“If you aren’t in a panic, you’ll not take one more,” said George.
“I shan’t be in a panic,” said Boris, who was outraged by this incessant doubt. The little boy’s firmness began to impress the other three. Phiphi considered they ought to stop at that. But Ghéridanisol was determined to carry on the joke to the very end.
“Well! to-morrow,” he said, with a peculiar smile, which just curled the corner of his lip.
“Suppose we kissed him!” cried Phiphi, enthusiastically. He was thinking of the accolade of the knights of old; and he suddenly flung his arms round Boris’s neck. It was all Boris could do to keep back his tears when Phiphi planted two hearty, childish kisses on his cheeks. Neither George nor Ghéri followed Phiphi’s example; George thought his behaviour rather unmanly. As for Ghéri, what the devil did he care!…
XIX : Boris
The next afternoon, the bell assembled all the boys in the classroom.
Boris, Ghéridanisol, George and Philippe were seated on the same bench. Ghéridanisol pulled out his watch and put it down between Boris and him. The hands marked five thirty-five. Preparation began at five o’clock and lasted till six. Five minutes to six was the moment fixed upon for Boris to put an end to himself, just before the boys dispersed; it was better so; it would be easier to escape immediately after. And soon Ghéridanisol said to Boris, in a half whisper, and without looking at him, which gave his words, he considered, a more fatal ring:
“Old boy, you’ve only got a quarter of an hour more.”
Boris remembered a story-book he had read long ago, in which, when the robbers were on the point of putting a woman to death, they told her to say her prayers, so as to convince her she must get ready to die. As a foreigner who, on arriving at the frontier of the country he is leaving, prepares his papers, so Boris searched his heart and head for prayers, and could find none; but he was at once so tired and so over-strung, that he did not trouble much. He tried to think, but could not. The pistol weighed in his pocket; he had no need to put his hand on it to feel it there.
“Only ten minutes more.”
George, sitting on Ghéridanisol’s left, watched the scene out of the corner of his eye, pretending all the while not to see. He was working feverishly. The class had never been so quiet. La Pérouse hardly knew his young rascals and for the first time was able to breathe. Philippe, however, was not at ease; Ghéridanisol frightened him; he was not very confident the game mightn’t turn out badly; his heart was bursting; it hurt him, and every now and then he heard himself heave a deep sigh. At last, he could bear it no longer, and tearing a half sheet of paper out of his copy-book (he was preparing an examination, but the lines danced before his eyes, and the facts and dates in his head) scribbled on it very quickly: “Are you quite sure the pistol isn’t loaded?”; then gave the note to George, who passed it to Ghéri. But Ghéri, after he had read it, raised his shoulders, without even glancing at Phiphi; then, screwing the note up into a ball, sent it rolling with a flick of his finger till it landed on the very spot which had been marked with chalk. After which, satisfied with the excellence of his aim, he smiled. This smile, which began by being deliberate, remained fixed till the end of the scene; it seemed to have been imprinted on his features.
“Five minutes more.”
He said it almost aloud. Even Philippe heard. He was overwhelmed by a sickening and intolerable anxiety, and though the hour was just coming to an end, he feigned an urgent need to leave the room—or was perhaps seized with perfectly genuine colic. He raised his hand and snapped his fingers, as boys do when they want to ask permission from the master; then, without waiting for La Pérouse to answer, he darted from his bench. In order to reach the door he had to pass in front of the master’s desk; he almost ran, tottering as he did so.
Almost immediately after Philippe had left the room, Boris rose in his turn. Young Passavant, who was sitting behind him, working diligently, raised his eyes. He told Séraphine afterwards that Boris was frightfully pale; but that is what is always said on these occasions. As a matter of fact, he stopped looking almost at once and plunged again into his work. He reproached himself for it bitterly later. If he had understood what was going on, he would certainly have been able to prevent it; so he said afterwards, weeping. But he had no suspicions.
So Boris stepped forward to the appointed place; he walked slowly, like an automaton—or rather like a somnambulist. He had grasped the pistol in his right hand, but still kept it in the pocket of his coat; he took it out only at the last moment. The fatal place was, as I have said, in the recess made by a disused door on the right of the master’s desk, so that the master could only see it by leaning forward.
La Pérouse leant forward. And at first he did not understand what his grandson was doing, though the strange solemnity of his actions was of a nature to alarm him. Speaking as loudly and as authoritatively as he could, he began:
“Master Boris, kindly return at once to your …”
But he suddenly recognized the pistol: Boris had just raised it to his temple. La Pérouse understood and immediately turned icy cold as if the blood were freezing in his veins. He tried to rise and run towards Boris—stop him—call to him.… A kind of hoarse rattle came from his throat; he remained rooted to the spot, paralytic, shaken by a violent trembling.
The shot went off. Boris did not drop at once. The body stayed upright for a moment, as though caught in the corner of the recess; then the head, falling on to the shoulder, bore it down; it collapsed.
When the police made their enquiry a little later, they were astonished not to find the pistol near Boris’s body—near the place, I mean, where he fell, for the little corpse was carried away almost immediately and laid upon a bed. In the confusion which followed, while Ghéridanisol had remained in his place, George had leapt over his bench and succeeded in making away with the weapon, without anyone’s noticing him; while the others were bending over Boris, he had first of all pushed it backwards with his foot, seized it with a rapid movement, hidden it under his coat, and then surreptitiously passed it to Ghéridanisol. Everyone’s attention being fixed on a single point, no one noticed Ghéridanisol either, and he was able to run unperceived to La Pérouse’s room and put the pistol back in the place from which he had taken it. When, in the course of a later investigation, the police discovered the pistol in its case, it might have seemed doubtful whether it had ever left it, or whether Boris had used it, had Ghéridanisol only remembered to remove the empty cartridge. He certainly lost his head a little—a passing weakness, for which, I regret to say, he reproached himself far more than for the crime itself. And yet it was this weakness which saved him. For when he came down and mixed with the others, at the sight of Boris’s dead body being carried away, he was seized with a fit of trembling, which was obvious to everyone—a kind of nervous attack—which Madame Vedel and Rachel, who had hurried to the spot, mistook for a sign of excessive emotion. One prefers to suppose anything, rather than the inhumanity of so young a creature; and when Ghéridanisol protested his innocence, he was believed. Phiphi’s little note, which George had passed him and which he had flicked away with his finger, was found later under a bench and also contributed to help him. True, he remained guilty, as did George and Phiphi, of having lent himself to a cruel game, but he would not have done so, he declared, if he had thought the weapon was loaded. George was the only one who remained convinced of his entire responsibility.
George was not so corrupted but that his admiration for Ghéridanisol yielded at last to horror. When he reached home that evening, he flung himself into his mother’s arms; and Pauline had a burst of gratitude to God, who by means of this dreadful tragedy had brought her son back to her.
XX : Edouard’s Journal
Without exactly pretending to explain anything, I should not like to put forward any fact which was not accounted for by a sufficiency of motive. And for that reason I shall not make use of little Boris’s suicide for my Counterfeiters; I have
too much difficulty in understanding it. And then, I dislike police court items. There is something peremptory, irrefutable, brutal, outrageously real about them.… I accept reality coming as a proof in support of my thought, but not as preceding it. It displeases me to be surprised. Boris’s suicide seems to me an indecency, for I was not expecting it.
A little cowardice enters into every suicide, notwithstanding La Pérouse, who no doubt thinks his grandson was more courageous than he. If the child could have foreseen the disaster which his dreadful action has brought upon the Vedels, there would be no excuse for him. Azaïs has been obliged to break up the school—for the time being, he says; but Rachel is afraid of ruin. Four families have already removed their children. I have not been able to dissuade Pauline from taking George away, so that she may keep him at home with her; especially as the boy has been profoundly shaken by his schoolfellow’s death, and seems inclined to reform. What repercussions this calamity has had! Even Olivier is touched by it. Armand, notwithstanding his cynical airs, feels such anxiety at the ruin which is threatening his family, that he has offered to devote the time that Passavant leaves him, to working in the school, for old La Pérouse has become manifestly incapable of doing what is required of him.
I dreaded seeing him again. It was in his little bedroom on the second floor of the pension, that he received me. He took me by the arm at once, and with a mysterious, almost a smiling air, which greatly surprised me, for I was expecting tears:
“That noise,” he said, “you know … the noise I told you about the other day …”
“Well?”
“It has stopped—finished. I don’t hear it any more, however much I listen.”
As one humours a child, “I wager,” said I, “that now you regret it.”
“Oh! no; no.… It’s such a rest. I am so much in need of silence. Do you know what I’ve been thinking? That in this life we can’t know what real silence is. Even our blood makes a kind of continual noise; we don’t notice it, because we have become accustomed to it ever since our childhood.… But I think there are things in life which we can’t succeed in hearing—harmonies … because this noise drowns them. Yes, I think it’s only after our death that we shall really be able to hear.”
“You told me you didn’t believe …”
“In the immortality of the soul? Did I tell you that?… Yes; I suppose I did. But I don’t believe the contrary either, you know.”
And as I was silent, he went on, nodding his head and with a sententious air:
“Have you noticed that in this world God always keeps silent? It’s only the devil who speaks. Or at least, at least …” he went on, “… however carefully we listen, it’s only the devil we can succeed in hearing. We have not the ears to hear the voice of God. The word of God! Have you ever wondered what it is like?… Oh! I don’t mean the word that has been transferred into human language.… You remember the Gospel: ‘In the beginning was the Word.’ I have often thought that the word of God was the whole of creation. But the devil seized hold of it. His noise drowns the voice of God. Oh! tell me, don’t you think that all the same it’s God who will end by having the last word?… And if, after death, time no longer exists, if we enter at once into Eternity, do you think we shall be able to hear God then … directly?”
A kind of transport began to shake him, as if he were going to fall down in convulsions, and he was suddenly seized by a fit of sobbing.
“No, no!” he cried, confusedly; “the devil and God are one and the same; they work together. We try to believe that everything bad on earth comes from the devil, but it’s because, if we didn’t, we should never find strength to forgive God. He plays with us like a cat, tormenting a mouse.… And then afterwards he wants us to be grateful to him as well. Grateful for what? for what? …”
Then, leaning towards me:
“Do you know the most horrible thing of all that he has done?… Sacrificed his own son to save us. His son! his son!… Cruelty! that’s the principal attribute of God.”
He flung himself on his bed and turned his face to the wall. For a few moments a spasmodic shudder ran through him; then, as he seemed to have fallen asleep, I left him.
He had not said a word to me about Boris; but I thought that in this mystical despair was to be seen the expression of a grief too blinding to be looked at steadfastly.
I hear from Olivier that Bernard has gone back to his father’s; and, indeed, it was the best thing he could do. When he learnt, from a chance meeting with Caloub, that the old judge was not well, Bernard followed the impulse of his heart. We shall meet to-morrow evening, for Profitendieu has invited me to dinner with Molinier, Pauline and the two boys. I feel very curious to know Caloub.
Journal of
“The Counterfeiters”
During the years when he was writing The Counterfeiters, André Gide kept a special notebook in which he recorded “inch by inch” (as he said in English) the progress of the novel. That work-book, originally published in 1926 as Journal of “The Counterfeiters,” and now translated into English for the first time, has always been considered as a unit distinct from Gide’s monumental Journals of the years 1889–1949.
I give these notes and exercises to my friend
JACQUES DE LACRETELLE
and to those who are interested in questions of technique
Contents
FIRST NOTEBOOK
SECOND NOTEBOOK
APPENDIX
Newspaper Clippings
Letters
Extracts from Lafcadio’s Journal
Identification of the Demon
First Notebook
17 June 1919
For two days I have been wondering whether or not to have my novel related by Lafcadio.1 Thus it would be a narrative of gradually revealed events in which he would act as an observer, an idler, a perverter. I do not think this would necessarily restrict the scope of the book, but it would prevent me from approaching certain subjects, entering certain circles, influencing certain characters.… On the other hand it would probably be foolish to collect into a single novel everything life offers me and teaches me. However closely packed I want this book to be, I cannot hope to get everything in. And yet this desire still bothers me. I am like a musician striving, in the manner of César Franck, to juxtapose and overlap an andante theme and an allegro theme.
I think I have enough material for two books, and I am starting this notebook in an effort to distinguish the elements of widely differing tonality.
The story of the two sisters. The elder, against the will of her parents (she elopes) marries a vain, worthless person who nevertheless has enough polish to win over the family after he has won over the girl. The family, deceived by the swarm of virtues their son-in-law is able to simulate, forgives her and makes due amends. Meanwhile the girl discovers little by little the basic mediocrity of this person to whom she has tied herself for life. She hides from everyone the scorn and disgust she feels for him, takes it upon herself as a point of honor to show off her husband to best advantage, to hide his inadequacy, and to make up for his blunders, so that she alone knows upon what a void her “happiness” rests. Everywhere this couple is cited as an ideal one; and the day when, at the end of her rope, she would like to leave this puppet and live apart, it is she whom everyone blames. (The question of the children to be examined separately.)2
I have noted elsewhere (gray notebook) the case of the seducer who eventually becomes the prisoner of the deed he planned to perpetrate—after he has drained all its attractions in advance in his imagination.
There would not necessarily have to be two sisters. It is never good to oppose one character to another, or to contrive antitheses (deplorable device of the romantics).
Never present ideas except in terms of temperaments and characters. I should, by the way, have this expressed by one of my characters (the novelist)—“Persuade yourself that opinions do not exist outside of individuals. The trouble with most people is that they thi
nk they have freely accepted or chosen the opinions they profess, which are actually as predetermined and ordained as the color of their hair or the odor of their breath.… ”
Show why, to young people, the preceding generation seem so staid, so resigned, and so reasonable that it seems doubtful if they in their own youth were ever tormented by the same aspirations, the same fevers, ever cherished the same ambitions or hid the same desires.
The censure of those who “come around” for the person who remains faithful to his youth and does not give up. He is apparently the one in the wrong.
I am writing on a separate page the first vague outlines of the plot (one of the possible plots).
The two characters remain nonexistent so long as they are not baptized.
There always comes a moment, just before the moment of composition, when a subject seems stripped of all attraction, all charm, all atmosphere, even bare of all significance. At last, losing all interest in it, you curse that sort of secret pact whereby you have committed yourself, and which makes it impossible for you to back out honorably. In spite of this, you would still rather quit.…
I say “you,” but actually I do not know whether others feel this way. It is probably similar to the condition of the convert who, the last few days, on the point of approaching the altar, feels his faith suddenly falter and takes fright at the emptiness and dryness of his heart.
19 June
Probably it is not very clever to place the action of this book before the war, or to include historical considerations; I cannot be retrospective and immediate at the same time. Actually I am not trying to be immediate; if left to my inclination, I should rather be future.
“A precise portrait of the prewar state of mind”—no, even if I could succeed in that, it is not what I am trying to do. The future interests me more than the past, but even more what belongs neither to tomorrow nor to yesterday but which in all times can be said to belong to today.