The lady who had called was now in the throes of a wrenching cry. Maybe he was talking about, but between a sob and the other did not distinguish any words. "It was him," Roberto finally caught.
" He who? "he asked impatiently, already feeling the anger that was inside him and that, as soon as he learned the name of that expected, could make him commit any act.
The woman was still crying and continued a long time before finding the strength to speak. "God forgive me," he said. "To me that is the devil!"
For a moment Robert was visibly shaken and felt the guts shriveled. Then he found the reason and tried to hold back the fury that threatened to explode but against that Harty had chosen the wrong day. "I do not seem the case," he said, with a calmness that surprised even himself. "At a time like this, it does not seem appropriate to make jokes."
While hang up, he heard screams come from the new receiver, but did not care. She sank against the chair and let the heart beat returned to a normal mode and that the circulation riportasse color to his face ashen.
***
That afternoon, shortly after two, Roberto and Mattia Cristina brought to visit the body of Simon. Toward noon he had tried to force both to eat something, but to no avail. Not if you had taken more time and had left them to their rooms, where, as predicted, had already spent the whole morning to reflect and mourn in silence.
But around one and a half, after answering a couple of calls from relatives of Simon, had joined her children in their rooms and had invited them to prepare for reaching the hospital. His tone was that of the previous evening, calm and at the same time authoritative.
Matthias had reacted happily to the news. "Yes, we're going to Mama," he said. "I really want to see it again." Roberto hug him and kissed him on the forehead, wondering how he would change the mood of the child when he would be in front of the coffin.
Cristina, however, had tried to put up a feeble resistance. "Do we really have, Dad?"
"It's the least we can do. It's your mom. It's the last time you see it. I'd say he deserves it. "
"I do not say that," he replied with a grin. "You do not know if I can ... to resist. I'm not used. I do not want to risk ... "
"I'm not asking to stay all afternoon to fix it" had interrupted Roberto, sitting beside her, one arm resting them on his shoulders. "Just look, say hello, a thought. Because if you do it now, you can not do it anymore. And one day you may feel a great remorse. Be patient, made efforts for a moment and then you'll feel better. "
"But I already know that as a desperate cry," she cried, beginning to cry ever since. "I ... I ... "
"Be quiet," he told Roberto embraced. He had heard that Christina's tears moistened the shirt at the shoulder. He thanked heaven that day that his morale was slightly more positive, perhaps because he realized that the task to be near his children at a time so hard not to admit weaknesses and distractions. He had to be careful or he would have lost. He later had time to fully enjoy the pain of a widower.
So they arrived at the hospital. As they followed the directions to the mortuary, Matthias walked in front of his father and sister, looking right and left in search of the right corridor. Roberto could not interpret his haste and hoped that it meant nothing negative psychological.
Finally they reached the room where the agency Cabrini had already prepared the funeral. It was a narrow space, made even uglier by the awareness of the use to which it was used. The walls had they been white once, but now they were dirty, full of blacks and signs of water stains on the corners. From the ceiling came the dim light of two neon lamps. There were no windows and that one source of artificial light that gave the place a uncomfortably unnatural.
Behind a Wall, to the left of the entrance door, there was a coffin lying on a trolley. Inside, lying on a velvet jacket, rested for eternity an elderly gentleman, hands clasped on his stomach to make a rosary. Upon entering, Mattia threw a curious glance. When Robert joined him and realized he was staring at the corpse, took it back. "Do not look well," he whispered. "It is not good." And Matthias listened, diverting his attention by Mr. Renzo Ten - the name that was resting next to the picture inside the coffin - to turn it toward the opposite side of the room.
Simon was wearing his dress, a gray suit with a white silk blouse. Lying in his coffin of dark wood, with the clean face on which there was only a few scratches to remember his tragic death, he conveyed a sense of eternal peace. His hands clutched a braided necklace with a small crucifix. Next to the chest, leaning against the wall, the cover was that the day after he sealed forever. There hung the photograph that Robert had brought that morning to Mr. Cabrini. Just below, the dramatic writing
Simona Sacchi
30/01/1965 N - M 30/05/2006
"Here," announced Bob, with a faint voice.
Matthew walked slowly, his arms stiff at his sides. "Mom," she murmured in a strangled voice.
He reached the side of the coffin. With her head barely came to surpass the edge and almost saw only the face of Simon. He stood for a moment, his back against his father, observing the body of the deceased person who was most beloved even in his short life. Then he turned to Robert. "How beautiful," he remarked, with his eyes watering with rain.
"Yes," said Roberto, crying in turn. His face was a devastated battlefield. "It's beautiful."
It led to his son and took him in her arms. She held it up and allowed him to watch from his mother, to see what remained of Simona who had grown up with so much love and would give his soul just to watch it grow. That woman, who had moved up to rejoice after hearing him utter the first word and would continue to react the same way at every milestone of her small child, just as it did with Christina, she was gone. The body lying in the pile was not an empty shell, a memory of something much bigger that maybe he was watching from above, from the realm where the souls of the wonderful people like you would spend eternity.
Only a few minutes later Roberto saw that Cristina was lacking. He turned and saw her outside the room. They stared with bloodshot eyes, the expression of those destroyed was fighting an inner war against itself. His eyes spoke to her and begged Robert to spare her the torment of having the opportunity to remember Simon for what was to be alive and not for what was left.
"Come, darling," her father called her. While Matthias was watching and hoping with all my heart that they would reach. He needs them to catch up, in order to feel the embrace of his family together, his new family. "Take heart, come. Just a minute. "
And Cristina gave up, knowing that there was no way to escape all'incombenza. Took the first steps towards the back of the room, without looking to his left, where lay Mr. Ten. He kept his eyes on the ground and repeated that it would be nothing impossible, that was enough to think that his mother was asleep, he had to dismiss the idea that it was actually dead.
As a living nightmare from which he could not wake up, joined his father and brother. "There you are," she heard a voice that seemed very far away, from another life. "There you are, darling. You'll see that she will appreciate it. "
Cristina looked up and saw Simon.
At first did not react in any way, as if his attention had not yet focused. Then, while the little voice that he had recommended to think that Simon was sleeping seemed to be plunged into a chasm of his conscience, he felt came a feeling that exceeded that of an infinite number of times until that day had called pain. Perceived it as something material, a fluid that took hold of her, a herd of horses galloped furiously from his heart and reached every inch of her body, a lethal shock to her nervous system was crazy.
It exploded before the tears, trying to lift it from the intolerable burden, reminded those negative thoughts had turned to his mother in those last days. Simon had tried to forbid her to see Daniel, had described him as a sex offender despite having just met you and Cristina was filled with hate and negativity towards her. She, who had left just before things would settle down and have the opportunity to ask forgiv
eness from each other, to repeat that in the end is always good and always wished he would have wanted. It was probably the purpose of the conversation that Simon had planned with his last text message, the previous morning.
"I can not do," he said with difficulty, feeling heavy eyes and head turning. Then, under the astonished eyes of Roberto and Mattia, fainted.
***
That evening, more people attended the rosary. The echo of the tragic news was transmitted from mouth to mouth in the country, while a couple of newspaper articles and posters funeral had done the rest. Roberto and Cristina were held long before the church after the end of the meeting: an infinite number of distant relatives, friends and acquaintances were literally queuing up to offer their condolences, leave a thought, to show their closeness.
Cristina was moved at seeing all his former classmates from high school and even a couple of guys. The friends had formed a circle including herself, as a chain with which to transmit their force, and had listened, letting sfogasse his pain, trying to give her advice and promising maximum availability in case she needs company.
Robert was grateful to all those who dedicated a thought, a prayer, a hug. It was like being lifted from the abyss into which he had sunk, how to be recovered by imposing arms generated by love of the people. It was a painful moment in a way unthinkable, however, noted with deep satisfaction that Simon had left its mark. He lived intensely, had created deep bonds and deserved that participation.
Only Matthias found himself isolated in his grief. He moved silently from her father to her grandmother Gisella, she agreed to speak to a group of elderly ladies, bewildered. He was catapulted into a new situation in spite of himself, terrible, that a child should never have to experience. He did not know what to do, what to say. Watched the people who participated with their grief, weeping as if she were to die them, his mother, and did not understand what they wanted. Only wanted to go home with his father and sister and live with them the pain, in the privacy of their home, because that was a private matter.
Nonna Gisella, at one point, she turned to him and had shaggy hair, still talking with the other ladies. "Poor soul," he commented, while his old friend, Matthias looked with sad expression and shook his head, his hands folded in her lap at the height of an attitude of deep sorrow and contrition. He straightened his hair and said she and the other with a dark look, frowning. "Let's go home now," said Gisella.
"No, waiting for Daddy," he said.
"Yes, dear, all right," agreed her grandmother.
"But yes, Gisella, so now," said the old lady. "Let me stay here, now will be confused, in need of his father, poor man." And began to speak, ignoring Matthias, who moved back with her father.
***
"Tomorrow will be a terrible day. The worst, perhaps, I hope that after things get better, but ... Tomorrow will be tough. "
Roberto had briefly rallied the children that evening, before letting them go to sleep. He was tired beyond belief and yet doubt of being able to sleep easily, unless you still use a few drops of calming. "Take a good rest, and brace yourself. La. .. Mom is close to us. " The tears turned the last sentence in a falsetto that grew up to break his tone of voice.
"I love you, Dad" Matthew assured him, running up to him and hugging him. Roberto embraced him, appoggiandogli hand on my head and stroking. With the other he motioned to Cristina, stood on the sidelines, to join him. When she approached, put his arm around her shoulders and she let herself go against his chest, exploding in a new outburst of tears.
"It's too hard, Daddy," she sobbed. "It's too unfair."
"I know, darling, I know," Robert tried to calm her. "But it happened to us and ..." He could not go beyond them, his eyes fell on a photograph of their entire family, taken at Lake Garda a few years earlier, and the longing and the pain and took the strength to speak.
"I love you too," added Cristina, echoing the words of his brother. She pulled away from his father, wiping his eyes and trying to find some 'self-control.
"Go to sleep now," Robert invited them. "And if something is wrong, call me."
Cristina turned and reached the stairs, while Matthias clung to her father. But she could not resist as well, did not want to watch that scene for a second longer. Dad was destroyed, as was aged ten years: the beard, the deep eye sockets, his face furrowed with wrinkles that seemed new, excavated from the pain. He wondered how long he had to pass before you can review the Roberto ever and especially if that day would never come. And sorry for Matthias, who was only eight years and had to bear that accident from which even she, who was an adult, was in danger of being crushed and marked for the rest of his days. But his brother was demonstrating an astonishing maturity.
Before wearing the pajamas and bedtime, Cristina reached the bathroom. He closed the door, a habit which he could do without, because at home they were all very discreet. He lowered his jeans and took off her panties, looking at them looking for spots of blood. Nothing. There was nothing to worry about at the time, was only a delay of three or four days and had already happened before. Actually, the profound shock of which he was the victim surely would have prolonged the delay or could even blew her period for that month. He had read that it was possible.
However, he would have preferred to find things in the right place. It was thought unnecessary add-in after what had happened. He was always careful with Daniel, he wanted to do it without a condom and she gave it to him, provided that at the last moment to come out. He knew that tiny secretions could still precede the final ejaculation, but would serve a huge bad luck because those little droplets appeared sufficient to become pregnant. And then, could remember the days at risk had not had sex.
Peed and dressed again, not entirely convinced, with the cursed seed of doubt remained on alert in the back of his mind. All we need is this thought. And then he reflected that if she really was pregnant, would not be much of a problem communicating with the relatives - her grandmother Gisella maybe I did not have premarital sex ever conceived - as having to deal with itself and with the speech that the mother had done before Their last fight.
"I pee" warned the Mattia from behind the door, and that was enough to dissuade her from her thoughts.
***
"Love? Wake up. "Robert sat on the edge of the bed of Matthias and caressed him tenderly to make it less traumatic awakening. It was only seven, but the morning was very busy and had to prepare as soon as possible. Also, and above all, psychologically.
"Dad," said the boy, opening his eyes with difficulty and devoting a great smile. "Dad! I dreamed my mother! "Her voice was crystal clear, even though it had just emerged from a deep sleep, and expressed a sincere joy that was another stab of pain for Roberto.
"Well, I'm glad it's come to see you. I told you that there will always be near. "
"It was a kind of forest and seemed so glad to see me. Although I was happy, I wanted to hug her but I could not go because it was just a dream. "A shadow of sadness clouded her little face. "But you told me many things, although I know that I do not remember them all. He said he loved me, who loved everyone and that we must do good and do not get angry. "
Robert nodded and began to cry silently. He tried to smile so as not to suffer Matthias, but it was hard as a rock move.
"He said also to be careful not to go the way he did her good to look around. To me it meant that I have to look twice before crossing the road, the car because I do not have one yet. "
"Yes, definitely wanted to say that," confirmed Robert, struck by the story of the child. They could also be re-workings of what he had seen and heard during those terrible days, but that last recommendation Simona appeared as a real warning, a message with which his soul would warn them against something or someone. But it was easy to indulge in thoughts like that in the state of mind where he was, so he decided not to give excessive weight to the thing.
"And finally I remember it was you come near me and take me in his arms, as he did when I was crying. He shook
strong and gave me many basins. "He paused, his eyes staring at the enchanted aspect of the sheets, as if lost in the recollection of the dream. "Dad, guess what, he said, raising his head to Roberto.
"What?" He humored him, while a strange feeling, like a deja-vu , he took possession of him.
"To me it seemed just like a dream. It was as if my mother was really there, I could hear his voice when he spoke, and your hands warm when I took her up. Even tickled that I did when my hair touched his cheek. "
Robert sighed and pulled him, clutched him to her breast. "You know what I think? You're right. Sometimes ... sometimes dreams are just dreams, but as they become ... a passage, a door. Like television. And people who are gone, you can not stay here with us, because Jesus has willed in heaven, when they want to speak to do so just come in our dreams. So it is as if they were still here. "She wanted to believe those words, and partly succeeded, but he realized how rationality does not concede him the way.
"Then I see my mother every night?" Matthias asked, letting go the first tears of that terrible day. "So I will not miss."
"It's not so easy, love. Unfortunately ... Unfortunately we have taken away and we farcene a reason, but ... "She pushed him away from him, held him firmly by the shoulders and stared at him. "Look me in the eye. I'm sure, a hundred percent sure, that the mother will find you and Cristina, and whenever I can. Especially on days where you miss the most, where you feel most alone. You'll see. Because I wanted too well, he loved us all and would never want to see us suffer. "He hoped that Matthias did not take his words as absolute truth, because that would have caused a strong yet another disappointment and suffering. But by the time they had had the effect to calm him smiling.
"Now dressed, while I'm Cristina," he said, then got out of bed and started to leave the room. The feeling of a moment before had taken shape. It was the story of Matthias to provoke it, because he remembered having dreamed Roberto Cristina too. There was nothing left in the memory, no place, no color, no sound and no word, if not the detail that the protagonist of the dream was really his wife.