• • • • •
“Where the hell is he?”
The President of the United States was clearly agitated now. Behind him, the dark room was filled with technicians and a large group of VIP’s standing in front of an immense wall-sized screen that was blank, except for the words, ‘Johnston Lionel Farnsworth III was here,’ which were floating across the gigantic monitor like a screensaver from Kilroy.
Four thousand miles away, Jay-L could see all of this on his own gigantic monitor wall. Hundreds of cameras were in the NSA Quantum Command Center, and he had access to all of them. He could see the entire Joint Chiefs of Staff were present; even that stuffy old Marine, General Darden, who he met on his first trip to the NSA. There were others present, as well; Homeland Security; the CIA. The Head of the Senate Intelligence Committee was here, too. The room was pretty crowded, but Jay-L could have the computer ID everyone’s face, later. Right now, Jay-L was particularly interested in the fat man, who was standing alone in the back of the room. He’d decided, he wouldn’t start the show until the fat man finally said something. But it was the Director of the NSA that spoke next.
“None of his techs have been here in the last thirty days. All of the equipment has been here since then. They told us Farnsworth had to finish the programming himself. But he hasn’t been here, either.”
“We spent fifteen billion dollars for this. Does it work or not?” The voice of the Vice-President echoed out from the back of the room, and instantly the large crowd fell silent.
Director Martin shifted his gaze from the President to the voice from the back of the room. Slowly, the crowd parted, but it was still too dark for Director Martin to actually see the face behind the voice. He carefully chose his words.
“Today is the day it’s supposed to go online, but the terminals are still dead. The screen came alive a few moments ago… as you were here to witness… and what you’re looking at is the first sign of anything that has come out of it… Sir.” There was a bit of apprehension in the last ‘Sir’ part of his answer to the voice in the back of the room.
The President started back up. “Well, it fucking better work. We have a contract.”
Just as the President was about to continue his tirade, the giant screen burst into a kaleidoscope of color and the room exploded into the sound of the Beach Boys singing Good Vibrations. Everyone in the room was caught off-guard. They began to nervously look around at each other, but no one moved otherwise. After about thirty seconds of the harmonizing melodies of Brian Wilson and Company, the volume dropped off, and the screen faded to black. Suddenly, there was the sound of fingers fiddling near a microphone, and then the giant screen started to lighten, slightly. Then a corner of the screen turned white, followed by the other corner, and a giant lens cap was seen being pulled away from the front lens of a camera. Jay-L was smiling at the lens, but his face was too close, and his teeth filled the entire screen. Everyone in the Command Center unconsciously jumped back a few millimeters before Jay-L slid back into his chair and became normal looking, just gigantic, on the screen. He was sitting at a computer console, which was surrounded by stacks of books, papers and pizza boxes. Jay-L’s high-definition camera and the giant screen at the NSA made everything look like a Hollywood feature film, just messier.
“Actually, Mr. President… We have a Treaty, not a Contract. And I would remind you that you voluntarily entered into this Treaty with a Sovereign Independent Nation, the Seminole Indian Nation, of which I am an official member and citizen by birth, and whom I officially represent as Ambassador in this matter.”
“Your father was also an Ambassador, as I recall… Like father, like son, Mr. Farnsworth?” The President answered him authoritatively.
“Yes, Mr. President. You and I both share that trait… I suppose. But my father’s dead, as I’m sure you know. So shall we get back to the Treaty between our two countries?”
“The Treaty said you would have the system ready to go online today. And we have paid you for it.” The President betrayed a small amount of cockiness in that final remark. Jay-L didn’t miss it.
“To correct you… again… Mr. President, the terms of the Treaty stipulate additional payments. But let’s not quibble over money right now. I’m sure the rest of your guests would rather just see the computer in action.”
Jay-L leaned forward and hit a few keys on a keyboard in front of him. Instantly, all the terminals in the Command Center sprang to life. On the wall next to the monitor, was a massive metal vault door that looked like a giant bank safe. Behind the door, liquid nitrogen began pouring into coolant tubes from cryogenic storage tanks underground. After only a few seconds, a small green light illuminated over the vault door. All of the terminals began to boot-up, and after a few seconds, the workstations snapped into startup login screens. Then numerous large monitors around the perimeter of the entire room popped on. The light from these screens raised the ambient light in the room, and the corners were suddenly not as dark as before. All of the technicians started to access their terminals and began performing their standard login procedures. Everything appeared to be working.
“As per our agreement, your computer is now operational, Mr. President.” Jay-L smiled and sat back into his chair, again.
“You were supposed to be here, too, Mr. Farnsworth.”
“That was not part of the agreement, Sir. Unfortunately, I have pressing matters elsewhere. So let me take you through a test drive, and then we can conclude our business for today, shall we?” He didn’t wait for a response. “Director Martin, you will recall on our first meeting over thirteen months ago that I was able to crack into the Defense Department Computer system… with your permission of course… using my quantum registers in a sole-purpose box that I specifically designed to break into the DOD. Just off the top of my head, I believe the Pentagon uses an encryption that would take the largest supercomputer in the world over two decades to decipher. I did it in about thirty seconds. And they couldn’t stop me.”
“Yes. I remember. Can this computer do that?” The Director wasn’t waiting on protocol, any more. The sole reason the United States entered into this agreement was to get a full-fledged computer that could do what he and his staff all witnessed Jay-L do, a little over a year ago. Even after they heard his outrageous price tag for the computer, it didn’t matter. Jay-L used a box the size of a small refrigerator to crack into the most secure computer system on the planet. And even more amazingly, after Jay-L had anonymously cracked into the DOD computer and then cut the connection, he told the Director of the NSA that he could do it again, even after he intentionally let them detect his first entry. And then Jay-L did it. And the Defense computers fell just as quickly and anonymously. At that point, the NSA Director became laser-focused on obtaining a full-size computer capable of doing what Jay-L’s one-purpose box could do to the DOD; only he wanted to be able to do it to any computer. Now after thirteen months and fifteen billion dollars, it was finally here. And he wanted a demonstration, NOW. He almost spit out his words.
“Break into the DOD computer, again.”
“Sorry, Mr. Director… I never sing the same song twice. Let’s try something new… Mr. President, have you checked your email today?”
“I don’t use email, Mr. Farnsworth.” The President was smiling.
“Oh no? Are you sure?” He tapped a few keys, and the giant screen opened a window in the corner. The screen flashed through a few login windows then opened up the official White House intranet. As everyone was watching, the redacted username and password for the President auto-typed into the blanks. But just before the password was sent, Jay-L hit a key and stopped the process. He raised his eyebrows and looked at the President. “Although I’m sure you wouldn’t do this for me, for privacy sake, let’s blank out every other word in the email subject lines.” Then he typed another set of keys and the email window opened on the President’s private email files. Jay-L smiled and leaned back, again. “Mr. President, it looks like you h
aven’t checked your email since… this morning at 7:14 AM.”
The President was no longer smiling. “Get that off the screen, Mr. Farnsworth.”
“As you wish, Sir.” He hit a key, and the window disappeared. “As you can see, this system is much more versatile, and, of course, more powerful.”
“Exactly how powerful is it?” The voice in the back of the room chimed in, again.
“I’m glad you asked Mr. Vice Penguin.”
A few chuckles were heard in the room. Jay-L didn’t break stride.
“A quantum computer is measured in qubits. A thirty qubit quantum computer can process at about ten Teraflops. Which means that a quantum computer with two-thousand to three-thousand qubits would be faster than the largest supercomputer in existence. Which right now is somewhere between four-hundred and eight-hundred Teraflops.”
The President tried to interject, but Jay-L wouldn’t yield the floor.
“Hang on just a minute… Now as I was saying, the new consumer computers that my company started producing out of China last month are based on room temperature chips, which are slower. But those chips are about a thousand times faster than the standard silicon based computers they replace. Which makes them about as fast as today’s biggest supercomputers.” Jay-L stopped and leaned in close to the camera at this point. “And they cost the same as a low-end home computer. Talk about a bargain…” Then he slowly leaned back in his chair again and crossed his arms behind his head. He smiled as he put his feet up on the desk. “Your computer is about three million times faster than that.”
Several technicians in the Command Center let out a small gasp when they heard this. The President was beginning to get interested now.
“What else can it do?”
“Well Mr. President, as outlined clearly in our Treaty, the system can do anything you legally tell it to do. There is no security system or encryption the computer cannot crack, not even the new quantum systems my company sells.”
“Show us,” the voice from the back of the room bellowed.
Jay-L smiled. He loved it when his plan unfolded as intended. He loved it more when the players in his productions did what they were expected to do, exactly when they were expected. Like just now. Jay-L had anticipated every move so far. This was the move he was genuinely looking forward to. He started speaking while tapping on the keyboard.
“Certainly… Let’s use a real world example of something that you might want to do. Let’s say you want to see if a terrorist is moving money around. Let’s also say we believe the money is being held in a Swiss Bank account. Those accounts are held by number only, and the records are, of course, protected by heavy encryption. However, there does exist a single master file which contains the names and information of the depositors who are in their financial institution.” He paused here and looked back up at the camera. “Although it is said to be impossible to get to that list.” Then he smiled a devilish big grin. “But if you know the name of someone that you suspect has an account, then you can do this.”
Jay-L hit a key, and the login screen of Swiss Banc opened up. The password screen blinked for a few seconds and then the account files opened. Jay-L manually typed in the name of the Vice President and hit return before anyone could object. The screen instantly opened on an account information page listing the Vice President’s holdings and the dates of the deposits. The latest date was just last week. The amounts were all seven and eight digits, and the payee was listed as BHI, the company that the VP ran before becoming the running mate of the President. Jay-L looked directly at the camera and smiled again.
“As you can see, it’s possible to uncover just about anything, as long as you know who to look at.” Jay-L could see the nervous looks on the people in the group. He hit a switch, and an infrared camera shot showed the Vice President in the back of the room. He was not smiling.
The President didn’t waste a second. “Okay, we’ve seen enough Mr. Farnsworth. Please leave the bank’s system before they detect you.”
“Oh they can’t detect me, Sir. The system is transparent. It won’t be detectable, unless you want it to be.”
As the President was absorbing this, Director Martin jumped in.
“What about the new Lamport Signature encryption scheme. That’s supposed to be impervious to quantum cracking.”
“Someone’s been doing their homework, I see.” Jay-L smiled at the Director. “You are correct, Sir. Your system cannot crack the Lamport Signature. I’m afraid there are some secrets that will remain secrets to you.”
The President and the Director exchanged a quick glance and a smile upon hearing this. Jay-L noticed but did not stop speaking. His facial expression remained blank, as well.
“The front-end will stay the same as you are currently using, so there should be no retraining for any of your personnel. And the system is self-programming at the quantum level, of course. Which means that your personnel don’t have to mess with the supercooled guts of the system or any of the proprietary code.”
The Director leaned over to a technician and told him to pull up a diagnostic screen. The screen popped up in front of the technician. All of the panels were showing green light status. Jay-L continued talking.
“All that remains now is for you to transfer the first of the maintenance fees that we agreed to.”
Director Martin looked up from the technician console and nodded at the President. The Vice President had started making his way forward as the President looked back to the giant video conference picture of Jay-L.
“Yes… about that, Mr. Farnsworth… Five billion dollars per year for ten years is an awfully steep price for a service and maintenance contract. Especially on top of the fifteen billion in cash that we’ve already given you.”
The Vice President moved up behind the President. Jay-L could clearly see him in his monitor, now.
“Well, those were the terms we negotiated in our Treaty, Mr. President. Thirteen months ago, you and your government felt the price was fair. Otherwise, why would you have signed the Treaty?”
“Well, Mr. Farnsworth, we’ve had time to reconsider, and we believe we have compensated you enough. Besides, your computer company now holds a virtual monopoly on the industry. A monopoly that you would not have without our help, I might add.” The President was getting that smug look on his face again.
Jay-L’s face was poker blank.
“Mr. President, I’m getting the idea you don’t intend to honor the terms of our Treaty. Is that what you’re saying?” At this, Jay-L slowly took his legs off his desk and sat back up. Then he steepled his fingers in front of him and let just the corners of his mouth curl into a tiny smile. “You realize, of course, if you don’t fulfill your side of the Treaty, then I will be forced to exercise my recourse as outlined in our agreement. If you don’t honor the Treaty, I’ll have to repossess the equipment… figuratively speaking, of course.”
The President turned toward Director Martin and shook his head. The Director nodded to several technicians who began flipping switches and inputting commands on their consoles. Suddenly, the lights flickered in the Command Center then came back on. All of the technician consoles went blank and began to reboot. The President turned back to the giant monitor but didn’t speak. Instead, Director Martin walked up next to him and addressed the giant-sized Jay-L.
“Go ahead, Mr. Farnsworth. Try and exercise your recourse, now. When we read the clause in the Treaty that said you could control our computer remotely, we decided that was one section of the agreement we could do without. So we had a separate power source installed, and we severed all communication fiber-optic lines running into the system from your control nodes. And for good measure, we upgraded the jamming radio transmitters around the facility. And, of course, we used the Lamport Signature encryption to secure our network backbone to the internet. And like you said, not even our computer can crack that code.”
Jay-L never flinched or blinked. But just as he was about
to speak, the President beat him to it.
“I think we’re done here.”
Then the President turned and shook the hand of Director Martin as the giant screen went blank. The Vice President walked around from behind and shook his head.
“Thank God you shut that prick up. I didn’t think I’d be able to take another min—”
The lights went out.
And it was dark; almost pitch black. The bunker had no windows, and without lights, everyone in the room suddenly realized this. A few seconds went by, and it was still dark. One of the technicians in the blackness spoke up.
“I don’t understand. The emergency lights should be coming on.”
But it stayed dark for ten more seconds. Then the giant screen came back on. Everything else in the building stayed dark. Only the monitor came on. And on the screen was Jay-L. He did not look happy.
“How very rude. I was speaking to you, and you hung up on me.”
The President quickly lost his smug smile. Jay-L started to melodramatically shake his head.
“You guys obviously don’t understand the concept of quantum entanglement, so let me make this simple, in deference to you, Mr. President. You can wrap your building in solid sheets of lead, and I will still be able to access and control it. If you had bothered to read the details of the Treaty, it clearly stated that would necessarily be the case. Look, I’ve got my copy of the Treaty right here.” He reached out and grabbed a stack of papers about four inches thick. He started flipping through the pages. “It’s right here on page 1,254, paragraph two. I know it’s in French, but I can translate it for you—”
“Listen you little fuck. You don’t know who your messing with here.”
The Vice President pushed by the President to face the monitor. Just as the VP was about to continue, Jay-L reached out and hit a key. Suddenly, a deafening alarm started sounding in the Command Center. Everyone in the room grabbed their ears in pain, but it stopped almost immediately. When they looked back at the monitor, Jay-L was wagging his finger back and forth.
“Mr. President, tell the fat little penguin to shut up and watch his language.”
The Vice President started to respond, but the President placed a hand on his shoulder first. They looked at each other for a second while everyone else remained motionless and quiet. Slowly they both turned back to face the giant screen. When Jay-L saw that everyone was listening, he continued.
“First, let me say how disappointed I am. You entered into a legally binding Treaty with a Sovereign Nation, and now I discover that you executed the Treaty in bad faith. You had no intention of fulfilling the terms of the Treaty. And, in fact, you have made premeditated efforts to circumvent both the details and the spirit of the agreement. As such, I am immediately exercising my recourse as per our Treaty.”
Jay-L typed a few keys and all of the monitor consoles sprang back to life. The Master Administrator password screen came up on all of the screens as the system restarted. As the screen auto-filled the ultra-secure encryption key, Jay-L continued.
“And Director Martin, as for the Lamport Signature, I told you that your computer couldn’t crack it. I never said my computer couldn’t.”
Just then, the password encryption key was accepted, and the entire system rebooted. Jay-L typed a few more keys, and one of the technicians yelled out.
“The main memory core is starting to erase. He’s shutting down the whole system. We’re locked out!”
Director Martin ran over to the nearest console and started typing in codes. Nothing he did was helping. The Vice President turned to the group of Generals standing behind them.
“Get me a military team and find that prick—”
The alarm sounded again. This time, it blasted for almost ten seconds. When it stopped, Jay-L was already talking.
“Mr. President. You’d better get a hold of your Vice Penguin—”
“Who the hell do you think you are, telling me what to do?” The President was getting angry now.
“I’ll tell you who I am. I’m the man who controls your future right now.” Jay-L slightly raised his voice. “So let me repeat myself. You better get your evil little sidekick under control. And here’s why. You signed a legal Treaty with a Sovereign Nation to give you the ability to spy on every other country in the world. If you break that contract, then I’ll take back the computer and everything on it, which is what I’m doing right now.” Then he leaned in close to the camera again. “But if you attempt to stop me from executing my legal rights under this Treaty, or if you attempt to come after me or my computer, then I will consider that an act of war.”
“What the fuck are you gonna do? You think the Seminole Indian Nation’s gonna have a chance against us?” The Vice President was barely containing his anger. He turned to the President, “Mr. President, we can’t stand for this. Let me send the military to find this shit-head.”
The President nodded his head and several Generals pulled out their cell phones. As a group, they dialed numbers and put the phones to their ears. Then, also as a group, they all pulled them away and looked up at Jay-L. The President and Vice President looked at the group of Joint Chiefs in confusion. Finally, one of the Generals spoke.
“It’s playing the Beach Boys’ Good Vibrations… Sir.”
Then the President turned back to face the giant screen. Jay-L was smiling.
“I just love that tune.” Then he stopped smiling and looked at the President. “Look, it’s obvious you’re not gonna take me seriously until I perform some miracle for you. So here goes. Let’s do a little hypothetical thought experiment. Let’s say that you decide to come after me, or you don’t fulfill the terms of our Treaty. This is how that’s gonna work. I will consider that an act of war. And before your Vice Penguin blows a gasket, let me show you what I can do… hypothetically, of course.”
He typed a few keystrokes and a window opened up in the corner of the giant screen. Then he typed a few more keys and turned to the camera again.
“This is a master screen of the electrical grid for the entire country. Outlined in red are the Nuclear Power plants. Pick a zip code, any zip code.” Then he waited. No one answered him, and after a few seconds, he started back up. “Okay, I’ll do it for you. Mr. Vice Penguin, you have a vacation home down in the Florida Keys, right? Don’t bother answering. I told the President to keep you quiet.” He typed a few more instructions on the keyboard. “I’m now telling the computer to shut down the two nuclear power plants in South Florida. But not to worry, I’ve instructed the computer to shut the system down but to monitor the grid to be sure no one gets hurt.”
Suddenly, several more windows opened up on the giant screen. Power relay grid monitors started going black on the southern Florida power grid map. More video screens popped up and showed the security camera shots from inside the two nuclear power plants on the southern tip of Florida. It was obvious from the chaos on the video feeds that Jay-L was telling the truth. He somehow managed to shut down two nuclear power plants from his computer. As the group watched, the grid across Florida began to black out. Jay-L finally spoke, again.
“I’m afraid you’ll be camping out in the dark for a while at your vacation home, Mr. Vice Penguin.”
The Vice President had enough. He turned and started screaming at the President.
“Goddammit! This is terrorism. I’ll hunt that mother-fucker down and kill him myself.”
Jay-L laughed out loud when he heard this. “Listen to me, you fat little fuck. Don’t get me mad. You won’t like me when I’m mad.”
“What the fuck are you gonna do? Turn green and start jumping up and down?” The Vice President was fuming.
Jay-L just smiled.
“No. This is what I’ll do.” Then he slowly reached out and hit one key.
A dozen new windows opened on the giant screen wall. Alarms were flashing red on all of the screens. Then video shots popped up on the screen next to each of the alarm screens. At first,
no one in the Command Center recognized what they were seeing. It was the Air Force General who got it first.
“Oh God, he’s opening our silo doors. Those are our nukes!”
Suddenly, the Vice President turned white and started to stumble backward. Several of the Generals grabbed him and helped him to a seat. The President had been standing silently and watching while all of this had been happening. Slowly, he turned back to face the screen. Jay-L was now glaring.
“Mr. President, you will honor this Treaty. And I assure you, it’s not just some Goddamn Piece of Paper. You are legally bound by international law to abide by this. If you or your fat friend think I can’t force you… you better think, again.”
That was all that the Vice President could take. He lunged up from where he was sitting and jumped in front of the President while pointing at Jay-L.
“Listen, you little fuckwad—”
“Goddammit Dick! Sit the fuck down and shut the fuck up…” The President looked nervous now. But he tried to bluster forward. “I don’t believe you. How do I know any of this is real?”
Jay-L smiled again. “Good point, Mr. P…”
Then he typed a few keys and suddenly everyone’s cell phone began to ring. The group of Generals all started rapidly talking into their handsets. One by one, they each looked furtively at the President. It was obvious that everything Jay-L was showing them had actually been occurring over the last few minutes. When the President finally looked back to the screen, Jay-L began to speak very slowly.
“I’m gonna make this clear for you, Mr. President. If you honor our Treaty, we’re allies. But if you try to fuck me in any way, that’ll be war. You’re either with me… or you’re against me.” Then he smiled. “Sound familiar, Mr. President?”
“You can’t speak to me that way.”
“Bullshit! You stood up on television and told the leader of another country to disarm, or else. What’s the difference?”
“The difference is you can’t back it up!” The Vice President shouted at the screen.
Jay-L looked at the Vice President and then back to the President. “Mr. P, I told you to shut him up. If he speaks again, I’m gonna target those silos on China and Russia. And then I’m gonna shut down the whole fucking telecommunication system going into North America. Let’s see you talk your way out of that with no fucking telephone.”
The Air Force General yelled to the President. “He can’t arm the missiles, Sir. That takes a manual key.”
“You are correct General LeBlanc. But your computers will say that the missiles are armed. And I’ll transmit that information to the Chinese and the Russians. Then I’ll send a coded message to your nuclear sub fleet, and I’ll set Def-Con to stage One… which, by the way, the United States has never been placed on. That ought to ease tensions a bit. But you’re absolutely right, General. He’s right, Mr. President. I can’t arm your missiles, but I can tie your hands and throw you in a cage with a bear. Actually two bears… one Chinese and one Russian. So why don’t you keep your pet penguin on a tighter leash, okay?”
The President pointed his finger at the Vice President. “Don’t say another fucking word. Nobody else say another fucking word.” Then he looked back to Jay-L, who was smiling again.
“As I was saying, Sir, if you go to war with me, I’ll turn the U.S. into a third world country. In case you haven’t noticed, that computer in front of you is the second most powerful computer on the planet. My computer is the most powerful, by an order of magnitude, which you probably don’t know the meaning of. So let me spell it out for you. There is not a single computer on Earth that my computer can’t access and probably control. You fuck with me, and I’ll shut down every computer in the whole fucking country. I’ll wipe out the financial markets and permanently turn off the power and water. Then I’ll turn over control of your military spy satellites to China and Russia. Let’s see how well your computerized military can operate when the Eyes-In-The-Sky belong to the enemy. And then I’ll sell them your NSA computer with all your data and intelligence still on it. Oops, did I forget to erase the hard drive? Oh well. And don’t even think about trying to find and shut down my computer. First of all, I’ll know what you’re up to. Trust me, unless you pass notes back and forth like school girls, or use telepathy, I’ll find out. I knew what you were gonna try to do today.”
Jay-L paused to let this sink in, then he continued with his verbal spanking.
“You better just learn to accept it. You can’t keep secrets from me, or my computer, anymore. And as for my computer, she already exists in multiple backup locations around the world. You can’t shut her down. You probably can’t even find her. And before you decide to get creative and try to go after my factory, you better remember who my manufacturing partner is and where the factory is located… That’s right, in China… Go ahead and try to take it out. You’ll start World War III. And you better not try coming after me, either. If my computer doesn’t hear from me or can’t find me, she’ll initiate these actions on her own. And after she turns your government and your economy into a third world country, she’ll turn over the details of our secret Treaty. You remember the Treaty don’t you Mr. President? The one that gives you the secret ability to spy on any other government on the planet. Let’s just see how popular you remain when all your supposed allies learn that you secretly bought the ability to spy on them. Don’t play chess with me Mr. President. You’ll lose.”
“This… this is blackmail.” The President stumbled his words out.
Jay-L was starting to enjoy himself. “You truly are stupid, aren’t you Mr. President? This is not blackmail. These are the terms of our Treaty. I’m not threatening you. I am absolutely guaranteeing you this will happen. I have video evidence of you giving an order to send military teams to find me just now. Don’t you remember?”
Jay-L leaned into the camera again. “I’m not blackmailing you, you moron. I’m smacking you like a naughty little kid with his hand in the cookie jar. But if you wanna turn this into a schoolyard brawl, be my guest.”
Then he stopped and gave the President a mirror image of the smug look that was no longer on the face of the Commander in Chief of the United States. “So what’s it gonna be, Sir? Do you wanna honor our agreement and let you have access to the best intelligence tool ever created? Or do we Tango?”
Jay-L paused again and sat back casually into his chair. He was perfectly calm and in control, as he had been through this entire video conference call. After a moment, he started back up. “It all boils down to money, really. My suggestion? You honor our treaty. We become allies, not enemies. And then you leave me the fuck alone to sell my computers to the entire world and make a lot of money. I thought that’s what you Republicans were all about anyway.”
Then Jay-L softened his smug face into an honest smile.
“Give me my money. Take the computer. Let’s be friends and forget about this unfortunate misunderstanding. Besides, you’re gonna be gone in a few months, right?”
The President looked dejected, but still a little defiant. “Okay, fine. We’ll transfer the first five billion maintenance fee—”
Jay-L interrupted him.
“Uh… Sir… I’m afraid that amount is not correct any longer.” He smiled genuinely for a moment. Then his face went poker blank again. “The terms of the Treaty clearly state that any attempt by you to circumvent or disregard the agreement shall cause the entire amount of the contract to become due. Sorta like a bad loan, you know?”
“Wh… Wh… What?” The President could barely speak.
“Yes Sir. Our service contract term was ten years from bringing the system online, which is today, February 16th, 2008. The maintenance fee was five billion per year for ten years. That’s fifty billion. Due now.”
Then Jay-L sat back and didn’t say another word.
The President was moving his mouth, but no sound was coming out. No one else in the room was breathing. Jay-L finally broke the awkward
silence.
“But I tell you what I’ll do. The dollar’s not doing too well right now, anyway. So here’s my counter-offer, which is final and binding, by the way. I’ll take thirty billion in gold. That’s about a quarter of the gold in Fort Knox at today’s price. And in exchange for the other twenty billion, I’ll take Cheyenne mountain. You know, in Colorado. You’re not using it, anyway. I want it. Have the gold moved into Cheyenne mountain, and have everyone else moved out… in a week.”
Then Jay-L sat back and spread his arms wide. He slowly got a big smile on his face.
“So, Mr. President… deal… or no deal?”