ I have visions of Jared spending all his evenings over there while I wait here, alone. No matter how upset Darcy is over Mike, I’m not sure I could cope with that.
‘I said I wasn’t sure about my work schedule,’ Jared says. ‘Thought I better talk it over with you first.’ Jared slides into bed next to me and kisses me on the lips, his breath minty clean.
‘I don’t mind you running together,’ I lie. ‘But . . . I’d rather you didn’t spend the whole evening over there. It’s lonely here without you.’
Jared scooches up close to me. ‘I missed you, too,’ he says, kissing my earlobe and my neck.
‘Your hair’s still damp,’ I say, getting a waft of citrus shower gel. ‘You’re making the pillow all wet.’
Jared slides a hand down over my bare skin. I mould my body to his, briefly forgetting all about damp pillows and needy friends.
Chapter Seventeen
‘Cheers!’ We raise our fizzing glasses towards Jared. He’s standing by the window staring at us, the blue of the harbour and the sky behind him, the midday, winter sun casting a halo around his smiling face.
‘I just want to say a huge thank you to all of you for joining me in Create, my new venture,’ he says. ‘Sorry, our new venture. I hope we’ll be a successful and happy agency, and that we’ll be here for many years to come.’ He raises his glass again. ‘To success and happiness at Create.’
‘Success and happiness at Create!’ we echo, sipping at our champagne.
We had Beth look over Mike’s contract for the offices, and she declared it all legitimate and above board. Generous, she said, only tweaking a couple of minor clauses. So, here we are a few weeks later having a celebratory lunchtime launch party.
‘I’d also like to thank my beautiful wife, Louisa,’ Jared adds, ‘for supporting me in this wild and crazy dream. I’m doing this for her and for our son. To the beautiful Louisa!’
‘The beautiful Louisa!’ I redden as everyone turns to face me, glasses aloft, feeling something of an imposter. I didn’t exactly support Jared in his dreams of starting his own business. But, now that it’s here, of course I want him to succeed. I nod awkwardly, unsure about whether you’re supposed to drink to your own health or just stand there letting others do the drinking. I take a sip anyway, needing another slug of alcohol to calm my turbulent thoughts.
‘Lastly,’ Jared continues. ‘I want to thank our landlady and great family friend, Darcy. Please raise your glasses to the fabulous Darcy Lane.’
‘To the fabulous Darcy Lane!’ we cry.
My eyes swivel from Jared to Darcy. She’s standing off to the side, a shaft of sunlight illuminating her like a spotlight on the star of the show. Dressed immaculately in a cream trouser suit, her blonde hair gleams, and her features dimple prettily as we toast her generosity and friendship. She steps out of the spotlight and into Jared’s embrace. They kiss on the cheek and she whispers something to him that makes him throw his head back and roar with laughter.
My heart twists with a familiar pain. One I’ve tried to swallow down for several weeks now. Ever since my husband started spending most of his evenings running with her, consoling her, laughing with her. But I only have myself to blame. Wasn’t it I who suggested it in the first place? I have nothing to be jealous of, I tell myself. My husband still loves me. He still comes home to me each night. Nothing has happened with Darcy, and there’s no hint that Jared is bored with me. So why then does my heart beat erratically and my insides turn over every time I see them together or think of them being together?
Mike isn’t here. In fact, we haven’t seen him since he left Darcy. Initially, Mike’s absence worried Jared, but Darcy has managed to handle all his business queries, so far.
The toasts are over and someone cranks the music up. I introduce myself to a couple of Jared’s new employees and we make polite conversation about the stunning location of the offices and how wonderful it will be to work here overlooking the quay and the harbour beyond. All the while, I have my eye on Jared and Darcy who are laughing with a cluster of young guys in suits. They look like the perfect couple. Him, tall and dark, ambition oozing from every pore. Her, fair and slender, expensively sleek. I feel dowdy by comparison.
Back when I was in my twenties, my wild auburn curls used to make me the cool, quirky one who everyone wanted to hang out with. Smart and edgy. Boho chic personified. I was a journalist with things to say. Now, I’m old-fashioned and irrelevant. I don’t belong to this glamorous world of ad campaigns and designer offices. I’m simply Jared’s wife. The mother of his son. I’m not . . . good enough.
I glug down the rest of my champagne and cast about for a waitress to top me up. A wooden tray floats past, laden with warm, bite-sized fish canapes. I grab two and shove them both into my mouth at the same time, chewing but not tasting, flaky pastry sticking to my lower lip and chin. I wipe it off with the back of my free hand just as Darcy approaches.
‘Hey, sweetie,’ she says, her air kisses hovering metres from my pastry-flaked, salmon-breath face.
I swallow my mouthful too quickly and plaster on a smile. ‘Hi.’
‘You look so pretty in that dress,’ she says.
I dip my head in thanks, even though I know for a fact I look awful. That my dress is too tight. That my arse looks like a shelf you could rest your drink on, and my stomach is only semi-flattish because I’m wearing a pair of Spanx two sizes too small to suck everything in.
‘You look stunning as always,’ I reply. ‘Thanks again for the opportunity with the offices and everything. Jared really loves this place.’
‘Good,’ she says. ‘I’m sure he’ll be really successful.’
‘How are you doing?’ I ask, lowering my voice. ‘Any news with Mike?’
A cloud passes across her face and she shakes her head. ‘He’s saying he wants a divorce.’
‘I’m so sorry.’ I feel stupid for envying her style and looks earlier. She’s losing her husband – her family is breaking apart and I’m worrying about my dress being too tight.
‘I’m not accepting it,’ she says. ‘I’m going to do everything I can to get him back, Louisa.’
‘Good,’ I say. ‘I really hope you two work it out. Mike’s an idiot for leaving you.’
She smiles. ‘You’re sweet to say so.’
‘Can I get you a top up?’ I ask.
‘What? Oh, no thanks. I don’t normally drink during the day. I just had this for the toasts.’ She places her almost-full glass down on a table behind me.
‘Oh, sure, okay.’ I set my own empty glass down next to hers. I’d better not have any more either; I remember I have to pick Joe up from sch
ool later this afternoon. In fact, I’d better have some more canapes to soak up the alcohol I’ve just had.
‘I have had a bit of good news,’ she says, leaning closer. ‘But it’s nothing to do with Mike, unfortunately.’
‘Oh?’ I wait for her to tell me.
She bites the inside of her lip and tries to suppress a smile.
‘Well?’
‘I got emails last week from two different literary agents.’
‘Wow,’ I say. ‘That’s amazing.’
‘I know. I can hardly believe it. They’ve read my column and one of them said they know of at least three big publishers who would want to offer me a book deal.’
‘I’m really pleased for you, Darcy. You always wanted to write. Well, now it’s happening.’ I reach for my empty glass and nod at one of the waiting staff to top me up. I’ll get a taxi home.
‘I know. I keep having to pinch myself. It kind of makes up for all the crap I’m going through with Mike.’
I nod. ‘It always seems to work like that,’ I say. ‘You can never have it all, can you? When one area of your life is going well, another area has to go down the toilet. It’s like a law or something.’
‘I notice you haven’t written much lately,’ Darcy says. ‘Are you taking a break from Louisa’s Life’s a Beach?’
‘Kathryn gave me the boot,’ I say, taking another swig of champagne, feeling my anxiety and self-control detach from my brain.
‘Oh, no!’ Darcy says, placing a hand on my arm. ‘I hope I didn’t have anything to do with that.’
‘Shouldn’t think so,’ I reply. ‘Your writing’s much better than mine anyway. Wouldn’t blame Kathryn for giving my column to you instead.’
‘You’re sweet to say so, but I feel terrible now. Like I’m responsible.’ Her brow creases.
Did she really not realise? It’s hard to believe. Maybe it’s like my sister said, maybe Darcy is so self-absorbed she doesn’t think about how her actions impact on other people.
‘Forget it,’ I say. ‘I wasn’t enjoying the column anymore anyway. I’m glad I’ve got more free time. I’m actually writing a book, too. This way, I get to spend more time on it.’ That’s a lie – I miss writing for the paper terribly, but I can’t guilt trip Darcy when she’s obviously going through such a rough patch with Mike.