“I seem to recall beating your butt a time or two.”
“Well yeah, but that’s different, it was for my own good.”
“You didn’t think so at the time.”
“No. But I’m older now.”
“It’s still an unnecessary risk. Your life won’t end if you don’t take it.”
“But then I’ll always wonder if I should have, and that would be worse than getting hurt. At least then I’d know for sure.” Matthew nods.
“It’s always better to know, even if you don’t like the answer. You have to trust yourself Lucas. Trust the rope… that it won’t break… get a good grip…”
“Lucas?” Victoria gently touches his shoulder. The way his hands are twitching, concerns her. “Lucas.” Putting a knee on the couch, she’s leaning over him, ready to give him a good shake when his eyes open, boring into hers. She doesn’t know what she’s seeing but it’s not pain…
“What?” Using an arm, he pulls her into his lap.
“Lucas! What are you doing?”
“Shut up for a minute okay? Just give me a minute.” She fits perfectly in his lap, in his arms. Tucking her in closer, he rests his head on top of hers, breathing her in.
He knows what his dream is telling him. He needs to decide if he’s willing to risk, risk her rejecting him. To trust that the bond they forged all those cycles ago is still there and will hold. He knows he’s hurt her, but he could fix that, couldn’t he? He just needs to tell her the truth, the whole truth.
Oh God, she’s in his arms. Closing her eyes, she breathes in his scent, this is Lucas, her life mate. She hadn’t been wrong all those cycles ago. This is the man for her. How is she going to survive this? Survive not only losing him but have him hate her. Feeling tears start to well up, she knows she has to move. If he sees her cry, he’ll think she’s incompetent then she can’t help him.
“Let me up.”
“In a minute.”
“No, now.” Her tone has him loosening his arms. She quickly stands, going to the tray to pick up his plate.
“Forc or spoon?” The eyes she raises to his are blank and expressionless. God how had he hurt her now? “Major…”
“Forc and its Lucas!”
“You’re not going to be able to hold it like you’re used to, not yet. Think of this as a training mission. Don’t force anything.” She ignores his last comment.
“Shut up and let me figure it out!” His frustration is getting the better of him, fuck! He watches her walk away. Looking back to his plate, he tries to pick up some food. He can’t get a good grip on the forc and it slips out of his hand. It takes him three tries to pick it up. This time, he wedges it between two fingers like a seesaw, using his thumb he braces it to slide under the vegetables on his plate. Half of it makes it to his mouth. He goes back for more.
Watching, Victoria senses his building frustration but he doesn’t quit. That’s Lucas, once he’s decided on something, that’s it. Just like he decided she wasn’t going to be part of his life. How her heart hurts at the thought, but that was it, especially now, after the treatments. He might tolerate her, but he'll never love her. She’ll learn to live with it, eventually. When he finally leans back, she steps up.
“Do you want help finishing?”
“No.” His eyes burn into hers.
“Okay. How does your hand feel? The truth.”
“It’s sore.” Pulling on gloves, she carefully unwraps one arm.
“Cramping?”
“No.” Lifting his hand, she pokes the spot where the forc had been resting.
“Fuck! Stop that!” He whips his hand away.
“You need a treatment to relax that tendon.” She calmly meets his eyes.
“Fuck that!”
“If it tears, you’re back to the beginning.” She sees the anger in his eyes, anger directed at her. “Your choice.”
How could she ask that of him! Didn’t she know how much those treatments fucking hurt?!! Did she enjoy hurting him! Through his anger, he hears his Granddad’s voice. I beat your butt a few times for his own good, to help him. Closing his eyes, he takes a deep breath, just as Victoria is doing. Helping him, he knew that, he knew it. She knew exactly what the treatments were doing to him and it hurt her just as much as him, but she didn’t let it stop her because it was helping him.
“Treatment.” Opening his eyes, he looks at her. “I’m sorry.”
“Nothing to be sorry for, Major.” Her tone is brisk, her eyes shuttered. “I’ll get the sink ready.”
Standing in the doorway, he watches her prepare the treatment. She’s precise, efficient, knowing exactly what needs to be done. Picking up the syringe, she walks over to him.
“How much longer am I going to be taking this stuff?”
“Depends.” Giving him the shot, she turns away.
“That’s not an answer.”
“It’s the only one I can give you. It depends on how many more treatments you need. Once you no longer need treatments, your meds will be lowered considerably. You’ll still need some for rehab and strength training, but that shouldn’t be much.”
“When?”
“When you stop treatments. That’s the only answer I can give you because that’s all I know. Sit.”
Turning she picks up his unwrapped hand to start the treatment. Hissing, Lucas has to stop himself from swearing at her.
“Swearing helps.” Lucas ignores her.
“Why does it hurt so much?” He asks through gritted teeth.
“What?” Momentarily distracted, she looks back at him.
“It feels like the first time.”
“You’ve started using your hand again.” She looks back to her task. “Stressing the tendons and muscles, they’ve tightened back up. Think about it like you haven’t exercised for a cycle, then you going running, when you stop, your muscles tighten up.”
“You knew this would happen,” he accuses.
“Yes.” She starts to work the most sensitive spot.
“Fuck Victoria!” This time he can’t hold it back.
She has to bite her tongue not to say she’s sorry. She’s not sorry. This will get him back. All the way back. She feels him lay his head against her back looking for comfort.
“Talk Major, talk to me. Tell me something I don’t know.”
“You know everything.”
“No I don’t. Tell me about your men. Are they really the best in the fleet?”
“Damn right they are.” The pride is easily heard in his voice.
“How’d they get that way?” As he tells her about his men, she continues her work. She originally been worried she’d let him do too much, that the tendons had tightened too far but they were relaxing, allowing her to finally manipulate them easily. Lifting his hand, she carefully dries it, seeing no new breaks in the skin. Wrapping each finger, she proceeds on to his hand and arm.
He’s been leaning against her the entire time, turning she finds his jaw clenched and the muscle under his eye twitching.
“Damn it! Have you learned nothing! There’s no reason for you to be in this much pain.” Reaching behind him, she grabs the second syringe giving him the shot.
“I wanted to see how much I could take. See if I’d scream like Hot Dog.”
“What?”
“He was screaming… on the comm.”
“Oh God…” She has to close her eyes.
“I needed to know.”
“You needed to know…” Her eyes are blazing when she opens them. “Fucking men! Everyone’s different. Every burn is different. It depends where it is, how deep it is, how long before treatment is started, and fuck it, the person’s will.” When she goes to step away, he puts out an arm, stopping her, knowing she won’t want to hurt him.
“Victoria. Look at me. Please.” Angry eyes meet his. He’ll take it over cool, impersonal politeness any day. “I needed to know if I would say the things Hot Dog said, about you, if that anger was in me. I don’t know what I?
??ve been saying in my sleep but I know it’s hurt you. I never meant to do that.”
“Of course you didn’t, Major. Believe it or not I do know the kind of man you are.” Victoria’s eyes flash before going flat again. “But everything you’ve said is also the truth, your truth. You have the right to say it. Now let me get the sink ready and we’ll finish the treatment.”
“Why do you insist on doing that?” Frustration tears through his voice.
“Preparing the sink? It stops infection.” She looks away.
“Not that, damn it. Calling me Major! You know my fucking name!”
“I’ve always felt the use someone’s first name should be reserved for family and friends.” Her eyes are shuttered when they meet his. “You’ve made it clear we are neither. I’m your doctor.”
Lucas is stunned, she can’t really believe that can she?
Carefully unwrapping his left hand, she puts it into the solution.
“You can’t really believe…” He hisses as she hits a tender spot.
“Tender there?”
“Yeah.” After a few minutes of her fingers working the spot, the tension eases. He relaxes again.
“Victoria…” He watches her frown.
“What?” she replies distracted.
“Why would you say that?”
“Say what?” The eyes that look over her shoulder at him are intense.
“That we aren’t family, not friends.”
“Because we’re not.” She looks back to his hand. “I need to concentrate here if you want back in a Blade.”
“You think that matters to me more than you?” Is that what she took from their ‘conversation’? Is that why she never came to talk to him? She thinks she doesn’t matter to him. He touches her thigh and feels her fingers momentarily pause.
“Victoria,” he whispers.
“How’s the pain?” She refuses to let him distract her.
“Not a bad as the other.” He realizes and frowns. “Why is that?”
“One, the shot, and two you didn’t use it as much. We’ll have to change that, but not today.” Lifting his hand, she inspects it. Satisfied, she gently dries and wraps it. When she goes to move away, he traps her.
“Answer the question,” he demands.
Victoria looks into the eyes she loves, seeing the demand and concern there. Is it concern? She doesn’t trust her instincts concerning him anymore.
Lucas sees nothing but flat green eyes.
“We are not family or friends, Major. Of course, you care. That’s the type of man you are. However, you also want to fly again, that’s why you’re tolerating the treatments and me. You’ve always been willing to do what’s necessary to reach your goal.”
“That’s…” Lucas finds he can’t breathe.
“The truth. And honest.” She meets his eyes straight on. “I’ll get you back in a Blade Major. I owe it to you and the High Admiral.”
“Owe…”
“For everything you’ve done and put up with for the last nine cycles.”
“You think we’ve been keeping fucking track!” Lucas isn’t sure if he’s more shocked or angry. “So one day you could pay us back! That’s not how families work!”
“But we’re not family! We’re strangers, right? I grew up.” This time when she moves, he doesn’t stop her.
What has he done? In his anger, in his half-truths, in protecting himself, he’s led her to believe he doesn’t care about her. That he never had. This is what his father had been trying to tell him. She called him High Admiral not Uncle. How that must have hurt his father, he knows he loves her like a daughter. For her to pull that, to feel that she had to… just how badly had he hurt her? Rising, he goes to find her but instead finds an empty room.
Chapter Five
Entering Emans, Victoria walks up to the bar. She doesn’t know why she’s here. She just knows she can’t go back to quarters.
“What can I get you?” the bartender asks.
“Carinian Ale.”
“Make it two.” Turning, she finds Dodge sliding onto the stool next to her.
“Lieutenant.”
“Chamberlain.” When the drinks arrive, he pays before she can.
“Thanks.”
“No problem. Or is there?” Dodge turns, not letting her break his gaze as he sips his drink.
“Why would there be a problem, Lieutenant?” Her eyes remain emotionless.
“Because you used to call me Dodge.”
“That was my mistake. That’s what your friends and colleagues call you.”
“And you’re not one of those?”
“I’m not a member of the crew, as for a friend...” She gives a small grimace. “That’s doubtful after what I did to Tanner.”
“You mean getting him back the use of his hands?”
“I mean all the pain I caused him.” She sips her drink. Dodge looks at her then decides to take a chance.
“I remember the first time I saw you.” Her stiffening tells him he has her attention. “You were standing in that meadow, surrounded by flames, scared out of your mind. I knew there was no way I could set that Raptor down. I knew I was going to watch you die, horribly. Then your Aunt was hanging upside down, outside the Raptor, reaching for you. The Admiral struggled to hold onto her.” He sees the memory in her eyes.
“The next thing I know, she swings you up and you’re in Lucas’ arms. From then on, you were never far from his side. He was never far from yours.”
“I was a child,” she says dismissively.
“You’re not now.” He hears the tightness in her voice.
“No, I’m not.”
“I’ll be honest…”
“Oh please, it seems to be on the menu lately.” The sharpness in her voice tells him he’s hit a nerve.
“Okay, I’m surprised you and Lucas haven’t gotten together yet. The man’s been in love with you from the start.” The flash of pain he sees in her eyes, before they go flat, shocks and surprises him.
“You obviously don’t know him as well as you think.” Finishing her drink, she goes to rise.
“Wait!” Dodge grips her arm, refusing to let go until she looks at him. “I’ve known the man since we were first cycle cadets.
“Over twenty cycles.” She slowly sits back down.
“Yeah, I was there when he came back to the Retribution after the Challenge. I’ve watched him wait for you grow up.” He holds up his hand ordering two more drinks.
“Look, I know you’re trying to help your friend.”
Dodge interrupts her. “I consider you my friend.”
“You don’t know me.”
After a moment, Dodge holds out his hand. “Hi, I’m Lieutenant Nick Alders. My friends call me Dodge.” He watches her struggle then come to a decision.
“Victoria Lynn Chamberlain, my friends call me Tori.” She slips her hand into his and smiles, the first natural smile she’s had in what seems a long, long time.
“Victoria?” Distracted, she turns to find Jager standing behind her.
“Jager?”
“Yeah, I came early to get a table. You can come over with me, now.” His eyes Dodge angrily.
“What? Oh, maybe later, thanks.” Not realizing she’s dismissing him, she turns back to Dodge.
“But…”
“She said maybe later.” Victoria frowns as the two men glare at each other before Jager backs down and storms away. “He calls you Victoria.”
“What?” She gives him a confused look before realizing where he’s going. “He’s the uncle of my students.”
“And your point?”
“He thinks he knows me.”
“You’ve had that happen to you a lot haven’t you?” Dodge watches as she just looks at him. “Because of who you are. What you did, standing before the Assembly, everyone saw that and because of it, they think they know you.”
“Sometimes.”
“Must make it hard to have real friends,” Dodge persists. r />
“Sometimes.”
“Do you ever complain?”
“Sometimes.” She smiles at him.
Across the room neither notice Jager’s glare.
Victoria looks at her watch.
“I need to go brace the Major’s hands for the night.”
“I’ll go with you.” Dodge stands with her. “He’s doing really well.”
“He is,” she agrees.
“What’s the difference?” Dodge can’t stop himself from asking.
“Between the Major and Tanner?”
“Yeah.”
“Timing.”
“What?” Dodge can’t contain his shock.
“It was over twelve hours before anyone even found Tanner, Dodge, then another twelve before they got him to Comates. Because of the delay, he developed an infection, which delayed the start of his treatments. He was there almost ten days before he had his first treatment. I have still never seen tendons that fucking contracted come back. Sorry.” She gives him a sheepish look.
“No.” He waves it off. “Go on.”
“You’re sure?” At his nod she continues. “With the Major, he was in medical in twenty minutes, being given fluids and boosters. He had no infection, just a mild concussion. He started treatments within forty-eight hours of the burns. Therefore, while his tendons weren’t as tight as Tanner’s, he had raw burns. It’s a tossup as to which is worse, having someone touch raw burns or tight tendons.”
“It makes that big of a difference? The time from the burn to treatment.”
“It’s huge for the length of the recovery process.”
“It would have helped Tanner?”
“Tremendously. It also would have helped if he’d been able to talk during the treatments. If you can get the patient to talk, it gets his mind off the pain.”
“Tanner couldn’t do that.”
“He was pretty young at the time, Dodge. You and the Major are members of the Coalition. You’ve been trained to handle pain and stress.”
“Tanner’s a cycle older than you Tori.”
“Dodge…”
“What?” He can tell she’s debating. “Tori...”
“Look, I haven’t been a child since I was two, and I stopped being young when I was nine. Your brother and I aren’t even close in age.”