Jacob grabbed the drinks and set them in front of us before he placed his elbows on the countertop. He clasped his fingers together, resting his head on his fists. “So, Iowa, huh? What the hell is there to do in Iowa?”
“Absolutely what you think there would be to do. Nothing. Work, sleep, women, and weed. Wash, rinse, repeat.”
Kellan grimaced at the mention of weed the same way Alyssa did. “Give me a break, Kellan. I’m not using anything else. Just a little pot here and there.”
“I just don’t want you to slip up, that’s all.”
“I haven’t in years. I’m good.” I cleared my throat. “By the way, thanks for helping me with last month’s rent. And the month before that…” My words faded off into a whisper. “And the month before that…” Even though I had a degree, finding a real job had been quite the struggle.
“Anytime,” he smiled, knowing I was changing the subject, but he allowed it. “But let’s make sure we never mention that to Erika, all right?”
Jacob laughed. “That must be weird, Kellan.”
“What’s that?” he asked.
“Having your balls gripped that tight by a woman.”
I snickered. “I’m surprised that he still has any balls.”
“Fuck you guys. So Erika is a bit of a…” Kellan scrunched up his nose, looking for the right word.
“Control freak?” Jacob offered.
“Pushy?” I said.
“Dramatic?”
“Extremely dramatic?!”
“Mothering?”
“Belittling?” I joked.
“Stable,” Kellan said, drinking his water. “Erika is stable. She’s everything that keeps me grounded. She’s a handful, yeah, but I would choose her hand to hold any day because she’s strong. She’s my anchor.”
Jacob and I went silent, a bit stunned.
“Wow,” Jacob breathed out a heavy sigh. “That’s just…” His eyes watered up. “That’s just so fucking cheesy.”
I laughed. “The ultimate cheese.”
“It’s like gouda and brie had a baby and Kellan popped out.” Jacob smirked.
“Screw off. I wouldn’t expect two single dumbasses to understand anything about relationships,” Kellan said. “So you like the place?”
“Like it? It’s amazing. I bet the food tastes just as good as it looks here. If I lived here, I’d be in this place every day.”
A wicked grin found its way to Kellan’s face, and it wasn’t long before Jacob’s face had the same look of pleasure. “It’s funny you should mention that, because Jacob and I were talking… If you were to stay in town, you’d have a built in job. He’s looking for a chef,” Kellan offered.
“It pays well. I mean, the head boss man is a total dick, but it’s a good job,” Jacob added.
I laughed, because it was a ridiculous idea. I stopped laughing when I saw how serious they both were. “No offense, Kellan. But seeing how there’s no wedding happening any time soon, I’m on the first train back to Iowa.”
“Yeah? Can you afford a train ticket back?” Kellan asked me.
I cocked an eyebrow. “What? You said you would cover the ticket.”
“Not true. I told you I’d get your ticket out here. I didn’t say anything about sending you back.”
“Fuck off,” I huffed once. I turned to face my brother, confusion in my stare. “You’re serious, aren’t you?” I glanced at Jacob. “He’s freaking serious, isn’t he?”
“I’m just saying, brother. This is your home. And you’re always welcomed home.”
“You’re holding me hostage,” I replied, bewildered.
“We’re offering you a job,” he replied. “Listen, if you really want a one-way ticket back to Iowa, I’ll buy it in the morning. But the offer is always there for you.” Kellan was really pushing the idea of me staying, and for the life of me I couldn’t understand why. True Falls wasn’t a place I considered home anymore. It was just the past demons of my life.
“I’ll take the one-way ticket. No offense, Kellan. I love you, I do. But this town? I can’t stay here and stay sane. I just can’t.”
He nodded in understanding. “I get it. Just thought I’d offer.”
I thanked him.
“So, you ran into Alyssa earlier? What’s your plan of attack if that happens again?” Kellan asked.
“I’m going to ignore her, and push her away. She and I can’t go backwards. I can’t go down that road anymore, and she is definitely better off without me. But,” I said, changing the subject, “It’s good to see that you got clean, Jacob.”
He nodded. “It wasn’t that long after you left town, actually. One day I woke up and just couldn’t do it anymore. I didn’t go to rehab, but I did the church thing for a while, which helped. I haven’t been to church in years now, but it did affect me enough that I became an ordained minister.”
I chuckled. “No way.”
He smirked, pointing his thumbs at his chest. “If you’re ever looking to get married, keep this handsome dude in mind.” Out of nowhere, Jacob leaned forward with the most solemn expression I’d ever seen him have before. “Logan, on a serious note, I do have to ask you something really important…”
I sighed, knowing I couldn’t avoid the questions that a lot of people probably had for me. The same kinds of questions Sadie shot my way at the motel. How was rehab? Have you slipped up? Do you still think about using? “Yeah, Jacob?”
“How the everlasting-fuck do you keep your hair so perfect? It’s shinier than anything I’ve ever seen. And that volume! Shit. I have a damn receding hairline, and had to buzz cut it just to look semi-decent.”
“Oh my God,” Kellan moaned, rolling his eyes. “Don’t get him started on his hair.”
“I told you, Kel, that envy is a sin.” I snickered. “Once a month, deep condition with egg yolks and avocados.”
“For real?”
“For real. But when you wash it out after forty-five minutes, don’t use hot water. Otherwise you’ll have scrambled eggs in your hair that you’ll be picking the pieces out for a week. Plus, the splash of cold water is good for your hair follicles, helping it grow in healthier and stronger. I can make you a list of all of the products I use if you want.”
“No shit? You’ll do that?”
“Sure, no biggie.”
“I can’t believe this conversation is seriously happening right now,” Kellan sighed, rolling his eyes so hard I thought they’d get stuck in the back of his head. He might’ve had a better life than I did growing up, but the joke was on him nowadays—because at least my hair was fucking amazing while his was ceasing to exist.
We stayed at the restaurant for a while longer, not talking about the past, not talking about the future, but just enjoying the current moment.
“I hate to break this reunion up, but we better get back to help Erika set up for the dinner,” Kellan said.
I stood up from the booth and held my hand out toward Jacob, and he gripped my hold. “Good to see you, Jacob.”
“You too, Logan. You look good. Really good, man.”
“You too. And um, I never was able to say this, but I’m sorry about what I said so long ago. About your porn addiction and the fork comment.”
He laughed. “I forgive you, buddy. Even though it wasn’t a fork, it was a chilled spoon. And hey! Don’t forget to get me that list of hair products!”
I didn’t know if that made it more normal, or more awkward, but either way, it was good to be around a familiar face.
Chapter Twenty
Logan
“You guys are late!” Erika whined as we walked into the house—which looked completely different than when we left. Everything was moved around, the dining room table, the sofas, the television. I felt as if I’d walked into the twilight zone. “Mom will be here soon.”
“I’m going to go shower before dinner,” I said.
“Good. I left a set of towels and extra items that you might have needed in the guest room.” Er
ika gestured her head to the back room. “Now, Kellan, come taste the mashed potatoes I made.”
“Wait, time out. Erika is cooking dinner?” I asked, fear in my throat. I felt another stab in my side from Kellan, but I couldn’t hold this one in. “Last time I ate food that she made, the chicken was still clucking, Kellan!”
“Dude. Just… Go shower.”
As I walked away into my room, I snickered hearing Erika say she’d work really hard on not killing me. Sitting on the bed was a box containing clean towels, a toothbrush, floss, Q-tips, safety pins, body wash, deodorant, and everything else a person might need.
I knew she hadn’t gone to the store, so she legit just had this stuff laying around. Sometimes being a bit crazy came in handy.
The shower water ran over me nice and hot. I shampooed and conditioned my hair, as my mind tried to replay each and every moment of running into Alyssa. Her smells, her touches, her smiles, her frowns.
The idea of staying in town solely for the purpose of maybe running into her crossed my mind. But a lot could change in five years, especially after all the missed calls I received from her.
I should’ve called her back. I should’ve answered the phone.
After a few minutes, I was snapped back from my thoughts when I heard knocking at the front door. I shut off the shower, toweled off, and tossed on a pair of jeans and a white T-shirt.
“Was someone smoking in here?” Erika’s mom, Lauren, asked loudly, her voice traveling down the halls.
“What? No, come on in, Mom.”
“It smells like smoke,” Lauren said, her voice filled with disappointment.
In the other room Lauren muttered, shocked once she heard about my return to town. I took a deep breath and snapped the band on my wrist. It doesn’t matter what people think of me. I’m not the same person I was when I left. Their opinions didn’t define me.
It was all mumble jumble that Dr. Khan told me when I was in the rehab clinic, but in that moment, that mumble jumble gave me the strength to exit the bathroom and face more individuals from my past.
“Is he still on drugs?” Lauren wondered out loud as I turned the corner.
“Not today,” I replied, putting on a bright, fake smile. Fake it til you make it, Lo. Just one dinner and then you’re on a train back to Iowa. “Lauren, it’s good to see you.” I extended my hand to her for a shake, but she refused it, pulling her purse closer to her side.
“I thought it was just going to be us for dinner,” Lauren said, her voice heightened with annoyance. “And I thought we were going to a restaurant to eat?” Lauren frowned a lot more than she smiled, and even though she had Alyssa’s eyes, she didn’t have her kind spirit.
“We just thought it would be better to have a small dinner, without all of the noise of the restaurant. Come on in, there’s already wine bottles open on the table, and Erika cooked up a great meal,” Kellan replied with a big smile. I wondered if his grin was as fake as mine.
Before we could sit down to eat, there was another knock at the door. When Erika opened it, my gut tightened seeing Alyssa standing there, holding two bottles of wine.
Whenever she entered a room, my mind melted a little. Keep the wall up, Logan.
“Do you still have room for one more?” she asked, smiling.
“Yeah, definitely, we can make room,” Erika said, rushing to make another plate setting.
Lauren huffed. “It’s extremely rude to just show up to someone’s house and ask for an extra seat at the dinner table.”
“It’s good to see you too, Mom,” Alyssa sassed.
My stare stayed on Alyssa, and her eyes found mine. She gave me a small smile, and I had to break the stare before I got lost in my mind. Being back here, being near her, was so much harder than anything I’d ever had to do.
And I’ve done a ton of hard shit.
We all sat down to eat, my seat right next to Lauren’s, who seemed more nervous than not. Kellan poured everyone wine. I was quick to lift my glass and take a big gulp.
“Should you be drinking?” Lauren asked.
“No, probably not,” I said, finishing my first glass and pouring another. We all started eating Erika’s disgusting food, which I had to chew five times more than normal just to swallow it down, but I didn’t complain.
“How are they treating you at the law firm, Kellan?” Lauren asked. The girls’ mom was a lawyer and one of her favorite things about Kellan was that he studied law and found a successful job where he made good money, and hated his soul.
Kellan cleared his throat, wiping his mouth with a napkin. “I actually quit over a month ago.”
I cocked an eyebrow, shocked. “No shit?”
“What?” Lauren asked, surprised. She turned to Erika. “You didn’t tell me that. Why didn’t you tell me that?”
“It didn’t really seem my place, Mom.”
“But why? Why did you quit?” she questioned.
“It wasn’t a part of my heart, I guess,” Kellan said, squeezing Erika’s hand. They smiled at one another and for a moment I saw it—the love that Kellan said he always felt. Those two really did care for one another. “Leaving the firm gives me a chance to pursue my other passions.”
“Like what?” Lauren asked.
“My music. Playing my guitar.”
“That’s a hobby, not a job.” Lauren frowned. She was one negative Nancy.
“Mom. You do know that I work at a piano bar for a living, right?” Alyssa mentioned.
“Oh, honey.” Lauren frowned. “You work at a diner, a furniture store, and play a piano in dirty bars at night. That’s not really something you want to be broadcasting to the world as some kind of accomplishment.”
Still a bitch, I see.
“I think music is really important,” Kellan said, chiming in. “It’s fun. The gigs I’ve been getting pay good money, too. It’s something I love. And life is too short to not do what you love.”
“Here, here!” I mocked, drinking more wine. “That’s why I drink so much wine,” I smirked, winking at Lauren, loving how uncomfortable I made her.
“You’ll see the show tomorrow. My friend’s having me play at his restaurant.”
“What? You said we were going to the theatre tomorrow,” Lauren said, turning to Erika.
“No…I said we were going to a show,” her daughter replied. The two were so much alike it was almost impossible to see how Alyssa fit into that equation.
“No worries, really. It will all be fun. Plus, after the show, we can swing by the reception hall for the wedding next month,” Kellan explained.
“What?” Lauren questioned.
Erika started coughing harshly, trying to clear her throat. “Anyone want more wine?”
“What do you mean the wedding is next month?”
“You didn’t tell her?” Kellan asked, frowning at his fiancée.
“Tell me what?” Lauren asked.
“I forgot,” Erika replied. Wow. I felt like I was watching a bad sitcom unfold in front of me. “We moved the wedding up to next month. But don’t worry! You don’t have to do anything but show up.”
“No. The wedding is next year. I thought we were waiting until you finished your master’s degree, Erika. Plus, I’m the one paying for the wedding. Didn’t you think I had a right to know this? We already made down payments on the reception hall! And now you’re saying you found a new location?”
“We’ll pay you back the down payment. It was a last minute change.”
“Last minute change? Give me a reason. One good reason why we have to rush this. There are so many things to figure out. Flowers, cake, the food. Dresses, invitations, everything. There isn’t enough time.” Lauren kept whining.
“We don’t need all of that stuff, Mom. We are just going to keep it simple.”
Every now and then I’d catch Alyssa staring my way, and she’d look away quickly. Every now and then she’d catch me staring her way, and I’d look away quickly. I hardly wanted to pay attention t
o the conversation happening at the table. I was much more interested in watching Alyssa and me try to avoid one another.
“You’ve been planning your dream wedding since you were five, Erika Rose. And now you just don’t care about those details? No. We had a plan. We are sticking to the plan. Plus, Kellan doesn’t even have a job right now!”
“He has a gig tonight,” I jumped into the conversation with a smirk. Alyssa laughed. I died from the sound. Why did she have to be so beautiful? I was really hoping I’d come back to town and she’d look and smell like a skunk.
No luck there.
“I just don’t understand the rush. You should hold off until next year like we had planned,” her mom offered. “We should stick to the plan.”
“Plans change, Mom. It’s fine.”
“Tell me why. Why now? This is such a radical change. Don’t you think you should be more focused on the fact that Kellan is unemployed? How are you even going to make ends meet for this house? Huh? Have you thought about any of this? The property taxes on a home this size in this neighborhood have to be high. I told you both not to buy a place this big, but you wouldn’t listen. What’s the plan?” Her mom kept asking her again and again. I felt bad for Erika. Her face was red and her nerves were rocked.
“I love him! I love him, Mom. What does it matter if we get married today or years from now? I want to be with him.”
“It’s not logical. You’re sounding very much like your sister, Erika.”
Alyssa blew a small breath from her lips. “I’m right here, Mom.”
“Well, it’s true. You were always the wild flame that I couldn’t extinguish. You were all over the place, you still are, Alyssa. But Erika, you’re the tame one. You’re the one with a good head on your shoulders. But now you’re acting as if you have no sense.”
I watched Alyssa’s eyes water over, but she bit her tongue. I went to snap at Lauren for talking about her in such a way, but I paused when I saw Alyssa slightly shake her head at me not to.
What did I care anyway? It wasn’t my job to fight her battles.
Erika opened her mouth to speak, but Kellan’s words came out first, silencing the room. “I have cancer.”