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“It all sounds good. ”
“Mia, I need to tell you this again, it’s not too late to back out of this. Once money is exchanged and plans are made, it’s a done deal. But you still have that freedom to walk away and be completely anonymous. I mean, this is not an easy thing to ask of yourself. You’ve never had sex before and planning to do it with a complete stranger—”
“Heath—”
“I mean, I did make sure to put into the language of the auction that you might require a ‘get to know you’ period. Maybe a few dates first so it’s not just so—sudden?”
I shook my head, trying to suppress a rising mound of frustration. We’d been over this before—several times. “I already told you I’d rather not know him. I just want to get it over with as quickly as possible. It’s not a romantic act for me—just a bit of skin. I have no emotional attachment to it. It’s high time I lost it. This way, I can move on with my life with a nice fat bank account. ”
There was a long silence on the other end of the line. I sat up and squeezed my eyes shut and thought of my mom. She’d need another melanoma therapy vaccination soon and those came dear, especially with no medical insurance. She’d probably refuse to get it and choose to pay the mortgage instead. Anger at our helplessness burned at the edge of my awareness. “I told you I’m not backing out. ”
“Okay. I just felt obligated to say it again. ”
“And again. And again. ”
“Right. Now I’m going to ask you another question that will annoy you. ”
I braced myself but didn’t say anything.
“What do you think your shrink would say about this?”
I arched an eyebrow. “I haven’t seen Dr. Marbrow for years. ” I couldn’t afford her anymore, either. “She released me to my own recognizance. Declared me all healed. ”
“Riiight. ”
“You think I’m crazy?”
He sighed. “I think that the shit you were dealing with takes a long time to get over. ”
I swallowed. Six years wasn’t long enough? If not, then how much would it take? A decade? Fifteen years?
“I’m a tough woman,” I breathed.
“Hell yeah, you are. I’m just saying—”
“Okay, that’s all the preach you get today. No more. Talk to you at the end of the week. I gotta start getting ready for work. ”
“Are you logging in tonight?” he asked.
“It’s our regular game night. You know I’m always there. ”
“Any word from Fallen?” Heath referred to a regular member of our group by his game name—FallenOne—as we all did, since he’d never given us his real name. We’d all been gaming together for over a year, along with another good friend from Canada, and Fallen hadn’t been making our regular group nights for nearly two months.
“I’m not sure what’s going on in his personal life right now. ”
“He hasn’t told you? You two talk about everything. ”
“Not anymore,” I said with a twinge of regret. I knew that Fallen read my blog. He’d vehemently opposed the Manifesto. We’d been up half the night in game text chat arguing about it. Was he upset with me because of the auction? The thought of losing friends over this thing didn’t please me, so I hoped this wasn’t the case.
After we ended our call, I hopped out of bed and into the shower, then pulled on my scrubs and headed to the hospital. And I tried to keep my mind on what I was doing and not the issues that Heath had dug up—nor the end results of the auction. With any luck, things would be all taken care of before I had to retake the MCAT. I could only hope, anyway.
Chapter Two
I passed through the next week like an automaton, going through the motions at work, on my blog, getting various things done. I felt poised on the brink of something—something big. But I wouldn’t let myself entertain that idea. This had to be smaller than me. This had to be an insignificant moment in my overall timeline. Soon it would be over and I’d move on with the rest of my life.
But I couldn’t help wondering what person I would end up with. If I was lucky, I’d find him attractive, at least. Maybe he’d be good, gentle. He didn’t have to be amazing as I was hardly in a position to judge, given my lack of experience.
Ideas like these flickered through my mind and a couple times I caught myself fantasizing about this mystery guy and jumping every time the phone rang as I waited to hear back from Heath. Thus, when the phone finally did ring, it was no surprise that I was, again, in bed—this time for a quick nap after an overnight shift working in the ER.