In my mind, I see the screen from Smith’s world where I’m a shimmering bride smiling up at a handsome, slightly older version of Linden. Opening my mouth and forcing the words out now is just as difficult as that hammer swing. “I think we’ve had our shot.”
For the barest moment, I see relief slide over his face and I know I’ve done the right thing.
“Thank you for telling me,” I say as I rise from the bed. “It means a lot.” I shrug, and force a smile. “And thanks for not telling them,” I say, tilting my head toward the door—the doctors, his parents, the world.
“It’s our secret,” he says.
I hesitate. “I didn’t know Bethany, really,” I choke out, “but if you liked her so much, she must have been wonderful.”
“She was,” he whispers.
“I’m sorry you lost her.”
He nods, and then he looks up and meets my eyes and there’s another emotion there that I’m not sure I understand. “I’m glad I found you. Even if it was only for a little while.”
“Me too.”
And he doesn’t know, as I turn and smile down at him before opening the door, that my heart is splintering into pieces. That even those splinters are breaking in half, leaving almost nothing of my heart to beat life into me.
UNCORRECTED E-PROOF—NOT FOR SALE
HarperCollins Publishers
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THIRTY-FOUR
I linger outside my aunt’s room.
I’m filled with such a strange mix of curiosity, excitement . . . and fear. I’m not sure what to think of the last few weeks. I can’t help but feel like I did some things right. Smith was targeting people specifically to get to me, so now I know that if I hadn’t started breaking the rules, more people would have died.
He’d have killed dozens to get to me if that’s what it took. Even if just to feed himself.
But did more people die than needed to?
Did Nathan die unnecessarily?
I finally ramp up my courage enough to lift my fist and knock lightly. “Come in,” Sierra says in the same calm voice she always uses. It used to bother me. To scare me even, because I always assumed I would end up just like her. But now it commands a degree of respect. I’ve realized I’ll never be quite like my aunt. And that’s okay. But there are a lot of ways in which I do want to emulate her.
I close the door behind me—something I rarely do. But I’m not going to skim the surface and make excuses this time; we’re going to hash this whole thing out. It’s time.
I’m surprised to find her sitting on the love seat in front of the bay window, coffee cup in hand. It’s where I usually sit when I’m in here.
“You were waiting for me,” I say before I really think about it.
She nods. “Charlotte, today there’s nothing more important than you.” She pauses, staring down into her coffee. “I heard you went to see Linden.”
I nod. Now that I’m here, my tongue feels heavy and awkward. “We broke up.”
“Even after he lied for you?”
“He said—” I hesitate. “He said he could tell I was being compelled by an outside force,” I settle on. “He didn’t want me to have to take the blame for something that wasn’t my choice.”
“That’s very understanding of him.”
I nod. We’re both silent for a few seconds. “He had just gotten together with Bethany,” I say in that whisper that is the only way you can speak when tears are so close. “Smith killed her to get her out of the way.”
Sierra’s eyes close for a long time, and when she lifts them there’s an ocean of guilt there. “I’m sorry,” she says quietly. “I’m so sorry I brought him into your life. Yours and Linden’s. Everyone’s.”
“You didn’t do it,” I say, stepping forward with a lurch. “You didn’t mean to,” I amend. But I understand how she would feel that way. How Smith could make her feel that way.
“I’m still responsible,” Sierra says, forcing a brave smile. “Come, sit.”
I plop down beside her and even though there are still secrets to be shared, the walls between us have come down.
“Is your name really Shelby?” I ask, my head leaning against her shoulder.
“It was.”
“Are you going to switch back now?”
She shakes her head. “I’ve been Sierra for so long I almost don’t remember what it means to be Shelby.”
“What did you tell my mom when you switched names?”
“The truth. That someone had tried to kill me and that I needed to go into hiding. I think she forgets a lot of the time too. It’s just a name.”
I reach out and touch a lock of her hair. “Will you grow the strawberry blond out?”
She gives me the most relaxed smile I’ve seen on her for a long time. “Probably.”
“So after you severed your connection with Smith, did you go stay with my mom and dad?”
“Live with the newlyweds?” Sierra says with a snort. “Hardly.” But she sobers. “Jason knew your mom, so I couldn’t go to her. Couldn’t even talk to her for years. I went deep into hiding, changed my name, and moved away just to be safe. When your dad got a job ten miles from the town I was living in, it was great because suddenly we got to see each other again. It had been just over five years and I thought I was safe.” She pauses.
“He told me you guys knew each other as kids and that you were best friends.”
“That’s the truth. I don’t know that he really understood what he was at that point. Feeders skip so many generations—ten, twenty, even—that I imagine he had to figure out everything on his own.” She hesitates. “I have this theory that Feeders lie dormant until they’re awakened by the presence of an Oracle. Like a carrier gene. And then they’re drawn to them.”
“He said he feeds off the energy from visions?” I ask.
“In the most literal terms, yes. These creatures prey off of Oracle powers. When you aren’t able to fight off a vision, a trickle of power is released and a Feeder can survive for months—if just barely—on that trickle. He was very strong while we were friends because I secretly rebelled and rarely fought visions. And he practically lived in my second sight. I imagine he was dangerously weak when he started killing to get through your defenses.”
“Where did they come from?”
She shifts so she can look at me. “When Oracles started to pull themselves and their powers out of the political sphere, you can imagine the rulers of the world were very upset.” She shudders. “Legend says that they recruited Witches to experiment on Oracle captives and the result was a creature that could, in some ways, mimic the powers of both the witches and the Oracles, but at a terrible, terrible cost.” She leans over and puts a hand on my knee. “They’re despicable creatures.”
“I saw a scene where Smith choked you and then you did something, and he was, like, knocked out.” Sierra’s face is pale, but she doesn’t stop me. “He was bleeding from his ears, but obviously he lived. When I did it, Smith died.” I swallow hard, reliving those moments in my head.
“Smith’s connection with you was stronger than the one the two of us shared. He literally couldn’t live without you. The trade-off is that he had more control. Would have eventually gotten full control.”
“But he only got into my second sight two weeks ago!” I protest. “He was in yours for years.”
“He didn’t love you,” Sierra whispers. “Taking over someone’s mind is such a brutal thing. My guess is that he never had the will to truly take me over. He was strong enough, but he never went all the way.”
“You were in love?” I ask, equal parts horrified and empathetic.
She doesn’t answer. She doesn’t have to. “My senior year, I finally started to realize what he was. What he was doing. I didn’t understand the specifics, of course, all of that came later. But I knew it was wrong. We had the confrontation you saw, and I almost died. He broke some bones in my neck
and I was in the hospital for a long time.” She chuckles darkly. “In the end, it was the Sisters who shielded me, who helped me fix my supernatural plane, and eventually made all of the arrangements for me to go into hiding. I owe them so much.” She adds in a whisper. “I joined them and decided to live by their rules, like I should have done from the beginning. I learned for myself that their way is the best way.”
I fight the urge to squirm. Maybe it’s the best way for her—even after all of this, I’m still not convinced it’s the best way for me.
“I was so careful at first. But after a few years, I figured he had to be dead. I slowly got in touch with your parents again—started to live. I don’t know exactly when he found me, but I suspect it was through your mom,” she says, and her voice is raspy. “My fault again.” Then she’s quiet for a long time and I don’t push her. “I underestimated him and you paid the price.”
I swallow hard. “He’s been around a long time, actually. He made sure Mom and Dad’s accident that I tried to stop still happened.” My voice is shaky, but I tell her about the scene I saw in Smith’s memories.
“Wow,” my aunt whispers. “I had no idea.” The flash of guilt in her eyes makes me realize that she’s going to feel responsible for my dad’s death the same way I have for the last ten years. In some ways, I’ve been exonerated. But now Sierra has a whole new issue to work through. I don’t envy her. It’s going to be a rough few months for both of us.
Sierra leans forward. “With their origins so steeped in witchcraft, these Feeders often enchant an item to create a connection between themselves and their chosen Oracle. Did Smith ever give you something? Something he told you to hold on to?”
“Yes.” I put my hand into my pocket and my fingers brush both the coin and the necklace.
But they close around the coin.
Part of me doesn’t want to give up the necklace. Not yet. It has saved me, but more important, it gives me access to my other powers. The ones I’m not supposed to know about. I’m not ready to give them back.
So I pull out the cracked coin and drop it into Sierra’s hand without actually saying a word. She accepts it with a look of both interest and disappointment on her face. “Fascinating,” she whispers. “It’s not the coin at all but that shiny core you can see in the middle. He must have enchanted this himself.” She sighs and then says, “I had hoped he might have given you a crystal pendant.”
“Why?” I ask, trying to sound neutral.
“It’s mine. I guess technically it might be yours now. It’s what we used when I was younger. When my fight with Smith was over, the necklace was gone. I don’t know if he took it, or someone found it. Honestly, I’m not sure even Smith understands how important it is. It’s an exceptionally powerful focus stone that enhances all of the abilities we Oracles don’t use anymore.” She scrunches up her mouth. “That may not even entirely make sense to you.”
But it does. It explains everything. How I was able to jump into my supernatural plane the night I cornered Smith, and take him with me. How I was able to fend off the attack in my vision the night Smith tried to kill Clara. That necklace saved my life the first night I went into Smith’s world. But I say nothing.
“Will you tell me how Ja—Smith got involved with you?” she asks.
Part of me wants to say no. I’m ashamed and embarrassed that I was taken in that easily. But then, who would understand better than Sierra? So I start at the beginning—with the vision of Bethany’s death—and I tell her everything. All of the things I now realize I should have told her before.
All the things I wanted to tell her two nights ago—that Smith wouldn’t let me say.
“In the last few days, everything went crazy,” I say. “I had these weird visions, of me covered in blood, of you and Mom dead, Linden. What were those?”
“The way a Feeder takes over your mind is by first getting in, of course.” My face flushes; I did that completely on my own. “And then they have to break you. Smith obviously tried to do that by killing people you were close to, but I imagine he also attempted to just make chaos. To make you question everything until you literally went insane.”
She says it so calmly, but I was on the brink of that insanity and even now—in this comfortable room with Sierra’s arm around my shoulders—it terrifies me. “I had a vision of me killing a friend of mine.”
“He probably just made that one. Once they get in, a Feeder can exert so much power over you. I—should have prepared you. Taught you.” She sighs. “Charlotte, I know you’re not going to like this, but I need to get the Sisters involved.”
“Why?!” I’m not ready for this mysterious group. Not ready to join, not ready for them to know the things I did. Just not ready.
“One of the things I spent months doing after I cut off Smith is cleaning out my supernatural plane.”
“What do you mean, cleaning out?”
“You cut off Smith’s power, but your world still holds his dead world. One of the leaders of Delphi went into my supernatural plane with me and showed me how to destroy what was left and to restore my dome.”
“But you know how; can’t you show me how to do it instead?” I ask desperately.
“Not without a focus stone,” Sierra says softly. “I’ll have to borrow one from them. And I’ll have to tell them why.”
I clench my teeth and look away. The Sisters or my secret? Which is more important? After a few seconds, I dig into my pocket again and bring out the tarnished necklace. I hold it out flat on my palm and say nothing. Sierra stares at it and emotions I can’t begin to interpret flash across her face. I don’t know what I’m expecting. Anger? Betrayal?
She reaches, but just before her fingers touch it, I close my palm and pull it back, cradling the necklace against my chest. I can’t give it up. Not now.
She stares at me, long and hard.
“It’s mine now,” I whisper. “He gave it to me.”
I expect her to argue, to demand it back. But after a few seconds, she simply sighs and says, “Is there anything else you’d like to tell me?”
“No. Yes!” I take a deep breath and then just blurt out, “I don’t want to be a Sister. Not yet,” I tack on. After everything I’ve seen, everything I’ve done, I’m not sure I can live by their rules.
She stares at me, silently. Seconds pass. Maybe even as much as a minute. Then she nods. “You deserve to make that choice. But can we make a deal?”
I eye her, but don’t say anything.
“Will you hold off on making that decision for sure until you’re eighteen and you become eligible?”
I think about how much I’ve lied to her in the last three weeks. Maybe I owe her that. “Okay,” I whisper. Then, “As long as you’ll show me how to clean up my supernatural plane and not get them involved.”
She smiles, but it’s a sad smile. “Deal. However, before we start—and we’re not going to start today,” she says, looking very tired, “I want you to understand that when you let me into your supernatural plane, you’re giving me the same access and power you gave Smith. I’m not going to hide that fact from you. Anytime you let anyone in, you give them a master key, so to speak. And there’s no way to take it back without harming that person, like we both did with Smith. Although I trust her not to use it, one of the oldest Sisters has access to my supernatural plane from helping me eighteen years ago. If I were to destroy it, she’s so fragile she would almost certainly die.”
“Could I let anyone in?” I ask, rather horrified at just how much power I gave Smith.
“No,” Sierra says quickly. “That is something I should have told you. Then you would have known immediately that Smith wasn’t who he said he was. Even with an Oracle’s permission, normal humans cannot travel to the supernatural plane. Only supernatural creatures.”
“Like what?” I ask, sensing that she is alluding to more than just Oracles and Feeders.
She hesitates, and for a moment I don’t think she’s going to answer. ??
?Witches,” she finally says. “Sorcerers and Mages. There are others.”
My mouth drops. “Are you serious?” I ask in a whisper. “And you know about them?”
“You will too,” she says, but her voice is strained. “The reason it was even possible for all of this to happen is because I kept you in the dark. I’m turning on the light. All of my books,” Sierra says, taking in her walls of bookshelves with a gesture. “All of the things you’ve wanted to know that I wouldn’t tell you—the questions you asked that I refused to answer. I won’t do that anymore.”
My breath is coming fast now and I try to hide it by standing and walking very slowly to the nearest shelf and running my fingers along the ancient spines. She’s offering me her world.
And I recognize that she’s also offering me a choice. Not just assistance in fixing my supernatural plane. She’s offering me knowledge that could change the way I lead my Oracle life. To follow my own rules.
And she knows it.
“Thank you.”
The silence stretches as I look over the titles hungrily. I know which one I’ll take first. I’m dying to read all of Repairing the Fractured Future. But I don’t want to be a complete jerk by taking advantage of her offer right at this second. I’ll give her a day or two to let it sink in.
Then I’ve got to start. I have a lifetime of learning to catch up on.
“I’m going to go sit with Mom,” I say, not looking at Sierra. I have to leave this room or I won’t be able to resist the temptation.
“Maybe I’ll come out soon too,” she says, and I hear a smile in her voice. Already things are getting better.
I head out, but pause at the door. “How did you know to come save Linden?” It’s the question I’ve wanted to ask the most, but have also been the most afraid of.
She looks at me, her gaze intense, for a long time. The she sighs and her shoulders slump. “I had a vision,” she says as though admitting to a great failing. And after over a decade of never losing, I guess she sees it that way.