He turned to me and kissed me. I kissed him back, a bit too hard, and he whimpered at the touch. “Sorry,” I laughed gently, kissing his forehead. “Come on. Let’s go to my place, get you cleaned up, and then I’ll drop you off at Kellan’s so you guys can talk.”
***
When we got to my house, I turned on my shower, undressed Logan, and helped him inside. The warm water fell against his body as he closed his eyes, taking in deep breaths.
“I’ll be right outside. I have a few of your old clothes from way back when that I can grab for you,” I said.
“No. Shut off the light and come here,” he said, his eyes still closed. I did as he said. I removed all of my clothes and I climbed into the shower with him. He pulled me close, wrapping his arms around me, his skin on my skin, his forehead against mine. All that could be heard was the water falling against us, and our breathing.
We stayed there for a long time, until the water ran cold, and then we stayed longer.
“For always, High?”
“For always, Lo.”
Chapter Forty-Five
Logan
When Alyssa dropped me off at Kellan’s place, she left me with a level of peace. My father was in custody. Ma was unable to leave the hospital, which meant she wouldn’t be able to come in contact with any drugs for a small bit of time. Maybe things were slowly turning around. Maybe.
I stepped into a darkened house. Kellan sat on the sofa. “What’s going on?” I asked, flicking on the light switch. He cringed at the abrupt flood of light, but he didn’t say anything. He had tears rolling down his face as his hands shook, and he tried to open a bottle of his pain pills. When he was unsuccessful, he threw the pill bottle across the room.
“Argh!” he shouted, pounding his hands against his head.
“What’s going on, Kel? Where’s Erika?”
“She went to her mom’s house.” He stood up slow, his legs shaking, and stumbled over to the pill bottle. He picked it up, tried to open it once again, and failed. His breaths were heavy as he leaned against the wall and kept trying.
“Here, let me,” I offered. I reached for the pills, and he shoved me away.
“Leave me alone.”
“No.”
“Yes.”
I started wrestling him for the pill bottle, and I snatched it from his grip. I opened it and placed a pill into the palm of his hand. He slid down against the wall to the floor and sat.
“I don’t need you and Erika to babysit me and open damn pill bottles.”
“Yes, you do.”
“No, I don’t.”
“Kel, yes, you do!”
“No, I don’t!” he hollered, his voice cracking as he broke down crying. He wrapped his arms around himself and turned away from me, trying to keep the tears to himself.
“I’m dying, Logan. I’m dying.”
I slid down to the floor, and sat beside him with my back against the wall. “Don’t say that.”
“It’s the truth.”
“‘Be here now,’” I said, quoting Ram Dass. “That was the quote at the rehab clinic that was right over each bedroom. “They told us to stop blaming ourselves for our yesterdays and to stop worrying about when we left the clinic. We were meant to just be there, in the moment. Be here now, Kellan. Right now, you’re here. You’re just as alive as Erika, Alyssa, and I am.”
“Yeah. But I’m going to be dead a lot sooner than all of you.”
“That’s debatable. I’m a pretty big screw-up.”
Kellan laughed, and lightly shoved me. Good. Laughing is good. We leaned back against the wall.
“‘Be here now,’” he murmured to himself.
“So when is Erika coming back?” I asked.
“She’s not. I told her to go for a while.”
“What?”
“I couldn’t keep putting her through this, Logan. Every time I coughed, she thought I was dying. She deserved a normal life.”
“Is that what you told her?”
He grimaced. “Not exactly.”
“What did you say?”
“I told her that I never wanted to marry her. I told her that we were over and I was sick of her nagging. I told her to leave and not come back.”
“You pushed her away by being mean.”
He nodded, sniffling. “It was the only way she’d go. I couldn’t keep breaking her heart.”
“Trust me, big brother, her heart is broken.” He frowned, knowing I was right. “Let’s just say that the roles were reversed. Let’s say Erika had the cancer, and you were the one taking care of her. How would you feel if she said those words to you?”
His hands rolled over his face nonstop. “I know. I know. I miss her already. But I don’t know how to fix it. I don’t know how to make it easier for her.”
“She didn’t sign up for easy, Kellan. She signed up for you. Through all of it, she signed up for you. Don’t worry, though. We’ll fix this.”
“When did you become so wise?”
I smirked. “When Alyssa gave me the same exact speech about how she signed up for me, which included all of the baggage that came along with me.”
He laughed. “I should’ve known you weren’t that wise.”
“Yeah, well, I’m working on it.”
We sat silent for a few minutes. “Uh, Logan?”
“Yeah?”
“What the hell happened to your face?”
I chuckled, and began to tell him about mom and my father. He reacted much better than I hoped, yet had the same thought as I did. “Well, at least she can’t get to any drugs while she’s in the hospital.”
Ah, my brother. My best friend.
***
Alyssa: You’re okay, Logan Francis Silverstone.
Me: I’m okay, Alyssa Marie Walters.
She texted me those words every few hours. When Kellan was ready, he and I went to the hospital to see Ma. She was in quite a bit of pain, because the doctors couldn’t give her much medicine due to her addictions. It was hard seeing her that way, but it wasn’t the worst I’ve ever seen her.
Kellan sat in a wheelchair, and I pushed it toward her bed. He took her hand into his and gave her a small smile as I stood back watching.
“I’m so sorry, baby,” she cried. He placed their hands against her face, and he shook his head. “I’m so sorry for messing up so much. I’ve screwed up everything.”
“Be here now, Ma,” he replied. “It’s okay.”
She bit her lip and looked down at her hospital gown, and all of the cords and bandages attached to her body. “I want to go to rehab,” she softly spoke.
Kellan and I nodded in agreement.
“Me too,” another voice said.
I turned to see Sadie. She had glassy eyes, and was fidgeting a little, but she gave me a smile.
“Okay,” I said.
She nodded. “Okay. I don’t know how I’m going to do it. Have this baby on my own. I don’t have anyone.”
I nudged her. “It’s fine. That kid, he’s going to be my brother. And where I come from, you do anything for your brother. I’ll help you. You have family now, Sadie. You don’t have to figure it all out on your own anymore. Promise.”
Chapter Forty-Six
Alyssa
Two weeks passed since the incident with Logan’s parents. Julie entered rehab, and had been there for days, struggling, but fighting for her life. Sadie was getting clean too, finding her footing.
Everything was getting back to normal. Except for the fact that Erika was still staying with our mom, which was far from normal. It was actually a bit terrifying. On Saturday afternoon, I headed over to Mom’s house, with a box in my hands, and pounded on the front door.
When it opened, Erika cocked an eyebrow. “Hey, Aly. What’s up?”
“Um, what’s up is the fact that you’re staying with Mom? You know what, never mind. Go get your things. It’s time to go.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Remember yo
ur life? Your fiancé? Yeah. It’s time for you to go home. Kellan—”
“Doesn’t want me. He doesn’t want me there, Alyssa.”
“He needs you.”
Mom appeared in the doorway, her eyes narrowed. “What are you talking about? Erika finally has come to her senses. She’s getting her life back before she made a huge mistake. I’m so proud of her for realizing this.”
“Mom, can you do something for me?” I asked.
“What?”
“Just mind your own damn business. Just for once in your life, mind your business.”
She huffed, but before she could reply, I yanked Erika out of the house and closed the door behind her. Erika frowned. “Listen, Alyssa. I tried with Kellan. I really tried. But he made it loud and clear that he didn’t want me there, so I’m not.”
“Come home, Erika. Right now.”
“No.”
“Fine.” I opened my box and arched an eyebrow. “But I tried to warn you.”
Her eyes widened when she saw her plate collection in the box. “What are you doing, Alyssa?” I started tipping the box over, and she jumped as they all crashed to the ground. “Oh my gosh!”
“Logan! Come here.” I called him over, and he hopped out of the car with a box in his hands. “Tell Erika to come home.”
Erika was shaking, biting her bottom lip. Logan walked over to her, stared her in the eyes, and smiled. “You’re my sister.”
“Stop. I’m not.”
“You scream at me. You hate my guts. You treat me like shit. You call me stupid. You’re my sister, Erika. And screw Kellan right now. Right now I need you to come home. I can’t help him without you.”
“I can’t,” she said. “I can’t do this.”
Logan nodded, opening the box with Erika’s favorite glassware. “Come home.”
“I am home.”
“Okay.” He started tipping the box over, and she cringed.
“No, Logan! I just bought—” Crash! Glass pieces went scattering across the ground. “Oh my God! What is wrong with you two?!”
“We want you to come home, that’s all,” I explained.
“I can’t keep doing this. I can’t do dysfunctional anymore.”
I gestured toward the windows to the house, where Mom watched our every move, pounding on the glass, yelling for Erika to go back inside. “And you think that’s normal?”
“Go away, you two. Please. Kellan doesn’t need me.”
“Yes I do.” We all turned to see Kellan walking toward us with a box of his own. He stood at the edge of the driveway, and locked eyes with Erika. “I miss you. I want you. I need you, Erika.” He dumped all of the items in his box to the ground, and released the box.
“Come home.”
Erika laughed, and then we all started laughing with her. Mom opened the front door, came rushing out, and ordered Erika to come back inside, but she refused to listen.
We all walked back to the cars, leaving our pain in the broken pieces of glass on the ground, and starting over again—together. Kellan rode home with Erika in her car, and Logan drove mine.
“Hey, I was thinking… Want to have some crazy, wild sexual escapades before the event at Jacob’s restaurant tonight?”
I shrugged, unamused. “I guess. Or, we can watch the new documentary on Michael Jackson that I bought yesterday and eat leftover pizza and raspberry Oreos.”
His eyes widened. “Oh my God. I love it when you talk filthy to me.”
He kissed me, and I knew that our forever was beginning that very minute.
***
“Okay, so here’s the plan. I go to Jacob’s restaurant and help set up all the final details. You go to Kellan and Erika’s place, pick them up, and talk them into coming out for drinks, which Kellan will agree to, Erika will refuse going out, and then somehow still end up coming because she loves Kellan and will do anything to make him happy,” Logan explained, standing up to leave after we watched the documentary.
“Right.”
“God. I’m nervous and the party isn’t even for me,” he grinned. I gave him a kiss as he hurried out of the house.
“Are you sure you don’t want a ride to Jacob’s?”
“No, I’m fine. It’s nice out. I’ll see you soon!”
After he left, I headed straight over to my sister’s place, where she did exactly as Logan thought she would, refused to come.
“I just don’t think it’s a good idea to go out for drinks, Alyssa. We’re both pretty tired,” Erika frowned. “Maybe next week.”
“Ah, come on! It will be fun! Plus, Logan’s working tonight at Jacob’s so we can annoy him by ordering food and sending it back nonstop. It will be so epic!”
Kellan smiled. “That does sound kind of fun. And I miss fun.”
Erika narrowed her eyes. “You want to go?”
He nodded rapidly.
“Seriously? You’re not tired?”
He shook his head rapidly.
She sat in deep thought for a moment as Kellan and I gave her the biggest puppy dog eyes she’d ever seen. When she finally gave in, we both cheered with excitement.
“One appetizer and one drink! Water for this dude,” she smiled, nodding toward Kellan.
“Just so you know, I’m going to sip my water really, really slow.”
When we arrived at Jacob’s restaurant, Erika frowned. “Why is there a closed sign on the door? It’s six in the evening.”
“I don’t know, that’s weird.” I grabbed the handle and turned, opening the door. “It’s unlocked. Come on, let’s see if Jacob is here.”
The moment we stepped inside, Erika gasped as she saw all of the wedding decorations. The place was packed solid with all of their friends, shouting, “Surprise!”
“What’s going on?” Erika asked, her eyes shooting back and forth.
Jacob came over, wrapping his arm around Kellan. “I’ll take care of this guy, and Alyssa, you help your sister out. The ladies room is free for you both.”
“For what?” Erika asked, still flustered, but I grabbed her arm and pulled her along with me. When we stepped into the bathroom, her hands covered her mouth. “Why is my wedding dress here, Aly?”
I smiled, almost feeling her overwhelmed energy. “I thought you knew? You’re getting married today.”
“What?”
“I said, you’re getting married today.” Her eyes started to water, and I shook my head. “Oh no. No crying. The make-up artist is going to be here in a few minutes. And we have to get you ready.”
“You mean… That wedding out there… Those decorations, those people. That’s my wedding?”
I nodded.
She huffed, placing her hands on her hips in disbelief. “You did this for me?”
“It was Logan’s idea.” She bit her bottom lip and started shivering. “Aw, honey. Don’t cry.”
“I’m not,” she sobbed, covering her face with her hands. “That was just a really, really nice thing for him to do.”
We hurried to get her ready, placing her into her beautiful white wedding gown, pinning her hair up into a delicate bun, and we laughed and laughed while drinking champagne. “Are you ready, sis?” I asked, standing behind her in my maid of honor dress.
“Yes. I just wish Mom was…”
I frowned. “I know.”
“But, it doesn’t matter. Tonight is about Kellan and me. Tonight is ours.”
When we walked out to the restaurant, Jacob was standing onstage with a microphone in his hand, ready to officiate the ceremony. To his left was Kellan in a suit and tie, and beside Kellan was Logan. My eyes danced across his face, taking in all of him. His smile was wide and spread to his eyes. His beautiful locks of hair were missing, though. All of his hair was gone, freshly shaved to match his brother. Not only did Erika tear up, but water fell from my eyes.
I loved him.
For always. For always. For always.
“You stay here,” I said to my sister. “Don’t move until you hear m
e playing, then go meet your soon to be husband.”
Erika was still in a beautiful shock, but she nodded. I headed over to the piano and began to play as I watched my sister walk down the aisle toward the love of her life. Tears fell down her cheeks, and tears fell down mine.
They deserved this moment. They deserved it more than anyone in the world. Jacob read his script, and the two lovers exchanged their vows, promising each other the hard days and the calm days. The painful heartbreaks, and the beautiful heartbeats. The forever and always. When they kissed, everyone in the room felt the love they shared.
Then, they were rushed out of the room, laughing and crying, and loving. Logan grabbed the microphone from Jacob, and waited a few more minutes before I gave him the sign that Erika and Kellan were ready for their grand entry. His lips parted, and he smiled as he spoke. “Ladies and gents, it is my pleasure to introduce to you for the first time ever, Mr. and Mrs. Kellan Evans!” He gestured over to Erika on the left side of the room, and then gestured toward Kellan on the right, and they walked out, meeting one another in the middle of the dance floor. “Before we dive into a night of fun, I figured I’d give my best man speech now. So, wherever you are, grab a drink, and listen up.”
He gave a tight smile, and I saw the tears form in his eyes that he tried his best to blink away. “My brother Kellan is a superhero. He might not save cities, he might not wear a cape, but he changes lives. He’s always lived each day as if it was filled with magic. He smiles even when it hurts. He believes in love, and life, and happy endings. He believes in family. I mean, he believed in me, when I probably didn’t deserve it. He and I grew up different. When he believed in happiness, I was stuck in tragedies, but he still loved me. He loved me through my struggles, through my internal fires, through my pain. He loved me unconditionally. With no limits to that love. And because of that love, I knew I’d never be alone.
“He and Erika love in the same way. Erika loves my brother to her core. She’d go through hell and back to keep him smiling, even when it hurts. She’s caring, she’s smart, she’s gentle. She welcomed me into her home, even though I left messes in every room, because she loved him. She loved him for all that he was, and all of the heavy baggage that came with him—including me. She loved him before cancer, she loved him during cancer, and I swear to God, she’ll love him after cancer. Because her love is unconditional.