She wondered what he was thinking about. He’d abruptly turned away. The storm probably had him nervous, she thought. His arrogance and his pride wouldn’t let him admit he was worried, however, and how like a man to let his ego rule his reactions, even in a crisis. Men were a confusing lot. She didn’t think the way most men thought things through was very complex. At least Lucas Ross didn’t seem overly complex to her. What you saw was what there was. He seemed . . . genuine. He was a little blunt with his honesty, and heavens, wasn’t that an endearing quality? She might not agree with some of his opinions . . . going off to the mountains and leaving his family to fend for themselves didn’t seem like a very brotherly thing to do, but she found she had to admire him because he’d been very open about his intentions.
Lucas didn’t seem the sort to have hidden motives. That possibility appealed to her more than anything else about him. There was also the fact that he wanted to become a mountain man. She couldn’t fault his goal. If she’d been a man without responsibilities, she would have done the same thing. She wondered if he’d read any of the stories about Daniel Boone or Davy Crockett.
It was a pity really. A man should be able to follow his dream. And so should a woman. Still, Lucas wasn’t going to be able to live in the mountains all alone, at least not for a long, long time . . . until the babies were old enough and able enough to take care of themselves.
She was going to Redemption. The decision sort of snuck up on her, she supposed. In her heart she knew it was the right thing. The secluded little town was perfect for her and the twins. If Victoria wanted to come with her, Taylor would welcome her.
There was only one wrinkle in her plan. It was galling to admit, but since it was the dead of night and she would probably sink to the bottom of the ocean before morning light, she supposed she could admit her vulnerability.
She needed Lucas Ross.
4
The course of true love never did run smooth.
—William Shakespeare, Midsummer Night’s Dream
He couldn’t wait to get away from her. The physical attraction he felt for her hadn’t diminished over the length of the voyage. During the night when the storm had seemed most threatening, he awakened on top of Taylor, nuzzling the side of her neck. He didn’t have any idea how he’d gotten there. He only knew he wanted her with an intensity he’d never experienced before. In his sleep, his defenses had been weakened, and surely that was why he instinctively reached for her to satisfy his hunger. Wanting her wasn’t just painful. It also scared the hell out of him. Thank God, he’d awakened when he did, before he’d stripped her of her gown and scared the hell out of her. Luckily, Taylor never had an inkling of her own danger. She was so exhausted, she slept through his unplanned attack. It was only when he became aware of what he was doing and summoned enough discipline to roll away from her that she woke up. Damned if she didn’t follow him across the bed. She brazenly cuddled up against him and went back to sleep. The woman was entirely too trusting for her own good. Still, he was her husband, even if it was in name only and for a short duration, and she really should feel safe with him. It was his duty to protect her, not ravish her.
Lucas spent the remainder of the journey crossing the ocean battling his lust. By the time they disembarked in Boston, he was feeling like an ogre and a lecher. Only his discipline kept him from acting like one. Taylor wanted him to continue to sleep in their stateroom every night, even after the storm had worn itself out. She hadn’t come right out and asked, of course. No, she danced around the issue for almost an hour, making what he decided was the most illogical argument he’d ever heard, and when she was finished explaining her position on the matter, her conclusion was that they should continue their companionable sleeping arrangement for his sake. She had the gall to add that she was actually doing him an enormous favor.
He translated her rambling dissertation to mean she was afraid to be alone but was too stubborn to admit it. The storm had obviously spooked her. She felt safe with him, and although that was a compliment of sorts, it was also damned ironic, he decided, because if she had any idea what he was constantly thinking about, she would be terrified of him.
The last night on board the Emerald was the most difficult. He waited until he was certain she had already gone to sleep, then came into the stateroom as quietly as possible. He’d been sleeping on his bedroll on the floor. It wasn’t uncomfortable. Over the years of living outdoors, he’d learned to sleep anywhere. No, the hard floor wasn’t the problem. Taylor was. He found her sitting in a chair, wearing a white nightgown and wrapper and a pair of white slippers with ridiculous little satin bows on them. She was brushing her hair. And humming. It was hypnotic. Lucas stood there staring at her for a long minute. She smiled in greeting. He frowned in response. Then he turned around to leave. He wanted to run. He walked instead.
“Where are you going?” she called out. She hurriedly put her brush down on the trunk next to her chair and stood up.
He didn’t turn around when he answered her. “Up on deck.”
“Please don’t leave. I need to talk to you.”
He reached for the doorknob. “Go to sleep, Taylor. We’ll talk tomorrow.”
“But I wish to talk to you now.”
He gritted his teeth in frustration. There didn’t seem to be any way out of the torture. He was going to have to look at her again, see her in that paper-thin robe and gown and pretend he wasn’t at all affected.
He was already beginning to imagine what was underneath. “Hell.”
“I beg your pardon?”
Lucas turned around. He folded his arms across his chest and leaned back against the door. Then he let out a loud sigh. It was forceful enough to rock the ship.
“What do you want to talk about?”
“Us,” she blurted out.
He raised an eyebrow. She forced a smile. She was desperately trying not to be intimidated by his gruff manner. She didn’t want to argue with him. In truth, she hated confrontations of any kind. She was and always had been a peacemaker. She used to tell Madam she wished everyone would get along. Her grandmother informed her the wish was unattainable. Now that Taylor was an adult, she set more attainable goals, and right now all she wanted was for Lucas to get along with her.
“Have I done or said something to upset you?” she asked.
“No.”
She tried to act composed. She certainly didn’t want him to think the topic distressed her. “You’re certain?”
“I’m certain.”
She didn’t believe him. “You’ve spent most of the voyage avoiding me. We haven’t had a single conversation that lasted more than five minutes, and I cannot help but wonder if I said something . . .”
He cut her off in midsentence. “It’s late, Taylor. Go to sleep. Tomorrow we’ll . . .”
She interrupted him. “We leave the ship tomorrow. We have to discuss our plans before then. I don’t wish to talk about such a private matter in front of strangers.”
She was wringing her hands together in obvious agitation. Her face was getting flushed, too. Lucas felt guilty as hell because he knew he was the cause of her distress. She was right, of course. He had been avoiding her. He had done everything possible to distance himself from her. He wasn’t about to explain why. The truth would only make her more uncomfortable around him.
He was being noble, a first in his estimation, and she was never going to know about it. Lucas pulled away from the door, crossed the stateroom, and sat down in the chair Taylor had only just vacated. He stretched his long legs out, leaned back, and stared at her.
Taylor went over to the side of the bed, sat down, and folded her hands in her lap. She never took her gaze off him. She was determined to get some answers, even if it took her all night. She believed she was being quite noble, a first in her opinion, for she was determined to confront Lucas Ross, even if a full-blown argument resulted. She was getting sick to her stomach just thinking about the possibility.
Hi
s beautiful, untouchable wife looked miserable. His guilt increased tenfold. He decided to give her only a half-truth. “I have been avoiding you as much as possible,” he admitted. And it has been one hell of a challenge, he silently added. They were on a ship, for God’s sake, and the Emerald seemed to have gotten smaller and smaller since they left England. “It’s been difficult,” he added with a nod.
“It has?”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“Look, Taylor. I gave your grandmother a promise to look out for you. I’ve been trying to make certain you were all right and that no one bothered you, yet at the same time trying to maintain my distance. Hell, yes, it’s been difficult.”
She looked bewildered. She threaded her hands through her hair. He wanted to tell her to quit doing that. It was provocative, arousing. She was an enchantress, all right, and didn’t even know it. Lucas felt he was approaching sainthood.
“You still haven’t explained why you felt the need to avoid me,” she reminded him.
She was like a bear after honey. She wasn’t going to give up. He decided he only had one alternative left. He would lie to her. “I didn’t want you to become attached to me.”
He was back to feeling proud of himself. He’d told the lie without laughing.
She was frowning at him. “Are you serious or are you jesting with me?” She didn’t give him time to answer her. “I happen to be your wife,” she reminded him in a near shout.
Damned if she didn’t thread her fingers through her hair again. He could almost feel the silky texture running through his fingers, could almost smell the fragrance, could almost . . .
He closed his eyes so he wouldn’t have to look at her. He was thoroughly disgusted with himself. He had the discipline of a goat.
“Please forgive me for raising my voice,” she said. She took a deep breath, relaxed her shoulders, and forced herself to relax. She knew she wouldn’t accomplish anything if she didn’t control her temper. Getting straight answers out of Lucas Ross was proving to be a most difficult challenge. It was also maddening and infuriating. The man wasn’t making any sense. She didn’t think he’d appreciate hearing that opinion, however, and so she decided to take a different approach. She’d use diplomacy.
“I know you didn’t wish to be married.”
“I’d rather be hanged.”
She should have been insulted or, at the very least, pricked by his attitude. She had just the opposite reaction. His honesty was refreshing and humorous to her. She didn’t laugh, but she couldn’t quite hide her smile.
He opened his eyes and looked at her to see how she was reacting to his bluntness. Her smile took him by surprise. He found himself smiling back.
“We’re in one hell of a mess, aren’t we?”
“I’m not certain I understand what you mean.”
He wasn’t inclined to explain. He leaned forward in his chair and reached down to take his shoes off. His socks came next. Then he stood up and began to unbutton his shirt. He let out a loud yawn. It was a non-too-subtle hint he was tired.
Taylor didn’t say another word. She continued to sit on the side of the bed and watch her husband. Lord, he was a frustration to her. She wondered if Madam had realized how contrary Lucas could be and how stubborn. Her grandmother had told her she’d researched the topic of Lucas Ross quite thoroughly and that she had had several long discussions with the man. Taylor was certain Lucas answered all of Madam’s questions. Knowing how her grandmother usually operated, Taylor supposed the interviews were thinly veiled interrogations. Oh, yes, she was certain her grandmother got every one of her questions answered. Taylor let out a loud sigh. She wished she had inherited that trait from Madam. Being a bit of a bully every now and then did have merit.
Lucas wasn’t paying any attention to his bride. He removed his shirt, unrolled his bedding, doused the light, and then stretched out on top of the blankets. His makeshift bed was all the way across the room. Even when he went to sleep, he put as much distance between them as possible. Waking up on top of Taylor had been a close call. He wasn’t about to let anything like that happen again.
Taylor gave up trying to talk to him. She stood up, removed her robe, and then got into bed. She fluffed her pillows and adjusted her covers until all the wrinkles were out, and when she was finally comfortable, she called out, “Good night, Mr. Ross.”
She knew full well he hated it when she called him Mr. Ross and that’s exactly why she’d done it. She was obviously angry with him. She was muttering under her breath and making enough racket punching her pillows to let him know she was upset.
The little woman was as transparent as air. She apparently never learned the art of hiding her feelings. With her beauty and her innocence, she’d be easy pickings for every gold digger in Boston. Lucas’s mood quickly soured. The thought of Taylor with any other man bothered the hell out of him. What in thunder was the matter with him? Why did he care who she ended up with once their marriage was legally dissolved?
“Are you asleep?” Taylor whispered the question in the darkness and waited for a response.
He didn’t answer her. She wasn’t deterred. She simply asked the question again in a much louder tone of voice.
He gave up the pretense. “What is it?”
She rolled onto her side and tried to find him in the darkness. “I just thought I would remind you about our appointment with the bankers. I’ll set the time once we get to the hotel. You’ll have to stay long enough to talk to them.”
“I will.”
“It could mean staying in Boston an extra day or two.”
“I know.”
She didn’t say another word for a long while. Just when Lucas was certain she’d fallen asleep, she whispered his name.
“What now?”
She ignored the irritation she heard in his voice. “You gave up your future for me. It was a noble sacrifice.”
“It wasn’t noble, Taylor.”
She didn’t argue with him. “Will you promise me something?”
“Will you let me sleep if I do?”
“Yes,” she agreed.
“All right. What do you want me to promise?”
“You won’t leave without saying good-bye.”
The worry in her voice was quite apparent to him. “I promise. I won’t go anywhere without saying good-bye.”
“Thank you.”
Taylor closed her eyes and said her nightly prayers. Lucas closed his eyes and tried to block all the lustful thoughts about his bride raging through his mind. He decided to list all the reasons why he never wanted to be married. First, and most important, was his freedom, he reminded himself. He was a wanderer, not a family man. A wife was a rope around his neck. She was a complication he neither wanted nor needed.
A sudden thought interrupted his concentration. She’d told him he’d given up his future. Since he had no intention of ever marrying anyone once Taylor was out of his life, her praise was ill-placed. He hadn’t been noble marrying her. He’d done it for money so that he could buy Kelsey’s freedom.
What had Taylor’s motive been? He remembered being surprised and curious their last night in London when he’d watched Taylor remove her jewelry and give it away. Was she so wealthy she could replace the gems without a concern for cost?
Something wasn’t quite right about his conclusions and her motives. Lucas had spent enough time with Taylor to learn a few things about her. The way she treated her clothing, with such care and attention when she was folding the gowns and putting them back in her trunk, told him she was used to doing for herself. She hadn’t insisted on bringing along a lady’s maid. He wouldn’t have allowed servants, of course, but damn it all, she hadn’t asked.
The Emerald offered a butler service. Taylor hadn’t taken advantage of the service. She hadn’t let anyone clean the stateroom either but had seen to the task herself. For a rich, pampered woman, her behavior was confusing.
“Taylor?”
“Ye
s?”
“In London, that last night, why did you give your necklace to that young girl?”
What an odd thing for him to be thinking about now, she thought. She stifled a yawn before she answered. “It gave her pleasure to have it.”
He wouldn’t accept that half answer. “And?” he prodded.
“I knew I wouldn’t be needing it.”
Lucas frowned over her explanation a long minute. “They don’t wear expensive necklaces in Boston?”
“I imagine some do.”
The tables had been neatly turned on him. Lucas found it frustrating not to be able to get a straight answer out of her. He wasn’t going to give up. “Your grandmother told me the marriage would protect your inheritance from your uncle.”
“Yes, that’s true. What else did Madam tell you?”
“To watch out for you.”
“I can watch out for myself.”
She sounded indignant. Lucas smiled. How like an innocent to think she could take on the world and all the evil associated with it.
He stacked his hands behind his head and stared up at the ceiling while he gathered his thoughts. “But the inheritance isn’t the only reason why you married me, is it?”
“Madam worked hard to accumulate her wealth. She didn’t want to see it squandered away. I feel the same way.”
“Then why did you give your necklace away? I assume it was valuable. Those were real gems, weren’t they?”
“Yes.”
“Then why . . .”
“I have already explained,” she insisted. “I don’t need such trinkets any longer.”
They were right back where they had started. Lucas grudgingly admitted Taylor was every bit as good as he was when it came to giving only evasive answers.
“I still want to know—”
She cut him off. “I’m very tired, Mr. Ross. Do let me sleep.” She rolled over to face the wall. She closed her eyes and let out a loud, thoroughly forced yawn.